The contract… by Daywalker
Posted by Daywalker | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on April 26th, 2009
I’ve so far managed to stay out of relationships whilst in Bangers. I may have looked favourable on a certain girl every now and then… but in general, I keep changing them out.
The majority of people I know in BKK have all had their hearts and wallets ripped out, used and abused and cheated on more times than WW has lost his cell phone. It always gives people something to talk about in the bar, so I thought I’d have a go myself. I’ll not bore you with all the details on how I met my little monkey looking girl, but I will say I met her through a friend and we just ended up hanging out. Just to clarify.. When I say we hung out… that’s all we did. We’d have a drink and shoot some pool. Nothing more.
Now, I’m not that naive to know that a girl needs money. Just like I need to scratch my nuts and fart. So when we hang out, I drop her some cash. After all, if she wasn’t with me, then she’d be selling her arse somewhere else. And if I wasn’t hanging with her, then I’d be buying (female – Calm down YP)) arse somewhere else. Everyone’s a winner?
.
I was screwing around and had no interest in screwing the monkey which would inevitably result in adding her to a list of girls I have to avoid in the future.
Roll on 6 months… I find myself still hanging with her… we get on great. So great that one drunken night we crossed the line and ended up bumping uglies. Feelings changed overnight and I decided to borrow pmmp’s Shining Armour and take her off the poles. Although, it wasn’t too shiny. I had to do some serious dusting after pmmp banished it to the back of his cupboard where he keeps the vomit stained bed sheets and but-plugs and a wheel clamp.
Looking at the finances, it was cheaper to pay her a monthly figure and have 100% of her time than to pay a bar plus expenses.
I’ll not say how much I give her.. but I can say it’s not more than 100,000 per month. 
What do I get for this fee? I get to hang with her and do stuff with her that ssB and pmmp won’t let me do with them. No matter how drunk I get them. She also looks better in Spandex. However.. I think a few rules and regulations are in order.
I know her dream is to one day return to her Dunlop tyre in Issan and be with her family. No doubt a noodle shop will be in the plans somewhere? So I know this is a temporary deal. (if it lasts more that 3 months, I’ll be amazed)
I wrote this down and went through each point with her. Although, the list is a working progress and can be added to as and when I feel like it.
My Dear Monkey……
As my girlfriend you will…..
– Give me sex as and when I want it
– Give me a hand job if I am too tired for sex
– Clean your teeth in the morning before you kiss me
– Let me sleep on either side of the bed
– Let me watch DVD’s without Thai subtitles
– Laugh when I fart
– Wipe me down with a warm flannel after sexual relations
– Have a shaven love box
– Not care if I change my mind whenever I want and forget shit
You will not….
– Fall asleep before me.
– Wear my t-shirts in the morning
– Put smelly shit in my fridge
– Call every girl you know your ‘sister’
– Put on weight
– Cut your hair without approval from me
– Call me ‒Tiiirak” in a high pitched voice.
– Answer/talk on the phone when I am talking to you
– Kiss me in the morning until teeth are cleaned
– Ask me to go and visit any relatives
– Show me pictures of your relatives
– Mention your relatives
As your boyfriend I will
– Pay for shit..i.e food, the odd handbag and maybe even a cell phone.
– Dump you for no apparent reason whenever I choose.
As you boyfriend.. I will not pay for
– Any sick relatives.
– Any farm animals
– Any motorbike repairs
– Any motorbikes
– Buy land, house or noodle shops.
– Pay for children’s education
– Fake tits
– Sunglasses with a special nose fitting
– Fake nose
Signed
Issan Monkey…………………………………………
Man paying for shit…………………………………
I wrote this a few months back. I didn’t think it worth posting as the relationship should be well and truly over by now. It’s not. We are going strong. She even gets on with my friends and girls in the Mango?! We laugh a lot and genuinely have a good time. When she is not eating or sleeping, she does get a little jealous of my ‘crew’ , but then I guess she is only human. (or simian)
Will it last?…. I’m a pessimist. So I don’t think so. Not sure why, as she has done everything asked of her and more. I’ve taken away the need to sell her arse for a few measly grand. If she wants money for something.. she can have it. She’s smart enough to know she’s onto a good thing. And she knows that there will be a queue lining up behind her in hope that they get the same deal if (when) we split. I did however tell her that if she does the dirty on me, I’ll then ‘rescue’ a friend of hers. Pay her double, buy the family a house. I shall also buy the monkeys parent’s neighbours a pick-up truck each.
That should do it
Now, before you all start adding comments saying that you are all banging her on my dollar or that I am disillusioned and being taken for a ride or that she is really YP in a cheesy wig…… save it…
This isn’t Mills & Boon.. I’m not going to marry her. I’m having fun. When it’s no longer fun, the she is out and pmmp can have his Shiny Armour back.
What I’m looking for here is a bit of humour to add to my ‘list’…. Because I have it on good authority that if nobody is contributing support of any kind. then ssB will write some more stuff on politics.
99 Responses to “The contract… by Daywalker”
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Recent Comments
Translator
A Bangkok ‘Pre-Nup’…..excellent.
View all comments by bobonzo
Well then, I guess ‘ good for you and her ‘!
View all comments by JDH
Moving up in the world are we? Going from paying the daily rate to the monthly rate…
Now that’s progress!
View all comments by John Brown
A Pre-nup or a pole-nup? As long as you don’t make it a legal nup, then I think its all good. And what’s wrong with politics?
View all comments by The Soi Lawyer
Sounds like you both have a good understanding of the relationship and if things are going along smoothly, why look for faults? Maybe you two deserve to be happy? Enjoy it man, we only have so many days;you might get hit by a taxi or the helo fall out of the air while on route to work and then you would have wasted time looking for a problem that’s not there!
View all comments by nurseRon
One glaring omission is:
- relatives can only move in if they are under 20 and in your bed.
I would have added female too but with you ‘boys’ at the Mango it’s hard to tell which way you dress.
View all comments by Ed
What’s a wheel clamp?
View all comments by pmmp
I would also like to add that I don’t want any shit for not talking sense into him. Works for him so let it be imho. We all have to go through this.
Please add these to the list:
- Hook my friends up with horny, hot, drunk, limber GoGo friends of your’s
- Don’t shake hands with my friends after you’ve worked my tired nob
- Pretend to be interested in my “Every Mike Tyson Fight Ever Shown” DVD
- Tell me I have great moves on the dance floor
Geez, I could go on a bit more here but that’s good for now. Oh, add this:
- I can add to this list as me or my friends want
Okay, we’re covered.
View all comments by pmmp
does this mean i’m not the only one who likes hand jobs ?
View all comments by jack dawson
Not bad DW, it looks like you have covered all the bases. A pre-nup is indeed the way to go as long as everyone stay with the program, my guess is that it will last longer than you think. It could get sticky, because long affairs where there is a lengthy separation, normally does not bode well in Thailand. Then again the prospects are endless.
View all comments by THE MAN
tsl – politics rule. thanks
ed – spot on. dw – get that in there. u seem to be confusing us with YP. please. I am girls only but I won’t fault a guy for slipping it to a cut LB.
pmmp – nice ones. get those in there DW.
jd – love hand jobs
the man – how is the ex wife?
View all comments by sideshowBOB
Add to the contract – dont cut off my cock whilst I am asleep after you catch me fucking your “sister”.
View all comments by Livin' the Dream
ltd – no drama. the sister is with me.
View all comments by sideshowBOB
SSB, she came over for dinner, the use of the computer and just left, thank you for your concern!!
View all comments by THE MAN
That is a lovely list – I don’t think her going to sleep before me would be on my list as I tend to be a late night sleeper and I would enjoy watching her in sleep mode. My problem is more on the wake up side – none of this 3pm out of bed nonsense. And no insects for TV watching snacks. No making me eat weird incomprehensible dishes. No emailing old sponsors/customers unless he is sending funds that we split 50/50.
Like you say many of us at some point have had to ponder how to work these things out that are fair to everyone – but it’s all so foreign to us – a complete mystery really – how much to pay these girls – it goes against our grain to pay them like a salary but it is a necessity I guess. Last year I was trying to come to grips with this (it turned out to be unneccesary unfortunately) – what is fair and I really had no idea. I’d love to know financially how guys deal with their stay-in girls. Maybe an anonymous poll with ranges of how much guys pay monthly to their wife/girlfriend would be useful to us less experienced guys. I was thinking 20,000 baht a month for her to do what she wanted with but no more even if her family came down with bird flu.
View all comments by Drronin
Wow.. positive stuff. Any a few points I failed to get into my agreement.
NR & THEMAN, you maybe right. It may just work. I should try and think a bit more positive. I guess hanging with pmmp too long has taken it’s toll?
Saying that.. pmmp does give me good advice. The last gem he gave me was “forget your flight in 2 hours… there are some crack whores over there who want to party”
View all comments by Daywalker
A retainer of 20k should do it plus food, drinks and treats, phone, handbag one night out get together a week with her “sister me’s”.
She can save and send some home out of that 20k providing a little support up country to her family.
roughly 30k all told, a grand a day not too bad there for leasehold.
Its trying to work out a situation where buying oosts about the same as renting.
Nice pre-nup by the way and good you laid down the law early on. The bit about kissing before tooth cleaning cracked me up because theres nothing like the antennae of grasshoppers sticking between the teeth to put you in that morning mood.
View all comments by ao nang
Pay them? Did I read that right? That’s circus shit…
View all comments by Young Penfold
Funny you say that Penfers… as I do recall having to ‘pay-off’ a hideous circus freak of yours some moons ago in my crib ! Remember?.. The one that wanted 10 large off you for a blowie?!
Best forgotten about me finks
View all comments by Daywalker
Good for you. I have unofficially done the same. It kind of just happened. Did you study Bigbabykenny’s writings before you took the plunge (I sure as hell didn’t). Btw, BBK has created his own blog at bigbabykenny.com He sounds a bit bitter about this blog, though he does provide his self aggrandizing links to this site. Anyway, I digress. Good luck with the girl.
View all comments by Bangkok Spy
Please add in the don’t list:
1. Blame me when I look at other women.
2. Pick your nose in front of me. In the bathroom is OK.
3. Pop your pimples in front of any mirror in the house besides the bathroom mirror.
Other than that it looks pretty good, I have to say!
-Jeezo
View all comments by Jeezo
@Jeezo
Ha! Yep.. been caught out ogling at other women. Not seen the nose picking (yet) but the pimples… ha… yeah.. caught her doing that in a window reflection. Tempting as it was to push her face through the window in disgust, I just made a ‘yuuuuch’ sound like a little girl.
Another thing I thought of is when they inspect your finger nails and then go to 7/11, buy some nail clippers (with my money of course) and then proceed to clip away until blood is oozing out.
View all comments by Daywalker
forgot…
“Let me slap you around when you toss lip my way.”
View all comments by CanadianBoy
Ahh… you wet sap….
One born every minute…
I’ve just had my knob cleaned by someone who’s name I couldn’t even be bothered to listen to…. (yap yap yap)
That’s all I have to say about that
View all comments by doctorbond
Doc…
FYI – The name was Micky.
View all comments by Daywalker
You were watching? What a perve… jealously will get you nowhere
View all comments by doctorbond
‘jealousy’ even
View all comments by doctorbond
Doc…
Everyone in Guess Bar was watching. Did you not hear the cheer when you changed ends at half-time?
View all comments by Daywalker
add to the list……. not telling me I men (stink) when Ive had only 5 showers today instead of 6 and used anti perspirant as well when madam reeks to high heaven of som tam.
Perhaps there should be a blue print drawn up for the ideal pre nup or ten commandments to be handed to everyones te rak when things get serious or a signed agreement included with every baht gold item bought as a gift?
Great post daywalker.
View all comments by ao nang
DW – nothing in her side of the contract about exclusive rights, no Thai boyfriend/husband, so sideline income, etc
Nothing similar in your side is a given
View all comments by Dilligaf
Once you have decided that you plan to keep her long term (not just a few months) have her change her mobile number and dispose of the contact list excluding sisters and mother. Email account should also be changed. Have her delete all email from her old account. Once that is done, sit with her in front of the computer and officially close the account. If she isn’t prepared to do it, she isn’t thinking long term.
View all comments by Livin' the Dream
we all get caught somehow in bkk.they all know how to get your cash
View all comments by geoff
BBK, errr, I mean DW, you start off with the superior attitude over other punters that have stupidly lost their hearts and money…but then you go the same route and try to disguise it all as being wise and under control.
You know it’s wrong because you are embarrassed to reveal the amount of money you give her each month. You know this will eventually fail because you are already justifying it as being a good deal no matter what happens.
Just admit it: you want a serious girlfriend but are afraid of getting hurt and losing money like all the other punters.
@ssb – how about them red shirts?
View all comments by Brads Big Balls
Superior attitude over others? I was just referring to all the people that I know have been down the route I am going down. If anything, I should know better?!
As for the cash I drop her… well, it’s hard to put a figure on it. Just like it’s hard to say how much I spend over the bar or out
partying. Every few days I chuck her some cash. I don’t keep a record.
Can’t say that I ‘wanted’ a serious girlfriend. It’s just this one feels ‘different’ from the other girls I hang out with. We actually have a good laugh. Will it end in tears and will I get hurt? Of course. But as I am expecting this to all go tits-up then hopefully my pain will be limited to just spending a pile of cash. – I can live with that.
View all comments by Daywalker
Consider adding ‘Don’t fall in love with me’ to the do nots. Pain in the bum, and you lose out on threesomes with her hot friends and dibs on her little sister when she arrives to start working. love == jealousy and desires for other stuff you don’t want to give.
20k per month is enough to keep a girl in her own small room, clothed, fed and some fun money if she is really in to you. Its not enough for some emergencies (ie. losing at cards the week the rent is due or family medical problems), so expect some extra. 30k if she decides to go to Uni, although recommend sticking to 20k and paying fees as they arrive. Better yet, encourage a day job – extra pocket money for her, no school fees and no guilt if you dump her two years into a three year degree. Bar work in the right bar will be familiar without the hassles of customers doing anything more than flirt. The third alternative besides work or school is growing fat and grumpy in front of the TV and cheating on you out of boredom.
Keep a spreadsheet or diary from day one of how much you give her. Don’t give her cash – put it in her bank account. And pay weekly rather than monthly to help stem budget overflows.
Consider some deviant behavior to keep her in budget and not considering you as a life partner. ‘Ok – I can give you an extra 5000 Baht this month but I want to have sex with your sister’. Requires you being a prick though.
Its certainly fun if a) You are in Thailand most of the time, b) Can afford it, c) Find the right girl and d) Don’t have a pathological need to have sex with constantly changing partners. I would have split up over a year ago if I didn’t find sex with other Thai girls just so generally mediocre now.
View all comments by Cabby
Good for you DW.
When I first started going with my wife, it wasn’t that I ‘wanted’ a serious GF either…it was just comfortable and easy. As you say, we got on well, had fun together and the sex was good.
Well, one thing led to another and 20 years, 2 kids, mortgage, 2 cars and a dog later I’m still with her.
Don’t be surprised if it lasts a long time.
View all comments by bobonzo
Cabby, et. al. — It’s not for you or me to tell DW how much he should spend. If he’s confortable with up to 100k, then so be it. Those who tell guys like him they’re overpaying, blah, blah, blah are — in my book — simply envious they don’t have that kind of disposable income. Farang avarice regarding other farang’s money is worse here, me thinks, than bar girl lust for the folding stuff.
Do I give my girl that much? No.
Would I give my girl that much? No, again.
But every situation is different and mine knows my business sucks, she’s free to leave at any time and still stays. That’s devotion in my books. My bet is DW’s chicky would stay for less, but at least he removes the temptation from her.
I know a guy here who sends his girl (and kid) 2,700 euro a momnth. He makes good money, wants his girl and kid to be comfortable and has no problem with spending the cash.
Good for him.
Live and let live.
View all comments by Pattaya Ghost
On certain occasions when I’ve given her some notes, she has declined and said she still has money from the last lot I gave her!
I immediately thought she is just playing the long game here.. but hey, that’s fine by me. She even haggles with my DVD supplier for the odd 20bht discount.
But this is all good stuff from you lot. My posting on “It’s over” shall certainly be an emotional piece from me!
View all comments by Daywalker
I think if a sponsor is abroad, the figure of 20k baht is no way gonna cut the mustard.
If you take a total babe off the poles (which youd been a complete twat to take a munter off) then consider the 10k salary from the bar, drink tips, and ST/LT fees, shes gonna be making some quite tidy coin. Anything between 50-120k in some cases. For to expect her to then drop down to that figure and keep her knickers on and stay at home is laughable.
Heres a few examples that I know of first hand…..
Ive recently been seeing a Ladyboy who gets sent 50,000 baht a month from a guy in Austria. I know for a fact that she does escort work, and keeps in touch with old customers from way back when who slip her extra cash. Mr Austria thinks shes being a good girl, but she still pedals her ass if she can get some extra $$$ for it
I recently hooked up with an Sukhumvit street-rat Ive known for a few years, who flogs her filthy mutton for 500b a pop. She told me she has a swedish dude sending her 35k a month, yet shes still trawling the streets for cock.
I porked a hostess from SkyClub a while back, who has some Canadian dude sending her 35k a month, so she can stay home and wait for home. Little does he know she goes and plays the hostess gig, gets drunk on other peoples whisky, fucks guys she meets she likes, or charges them if she can.
So 20,000 baht wont get you very far in my book
View all comments by Young Penfold
YP – the Austrian guy is a complete twat. Katoeys are horny rabbits, most of them have the sex drive of a man. Even if he wired her 300K a month, she would still fuck for free or even pay for it… He’d better send her 1 or 2K (or 10K to be sure) a month to ensure she always has condoms!
View all comments by mart
When I was considering how to structure the payment to my hoped for live-in sweetie I wanted to create a situation where she never brought up money on a constant basis – so 20,000 baht a month paid out at 2 week intervals and I didn’t want to hear another peep from her. From what I have heard money breaks up as many of these Farang/Thai relationships as cheating on partners. Paying out randomly has more of a girlfriend feel about it but I would guess that it could lead to the occasional argument – “I just gave you 1,000 baht 2 days ago” that I would really want to avoid.
My 20,000 figure was based on the fact that she sends 5,000 a month to her parents and then needs money for going out with her friends, clothes, all the stuff that women buy and so on + hopefully she could put aside 5,000 on most months for her retirement. I was also considering a yearly bonus of 100,000 baht for every full year we were together that would be put aside for her by me and that she could collect only if we went our separate ways unless it was caused by her fooling around. Probably way too corporate?
View all comments by Drronin
Drronin keep your dosh, I’m going with DW!
View all comments by mart
I did tell her that if we are still together in 5 years I’d buy her a Noodle shop?!
View all comments by Daywalker
DW – a noodle shop certainly does not cost more than 100K, she could already buy one if she really wanted to…
View all comments by mart
mart.
you mean a noodle cart ?
a shophouse is a hell of lot more than 100k
View all comments by bobonzo
Don’t sweat it guys…. you can put lipstick on a Daywalker, but it’s still a Daywalker. I’m going to advise Smitty and Pmmp to put used sanitary towels around him in a circle to drive out the spirits
View all comments by doctorbond
BBZ – Ok if she really want to own the shophouse, that’s a lot more expensive but renting a shophouse and starting a business as noodle soup seller should not cost more than 100K…
View all comments by mart
Yeah… a Noodle shop. Not a cart. Was thinking of calling it the ‘Big Noodle Bar’.
On a serious note. For the time that I spend away from her (I work a month and then have a month off) I have to figure out how to keep her busy. Otherwise.. she’ll turn into a fat couch potato. She has expressed a desire to go to school (not Uni) to learn English.. and maybe learn how to cook?
Anyone got any suggestions where I can find out about this?
View all comments by Daywalker
@Daywalker: First off, you can check into DNA tests and Chastity Belts to make sure she’s not keeping busy in another way.
On a hobby to keep her busy, I suggest getting her a gym membership and hiring YP as her trainer. This way she keeps busy and in shape, and there’s no way she would screw with the trainer given it’s YP and all.
View all comments by pmmp
Again…pmmp you are ever so helpful. The gym is already a done deal.
However, ideally I’d like to encourage her to improve her English in a controlled environment. And maybe any other learning she wants to do?
I wouldn’t leave a pet dog in the company of YP.
View all comments by Daywalker
@DW – I charge 1500baht for a personal training session, but seeing as Im doing this for YOU, ill only charge 2500baht. Hows that sound?
Also included in that fee, i will teach her all the swearwords, cusses and obscenities I know, which is worth the money alone
View all comments by Young Penfold
YP:… That’s what I pay my cleaner. Do you need to supplement your income in anyway?
And I do believe she knows all the swearwords in English… German….Italian….French…. Swedish…etc…
She must have gone to an International School at some point?
View all comments by Daywalker
@YP: If she does join it would be interesting if you could publish stats of your clientele. I would wager that she bench presses more than BBB, has more stamina than WW, and can get more gym cougars than SSB.
View all comments by pmmp
pmmp…. are you saying my Girlfriend is Mickey Rouke?
View all comments by Daywalker
@DW: your Soi4 Mickey Rourke-Looking Ladyboy mate she is not, but Fake Penis is not on your list of excluded surgeries so if you add the stick you could have it all.
View all comments by pmmp
@Pmmp – the 9year old kids that sell roses and shine shoes outside Nana can benchpress more than SSB.
@Mart – Your right, Mr Austria is indeed a twat, however I must get round to writing him a letter to thank him for the multiple meals at Emporium followed by cinema, the all expenses paid trips to BED Club, and the endless and merciless bummings i give his GF. Very generous of him i must say
View all comments by Young Penfold
pmmp… I’ll make sure the Todger Surgery is forbidden. After all, I’ve enough to worry about when I am not there. The last thing I need is the thought of you sniffing round her/him too.
View all comments by Daywalker
YP – send Mr Austria some pics too, a pic is worth a thousand words…
DW – she knows French swearwords?!? She’s definitely worth the 100K a month, you’ve got a keeper! Ever wondered why she’s good in the sack?
View all comments by mart
Mart… Believe me, I’ve had better.
View all comments by Daywalker
Is she the one who looks sort of half Isaan half Tina Turner?
View all comments by mart
Had some experience with the whole one month on, one month off thing before I moved here permanently. Very hard to find enough structured activity to keep them busy. Depends on why you want to do it – fear of her turning into a couch potato or fear of her getting bored waiting and being naughty. I am not presuming that she would be naughty OK! There are goods ones out there and lots of them.
On the naughty thing, trust goes a long way, but only so far in my book. Little things like MSN at odd irregular hours keep them on their toes, as does calling the home land line rather than the mobile – both ensure she is home at that time she says she is, but neither really ensure she is home alone or plans to stay that way all night!
Introduce her to as many male friends as you have. Make sure she knows that these lads are out and about most nights and that she has a high probability of running in to them when out clubbing with her sisters. Or, just trust her…I am not saying she would be naughty, I just know that feeling of being away from here and not really knowing what is going on, at least for me, in the early days, it was hell.
On the school thing, she did wall street. Absolute crap. Don’t do it. Waste of money. I dropped 60k with them only to find out that there is no teacher interaction, it is pretty well all computer and self help based. Basic daily routine was a one hour lesson then about 2 hours homework. Not a large slice of the day really. Her English only really improved out of sight when I moved here full time.
IMHO best way for her to improve her English is to work in a farang pub / restaurant as a waitress, or live with a farang. Obviously that wont help her written English skills, so please do your homework before you cough up the baht for formal lessons. We do home based now. She has a English tutor and I have a Thai one, at the same times each week..
If you don’t want her to work at all, just send her home to the village whilst you are away. She can help mum – that should keep her busy.
View all comments by Livin' the Dream
She’s the one with dark skin, dark hair and slitty eyes.
View all comments by Daywalker
ah yeah, done her before! A shame she’s got webbed feet…
View all comments by mart
ldream – wall street is crap but there are good schools and no one learns any language well just being around people speaking it. school is better.
as for working in pubs – perfect way for her to meet other farang guys for “practice” but not so much language practice.
agreed on the more of your friends the better thing – that is as long as your friends tell u if they see something. perfect mini spy network.
View all comments by sideshowBOB
LtD,
Good points. To go further into my current situation with my little lovely….
It was her that told me she wants to do something when I am not there. She is worried that she’ll just get dark and fat sitting with the family in the village all the time. She wants to learn English so that we can talk more and has an interest in cooking (as well as eating) so I figured that could keep her busy.
I agree with the introducing her to all my pals and pmmp. I have done. And I also told her that if a Farang sees her out and she is up to no good, then they’ll tell me. If that happens, there will be no discussion, no excuses, she is out the door. Funnily enough, I introduced ‘Goodlife’ to her the other week. We hung out for a little while before GL went in search of something to play with.
Around 5am I received an SMS saying he thinks my girl is in Spice club! I then turned to my girl.. woke her up and asked if she was in Spice Club as my mate is now looking at her. She didn’t find it funny, or worth waking her up for.
However, it made her realise that there are eyes everywhere and if she does play away, then she’ll get caught. At least in the close vicinity anyway!
View all comments by Daywalker
Just to change the subject… there’s a f**king handsome bloke on Werewolfs blog – check it out
View all comments by a random punter
Love the list.
How about a pre-nup for the typical Thai lady – or monkey?
You must not loom your wobbly white belly over me when I’m settling down to 16-hours of sleep.
You must not go to SOL/Lolitas and come back with herpes
You must not run out of money/cola/shit jokes.
You must not carry me in your hand – with a snake in the other – and go pestering tourists on Walking Street to pose for pictures.
You must not call me a monkey – unless I genuinely am one (see above) – no matter how affectionately.
You must clean yo’ ass and balls proper if you expect me to lick them.
You must give me more face than head.
You must put it out of your mind that you share my quim with a go-go boy called Somchai.
View all comments by milo
@milo: When said lady/monkey pays me then she can have a list.
View all comments by pmmp
Milo… nah… it’ll never catch on.
Unless she is the one with the money?
View all comments by Daywalker
b.t.w… my little monkey refers to herself as a monkey. She tried on my sunglasses which fell off, much to her disappointment.
Quote… “if I not monkey face, sunglass not fall off”.
Then a conversation followed about some form of costly surgery.
View all comments by Daywalker
@dw…”Everyone in Guess Bar was watching. Did you not hear the cheer when you changed ends at half-time?”….
A lot of funny stuff here lately. I’m also partial to your eloquent ashtray/glass/window manouveres…always good.Speaking of which…now bigbabykenny.com is doing his own thing, can we expect a return from pants “the comedian” elk? I hope so.
View all comments by dave
@pmmp – Agreed. As football legend Martin Lawrenson famously said to his wife, ‘I pay so I say.”
@daywalker – maybe she needs a new rule.
You must grow ears – then sunglasses not fall off
View all comments by milo
Yeah can anyone tell Pants that Kenny’s gone for good?
View all comments by mart
“Give me a hand job if I am too tired for sex”
That should be “Give me a *blow* job if I am too tired for sex”. Get it right, man!
Giving them something to do does seem to be the key. Very few seem to have any idea how to manage this themselves and just fall back into old ways through sheer boredom half of the time. Or the things they’ll think of doing with that extra time will be things that involve more money – like mindless shopping.
On the other hand, having to be a constant entertainer and time organiser while already shelling out money for a girl kind of grates…
View all comments by bibblies
bibbles..
You are right. I guess I was thinking about her freshly cleaned teeth.
I shouldn’t be so thoughtful!
Being a constant entertainer is a burden. I tried giving her some cash and told her to go shopping so that I could have some ‘alone-time’ with everyone in the bar. She refused and said she wanted me to go with her so that I could see what she bought. (in other words, I can carry shit)
I once gave the ex-Farang girlfriend (scouser) the nod to go out shopping.
The bitch bought a BMW Compact.
She thought it was hilarious.
View all comments by Daywalker
may sound silly but you know how much time and effort goes into running a business? Maybe the “Big noodle shop” isn’t such a bad idea? With some targeted marketing at farongs, she may be forced into English speech and having the boys around for pointers may prove to be one of the best learning environment she could ever hope for? And you may even make a buck or two…
View all comments by nurseRon
@Mart – I will be entertaining Pants Elk in a few weeks, so I shall pass the messages on for you. Thats between our rounds of furious fisting and self mutiliation
I would love to go on Kennys site to tell him what an ill-informed, dillusional, boring, dull, poorly dressed, fat fuckfaced cunt he really is, but then I wouldnt want to give the turd the satisfaction of any traffic.
View all comments by Young Penfold
Just to change the subject…. oh, I did that already
This fecking thunderstorm, I’m about as sleepy as a Red Bull quality control technician
View all comments by doctorbond
Doc, at your age, you have to get up 3 times a night to take a piss anyway.
View all comments by Daywalker
Yeah, but not normally with such clarity…..
View all comments by doctorbond
DW don’t listen to all of this dribble, you’ll go out there amongst them, put your head down and charge into the abyss. You’ll do it your way because that is what men do. Women plot, plan, scheme, whine and snivel, a real man just says “fuck it” and presses ahead. If you step on your dick or put your balls in the wringer, so what, I’m sure you’ll do it 5 or 10 more times in your life before you croak. Have fun!!!
View all comments by THE MAN
THE MAN… you are right. At the end of the day, I am giving it a shot. If it goes tits-up then what the hell. If she fucks around, then that’s pay-back for me fucking around in the past.
psi 100 got it right. He takes care of his missus… and she takes care of everything. My girl is starting to learn that.
View all comments by Daywalker
If she has curly hair, then you forgot; you will not eat my fries.
View all comments by hanuman
I’d rather she ate my fries than the weird huge bug thing she likes to troff. And why she insists on giving everything a coat of Thermite is beyond me?
Surely that must kill all the taste?
View all comments by Daywalker
Curly hair? That reminds me. You could make the contract more interesting by specifying that the time she spends doing her hair, nails, etc, has to be matched by blowjob time every day…
View all comments by bibblies
Like it.
I did make my self laugh the other week… she got up really early one day.. around 4pm and ran a bath with all kinds of smelly oils and shit. Bubbles everywhere. Anyway, before I let her get in the bath, I hoofed her out of the bathroom to take a shit.
After I was fully emptied… well… I’m not too good with the bumgun, so I dived in her and relaxed.
20 mins later, the Monkey damn near kicks the door in wondering if I’ve fallen down the crapper. She wasn’t too pleased when she found me in the bath with all the soap suds strategically covering my shriveled nuts.
“You steal my baat. You jai dum” she shrieked at me.
- No sense of humor some people.
View all comments by Daywalker
So guy has a GF, pays for some of her expenses and thinks it will one day end. Wow, thrilling story.
BBK has his own site!? Shit, yes. And its registered in Kansas. No wonder this guy has to create sick shit in his mind and thinks the world might be interested in it.
View all comments by Mephisto
@ Mephisto, after reading your negative comments towards DW’s submission I thought ‘that’s a little harsh, still, this guy obviously has something better to say, I’ll go read his submissions and contributions to the blog’. Guess what, there aren’t any.
You’re new to this site aren’t you??
You’ve never met Daywalker have you??
Ashtray awaits.
@DW, great piece I reckon, thoroughly enjoyed reading it, the whole idea of the prenuptial kind makes sense, and your prenuptial ideas gave me a laugh.
View all comments by Catman
@ Mephisto – yeah, take your bitter twisted thoughts somewhere else.
You have to have a signed pass to slag off DW…. I’ve got a gold one.
View all comments by doctorbond
DW; 9th of April, late afternoon, the Big Mango, must have been another character who didn’t want to share his fries.
My mistake.
View all comments by hanuman
Hanuman…
According to the ‘missus’… what’s mine is hers and what’s hers is hers.
Yeah that was us. I’ve had to change tacts now… ssB, pmmp, monkey and I were out having dinner at the Duke (great food there
) the other week and all ordered a beef dish. As my monkey doesn’t eat beef she was fuming that she couldn’t help herself to our troff.
Is there such a thing as beef fries?
We were all being ‘mean’ apparently?
As for Mephisto… I encourage all negative keyboard warriors to approach me and tell me their thoughts… PLEASE!
DocBond does have a gold pass.. although it has clocked up a few points on it now, so will have to take it easy for a while.
And thanks for the 80+ comments.. they have been useful to me as I am learning new stuff everyday. I don’t claim to know everything about relationships with Thai girls (or any girl?) so the tips have been great. But mainly.. I just wanted to have a little chuckle with others.
View all comments by Daywalker
I tought it was you.
My GF always gets upset if I don’t want to taste her food.
You can write books about Thai people and their food.
View all comments by hanuman
Watching a program National Geographic last night about Gorillas. It told how these creatures wake up about 6am.. eat until 9…have a nap…eat some more around 3… have another little nap…. 5am have a little roll around and play… then sense that nightfall is coming and have a big feed before sleeping again.
I could have sworn I’d seen this behavior before?
View all comments by Daywalker
True, but gorillas are low-maintenance.
View all comments by Hanuman
DW: Firstly, concerning the beef thing. Sounds like the typical “world should revolve around me” attitude that is oh so common in the west. A “gentle” reminder that you are farang and farang do things differently. If she want’s to pay then she can do it the Thai way. Well, not really. She still needs to be reminded that if a monkey isn’t entertaining then there’s no reason to have the monkey around.
Oh yea, remind the monkey that she really does like beef, just not cooked and served on a plate.
Secondly on the Nat Geo and apes. Is there room for a tire swing in the apartment? May help with any acclimation process for the new environment.
View all comments by Bubba
Bubba.. The beef thing… on her part, she says her family don’t eat beef. I didn’t delve too far into that, as I didn’t want to talk about her family. Personally I am happy about it because if I (or anyone else at the dinner table) have any dish other that beef, then the greedy cow helps herself.
View all comments by Daywalker
The Man’s “DW don’t listen to all of this dribble, you’ll go out there amongst them, put your head down and charge into the abyss.” works for me.
Yeah, I did this eight years ago and it’s all good.
As for the naysayers?
Hey, if they hate to see you content?
Fuck ‘em. (Um, can I say that ?)
View all comments by Prufrock
DW Im not sure if i’d like to try your “Contract” style of approach. Im not going to criticise it because it seems to work for you both. I just think that i’m still at the “kid in a candy store” stage right now.
However, how easy was it to police her in the beginning? Did she balk at some of the points? try to renegotiate? Point blank refuse any? I ask purely out of curiosity and intrigue.
I’m keeping it simple – 1 night contracts, sometimes a few days but thats it. However your style does have at least one merit i can think of, whereas you wont need to start avoiding many ex-encounters on nights out these days, where as i have had a couple of run-ins with seemingly jealous BG’s & LB’s who seemed to look stunned that i hadn’t gone looking for them instead.
Also BG’s fucking hate it when they see you with a LB lol!!
Daily rates work for me at this time, and so far i haven’t slipped into KISAS, having read a thread on it im gonna attempt to keep it that way (i hope) lol.
Just found BBK site. a little sparse at the moment, but, there’s a couple of reasonably interesting threads typically laced with BBK style lmao.
View all comments by Eddie T
Eddie..
o.k.. I’ll hold my hands up. There is no ‘official’ contract. It was a spoof. We did joke that she is not to steal my t-shirts or fill my fridge with smelly food, but a joke was as far as it got. I’m not a complete pig.
I was never a customer of my chosen monkey. I accept that she has a history, but that’s no different to having a history myself. And if anything, I think she’d be more shocked at my past.
For me, it’s all about the fun. As long as you are both laughing (preferably at the same time) then all the other shit doesn’t matter.
I also bear in mind that when I’ve been in relationships in the past, I always thought that was as good as it gets, until it finished and another came along. Which was better. So whilst I am enjoying the relationship now, if it does go tits up, then I know somewhere down the line I’ll find another girl and have yet more fun.
There is as they say…. “plenty more rats in the sewer”
After 4 years, I still feel like a kid in a candy shop!
-Isn’t that just great!
View all comments by Daywalker