What do you call it when the assassins accuse the assassin? Part Two by Canadian Boy
Posted by Canadianboy | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on May 26th, 2009
…Continued from Part One:
Now you may think I’m some boring dipshit who just doesn’t know how to have fun or get his rocks off in BKK but my older brother’s been here a total of three years and every time I’m with him I’ve had a better time than most would probably like to think. I’ll take a good meal and laughter with inebriated friends, family or ever strangers who’ve gathered from all over the world in one watering hole… over pussy any day. Thats me and I’m sure there is a small group who think the same way because we’ll agree what Rose said in the movie, ‒The war will still be here tomorrow.”
There is no other better place in the world to cause some trouble with your brother or friends than right here in Bangkok. We’re fortunate that our Korean friend who we met last year and had an’ utter blast with was able to arrange his trip the same time as ours. 6 months later we’re back together causing shit in a land of shit. How better can it get. Some times we’re laughing so hard at our story’s, jokes and our own stupidity that we don’t even pay attention to the girls. He’s only got 3 weeks of the year off and he decided to spend it with us. Now that’s camaraderie. Nuff’ said.
The one thing Im not gonna do is lie to you. I’m gonna be honest here. No bullshit. If you want to hate on me or throw jabs for being honest then hey… sorry. Its a confession.
Some of you have been up the river and found Kurtz… some of you are just starting that journey and I like to think of my time in Bangkok’s night life as that river… ‒like a main circuit cable – plugged straight into Kurtz.” You see shit that gets to you and eats at your conscience. You can play face but eventually it catches up to you where you cannot deny you haven’t had that ‘quiet moment’ where you think to yourself… ‒The horror… the horror.” Can you really blame Kurtz how he feels?
‒And I remember… I… I… I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized… like I was shot… like I was shot with a diamond… a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God… the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we.”
– Colonel Walter E. Kurtz
We come from the west, a fake a fraudulent world of broken promises and vagabond dreams. I wonder some times ‘which is the real world’? Back home where your credibility is based on your income and the car you drive or Thailand where your credibility is based on how much your willing to dish out. At least here you get a genuine smile from the girls. Back home its stone cold stares because the woman no longer feel she needs a man. That’s why I’m here…
‒I’d wake up and there’d be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said “yes” to a divorce.”
– Willard
When you boil it down, its all the same shit, who are we fooling? Western girls are whores too depending on how you view it. You have to take them out on a minimum 3 dates or more and go through the whole fucking interrogation/ interview process and put up with her Sex & the City attitude before your granted a measly hand job — on the outside of your jeans. Western girl’s know when to pull back and let you go home with blue-balls after you’ve financially invested enough money you could have bought a plane ticket straight to Bangkok. Given yourself a mission… for your sins and get a little closer to Kurtz cause you know on the last visit you didn’t get to meet him. This time you want a face to face. Back home the world is upside down, and over here its upside down. The insanity of it all baffles the mind.
‒We train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won’t allow them to write “fuck” on their airplanes because it’s obscene!”
– Colonel Walter E. Kurtz
The insanity of what you see over here is overwhelming. Poverty, prostitution, child prostitution God, the list could go on. Then when you compare it to the backwards-ass, ungrateful and spoiled society back home you relish in confusion and wonder ‘what the fuck are we complaining about?’ We even look at our own children with a quiet but vile spite as they whine over not having a Sony Playstation when children here are selling they’re body’s for a plate of rice. Yet they still seem to smile through it all, where back home if someone had to resort to these levels they’d write a note a take a swan dive from the tallest building. We’re are weak when you think of it… cause we’re spoiled. One day the answer to how they survive hits you like it did to Kurtz…
‒The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men … trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love … but they had the strength … the strength … to do that.”
– Colonel Walter E. Kurtz
Some of the monger’s you see turns your stomach and gets your blood boiling. Who are we to judge them, what are we doing that different from what they are doing. What cause we may treat them better, put a smile on a bar girls/ free lancers face for a night… give them some respect for pleasing us and then follow up with it by giving them some money?
‒It’s a way we had over here for living with ourselves. We cut ‘em in half with a machine gun and give ‘em a Band-Aid. It was a lie. And the more I saw them, the more I hated lies.”
–Willard
There are times when I’m standing in the shower, watching the suds and water go down the drain and think also of what Kurtz said…
‒You have to have men who are moral… and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling… without passion… without judgment… Because it’s judgment that defeats us.”
– Colonel Walter E. Kurtz
If we really sat down and thought about what Kurtz is telling us and applied it to our time spent here we would certainly be in utter understanding of what he’s saying. Can you apply ‒The horror” of what Kurtz has seen to the ‒horrors” you’ve seen? Are you able to walk through life with a moral tune. To kill your inner guilt without feeling, without passion and turn a blind eye without judgment? If so, then you will be the victor in this land.
Some of us constantly get a piece of ass, some of us get it at our own choosing or when the time is right. It doesn’t matter when you get it cause ‒… were mostly just kids. We’re all rock an’ rollers with one foot in the grave.”
When you get to the end of the river, there is no Kurtz, waiting there. Just a lair. When you enter it you find out you are Kurtz. He is just another word for insanity. Kurtz is the face of what you most detest and fear. In the end, we all become Kurtz…. crazy, insane, you name it… whatever.
To me, in the end of the movie after searching for the madman, Willard ultimately found himself… in that madman and probably thought that all his questioning about the absurdity of life wasn’t that maddening because he now understood what Kurtz meant.
And like Willard, we’re all in the same boat.
We’re all assassins on a mission. Let’s not accuse each other let’s just enjoy the ride.
I can best sum this up with what Jim Morrison sung in the movie…
This is the end.
My only friend, the end
54 Responses to “What do you call it when the assassins accuse the assassin? Part Two by Canadian Boy”
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Recent Comments
Translator
Uh?
Huh? They are? Or did you read that on the Lonely Planet forums?
Aside from those nuggets, I’d echo others’ comments that it sounds like you need to get out of Nana! Take some Thai classes, or join a gym, hell see some temples if you have to, but break it up a little for your own sake!
Tonight, I will be watching Apocalypse Now. Do I want the “Redux” version, the “Director’s Cut”, or the original? I can’t remember…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
If I remember correctly the line that made the most sense for me was ” when I was in the jungle, I couldn’t wait to get out. When I got out, I couldn’t wait to go back”.
Once you’ve been here you will never forget it!
View all comments by THE MAN
We come from the west, a fake a fraudulent world of broken promises and vagabond dreams. I wonder some times ‘which is the real world’? Back home where your credibility is based on your income and the car you drive or Thailand where your credibility is based on how much your willing to dish out.
Sorry to burst your bubble here, Chief…but, dont kid yourself…the East is as fraudulent with vagabond dreams as the West..to think otherwise is both naive and smacks of a utter lack of understanding of Asia.
You dont think the car you drive..the job you have or your bank account is as (if not more) important in Asia as it is in North America/Europe? You must not spend a lot of time in this part of the world nor have an understanding of how society functions.
View all comments by Indu WangZi
“Aside from those nuggets, I’d echo others’ comments that it sounds like you need to get out of Nana! Take some Thai classes, or join a gym, hell see some temples if you have to, but break it up a little for your own sake!”
How do you do those quote things, BBB?
I spent almost a whole year whoring away and I’d back that up. Day after day after day interacting with no one but lowlife lying whores tends to skew one’s outlook just a tad.
“Tonight, I will be watching Apocalypse Now. Do I want the “Redux” version, the “Director’s Cut”, or the original? I can’t remember…”
You want the Redux version. You get to see Colleen Camp’s tits.
View all comments by bibblies
‘i’ll take ‘movie quotes’ for $1000 alex’
View all comments by bobonzo
Enough with the F’n Quotes! Nearly impossible to read… so i will chose not to
View all comments by I Phukit
I’m not really sure I’ve understood the point of this series. There are these little nuggets here and there that could be really interesting topics by themselves and then they take a turn into the disturbing that really just doesn’t connect with me (or seemingly with others).
Like everyone else is saying, get out of Nana. Go find other things to do and see. It’s supposed to be fun.
View all comments by Billy Bangkok
Gosh – if we clear the world of all those with questionable morals who will be left? Some cross-legged Indian Mystic? Some blue rinse who is running a home for stray cats in Dorset? All you can do is to make your own assessments and draw your own lines.
View all comments by doctorbond
I worked in the Libyan desert a long time ago before televison satellite dishes exisited. We had a single BetaMax of ‘Scarface’ which we watched every night..all of us could recite the dialog by heart.
I suspect those long, lonely winter nights in the Great White North with only a single copy of ‘Apocalypse Now’ have had the same effect on our friend CB…
…that or he’s actually Doug McKenzie…
View all comments by bobonzo
Please, please seek the company of some funster’s and get out of soi 4 a little. You will undoubtedly find some partners in crime at the BM that are up for a harmless night out away from 4.
When in Bkk, swim in the shallow end of the morality pool, its way more fun and warmer there…Life is too short to spend this much time thinking about it!
View all comments by Livin' the Dream
Sure hope no-one read these last 2 posts on their iphone while operating heavy machinery
View all comments by Young Penfold
Forget the Thai classes, take some English lessons.
View all comments by 2muchfun
The first line of this article is the best
View all comments by Cosmo-Politan
stop quoting that f_cking Kurtz,he was crazy too ,and boring.they care about your bank account and casr here too dont kid yourself,no, im not talking about a low whore ,but a lady you might want to go out with longer than 1 night.they beat a whore and their morals every day,go and seek ,at least you can look at yourself in the mirror everyday.just because you can shag a whore just means you are taking advantage of their situation in life,go figure
View all comments by zepplin
pains me to say this but Now just didn’t turn out that good .
frances never could get that ending right .
and to quote from it now , 30 years on ?
“the horror”
View all comments by Marty Sheen
Funny, I type in “tfs2m” and get “imdb”.
But seriously, keep it up, we of the BKK diaspora need every nugget we can get.
View all comments by TokyoSexManiac
Most of your critic’s don’t Get it.In Vietnam there were Combat warrior’s and then there were Saigon warrior’s.Same as in Thailand,the Bangkok warriors will never get it.I got it but I’am not going to share it with those Bangkok warrior’s.You should also do Platoon,Full Metal Jacket,and Hamburger Hill.
View all comments by Trapperjohn
CB I wish I would have met you while you were in BKK…to get some of them drugs you were on…
View all comments by WPD
Hey everyone, speaking of “the horror”…
Guess what I’m doing tomorrow? Mrs. Fender has arranged a his & her waxing session; I’m getting my crack waxed! Mrs. Fender says she’s tired of pulling poop-smelling butt-hairs out of her teeth after licking my hole.
YP, any words of advice or hints on what I can expect?
View all comments by fender
Sorry if i’m out of touch, but isn’t the nam war all done? I do hope so, got a long weekend in saigon next month…i certainly do not need to be peppered by american “friendly fire”…
View all comments by Rope-a-dope
Oh by the way, which bar does this kurtz character work out of….she sounds lively. Anyone had the pleasure?
View all comments by Rope-a-dope
CB: Please, no more posts while drunk/on reality enhancing drugs.
View all comments by Bubba
I too stopped reading at the “children here are selling they’re body’s for a plate of rice”
Was pushing on through the confusing format but at that point decided I was wasting my time
View all comments by Moigul
Model A Ford and a tank full of gas
Handful of pussy and a mouth full of ass.
View all comments by John Smith
what did you guys expect? the dudes canadian for fucks sake!!
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
Kudos to CB for having the courage to write for a tough, seasoned audience. But, as others suggested, spend more time in Asia before attempting to wax pseudo-philosophically about it. Outside the bar areas. And try to see the world as it is, not just through a collection of pop-culture references.
View all comments by Julian
@ Trapperjohn
“Same as in Thailand,the Bangkok warriors will never get it.I got it but I’am not going to share it with those Bangkok warrior’s.”
Thankfully but in the meantime try some antibiotics.
View all comments by Wombat
ive really liked the 2 pieces, but i think the statement “”I’ll take a good meal and laughter with inebriated friends, family or ever strangers who’ve gathered from all over the world in one watering hole… over pussy any day. Thats me and I’m sure there is a small group who think the same way “” is one of the most amusing ive come across.
Who would honestly enjoy the former over the latter, and even funnier, is writing to this blog, thinking that there might be some on here who agree…is just champagne humour.
View all comments by Maz
maz
I once passed on free (and high for that matter) pussy to go to a Yankees game with my buddies in college if that counts.
define ‘champagne humour’..
View all comments by bobonzo
@Maz/bobo: I agree with Cboy 100%. The puss is so plentiful here so you can get it anytime. Good times with good friends is way more important so easy choice really. As for a Yankees game, I’m a huge fan but would have never turned down free/high puss, well, unless it was the World Series…game 7.
View all comments by pmmp
When you live half way across the world from family and friends a chance to hang out with some trumps every time.
View all comments by bkk22
pmmp..
No, regular season 1977 in Dallas…that was a classic Yankees team so I’m glad I went.
View all comments by bobonzo
1977 pussy? I wasn’t born yet so I can only imagine what a hairy disco mess that must have been. Good idea that you chose baseball over hitting it.
View all comments by ghost in the machine
yea..1977
I was at my buddies apartment and we had decided to go to the game that evening. The Yanks were in towm for a 3 game series and they were awesome back then. Reggie Jackson, Thurman Munson, Micky Rivers, a team full of All-Stars.
Anyway, it was decided I was driving. Back then I was making like $40 a week. It was 2 bucks to park at the stadium so we would all pitch in quarters, dimes, whatever.
I had to run back to my place before we went to get some smoke..we couldn’t afford beer, so we would smoke dope instead and share a beer.
So I’m heading down the stairs to my place and I run into this chick that lived downstairs. We knew her, and we were friendly, but that was about it.
I see she’s struggling to find her keys to get into her apartment so I stop and help her. She wasted on Qualuudes. I help her indoors and she starts telling me how she just got a ticket for DUI. No shit.
The quades are kicking in and she’s pretty hot. She starts doing a strip-tease for me asking me to stay.
I’m torn here….do I stay and fuck this chick thus screwing by buddies, or do the right thing and leave ?
I left and went to the game. I never told my friends this story and I’ll always wonder if I did the right thing.
View all comments by bobonzo
Bobonzo,
Now that’s a story worth writing about. I must say you’re a bigger man than me – I’m sure I would have skipped out on the boys, or shown up maybe around the 7th inning stretch.
View all comments by WPD
Is it me or is all that a load of old Bollox?
View all comments by Uncle Dave
Well, these last 2 submissions by CB?
I am sure where I stand – should HAVE NOT TAKEN the time to read!
No offense to CB and his effort — sorry — CB if you take offense!
View all comments by JDH
I agree with JDH and 99% of the fellow readers…… This, plus the other submissions by CB have been both painfully boring, and inaccurate. I think that embracing new writing styles and getting new people to submit is a good idea, but this kinda stuff is both boring and wrong (factually)
The line about child prostitutes selling their asses for a plate of rice, goes to show that CB doesn’t know his anus, from a hole in the pavement. Harsh I agree, but I doubt I will get any people disagreeing with me
View all comments by Young Penfold
“Western girls are whores too depending on how you view it. You have to take them out on a minimum 3 dates or more and go through the whole fucking interrogation/ interview process and put up with her Sex & the City attitude before your granted a measly hand job” – This gave me a laugh. Im guessing you didn’t/dont get your cock wet much in Canada? If you did, you would realise what shtye you have just written
View all comments by Young Penfold
@YP – LOL – as long as our ‘balls’ don’t touch!
When you in the Mango – I will come down and buy you a couple of drinks – as long as it is after 7:00 pm !!!
All the best!
View all comments by JDH
We need another English Breakfast post……
View all comments by doctorbond
When the kid told me he was gonna go off the reservation to have a little roll with the local Muses I says to the kid,I says, “Jesus Kid? Just think for a while before you do that, ok? Take a moment. Is that really what you wanna do? You reckon your inspiration’s really floating around somewhere in a this steaming stew of damaged romanticism?
It’ll be like bobbing for deep-fried bananas.
But they never fuckin’ listen, these kids.
And we didn’t see him for a few days until then he turns up one nite at the bar.
Looked pretty bad.
Thanks to “Word” he’d got through his night with the Ladies all right but he’d got himself all dog-packed and fucked up by helpful hints and kidney from the Bangkok literati.
This ain’t no Laca da Gada.
This ain’t no poet’s city.
This ain’t no moveable feast.
Shame. that.
View all comments by Prufrock
I’m more partial to a “falling in the sewer” post…
View all comments by Moonman
i enjoyed the post mike.these arm chair experts just wanna shiet on ya.drop the typewriter and get on it in bkk.this website is huge people are reading it.chin up.heck im canadian.i lost every ice hockey fight i started.black eyes,cracked orbital bone,unsolicited teeth removal.fouk em your a grinder go way offside cherry pick and do whats good for you kornel klink.yeah thats a shot at the rhineland.
View all comments by gounchface
YP is right on the mark, that bullshit about the children and rice was enough for me. This guy sounds like some fucked up reporter that came here for one week and becomes an expert of what goes on in Thailand. Some holy roller cunt that couldn’t find her ass if it was in Centrals window and she was outside looking in. Also that bit about going to see a worthless ball game over pussy was shocking, shocking I say, I don’t care if that pussy is lines up for a block around my house I’m going to do my damnedest to take care of all of them, fuck a boring baseball game, I’ll let the donkeys tell me
what a great time they had sitting on their ass paying inflated prices for nothing.
View all comments by THE MAN
Where can I find this child who will let me do her for a plate of rice? Sounds like a bargain.
View all comments by Poodle
LOL! You guys are brutal. LMAO……..
View all comments by IrishLager
Im sitting here laughing at the complete and utter ass-fucking you guys are giving me…. not even Tiger Balm would calm the throbbing my ass is going through.
lol.. i’d like to thank you all for the gentle and loving comments. I have to go get my asshole put back in. At the moment its hanging down to the floor.
I love you guys for your honesty and have to admit it felt good.
Hopefully I can redeem myself…
jesus christ you guys are hard to please and make laugh!!
View all comments by Canadianboy
CB: Go read some of the comment strings that followed the BigBabyKenny posts… it’ll make you feel loved and appreciated.
View all comments by Werewolf
werewolf, I’ll try to tell that to my asshole after the throbbing recedes:)
View all comments by Canadianboy
CB – don’t let it worry you – Anyone who makes the effort demands respect in my book – well….. almost anyone
You took your beating like a man – Go Canada!
View all comments by doctorbond
This piece, and the totality of your past submissions is like one of those stars that gets brighter and brighter then explodes into nothingness. Keep it to looking for pussy and you’ll fair much better young man.
View all comments by Nedword
@yp “cb doesn’t know his anus from a hole in the pavement”
cb, tough comments, but if its any consolation, yp can help you out there…you do need to put a frock on mind
View all comments by Rope-a-dope
Perhaps a proofreader or an editor might help…it’s not easy to make this kind of prose flow well…small changes can yield big results in the world of writing.
View all comments by Bose