I bid my farewells and headed to more familiar territory.

First stop was lush – another friend, big booze distributor, was having a party with a DJ flown in from the Germany. VIP tables, bottles of booze and lots of hangers on. Stayed there for a while meeting some new friends and ogling a group of uni girls, spending pops hard earned Dong, out for a Saturday night. There really are some hotties in these places but for some reason I always crash and burn. Me and the Viet girls just don’t seem to gel. However lush is a cool place and a great vibe. Lots of talent. Another SMS and found out that another crew was over at Apocalypse tearing it up. Ended the night there since I was planning on getting up early. After previously checking the models, the p4p crowd looked pretty un-appealing.

Hotel han solo style.

In the morning I headed over to just men spa for a shave, manicure, pedicure and a facial – awesome place. Great service, decent prices and just can’t be missed. No hanky-panky here. This is a real spa but for all you trolls needing some metro sexual grooming action, there are a lot of u, this is the place to go. Spend the morning there, lay down the plastic, and come out looking and feeling better.

After that over to Saigon Hotel for a rub, tug and sauna. Prices may vary – still not the best deal for basic p4p but I was being lazy. As stated before, p4p in Vietnam, when compared against Thailand is truly a letdown. So why bother?

Sing to wash some clothes and repack. Over to KL.

KL is one of those hit or miss places where a normal night of clubbing can lead to bliss, hotel spas for some decent p4p or hit the freelancer joints to see what nationality you can pick up. For sure what KL lacks in the punch it makes up for with variety.

I was in the hotel working and being a lazy sod trying to examine the game plan. I needed to be up early, was not in the mood for partying, did not feel like getting in a taxi and remembered pmmp’s core principals of good living. Order in and stay home. Hmmmm. Went surfing and found this: This link is not safe from work. Surf to the core site and be sure to download the price list/menu.

I figured I had to try it. I called. We discussed Android versus iPhone. Local versus non-local. I ordered non-local Chinese. There was some confusion on which hotel I was at and I had to go to the lobby to collect but all in all it was as easy as ordering a pizza. Package arrived. She was hot, spoke no English and was all business. I can’t say it was worth it but the experience was interesting. Skills were so-so, but the girl was so hot – however the lack of communication took its toll. Not sure I would do it again unless I was assured to get someone who might speak a little more English and had a better attitude.

Some of the menu choices do look enticing though.

Package safely returned I went to bed.

After a day of work I hooked up with some locals for some r & r. Thing I like about the Asian locals is most of them have a pretty good lifestyle. They might have their wives and girlfriends, jobs and schedules – but they usually know where to take you for some local delights. I had been hearing about Batin – which is the Malaysian versus of the nut sack rub. I am a big fan so I was excited to know that there was a spot close to where we were working.

Lavender Aroma Therapy. Look for the pink signs:

47-2, Jalan Puteri 2/1, Bandur Puteri Puchong, 47100 Selangor

03-8060 3782

There are lots of branches so do call or ask people where to get Batin. Surprisingly even some of the co-ed spas have some Batin practitioners on hand. Prices vary but basically you are paying for normal massage and then so many minutes of Batin. I took the hour and then Batin for 30. No vowels – but thanks. It was slightly different than what I had experienced in Thailand. The technique is mostly the same when it comes to the nut sack kneading, but the finish is much slower. They tend to try and milk it rather than create re-enactments of old faithful. All in all awesome service and for sure I would go again.

Batin is your friend.

There is for sure much more to KL but when in Rome…

Post 1 :: Post 2

After my Post 2 escapades I figured there was no use trying to top that so I just hung out – reading, writing and exploring a little bit. I guess if you have never been to Malaysia one could do okay in Penang for a few days but after living in Bangkok it is really tough to enjoy this place. I did my best but Bangkok rules.

If you are looking for cheap digs I have been staying in the Banana New Guest House on Chulia. Decent enough with the free WiFi and good iced-coffee for those caffeine fueled love making sessions with my keyboard and wireless mouse. I don’t get the cheap dig scenarios here. One has to fork over real money if you want a bathroom in your room. Showers in the room – no problem. Bathroom – not in the room. I guess water drainage plumping is easier than sewer plumbing? Anyway. I paid 45 RM for a room with air con and a shower. Bathroom down the hall along with a hot shower which I ended up using anyway. Whatever. I think Thailand is better for cheap digs.

I spent the afternoon on foot wandering Georgetown’s Little India. Had no idea it was there before. If you are into Hindi movies, gaudy outfits and Indian sweet shops then this is your place. I went in search of some decent Indian Food. I ended up on some street corner that seemed to specialize in Lassis and Rotis. Great stuff. I gorged. Paid up and went to lay on a bench by the ocean. About 45 minutes later I realized I was without sunglasses. I am mole-man. I implode without my shades. I was sure I left them at the food stall.

So I run back and see the cashier. No glasses were left here he told the squinting white boy.

“Yes they were – I can assure u.”

Cashier finds one of the waitresses who confirms that they were no sunglasses left.

“I sat there. I left them on the table.”

Then I see the roti boy. Pretending to hide behind his roti station looking busy. I walk right up to him and asked if he remembered seeing my sunglasses. Then I looked and there they were perched on top of his prized roti station. I was pissed. I just grabbed them and left. Malaysia sucks.

Back to the hotel for a nap. Then back out for a bar crawl. Head for the main drag at the end of Chulia. Opposite of where Little India is. Then take a right. Explore. Nothing really that good. I figured for a Thursday night there would be some traffic but hardly anything.

Stopped into Soho – the big main pub with no interior lighting. I ordered a Carlsberg draft, bummer Thailand screwed over Carlsberg, but the beer was almost warm. I would like a cold one please. Waiter says the Carlsberg is always that way. Whatever. Non ice-cold draft beer is worse than being stuck in Penang. Drank half and moved on. Besides the LBs of the Hijra variety lounging in the bar were giving me the creeps.

Moved down to the blocked off street near the Garage building. Just look for the Sloppy Senoritas sign. I stopped into this small pub called the Tigers Arms. Pub research. I ordered a Tiger. Ice freakin cold. Place empty. Tried to chat up the waitresses. Not a pick-up session but wanted someone to chat with since the place was empty. Then it appeared the white manager was giving them look and they backed off. Nice. In an empty bar scenario the staff should be encouraged to small-talk with the customers to keep them from walking off. Too boring. I checked-bin.

On the way back to Chulia Street I noticed a big crowd gathering and then realized there was a police sting going on. They were going through the hostess bars picking up illegal or un-documented workers. Most seemed to be Ladyboys. Funny thing was I was chatting with a local Chinese guy who was laughing and telling me that with all the problems in Penang one would think the Police have better things to do with their time. I said agreed – like what?

He deadpanned – “They could start by getting all the crooked taxis to use their meters!”

Amen my Chinese brother. Amen. Penang sucks.

So I bailed on bar-hopping. Just too boring. The one thing I like about Bangkok is the concept of a beer bar or go-go bar when it comes to flying solo. I am not taking about pulling but at least you can go in, ogle, buy a few drinks and have somebody cute to chat with. How bad is that? Penang has no equivalent unless you count those scarily dark bars with things resembling women calling you in for a drink. I am just not that brave folks.

I decided to hit one of the Chinese reflexology centers for a foot massage. The counter lady asked if I wanted a body massage – with that twinkle in her eye my mind started working overtime but then I decided I wanted the real deal so I could chill and read the paper. Foot massage rules.

Then I headed back for the hotel, stopping along the way to duck out of the rain and munch on some Malay curries with Naan. Yummy stuff. Cheap food. Lots of good, cheap food in Penang. I will give it that much.

Air Asia bitch – last one. What is up with this place? The day before my flight I tried to change my afternoon flight to a morning flight. No dice. Seems you have to make changes 48 hours ahead of time. That would have been impossible since I would have had to change it before I even left Bangkok. Okay. So I get the rules. Can I pay money to change it? No – u can’t. Can I fly standby? Nope. Can I buy another ticket? Yes – u can. I don’t understand it. Why wouldn’t they let someone pay some penalty charge to change a flight time if they have seats available? Customer happy and they make more money. My guess is they don’t have enough competent staff to manage the chaos. Anyone know?

Well. This is it from Penang.

Back to the land of smiles. Say what u will about Bkk but no one is smiling in Penang.

PS. Air Asia was 5 hours late. No apologies. No free food.

Penang airport sucks. No WiFi.

Malaysia: Kuala Lumpur (KL)
Air
Hotel
Transportation
Nightlife
Internet/Mobile Phone
Impressions

Air
- Flew Thai Airways arranged by our buddy Will at DTC Travel www.dtvtravel.com
. Air Asia is cheaper but has become a really crappy way to fly. I
wasn’t in the mood for the cattle herd so went with Thai Airways. An
annoying new development at Thai though is that they took away the
beverage cart and only offer Coke, Water, OJ and Wine. I’m sure they
saved a ton of cash and made life easier for the precious air crew but
I’m paying more for the ticket and was used to great selection they
used to offer. Oh well.
- KL airport is an amazing airport with a great website www.klia.com.my.
I flew into the C gates which has Currency Exchange (Currency is
Ringgits (RM) and the rate is 1 US Dollar = 3.68 Ringgits) by the Gates
but does require you take the shuttle to the Immigration/Baggage
Claim/Ground Transportation. The shuttle was simple and we were there
in a couple of minutes.
- Immigration was lightning quick
- Taxi Counter is located outside baggage claim just follow the signs.
If you are staying downtown you can take a Taxi for about $18 US or you
can take the train. I took a Taxi since it was late and there would be
no traffic plus I didn’t know about the train. More info. in the
Transportation section below.

Hotel
- Hotel Istana:
Address: 73 Jalan Raja Chulan, 50200 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
P.O. Box: P.O. Box 12919, 50792 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Tel: (603) 2141 9988
http://www.hotelistana.com.my
- There was a convention in town so my travel agent could only get a
room at this hotel. The rate was a little high about $100 US but it is
a 4-5 star hotel located a block or two from the top nightlife spots
and a 10 minute walk from the Twin Towers. I Highly recommend
- "Guests" only have to leave their ID at the desk
- Free Medium Speed Internet Access in the room via 10baseT cable provided by hotel. Wireless available only in the lobby area
- Bring your Universal Power Adapter as Malaysia outlets are indeed unique
- Taxi line out front. Before Midnight they actually use the meter.
After Midnight they charge and arm and leg. To go to the Hard Rock
Cafe, which is a 5-10 minute walk, they asked for $4 US
- The only bad parts about this hotel, the walls were paper thin and the rugs dirty and smelly

Transportation
- Taxi
I only used taxis during this visit as everything else was walking
distance. Taxis in Malaysia, both Penang and KL, are pretty much the
same. They rarely use the Meter. When they do it’s dirt cheap and when
they don’t it’s not. After Midnight rates skyrocket
- Train
I didn’t know about the train from the airport to downtown but there is
a great option. You can get information about it on the KLIA page http://www.klia.com.my. It gets you from the airport to downtown in about 30 minutes and costs about half of what a Taxi costs, about $10 US.

Nightlife
KL is not Bangkok, that’s for sure. The websites http://www.mycen.com.my/search/nightlife.html and http://www.kuala-lumpur.ws/nightlife/index.html
contain a somewhat comprehensive listing of the different nightlife
offerings in KL. I will only be covering the Jalan Sultan Ismail (JSI)
area since it was close to the hotel and I was only there two nights.
Besides the JSI area the city is smattered with Massage Parlors and
very expensive Escort Services. Just do a Google search or check the
local yellow pages if that’s your thing. I found that the JSI area had
enough to keep me busy while I was there.

JSI Area
There are about twelve clubs in the JSI area. The Hard Rock Cafe and
Ruums are a five minute walk from Beach Club. The rest are right around
Beach Club. Some addresses:
- Beach Club
97 Jalan P Ramlee, 50250 Kuala Lumpur
Tel: 03 2166 9919
Type: Fun Pub, Dance Club, Genre: Retro, Contemporary
- Hard Rock Cafe Kuala Lumpur
http://www.hardrock.com/locations/cafes/cafesasp?lc=KUAL
Ground Floor, Wisma Concorde, Jalan Sultan Ismail, 50250 Kuala Lumpur
Tel: 03 2715 5555
Type: Fun Pub, Live Band & Restaurant, Genre: Dance, Rock
- Ruums
http://www.ruumsclub.com
1st & 2nd Floor, Bangunan Life Centre, Jalan Sultan Ismail, 50250 Kuala Lumpur
Tel: 03 2162 8163, Fax: 03 2162 8162
Type: Bar & Club, Genre: House, R&B, Hip-Hop, Retro

Hard Rock was a total dud. The band both nights was pretty lame, much
like the crowd. Ruums was a bit scary since I was on my own so I just
stayed for one drink. The clubs around Beach Club were all less than
half full so not too interesting. I did go mid-week so that might
explain it.

All the action was at Beach Club. The place is big and was packed both nights. The crowd at Beach Club in majority order:
- Freelancers, a bunch of them. A mix of women from Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia
- Drunk foreign guys (I am in this group)
- Malaysian guys, girls and couples
- Sad Foreign Cows (Cows = Big Western, Australian and European women
and Sad because they feel invisible when standing next to the beautiful
Freelancers)

The scene here is rather simple for the Punter looking to hook up. You
can herd in a Cow or get out the wallet. Picking up a freebie can be
done but will require the usual luck, game and good looks. Open your
wallet though and some very beautiful, young, and friendly SE Asian
women become available. Like many of the freelancer clubs throughout SE
Asia the foreign man regardless of his looks is the piece of meat. As
soon as you walk into Beach Club you are locked onto. I felt like a
Turkey on Thanksgiving Day and believe me I’m no Brad Pitt, almost the
opposite in fact.

A little advice on interacting with the freelancers here although it’s
not that difficult really. Take your time and then establish eye
contact with the girl you like. Once locked on move in and talk to her.
Most of these girls speak very good English. If the vibe is good slowly
work in what she is doing here in Malaysia. This will most likely lead
to her telling you she is a working girl. Then I suggest you get into
price/performance details. Negotiate all prices and services up front
to avoid any surprises later. Then, well then you are on your own.
There are 50-100 freelancers at Beach Club and many of them are simply
gorgeous. Finding a friendly girl is the real key though. It’s not
always best to go on looks. Like with any freelancer marker you have to
be extremely careful. Watch your drink at all times, make sure somebody
knows your whereabouts, lock up your valuables, etc.

The other pay-for-play option is to choose from the many Ladyboys that
walk the streets around these clubs. If tall, dark and handsome is your
thing then you are good to go. In a related story, I stopped by a club
next to the hotel called the Estanza Cruz Club. I am not recommending
this club just reporting on it. I wanted to start the night out at the
Hotel’s club but it was closed for renovations. Next door though there
was music pumping so I went in. I wish I took a picture because it’s
very hard to explain what was going on here. There were two tables with
people. At one table there were five big Malaysian guys. At the other
table two old Malaysian guys and four somewhat larger ladies. Well, I
thought they were ladies until they got up to dance. They were Ladyboys
and not the most feminine that I have seen. The band consisted of a
chubby chick, a tacky lounge singer guy, and an old man playing
synthesized Malaysian dance music. After two Jack/Coke’s I just sat
back and enjoyed the show as the big Malaysian guys would occasionally
dance with the big Ladyboys. I’m sure Lonely Planet will be listing
this club soon so get there while it’s still unspoiled. It’s located
right next door to Hotel Istana if you are interested.

Internet/Mobile Phone
- Internet
Internet services (DSL speeds) are available in most hotels and there are Internet cafes sprinkled throughout the city
- Mobile phone
You can pick a SIM card pretty cheap here or rent a phone at the airport

Impressions
I love Thailand. That’s what I was thinking as I was leaving Malaysia.
I have been to Penang three times and now KL once. The culture is
similar in the two cities and just not my cup of tea. The people were
not unfriendly but not friendly either. There really wasn’t anything
exotic or mysterious about Malaysia. They seem to be copying other SE
Asian cities in a race to be like Tokyo. It’s all a bit bland. The
party scene is here but most of the spice is provided by the
foreigners. With that said, I never had any problems nor did I feel
unsafe walking the streets.

-pmmp

SSS I was out the door. It is a wednesday night in KL which holds some potential since in places like HK, KL and Sing – wednesday is ladies night. I like ladies so this might work. Ladies night in places like KL and HK means that the ladies get in for free, the drinks are cheaper for ladies and the idea is the ladies will come and the guys will follow. Sounds good on paper but it does not always work that way.

First stop was Carnegies – this used to be a great spot in HK for ladies nights because the ladies drank cheap booze for free and that always ensured a good time since the local air chicks would hang out there as well but the same could not be said for Carnegies in KL. The only girls there were ones that I would never be caught dead sarging or had boyfriends already. Without even ordering a drink I went in search of greener pastures.

So I headed over to Beach Club corner as I call it. Just ask any taxi and they will know how to find it and subsequently overcharge u for the short journey. I was somewhat bummed out because for a weeknight most of the places were closed which either means business is bad or it is just the slow season. I am not sure which. This area is known for the Beach Club, Thai Club, Nouvo and so on. The only thing really hopping was Thai Club and Beach Club which are directly opposite each other. Given the crowds it would seem that these two were the better hunting grounds so I gave up on looking for the Hard Rock or trying any of the hotel clubs.

As brutally highlighted in my earlier post – we all have to make decisions and I decided that since it was ladies night and I could pull the “I am only in town for 1 night clause” – I would try to go after the non-working girls and see where it leads me. Aim high – pull low. Even in KL pinch hitters are all over the place so a total strike out should not be in the cards. More later on pinch hitters…

First stop was the Thai Club to pay the overpriced entry fee for my one lame drink. Downstairs was a band playing some hits and some Malay songs – basically a dud in my book but there the girls were coming in so I stayed close to the entrance. Plenty of moo herder(white guys going for white girls in Asia) action was to be had as well but that was just not my thing. I started to get a sense of the crowd and begun to notice a few gaggle of Chinese and Malay girls hanging together and drinking. I had lived in HK too long to be interested in Chinese but some of the Malay girls, especially the darker ones, started to stand out a little more. Before making any decisions I decided to go across the street to the Beach Club and pay my entrance fee there then I could bounce between joints as needed.

So I plopped over to the Beach Club and paid there stupid door fee and started doing the “loop”. I saw no Thai girls, overweight Philip girls, some Indonesian and lots of Chinese. Plus they were all smoking too damn much so I was just not getting the horn at all. I talked to a few of the Indos but none of them were especially appealing so I decided to head back over to the Thai Club.

Iin the downstairs club I was getting the eye from a group of Malay girls so I moved in closer to try amazing them with my stunning dance moves. Shock and awe as I call it. Seemed to work since they moved over closer to me. I played hard to get though and went upstairs to the other half of the club playing fairly danceable hip hop tunes. Actually I just needed to go to the bathroom but I figured it would work the same way. I come out of the bathroom and see both the girls hanging out there waiting for a friend who was also in the bathroom.

When I walked past, one of them said hello and wanted to know my name. Bingo. Door opened. I introduced and we quickly brought each other up to date. I was a stock broker checking out the hybrid coupon oppurtunities in Malaysia and she was a local educated in Perth looking for a job after finishing uni. Perfect match. I mean good enough given she had a nice rack. I don’t know what she went to school for since it did not seem important anyway.

We got another round of drinks together and sat near the bar to chat. English was good since she spent all four years of Uni in Perth but she wanted to live and work in Malaysia. I like girls who appreciate their homeland as well as the chance to study abroad. She said we should go dance and hang with the rest of her friends. Sounds good to me since it means we could chill a little and dance. All her friends were girls and none of them were stunners so I decided not to pull any switches and stick with my first pick.

Things were going good. Close contact on the dance floor and some glances. After a few more rounds she started making out with me on the dance floor. All systems point to go and then she asked were I was staying and I said where and warned her that it was a budget hotel but the bed worked. She laughed. Anyway I was starting to get the feeling that things were progressing well but then at the same time I was confused as to why it was going so quick given that this was not a working girl and was also an educated girl but girls get horny too so I decided not to dwell on it.

It was getting late and time to decide whether to ride this horse or change my bets. Given the dance floor action and the rack I decided to stay with program. I remember it being about 1:30 now and I was not really looking forward to starting over and I still was not seeing any hot pinch hitters either. She went to the bathroom and came back and said she wanted to talk. So we stepped off the dance floor and went outside where it was quiet enough to talk. She told me she had just broken up with a boyfriend and wanted to have some fun. Rebound girl. Perfect. I said I am the king of fun and not too worry since I needed to get on a plane to return to Hong Kong and get back to my trading desk. Right. So we go back to the dance floor and get back to business.

Well. Like I said sometimes we make a call to go right when we probably should have gone left. Here I go again. I get tapped on the shoulder and I look at the girl to see this oh shit look on her face. I did not have to turn around to know that it must be the not too far in the past ex-boyfriend behind me. And it was. A young but fairly tall Malay guy with about 3 other guys standing with him. I am a quick study to know that I am not in my home country, I am alone and I am sarging someone’s x or maybe not yet x. Fun fun. I look at her and ask for any sort of explanation. She says she is sorry. Great. I turn back around and face the boyfriend and say this must be your girlfriend and he says yes. I said she told me u had broken up. He said about 2 days ago. Nice. I told him she regretted to mention that.

At this point I wanted to smart off about how he must suck in bed, or your girl is a total ho – anything to make myself feel better but I knew that saying anything stupid might be a big mistake. So I looked at him and said I was just getting ready to leave and started walking out. I think they were hoping for a confrontation but I could tell that any sort of confrontation would not work out well for me. So I headed straight out of the club and headed for the Beach Club. I had my stamp already so I figured I could go right in without waiting in line and that the bozos would have to pay to get in. Once in I noticed they decided against getting into the Beach Club. Cheap bastards. To cheap to buy a ticket to come in and hassle me. Lucky me. At this point I was not really into anything. I felt stupid and confirmed that I was an idiot for wasting my night. I walked home, deflected all the advances from the ladyboys lurking in the shadows of the nice hotels and went to KFC to really wallow in my lameness.

KL sucks.