Ooh That Smell! by Werewolf
Posted by werewolf | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on November 10th, 2007
editor’s note: When I first read the title I thought for once someone was going to write something up about when bar girls go bad and u end up with that – well u know but alas this is about something else. 
I grew up near the Atlantic Ocean, and even today the smell of salt air and rotting fish brings visions of my childhood.
The children of Bangkok may feel faint when, as adults, they smell an aroma that reminds them of growing up in the City of Heavenly Beings.
One thing you notice when you first arrive in Bangkok, and you notice every day that you live here, is that the city smells. The aromas of Bangkok are many and varied, and are equally likely to make you salivate or retch. Here are some of the olfactory sensations that assault you as you walk the streets in this Oriental setting.
First and foremost, Bangkok smells of pollution. You can see it sticking to every surface in the city, and the air is so thick that breathing is like smoking. Most people who work outside in the city (police officers, security guards, parking attendants) wear masks over their faces to filter the air; and it’s not uncommon to see Thais walking home from the grocery store with the same kind of mask.
On the positive side, the smell of grilling meat on nearly every road and soi in Bangkok is mouth-watering. Pork, chicken, beef, sausages… the barbeque starts around sunrise and lasts until after midnight. Some of these barbeque operations are moveable feasts, attached to a bicycle or motorcycle, spreading the smell of burning animal fat everywhere as the rider/driver moves his wares from place to place.
But there are also many other types of food for sale on the streets of the city, each making a contribution to the patchwork of aromas. The tangy smell of somtam will entice those who have a taste for it. Deep fryers throw out the smell of oil mixed with fish, chicken, bananas or other fried delights. Soup being cooked in clay pots over hot coals adds its own steamy smell. Of course the Durien vendors add their own unique odor to the fray, either attracting or repelling with the rich ripe smell that carries a long way on even the slightest breeze.
Then there are the smells associated with bars; stale beer, whiskey and cigarette smoke that drift out the open door and into the street. Some bars install ‘mist machines’ that spray a fine mist of water in the street in front of the bar. The added humidity seems to do little to relieve the heat, and it makes the area smell vaguely like a sauna. Not something I’ve ever found very appealing.
Walking past open doors of office buildings, shopping malls, and restaurants will often provide a blast of arctic-like conditioned air that brings to mind the special smell of a walk in refrigerator for that brief moment until you pass the door and step back into the blast furnace that is a Bangkok afternoon. Somehow, it seems to me like I can smell heat as well. It may sound crazy, but I reckon heat smells different than cold.
Of course, many smells in the city aren’t pleasant. Dogs roam freely in the Bangkok streets, doing what dogs do — pissing and shitting as they please. As unpleasant as it might be to step in stray dog droppings, you haven’t lived till you’ve gone ankle deep in a pile of elephant shit. Against all common sense, elephants are parading around the streets of Sukhumvit every night of the year, defecating at their pleasure. The owners typically clean it up, but — for example — the entrance to Nana Plaza is narrow and crowded. I’ve seen drunks obliviously step in elephant poop there before the owner had a chance to get his shovel and plastic bag out. Man, the cursing!
But it doesn’t require animal droppings to offend in Bangkok. Walk a few blocks on any street in the city and you’ll almost cetainly be assaulted by a pocket of foul air that screams at you that you’ve just stepped into an open sewer. Often, the source of the offending smell can’t be pinpointed; it apparently seeps up from underground and just hangs around waiting to gag the unsuspecting.
For those who have never seen them, the Khlongs (canals) of Bangkok can probably sound romantic… Beautiful Bangkok, the Venice of the East. In fact the canals are stagnant, filthy and disgusting. My personal vote for the nastiest smell in Bangkok (and there are thousands of contenders) goes to the small bridge on Tanruen Road that passes over Khlong Toei to take you to the Customs Department and the Port Authority of Thailand.
This little piece of hell-on-earth is horrible. I have had to walk across this bridge many times. It’s a bit too far to hold my breath all the way across, and I often find myself breathing in quick shallow breaths in an effort to prevent myself from spewing my breakfast all over the road. The truly amazing thing is that houses are built side by side along the entire length of this fetid, stagnant cesspool. I can’t imagine how people can live there.
In addition to the facemasks discussed above, Thais have another method for dealing with the constant assault on their olfactory senses… a magic potion called yaa homm. In Thai, yaa means ‘medicine’ and homm means ‘good smell’. Yaa homm is a small tube, about the size of a lipstick applicator that Thais carry in their pockets. It is filled with a menthol type liquid. When faced with a odor-attack, Thais pull out the yaa homm tube, whip off the top, and stick it up their noses. It’s not unusual to see a veritable parade of Thai men & women, walking down the street holding these tiny tubes of yaa homm to fight a losing battle against the stink of Bangkok.
Incidentally, yaa homm is used for seemingly hundreds of applications. I’ve seen Thais dab it on their temples to fight headaches, or on mosquito bites to prevent itching. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that they believe it is a magic potion that acts as both aphrodesiac and contraceptive.
Of course, breathing Bangkok air isn’t the only hazard to confront people as they walk the streets of Bangkok. While sucking in the diesel fumes of passing busses pedestrians have to contend with uneven footpaths, narrow passages, low hanging signs and electrical wires, motorcycles on the sidewalk, and crazy drivers (including many going the wrong way down the street… a real danger if you only look one way stepping off the curb).
If you survive all these hazards, you may enjoy the pleasant aromas of oil and incense wafting out of the massage shops, and the appealing scent of flowers and incense at the many Bhuddist shrines, temples and spirit houses that dot the city.
A walk through Bangkok is an experience in ecclectic aromas, as you pass from the perfume of flowers, to the stench of sewage, to the savoury smell of grilling meat, to the ripe smell of durien; all set against the unchanging background of a city drowning in it’s own pollution. It’s one of the many things that reminds you that your not in Kansas any more.
18 Responses to “Ooh That Smell! by Werewolf”
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Translator
Slow news day, huh?
View all comments by Jack Dawson
Werewolf, didn’t you say you don’t have humor? This article proves you wrong. Great stuff! So true and yet written in a way, that cracks me up
To my mind also come the taxis that have these perfume bottles somewhere beside the driver seat. If I were blind I might snuggle up to the driver each time and tell him what a hot chick he is. Maybe that’s what they want?
View all comments by Phoenix
jd: I know somebody commented last week about the longer your comments are the funnier they are but I would say this one challenges that assertion.
ww: I agree with smitty’s editor’s note. Being the vile person that I am I thought this was going to be a piece on vaginosis and perhaps the reasons and cures for it. This was a nice piece but I think that would have helped more readers out.
My friend just had an encounter with a Patpong pole hugger last week who carried with her a southern smell right from the depths of hell’s ass.
I guess I will have to research reasons and cures and do a follow-up piece.
View all comments by pmmp
@pmmp: Always one who wants to provide useful information, I have done a little research and can offer the following information. I hope you enjoy it and that it helps plenty of readers out.
Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) is the name of a condition in women where the normal balance of bacteria in the vagina is disrupted and replaced by an overgrowth of certain bacteria. It is sometimes accompanied by discharge, odor, pain, itching, or burning. It is the most common vaginal infection in women of childbearing age.
The cause of BV is not fully understood. BV is associated with an imbalance in the bacteria that are normally found in a woman’s vagina. The vagina normally contains mostly “good” bacteria, and fewer “harmful” bacteria. BV develops when there is an increase in harmful bacteria.
It is not clear what role sexual activity plays in the development of BV. Women do not get BV from toilet seats, bedding, swimming pools, or from touching objects around them. Women that have never had sexual intercourse are rarely affected.
Women with BV may have an abnormal vaginal discharge with an unpleasant odor. Some women report a strong fish-like odor, especially after intercourse. Discharge, if present, is usually white or gray; it can be thin. Women with BV may also have burning during urination or itching around the outside of the vagina, or both. Male partners generally do not need to be treated. However, BV may spread between female sex partners.
BV is treatable with antibiotics prescribed by a health care provider. BV is not completely understood by scientists, and the best ways to prevent it are unknown. However, it is known that BV is associated with having a new sex partner or having multiple sex partners. It is seldom found in women who have never had intercourse.
View all comments by werewolf
ww: you rule. Thanks for the info. but I wish I didn’t read it while I was eating my lunch. HOWEVER, it states:
“Women that have never had sexual intercourse are rarely affected.”
This particular GoGo gal claimed she had just been working there a few weeks and before that she worked in a beauty salon. There is no way it can be BV because she rarely if ever has sex.
View all comments by pmmp
@ pmmp @ ww Thai girls like their boxes to smell nice.
Whenever I encounter a case of “fausty fanny”, within a few days, I return to the young lady’s brothel and gift her with a 5-day course of Flagyl. (100 baht)
It moves the relationship along significantly and it’s
usually good for freebie or two.
View all comments by Thongsuk
In all my time here I have only ever come across one smelly pussy. I gave her 500 baht and sent her back where she came from with a suggestion to visit the chemist before returning to work.
I agree with Thongsuk; most of the girls I meet here are impeccably clean; no odors from vagina, bum, or underarms.
(Occasionally a garlic-smell on the breath if they’ve been eating home cooking…)
View all comments by werewolf
How about that delicious smell when they stir fry chilly peppers with some oil in a wok?
If anything should be illegal on a public street…
View all comments by Orion
I tought the small tube was called yaa domm, domm as in smelling? Please correct me if I’m wrong.
View all comments by hanuman
@hanuman: I asked a Thai girl I know who confirms you are correct
View all comments by werewolf
Further queries confirm that yaa homm exists, but it is the menthol-like medicine you use when you have a headcold — I think like Vicks Vapo-Rub. A natural, and hopefully forgivable, error on my part. Thanks for the correction.
View all comments by werewolf
- I can back pmmp up here. ‘Smelly-box’ girl was still smelly after she finished showering.
That’s another towl I’ve had to burn.
Her box was so smelly, we looked forward to her farts.
View all comments by Day walker
To add on to the yaa domm/homm discussion, the favorite brand of the locals is Poy-Sian. Most Thai ladies I know use yaa domm when referring to this but all know Poy-Sian as well. It’s available in every convenience store and can be quite the defense mechanism against the smells of bkk as ww points out.
View all comments by pmmp
Yep. When I asked one girl what she called it, she answered “Poi-Sian” so I had to direct my question to a greater degree. She provided total enlightenment. (by the way pmmp, the girl in question was the one we saw at Sala Daeng yesterday. She says hello).
View all comments by werewolf
@Werewolf; All is forgiven, all is well.
@Daywalker; just ask her to put the yaa domm in her box
View all comments by hanuman
I was thinking more of a strong bleach or Sodium Hydroxide.
Maybe these go-go’s should offer a ‘scratch n sniff’ service before you part with cash?
View all comments by Day walker
Ever noticed how Thais love taking anti-biotics for anything and everything? Once, waking up in bed with a girl, I noticed her popping a pharmaceutical into her mouth.
“Why are you eating that?”
“Mao khaang maak maak” (I’m really hung-over)
I looked at the packaging and it was amoxycillin. Hmmmm. They love their medicine.
Anyway, back to my point. A friend recently suggested that it was the indiscriminate consumption of anti-biotics, whether they are relatively impotent like amoxycillin or something with a bit of value left in it, that causes the bacterial imbalance leading to BV in so many of the girls around here.
Whatever the case, I’ll take walking through a 15 meter long pocket of hydrogen sulfide gas (the sewer gas that smells like rotten eggs) on the streets of BKK over a stinky girl any day.
View all comments by The Heckler
The smell of H2S was similar….
View all comments by Day walker