Big Mango Bar
drink and blog

‘A soi less well travelled’ by DocBond

Posted by doctorbond | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on May 30th, 2009

Here is a digest of my recent visit…

The Soapies

Now wouldn’t it be cool to get a really good massage by a skilled operator who then turns into a deviant whore after 30 minutes or so… but it normally turns out that one part of the session is great and the other part shite. It’s like shirt and tie packages… who puts those together? There was much piss taking after I made a visit to Annies – especially from Penners who fails to realise that I am 17 times his age and have different tastes. I took a lady who was billed as one of only two ladies left in Bangkok that can perform a proper ball-massage – the experience moved between dull and painful. Sufficiently chastened by YP, I didn’t go back. One girl at The Ring (Bee) figured that if she just used her elbow to stab at various parts of my body and then pressed hard with her forearm I would think she was a professional – well I did .. but not that sort obviously.

Eden bored me a bit this time, I mistakenly picked the only two girls that had left their sanook on the bus that morning. Akane never fails to please – probably because I have a regular spunk-bucket there who lubs me too mush.

Girls… that Watsons shower gel smells real bad! Upgrade!

The BJ Bars

I stuck with Pim at Lolitas who was a frequent post-breakfast head bobber. Didn’t get over Patpong way much so Star of Light didn’t get a look in – if Pim had been rubbish they would have got my custom, but she was a consistent performer with a cheerful disposition.

Go Pim!

The Escorted Outings

Had a cracking few visits. One kind soul took me off reservation to ‘Kennyland’ (KL)and we reveled in a low pressure environment – cool, comfortable and laidback. I sat with a charmer with a superb bod called Oi. She seemed to think Sukhumvit was on another planet. Another took me around Washington Square areas – not an area I had visited before and I tried some New Orleans food that looked like it had breached a levee but it tasted ok. Then there was the trip out to Cowboy to ‘buy skirt’ for the Trek party including a visit to Tillac and the top-heavy Dollhouse (drool). In the end we decided that the Mango girls were going to be more than adequate so why import more just to watch Penfold hospitalise them? A second visit to KL was the prescription for my last night in town which was great fun that even ‘a raw egg/YP anecdote’ and a shot of ‘Sambooka’ couldn’t spoil.

Thanks for taking the time chaps.

The Rain

I love it – occasionally get a bit caught – If I take my brolly it stays dry if I leave it behind it pisses down.. But it cools the place down a lot – bring it on. Of course cable tv goes down at the merest sign of a raindrop.

Get outside just after a downpour… it’s like spring in Blighty… for about 2 minutes.

The Politics

Thai politics? Hardly – they are quite dull by comparison to the real politics. Just to clear things up it goes something like this. Mild mannered reporter by day, Algernon really hates Bertie who shagged his laundry maid. Meanwhile, Soi Dog Henry has blogged that Bertie has a God Complex, but in fact he just rents a one bed studio in soi 19. Arthur boasts he will glass up Wilbur because of an argument over which taco filling is best. Damien ‘stared’ at Godfreys’ girlfriend Gloria (a one time trawlerman from Grimsby) for too long and had a Mango Sunshine burger (and fries) stuffed up his arse. Boris is going to start his own blog furious that his piece on getting hand-jobs from railway track bums was rejected as tedious.

Algernon, Arthur and Spencer all agree that Godfrey is a c*nt. Bertie, Boris and Damien all think that Wilbur is gay and one guy living out On Nut way still thinks the Big Mango is an over-large fruit – not unlike himself.

Maybe women should rule the world.

Bar Girls

It’s all about napkin folding folks… Bored listless bar girls folding napkins and bored listless saps watching them do it…

Pre-folded napkins the way to go?

The Star Trek Party

‘It was a stone groove my man’ (can anyone name the movie…?) The Super Mango Brothers put on a fab show – respect to pmmp for making the staff look jaw-droppingly hot. The party was well attended and stayed ramped for all of the evening – All the girls and one sartorially challenged limey wore costumes while everyone else came in normal clothes. I even switched from orange juice to alcohol for a few hours… There were no hideous Klingon women present, but as luck would have it I encountered a few when passing Thermae on my way home thus completing the Trekkie experience.

The movie was great – saw it twice.

Pavements/Sidewalks

Laying new pipes in soi 15 and 19. Spent most of my journeys walking in the road and/or acquiring layers of clay on my shoes. The Bangkok pedestrian provision, always a nebulous concept, was worse than ever. A swinging excavator bucket just missed by head by a couple of feet as I was walking past the other night – FFS!

Come on jet-shoes – I’m ready.

‘Good Girl’ Deceptions

Ah well, there is the sweet R**. Coming to Bangkok and not seeing her would be like urinating on Bambi – she would probably just grind to a halt because she believes in me so intently – so what can I do? The coward in me waits three weeks then let her think I’ve just arrived for a short stay. Then there is N** who believes that I stay out of town and just come down to BKK one day to meet her. And finally the gorgeous A** who has a sparky and fun daughter aged three – they are a great laugh and start and finish their evenings out early so I get a second shift in after they have fondly waved me goodbye.

And then of course there is Svetlana…..

I am pond scum

Scams

Quite light this time around – one streetplant wanted me to meet his daughter, one tuk tuk driver had to be almost shouted down just to get him to take me where I wanted to go (it was raining and there were no cabs folks) and that was about it – apart of course from the running ‘I only smoke when I’m drunk any chance of a cigarette?’ scam perpetuated over the month by BBB. Unfortunately he spoilt this by presenting me with a pack before I left.

A 20% price rise while I was there – did they see me coming?

Drinking

Quickly became an object of derision for the Mango girls arising from my regular order of orange juice. ‒If get drunk have fun” was their simple message. I’m not a heavy drinker, so as usual I had trouble keeping up with folks again – especially Mr Werewolf who likes to start at 5 p.m. with multiple jugs of margaritas… By 8 p.m. he was asking if I was twins.

Mine’s a Fanta – thanks.

Buddies

Thanks to all you ‘givers’ for making it such a good trip.

Cheers