The highlight of the trip was watching the world cup final with the gang at Sky club. Tons of booze, hotties and a big screen but the game went on so long that by the time we wrapped up I was well – slightly intoxicated. I leave the club to see one the girls I used to hang with who got kind of pissy seeming me chatting up a new girl and getting the digits. Rather than have a faceoff out front we made for the taxi figuring I would call either of them later. Of course coming back to Suk from cambodia at 5 in the morning looking the way we did meant that we were stopped by the BIB using their magically powers of profiling to determine we were harmless. These guys need to to Tel Aviv or something for some proper training. Just pathetic.

Got back to suk and grabbed some street food. Tried to water down the booze a bit and then walked home. Faceplanted on the bed to wake up at 10 with both chicks having called most of the morning. Turns out both wanting to come over and say. Shit. As usual the booze fucks up the fucking. Thank god I had hit Angles and lolitas prior to the party!

Back to bkk soon but in the meantime had a nutty time in Jakarta. I espouse that minus the gogo bars Jakarta is every bit as good as bkk when it comes to the nightlife and there are plenty of hotties. Only YP seems to find the ugly ones.

I had met the IMOM while on a trip to KL and it was decided we would pick some weekend to get some work done and party in Jakarta. IMOM is in the inner circle with the models and pretty people so who was I to not show him around Jakarta. First night in, a thursday, we took it easy with a few drinks at Loewys. Great place for dinner and drinking. t-sat can be packed with a fun crowd. After Loewys I thought I would show IMOM something only Indonesia has. A proper strip club.

So far I have not seen any other place like it in Asia but at the Malioboro hotel and spa – around the left side is the malio club. From 9pm every night it turns into a nice pseudo Asian strip club. 5-7 girls on the stage at a time. Always strip to topless and every other round or so they get full nude. The DJs are awesome, some are girls, so the music is a fun part of it. Bottle prices are reasonable and you only pay for ladydrinks which usually come with lapdances. Grab a bottle, saddle up to the rail, order some food, let someone else pour your drinks and enjoy the show. If u get really worked up grab a dancer or one of the uzbeks hanging in the lounge for a “private sessions”. Living it.

We headed out of malio for cjs to see the uni girls working for prada bags. all good.

Fri night we took a much different path. A fashion show followed by a private after party. Full of euro mix trim and all the attitude that goes with it, but if you happen to know a few of the girls it seems the game changes a bit. BB pins were exchanged and we were off to the races. Not having a BB in Indonesia essentially means you won’t get any. Off to Potato Head for another party and a chance to talk to the sexychef. Wow. Even hotter in person. Chatted up some party girls from Bali and more pins exchanged. Then it was off to Dragonfly for a few more drinks. The fly was just not happening that night so we made it over to blowfish. IMOM got a bat call over the BB and made for the taxi stand. I was working on a girl I had met over the net and thought I was closing in on the kill. Then some bule ex bf showed up and put the kibosh on it.

I called in a pinch hitter, phone full of them now, and headed back to the saefty of the hotel. Day 1 in the can.

Day 2 started out at the SHY rooftoop. A nice place to eat dinner and ogle the beautiful people. Then a few drinks at the rooftop. Strong martinis and a live band. Fun for chilling but not for hunting. We heard there was the DJ from that 70′s show spinning at blowfish so we decided to head that way. The place was pumping and plenty of girlies. There are so many clubs in jakarta that apart from drive times you can bounce around and check them out. There are rarely any lines.

Blowfish was pumping and it was tough deciding where to focus but IMOM saw some models and went in for the kill. This tall leggy, bug breasted halfie was just stunning. Slight aussie accent but with the mix body to kill. With heels taller than most dudes – without heels certainly taller than YP. We had some drinks with here and IMOM got her pin. Then she shyed away from us cause her entourage of dudes, more chicks and the dyke lesbian in the biker kit. I should have noticed her more than but I was too buzzed to sort it all out.

It was clear the girl was not suppose to hang with us given the looks we were getting and I told IMOM rather than get our asses kick lets back off. SO we did but then he went in again to say we were leaving and to give her his regards. I guess that was the last straw cause as we walked towards the other half of the club we were stopped by one of the dude and the biker bitch. I was standing next to IMOM thinking it was going to kick off which meant I was not watching the biker cunt to realize that she was actually the paid for bodyguard. Seems the rich and lovely roll with lesbian biker cunt bodyguards since they won’t get kicked out for fighting and most people won’t punch a “girl” back. So listening to IMOM talk his way out of the mess means I missed the bitch getting ready to belt me. And sure enough next thing you know I am punched right in the side of the face and dropped my drink while falling over IMOM. Nice. Of course I wanted to trounce her but then I saw the security and more dudes coming so we high tailed it out. I was too buzzed to realize how much my face hurt.

From there we headed back to malio to finish the bottle. Mayhem ensued. IMOM grabbed 2 strippers for some upstairs fun and I worked on getting one of them back to my room. I was using my stink finger that had been under her panties to type in the number on my phone. Called and saw her phone ring. I was in. But then the phone rang for another chickie I had meant earlier and well I peeled off for the hotel. Figuring the stripper would always be there.

Grabbing breakfast in the morning with IMOM and trading war stories I noticed my face was killing me. Fuck.

Anyway. Another weekend in the can.

Off to Singapore!

I am a fan of Indonesia and learning to enjoy the differences it has to Thailand. It is not as good as Bangkok in some ways but yet better in other ways. It can’t replace Thailand but if you happen to go to Indonesia you should have more fun than YP does but maybe that ain’t saying much.

The massage scene is where most of the p4p fun happens so this last trip I toured around a little bit more. I tend to hit Fortuna for a nice rub and tug. The massage is good, the prices are good and the girls are fun. Your mileage may vary but there are people who claim to get much more than a tug.

In the same vein as Fortuna is the Delta message chain. Another decent rub and tug joint popular with the locals. I have not been yet but you can see them around town.

This last time we stopped in at a place I had heard about but had yet to explore since it is across town from where I normally stay. The Classic Hotel looks like a normal old school, badly decorated hotel but in the basement has a big spa. There is the normal “pay as you go in” type of service for spa, gym, lounge with a basic rub and tug. There are also full service girls of various nationalities. You can pay one price on the way out for the full meal deal. Starts from around 500,000 inr on up for the locals and 1 mil on up for the non locals. I saw uzbeks, russians, colombians and so on. This seems to be the norm in the big spa hotels. I think they allow the girls to stay as visiting hotel service staff but the only thing they service is me. It was kind of late and I was not seeing anything special and the pushy mamasan was killing me so I went with the normal massage service. Fun girl with some extras. I think classic in the late afternoon with more selection would be a good economical choice but the place is a little rundown.

The last place we tried, besides the tried and trusted Malioboro, was the much raved about Alexis. When it comes to style and size this has to be the biggest in Jakarta. A multi-story joint with club, lounge, karaoke, spa, and rooftop chill place with the hookers. Top floor is sick. A big lounge with all sorts of girls hanging out. Indos, thai, chinese, latam and eastern europe. Varies day by day and the pricing varies as well. The indos were not the hotties here – I would say the Chinese were but the prices are up there from like 1.5 mil on up but once again cheaper than flying to China?

You can lounge around in your robe Hugh Hefner style while buying drinks for the chickies. Then if you choose so the girl gets into a bikini and can frolic with you at the pool or sauna. Then you head to the “rooms” to discuss whether BRIC should be BRICi – before heading to the spa to chill. The model looks pretty appealing but the prices are up there. I plan on going back during less peak times to explore China a little bit more. I also here the club can get nutty late at night.

Back to trolling the net for the Indo celeb videos…

laterz!

BATS @ Shangri-La Hotel – Much like Red Square, this place had a swish decor, good music, Oliver Reid approved pours, but was a very weak crowd. Number-crunching looking types in suits, Arabs, and a lot of unappealing hookers. There was one lady-of-the-night who was passable, so we called her over for a drink. Tight body. Full head of hair. No visible signs of heroin withdrawal. A vast Improvement on the last girl. Possible score. Until she smiled. Deary me. No score. Looked like she had swallowed a fucking grenade. A truly horrendous set of gnashers. Pounded 2 Vodka Cranberrys each, gave her a whisky n coke, and the number of a decent dentist, made our excuses and left

Loweys (Again) – Fuck knows why we went back to Loweys, but we did. Hit the bar, and pounded some more Heineken and alcohol. BB spotted 3 unaccompanied slutty looking sorts at a nearby table, so we went and tried our hand. Turns out 1 of them was fit, and 2 of them were rough. BB latched onto the fittie, so I was left pounded booze with the sisters grim.

After about 10 minutes, 2 guido looking types that the girls already knew joined the action. 1 of the guys, knew 4 lines on Bahasa, and thought he was king-shit. The girls would answer in Bahasa, and the twat froze. More like king-cunt. By this time BB had already extracted the fit ones phone number, and claimed he was tired, and wanted to go to bed. Gay

The House call from Hell – In the lift up to YPJKTHQ, BB called up an ‘out-call’ agency he used, and ordered me up some entertainment. “2 sexy lesbians who do anal” were his exact words. He knows me too well.

Well, there was 2 of them. They were lesbians. And they did anal. Were they sexy? Were they bollocks. BB said he didnt wanna see them with their clothes on, yet alone off, and Id agree. He dumped a load of cash on the table for their services, and headed off to bed. I was shit faced and horny, and the girls had come all the way from wherever they came from, for a good dicking, so I didn’t want to disappoint

In her mouth, then her mates mouth, in her mates twat, then back in her mates mouth, on the sofa, the table, on the desk in the study, in the bumhole, on the kitchen counter, up her mates bumhole, then her mates mouth, in the shower, on the bed and then………… up my bumhole. As I was railing one from behind, the less hideous one, headed round the back and started eating my arse. Im no prude and am totally down with getting my arse eaten. Then, with no warning, she jammed 2 dry fingers, right up my crease. Im talking down to the knuckle, fake finger nails and all. Thought I was gonna throw up. Intense stuff

After 90 minutes, with no danger of me ever blowing my load, I sent them on their ugly way, and hobbled to bed with my backside feeling like Id been an extra in ‘Horse Love 4′

Day 3

Woke up with an arse hole like a chewed orange. I think it was a mixture of the spicy Tikka Masala, the gallon of booze, and the violent finger fucking I received at the hands of the Eden Club rejects the night before. Was given a wake up call at 7am, so I could make the 9:40am flight back to Bangkok. With the violent squirts and stomach pains, there was no way I was making the journey to the airport, without wearing a fucking nappy. Checked online, and the next flight was 4pmish with Air Asia. Bollocks.

By around midday, after multiple hours spent blowing blood out of my sphincter, I felt kinda human again. Met BB, gave him a kiss goodbye (he tried for tongues, but I pulled away) and head out to the airport. Hit the AirAsia desk, and was told a 1 way to BKK would be 8000 fucking baht. After my morning in the lavatory, my bowels didn’t need any more encouragement. Paid the thieving cunts their 8k, and cursed my luck for not packing any Pampers/Mamy Poko.

As I had no TV or literature to hand, I spent the 4 hour flight, imagining what Id do if I had 30 minutes alone in a room with ‘Miranda’ the slutty hostess who served me my inedible 150baht in flight meal. Think a bottle of vodka, lots of leather and 2 ciallis tabs. Fuck it, throw a well hung lady boy into the mix for giggles. Magic

The flight was almost empty, so I was through Immigration, and in a yellow n green limousine pointing towards YPHQ in no time. The mixture of the 3-way filth that ensued but didn’t culminate in a pop-shot the previous evening, and staring at ‘Miranda’ and imaging her in the middle of a YP/Ladyboy sandwich for 4 hours, had given me a really angry boner., and left me planning where I would stick my wet later

Got home to find that the electricity in my building was fucked. No lights. No air-con. Fuck. Thankfully I called up some sly and slutty girl I know from who lives in the heart of Ladprao, who offered to put a roof over my head for the night, in exchange for a bout of barebacking and pillow talk. I know a deal when I see one. Taxi for YP. Score

When your this hungover, and in this much pain, the only sensible solution, is to keep on drinking. Keep drinking until the pain subsides, or your liver bursts into flames.

Skulked down to Loewys, looking and smelling like I had just come back from last night. Funny that. I looked so bad (even by my standards) I was putting the decent folk off their breakfasts. Fuck them.

Made light work of 2 pints on Heineken, before I could consider solids. BB joined me and looking as shit as I felt.

I ordered Beef Goulash, which looked like baby diorreah, and Barry ordered an omelette look like someone had already eaten it for him. He said it tasted the same aswell. Minus points for the food

After an uninspiring breakfast, BB exclaimed “Its time to get a squirt in – I know a place”

I cant be arsed to go into the saga we went through, dealing with fuck-faced motosai guys and taxi drivers, who didnt know Jakarta from a guy called Jack Carter, but we got there eventually……….

Marlboro Massage & Spa. We checked in at the front, and collected one of those curly cord things you put on your wrist, with a locker key and number on them that you used to get at the swimming baths as a kid.Jumped in the lift upstairs and your presented with 2 rooms. 1 with all Indonesian girls, and the other with all the international talent.

The Indonesian room was grim, with a capital grim. Lung cancer central. You literally have to squint to see through the thick smoke, as these sisters are puffing away like theirs no tomorrow. I thought the smoke had impaired my vision, as all I could see, were short, dumpy hags that I wouldn’t bang for free. On closer inspection, it was no illusion. No score for them.

Minced into the International bit, which was much more my speed. Quick run down of the United Nations in attendance…..

Russian – Some absolute stunners in the house. I mean seriously hot. Not like the Rajah Hotel skanks. There was one whore in particular (I named her Svetlana) who pressed all my buttons. 6 foot. Blonde. Tits like rugby balls. Killer face. Arse like a boyscout. Its s shame that her, and all of her Soviet comrades, looked like they had just been orphaned. Unbelievably miserable cunts.

As po-faced as she was, I was seriously tempted to have a swing at her based on her slutty hotness, although I just knew it’d be a drab affair. Im talking a hurried nosh , no kissing and some mechanical moaning and groaning. There was zero chance of me or Svetlana getting our arseholes eaten, so I let her slide. Lucky her or lucky me? I cant decide.

Vietnamese. Maybe its something in the water out there, but fucking hell these girls have big tits. They all looked pretty keen for a shot at the champ, but then again, cant say I blame them. 1 of the things that put me off, was that they were all eating at the time. Shrimp curry breath is such a boner killer. I know what Asian girls are like about people getting between them and their food, so having a camp ‘buleh’ (Indo for foreigner) , pulling them away from their kung-pao chicken, to rim them and drip my forehead sweat in their eyes for 90 minutes, was prob not a good idea

Chinese – BB actually picked a super hot Chinese chick, with with D cups that laughed in the face of gravity. The rest of the harlots, were a very plain bunch, who from what Ive heard, are all about business. No score

Spanish/South American – The lovely Vanessa from Barcelona was my victim. 5,9″, huge busters and a killer smile. Once we got upstairs, I realised she didnt speak a lick of English. Lucky for her, Im fluent in the international language of love. Also known as whore screwing.

We skipped the shower, and got straight down business. After 20 minutes of getting my balls and arse eaten like she hadn’t had a square meal in months, I proceeded to chuck a lump up her. Twice in fact. Score. Score. Vanessa was keen for a third, but at 25 years old, I cant keep the pace I once did. Bad times. She did, teach me some Spanish. Essential day-to-day stuff. Tits, minge, dick, asshole and such. Like I said, essential stuff

I tipped Vanessa 100,000 IDR, which could be 20baht or 2,000 baht. No idea. She seemed happy. Maybe shes a convincing liar? Headed down to meet BB, and headed out in search of booze and sustinance

Eastern Promise in Kemang – This is where things started to get messy. Eastern Promise is an old skool English style ‘pub’, which serves some pretty swag Indian food. Ordered up a feast of Tikka and other garlic infused treats, and started pounding the Bintang. And the Tequilas. Then more Bintang. Then a few more tequilas. BB proved what a fucking lightweight he is, by running outside to blow chunks everywhere. By that, I mean being sick. Not blowing some fat guy called chunks

There was some Australian guy in there, who was being a real dick. I would of chinned him, if he wasnt twice my size. To his credit, he picked up our tab for all the food and booze (as he admitted he was being a cock) which BB said was around 5000 baht. The guy was still a cunt. If I was 6 inches taller **shakes fist camply**………..

Blok M – Very traumatic. This place could only be politely described as a fucking shithole. Like Soi Cowboy in Bagdhad. Wipe your feet on the way out kinda thing. Went into some place called Dee’s Bar/Dee’s Place, which is a favourite of BB’s, as it has a place out the back where you can get sucked off for a pittance. Of all of the grim looking skanks on offer, there was once older looking piece, who didnt make my stomach churn. We called her over and bought her a San Miguel. For some reason, the room where you get serviced was shut, so BB kindly lined her pocket with 400,000 IDR (which is about 13 baht I think) for her to accommodate my johnson in the lavatory. In the dim lighting of the bar, she didn’t look too horrific, although under the spotlight of the bathroom, she didn’t fare too well. Teeth that looked like someone had wiped their arse on them, and bad potmarked skin. What was worse, is that when she got on her knees to gobble me off, I could see her fucking scalp. Was like getting a shiner from Homer Simpson.

By this time, I was drunk and had the raging horn, so I flipped her over and lifted her cheap denim skirt up. How the fuck does a girl get cigarette burns all over her arse? Im ashamed to say I was wearing last nights jeans, so broke upon my Red Square condom, put it on, and set about slipping her a length. After about a minute of watching her visibly shaking (from smack withdrawals most likely) and having to stare at her thinning wig, I pretended to cum, raced out to meet BB, paid up and left. Im sure she was a raging smackhead. Whats sad……. is that she wasnt as bad as the next 2 girls………………

To be continued…………..

Saturday morning, I rolled out of bed, nursing the motherfucker of all hangovers, packed my skin tight tshirts, various skin lotions and my passport, skipped out of my front door (which has ladyboy high heel shoes dents in it) and into a yellow and green limousine to the airport.

On arrival I was reminded how fucking much I hate airports. The place is just full of cunts. Tourist cunts, miserable cunt families, ugly barwhore cunts waving goodbye to their cunty sexpat boyfriend, the unhelpful immigration cunts, the cunts that try to scalp you for taxis and so on. I was one of the cunts who thinks everyone else is a cunt

Nearly starved to death waiting in line for immigration. Over an hour I had to wait. Got my passport stamped, and headed to Burger King, where I was mugged for 500 baht. What a fucking swizz. How do they sleep at night? Im guessing on a bed of 500 baht notes. Thats the last time I supersize my order, and order large onion rings on the side.

The flight was pretty uneventful. Watched Be Kind Rewind and got drunk on 7 cans of Bintang. I did watch the Invention of Lying, and had a bit of a cry to the bit where Ricky Gervais’s mom dies. Rewound it and watched his mom die a bit more, cried a bit more, then tried/failed to get some sleep.

As I only had a man-bag as carry on luggage, and that the plane was only 20% full, I had paid for my 25 USD visa, and was through immigration in 15 minutes max. I changed up 5,000 baht at the airport, and jumped into a cab, with a 3 inch wad of monopoly money.

Turned up at The Oakwood Premier Cozmo, to find out Bourgeoisie Barry had booked me a suite there. Cashback. I would of been content kipping on his apartment floor, amidst cum-splattered socks and ghonerria smeared boxers, but the suite was swank. Showered up, danced in the mirror for a bit, moussed and crimped my party mullet then headed down to Loweys Bar to meet my guide.

Loweys – This is a pretty cool dinner/cafe/bar/bistro on the ground floor with a 50s type of theme. There were plenty of girls there, but what turned out to be a common them throughout the trip, they were all ropey looking hags. Had 2 of the best tasting pints of beer Ive had in a long time, swapped bare-backing and anal stories, and headed out for dinner

Social House @ Harvey Nicholls, Grand Indonesia – We arrived and had to wait for a table, so that sat us by this open-air cutout bit with a cool view of a big roundabout. Roundabouts are pretty dull, but this one looked good at night. Loads of lights and stuff. While we waited, I had 2 beers, and 2 of these lush vodka/mango cocktail contraption things, that are served with a huge slice of mango in it. You look like a bit of a shirt-lifter drinking it, but seriously, the best tasting drink I’ve ever had – even sweeter than uni girl flange. Trust me I know, I’ve eaten them all.

Got seated, and ordered some Wagu beef burgers. Much better than the Burger King I had in the morning. Dread to know how much the thing cost, but it was lush. Had more Booze and those Mango cocktail thingies for dessert. One good thing about Indonesia, which is also a bad thing, is that the level of spoken English is really high. How is this bad? I was regailing Bourgeoisie Barry with a tale about a post-op ladyboy whos dinner I pushed up a week prior, when it became apparent that the well-off Indo couple next to us, understood every word. Understandably, they looked like they could smell shit. When in Indonesia, speak quietly.

Indochine – Pretty cool place, but hit here at the wrong time. The decor reminds of that new gogo bar on the bridge thingy in Patpong. Shame the place was deserted. Seeing as there was fuck all in the way of crumpet on offer, I tried my hand with one of the PR girls. She would of been well worth pursuing, had she not had stomach cancer breath. Think hot garbage, sick, gut rot, gangreen and shit. It was bad. Necked our really gay, sugar laden kiwi cocktails, and headed into the night, in search of girls who know how to use toothbrushes and mouthwash

Red Square – The only memorable thing about this place, was that you get a condom on the way in. Oh, and that it was chock full of shit looking girls. Its a shame that there was no-one in there that I would ever dream of using my free contraceptive with. Good layout, if a little small, and great music, but was just too over-run with munters. 2 double vodka red-bulls each, and got the fuck out of dodge

Dragonfly – This was much more like it. Plenty of Girls that I would actually consider having sex with. Layout was pretty swank, and the music was really good. Bourgeoisie Barry got us on the guest list, and we were reserved a really good table, which was surrounded with Chinese-Indo beaver.

About 30 minutes in, an 18 year old Japanese girl I procured online for my main man showed up. Shit and fall back in it this girl was hot. Im talking cover-girl hot. Huge tits and a bum like a schoolboy too. Id be telling a bit of lie, if I said I hadn’t pulled one off to her Facebook pics before. She must of been drunk, as she found me unresistably charming.

The Bourgeoisie one, was busy wooing some other tart, so I wormed my way on in, and was given permission from above to have a crack at mateygirl. After a few vodka cranberries, I set about tearing the dancefloor apart with LittleMiss Tokyo. The Robot, The Running Man, The Ski Dance, and all your favourites made an appearance. Knicker wetting stuff that.

Fuck knows how, but we got through 4 bottles of Absolut Vodka, and a shit tonne of mixers. I’ve no idea who the 10 or so people who joined us where, nor do I care. I remember sticking my tongue in some gay guys mouth, and groping some girl with big hooters. All a game, but probably a good time to make an exit.

Stadium – Wish I could tell you more about this place, but by the time 3am rolled around, I was cunted.

The 1 huge selling point about this place, is that you can get disco-dust delivered to your table. I didn’t partake in any of that narcotic nonsense. No. I lasted till 9am, on willpower and athletic prowess alone, and the foul cold and 5 kilo boogers I had in the morning, was due to bad air-con in the taxi home. Im sure it was the taxi.

Around 730am, I asked if LittleMiss Tokyo wanted to head back to YP-JKT-HQ, as she told me she didn’t like the place, as it was ‘full of drugs and hookers’. Bless. She said it like thats a bad thing?

To my suprise, she said yes. I wont bore you with the details, but we did the wild thing. Well, we tried, but I had an unforgivable case of disco-dick, and resorted to thumbing it in for 10 minutes. A less than stellar performance. England 1 – Japan 0

In the Plaza Indonesia, large mall, there is Immigrant. Seems to be the happening place for the early part of your clubbing evening. Huge place, back room, decent music and lots of lookers. Just like in Bangkok – the big time money is also rolling around in these clubs but that makes the girls even more interesting. Outside the club in a Saturday night was a fairly new Ferrari, owned by a girl, all done up “Hello Kitty” style. Nuts. Immigrant is worth a peek.

After Immigrant people tend to flock to Dragonfly – a huge one floor club with some killer tunes and lots of bars. Music is house/techno and the crowd is mixed. High-rollers, freelancers and normal folk look for a stopover before the real late action. All sorts of money in here to – the older Indonesia guys love to flash the cash and party with young girls. This place was full of talent.

After Dragonfly people who are going late either go to Stadium or Kampus. Both of these places are essentially the clubs inside of larger hotel/spas complexes. This is the only way they can be open so late – they are basically hotels. Kampus appears to attract the more upscale of the late night revelers and stadium is a bit more edgy or maybe dodgy. I have yet to check them out but these 2 places are the late spots. Meaning they go all night and people come out at dawn to grab some street food before limping home.

Apart from the clubs there is the 2 busy hotel bars – one in the Mulia and one in the Sheraton. Mostly freelancers but I have met some uni girls as well looking for some Prada money. Props.

The other scene is the massage parlors. Almost resembling the large soapie complexes in Bangkok but not quite so flashy. They are usually in non-descript buildings or hotel like complexes. Usually run like hotels so the can offer rooms and “service”.

The main one in the center of town is called Fortune Spa. It is mostly a lounge, spa and karaoke place. You pay a fee to enter the place which allows you to use the gym, spa and facilities but pay extra for a massage. Massage includes a HJ that you tip for but people say you can get more. I have not been offered more but I was told by a local that you ask the mamasan up front for sull-service and you get the right girls for that. There are some real cuties here but not sure the breakdown of full versus part service. The massage is also great and the facilities are nice. A lot of locals I know go to these places to work out, get a massage/service and then hit the spa. Great value all in all.

Another spot worth noting is Sumo – but I have not been.

Locals also mention a place called Terminal Classic but I cannot find it online. They discount for each added girl you take.

Lots of folks go to Malioboro since it is in central Jakarta and gets good reviews. I figured I would try this place.

It is in a hotel like building and you get a wrist band on the way in – just like at Fortune Spa. You can use the gym, spa or hot tub. The hot tub is huge and has a stripper pole. At 6 and 8 every night they have girls come out and strip naked and dance – they also offer nude lapdances while you are in the hot tub. Weird but interesting. I was not there during these times but this has been confirmed by a few different sources.

The 2nd floor is the lounge area where the girls mingle. There is a mix of locals at different prices by the hour and a mix of different foreigners available by the hour. Prices range from about 30usd to 70usd. There are some hotties here. I went local and had to return one due to the lack of vibe but the next local I got was great. Still not as good as say a trip to Nataree but not bad at all. I have heard some great stories about the Brazilians and the Easter Euros. I have not tried them yet.

All in all Jakarta has quite the scene and a decent value for the money.

Enjoy!

So you got your hotel bars – freelancer joints, escort services and massage parlors. I have checked the Fortuna Sauna before and had a great time. I have also heard that both Sumo and Maliaboro are awesome too. Marliboro and Stadium share the same group of owners. Maliaboro is also known for having a range of Indonesians as well as foreigners from Eastern Europe, South America and Russia. I know a guy who lost 3 days there working his way through Estonia to Prague. I am saving this place for bonus time.

Surfing the net, as we do, I was trying to find the more normal massage joints with extras just to see what is out there. There are a couple sites to use and I stumbled on this link – I was interested since it mentions a service akin to a Thai soapy. Rating seems okay and I was thinking it can’t be too bad. Wrote the address down and jumped in a BlueBird – I only use SilverBirds when the man is paying. Nice thing about Jakarta is generally all one has to do is write the address down and show it to the taxi driver. Bahasa is English characters and the street numbers and names are well organized for the most part.

I was sensing I was in the Stadium area and most people would describe this section of Jakarta as somewhat dodgy. Not dangerous but suspect. We turned down a small lane and next thing I know I was looking at the Berlian neon sign. I could sense right away this place was 2nd rate – maybe worse. It reminded me of pulling up outside the old StarDust in Bangkok. A papasan jumped over to get my door and welcome me. A mamasan scrambled inside to roust the ladies and a cleaner scurried to grab the broom – pretending to work. Reminded me of when cockroaches scurry as you turn the lights on. I was thinking I should just pay the cabbie and start walking but I figured I needed to follow through.

Once inside I checked the well lineup – meaning the girls went from laying down to somewhat sitting up and rubbing their eyes. Everyone looked as old as “the man” and I was quickly deciding if maybe the mamasan offered the best option for service but then I noticed one girl who looked to be under 30. Point – done. Papasan said it was a good choice. I am sure he would say they all are great. He said the room was 300,000 INR and I needed to tip the girl. Okay. Cheap enough to not get to miffed about the discovery mission. Up one stairwell to another and then a dark hallway to some clean but small, old rooms. Looked like the small one room Thai joints with the open shower, no toilet and a bed. Aircon on full blast like the room was being used to store block ice. Bed with clean sheets and 2 towels. Bucket on the floor.

Girl spoke no English. She made a motion that I figured meant body to body. Yeah – b course baby. My instinct was to try my Thai but that was just because I don’t speak Bahasa and I had Nataree on my brain. This was no Nataree. She stripped of the sheets, my clothes and hers. Baby belly, saggy Nat Geo tits and a furry muff. Nice. Jackpot. I should buy a lotto ticket. The stripping revealed a latex encased mattress – for the slip-n-slide.

We showered with cold water and then she mixed up a bucket trying to half ass imitate the Thai soapy slippery suds. I assumed the position and she went to work on me. Apart from it being on the bed and not on the floor – the routine was not half bad. I was embarrassed to be getting a chubby. This went on for a bit and then she took me back for another cold shower – coupled with the ice blaster I was back to shrinky dick. The street sounds could not be heard over my chattering teeth. Back to the bed, sheets back on and she got to work. No massage here folks.

Nice blowie and well yes – I banged her senseless when she showed me how she could practically tuck her legs behind her head. Not a great body by any chance but limber as hell. 45 mins later I think she got leg cramps and motioned me to lay down so she could get on top. I knew this was never going to work for me since the sight of the belly and the Nat Geo tits flopping around would kill the mood. Not that I was in one anyway. I summoned the lotion bottle and her tits to finish me off and then I gave her a pearl necklace trying as hard as I could to get some in her hair but she deftly dodged it. Damn.

Another cold shower. 150,000 tip and I was doing my best to escape. All the time fearing I might see a cop at the bottom explaining to me that although the girl had given birth and looked to be over 25, she was actually 15. No dice though – just the mamasan asleep on the counter and the papasan wanting to give me his phone number so we could be best mates.

-1 star

ps. the picture of the girl and the room on the site is not from Berlian.