Big Mango Bar
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Bangkok in a bottle, Cheers to you Dumb Ass by ROLLN

Posted by ROLLN | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on April 1st, 2011

September 2001, Bangkok. I wake up severely hung over with a strange girl in my bed. It’s Ground Hog Day everyday lately, I’m convinced it’s not a bad life. While I’m pretending to not know she’s a hooker, I’m already assuming she is and I genuinely can’t understand a word she is saying, she more-less prevents me from pushing her towards and out the door. I’m feeling weak this morning so I put about 300 baht or something in her little hand and she is speechless while the door closes on her…

Ahhh,,, back to bed. Wake up a few hours later feeling a little better. I lounged around the pad, ate some noodles and cracked a quart. Later in the evening I still haven’t left the house and a Thai friend I know from San Francisco calls and asks me to meet him at Silom Soi 4. I had no idea that Silom Soi 4 was a gay scene but that didn’t matter to me. I still had plenty of Bangkok exploring to do. I was down, I needed to get out. He says “you know what I will just come get you”.

Not long after this my phone rings and it’s a girl I’ve been working on that is a friend of this Thai guy. She said she was coming to pick me up. This chick is Thai/Australian, light skinned, fair haired, big naturals, English and Thai fluent. When I first met this girl I recognized that she was attractive but I wasn’t blown away, and I really should have been. Up until recently I’ve been most familiar with Philipino girls, and I like the darker more ethnic look. What I hadn’t picked up on at the time was that she was top of the food chain everywhere she went. But reality for me is half Asian chicks are half of what I’m into and there’s plenty of them in California. So the first few times we chatted out at a club or something I wasn’t exactly jocking her. I didn’t notice the pecking order going on around her just yet. This whole Hi-so Lo-so thing is confusing. I think the not giving a fuck attitude was working on her. I grew on her, she grew on me, and so I wasn’t complaining she was coming to pick me up. I got started on my warm up with more beer and some codeine. She arrived with a gay male friend who was driving. We drove to Silom and parked nearby and stopped in a store for something and I started noticing how everyone was looking at her, boys and girls but especially the Thai males. I was thinking Wow, she really stops traffic around here.

We leave the store and I try to use an ATM. Back then you would get the most nonsensical messages on the screen when your card didn’t work. I hadn’t been in Thailand that long and already had a bunch of problems with ATM’s. So there I was. It was just after 9-11, there was an undercurrent of paranoia for Americans going around. I get some big blinking screen message that says something like “*Contact your home country immediately*.” with some other smaller insensitive comments in broken English. In my mind I was like Oh, Wall Street just got nuked, my bank is gone, I better go handle this. No bullshit, I leaped from failed technology slash translation to nuclear armageddon… I turn to the girl and say “I gotta go handle something I will meet you in there”. She looked disappointed but scuttled off with her friend. I walked to a few ATM’s and got similar disturbing messages. But mostly, I had no cash and I need cash to drink! I was all over the area and it took at least 45 minutes, but I got an ATM to work. 5,000 baht in hand.

I call the girl and she meets me at the top of Soi 4. My Thai friend also meets me there. We head on down the Soi and enter Speed Club. I think I was the only farang in the place. A narrow over crowded place if my memory serves me right. We went up the nearly one way stairs I think to the third floor where the Hip Hop room was. It was shoulder to shoulder, chest to back the whole way. It was obvious, if there’s a fire, were done for. I got some beers and a shot or three. I hung out and talked to 4 or 5 Thai guys and girls I met through my friend. English was limited and my Thai was basically nonexistent, but there was a lot of dancing and Chok-Dee’s. I was pounding beers like crazy, and it was a fucking sauna in there. I kind of lost track of my original group of people. I made the mistake of thinking most of the groups of people around me knew each other, but they were entirely separate. I remember some American Thai guys from LA around me, They are a little bigger than their cousins in the Land. Some cockiness but still being social. In between beers, one of the guys asked me to have a Heineken, he was holding two and extended one and said cheers. I took it and I swigged it back…..What a big fucking mistake that was.

2001 Bangkok, It doesn’t seem like a long time but things were different. In various ways but there was one thing I took notice to. I didn’t run into many younger (20′s, early 30′s) western males in Bangkok unless they were dressed like a teacher or near the backpacker areas and other tourist traps. I especially didn’t see many farang guys with a lot of tattoos outside of Pattaya. I already had half tattoo sleeves on both arms. You didn’t see a lot of Thai’s with modern tattoos either. Of course there were some but I can’t remember many girls I had that had tattoos back then. Now of course a lot of girls in the go-go’s are covered. Bottom line was, I stood out. I had Thai guys tell me that I was intimidating looking and I could feel it at times. All be it, most of the Thai’s I knew through several mutual friends were aware of my reputation. This look obviously didn’t deter the Thai Americans from LA, it only invited the problem.

I was feeling pretty drunk, and I was sweating like crazy. I managed to find myself back outside on Soi 4. A lot of people hanging outside sitting and standing at tables, etc. I see the girl I came with and she says that my friend left, so I’m chopping it up with different people here and there and drinking more and I start getting a vibe I don’t really understand. Shortly afterwards I notice there were various people scattered around watching me, whispering amongst themselves. Some Thai guy I just met was telling me they can’t believe anyone would mess with me because I look like trouble. This comment went right over my head at the time. Then I noticed a real weird vibe from the girl that I came with. It amounted to disappointment, pity, & worry, in that order. There again I noticed more people keeping an eye on what I was doing or saying. The girl and her friend approached me and said “You should go home. We’re gonna go home and we will take you, please come now”. I knew I was drunk, but I figured going home would be fine if she is coming with me? Who knows?

During the ride I started to notice lights outside the car getting glassy and haloed, and I assumed it was the codeine and booze. When we arrived at my apt. I got out of the car. She got out too and she said good night. Damn, OK. She looked at me again but with worry. She kissed me on the cheek and said please take care of yourself and she will call me in the morning and left. I walked into the building. Got in the elevator and I remember the lift made me feel really short all of a sudden, that’s weird. When the door opened the hallway looked golden and plush. I dragged my hand down the wall all the way to my door. My fingers are tingling. Got in my door and I noticed I was grinning madly for no apparent reason and my hair was standing on end. It occurred to me right then,,, I was about to go on a trip. I’ve been dosed on acid.

A few people who have heard this story usually stop me and say. “Are you sure dude?” But some people know better… In my late teens and early twenties. I was an experienced LSD dropper. I’ve fought on it. I’ve ridden roller coasters on it. I’ve ran across all 8 lanes of the freeway on it. Been pepper sprayed on it. Stole cars on it. Escaped the cops on it, and been in jail on it. Trust me, I’m about to trip my face off right now. The scariest thing is not knowing how much I’ve been dosed with. No way to anticipate where I’m off to. Just breathe, don’t be scared, try to enjoy this. Please keep it together…

I put some music on, crack a beer, sit on the edge of the bed and that was that,,,my mind was off and running. What happened in my room the next several hours was an orgy of emotions, uncontrollable laughter followed with my knees elbows and forehead to the floor pulling my hair while shattered in tears. And in between I’m rediscovering my world -my small room and its mundane contents. I can recall thinking there were hidden messages in the music I was listening to, telling me the inoculations they give you when you travel are actually for preventing Aids so you don’t bring it back the U.S., and we don’t want the rest of the world to know we have the antidote… it’s a big secret! Besides, we are the bad guys right? No bullshit. I was fucking out there man…

The music is probably the one thing that kept me from running outside and doing god knows what. At one point I convinced myself I had learned the entire Thai language in less than a month. Pacing back and forth furiously I was tripping so fucking hard. Breathing heavy, clammy skin, mental peaks and valleys. It was still way too early to really figure out exactly how I got dosed. I didn’t even go there for a while because my mind was in hyper-drive. It was taking a lot of effort to stay positive and in control. Even to remember to inhale and exhale if you can imagine that. After all I have no idea how much LSD I’ve ingested and that’s the hardest part to ignore. Some hours went by and the intensity is building more and more. But then, the next stage of my evening becomes the table turner, from bad to unbelievable. Yeah, unbelievable timing that cracks me up to this day. But it wasn’t one fucking bit of funny at the time I can assure you.

A surprise arrived. In the form of Gonorrhea. From my lower Suk street girl from the day before or the girl the day before that, who knew? It’s a special occasion, my first case ever and I’m tripping! Once I noticed it, it moved very fast. Dripping and pissing broken glass. Have you ever looked yourself in the eye in a mirror while on acid? Don’t! You might start a black hole and everyone in the area could be killed. Hahaha. Especially don’t look up when your cock is shooting rockets into the toilet, which nearly put me over the edge 2 or 3 times. Hours went by in crazy land. I drank and took more codeine trying to slow my demise, but I hardly noticed it’s effect. I ignored the phone ringing in the morning. I’m freaking out on this STD development and my brain is thinking if I caught this crazy fucking shit, I probably got Aids too. I’m done, its over dude…

A few more hours go by I think. Security comes to my door and asks if everything is OK? I’m smiling like a lunatic and I say everything is fine, and shut the door in his face. Not sure what I did to summon him but that image is still funny to me. I then answered a few calls, and made a few calls. Can’t remember them at all, but they sure do. I drank beers from my fridge all day, still popping codeine, no food and my peak hadn’t turned until the late afternoon. I’m climbing the walls and mourning myself and I’m confident in saying it was at least 5+ hits I’m on. I then recall one of the Thai guys handing me the Heineken and his friend later leaning in on me and saying “You OK man, you look like your tripping?”. Ah,,OK,,, I’m putting it together now. I realize all my alcohol & pill consumption and tolerance is the only thing that delayed the onset and prevented me from running laps naked through Patpong. My friend calls and says there is an artist in town from SF writing a travel story for a magazine and he wants to meet you, and he’s gonna come by your room tomorrow about a small gig as well. I can’t make sense through the phone. My buddy is freaked out & irritated by my demeanor and tells me to chill the fuck out and get it together. I’m not sure how to tell him what’s happening, so I don’t. I take a huge breath when I get off the phone and like a switch I’m feeling slightly better and realize I’m over the hump and on the decline but, I’m still on a whole new planet. Planet Rolln, inhabitants 1.

If you have ever dropped acid before you know that the concept of currency is lost on you. Cash amounts to a bunch of sticks and stones in your hands. Fascinating how people want to trade things with you for them. At the Seven Eleven I propose my sticks and stones for beer. They could have accepted 3,278 baht for 4 beers but it appears they didn’t. If you were in the line behind me, I apologize. I’m sure it was only funny for the first few minutes! I get some beers and I sit on Suk at Soi 11, on the step where the silver jewelry is still sold, near the base of the Nana BTS steps. I would usually sit here at night when I was bored, drinking and watching the girls go by until I’m ready for the next stage of my evening. Tonight is the same but not the same, the traffic and people seemed to be passing by so fast and the alcohol and pills were not slowing it at all. Absolutely no recollection of how it started but next thing you know I’m in bed with a girl. I can’t even remember penetration, or cumming which I’m sure was painful if it happened.

It’s morning, and I get woken up by someone knocking on my door. I open it and it’s the American guy my friend sent over. The girl is getting dressed and I flick on the lights. And then,,, we see it. Bloody camel-toe and ass prints all over the sheets, a few bloody hand prints and there’s some on the mirror as well, and the topper was 2 bloody footprints on the floor. This guy is like “Ohhhh Shit”, “Well nice to meet you man, uhh yeah…” He chuckles, I chuckle… He tells me later that when the girl was leaving he said to me “she’s trying to tell you something man” and I responded “shhhhh, I can’t remember her name” and pushed the door shut on her, Bye-bye! He then says “It wasn’t her name she wanted, it was cash dude!” The morning gets blurry and I never get around to eating again, just drank and took more pills. I have to go to Chinatown and paint something small at an art gallery outside on a ladder. Words cannot express the chore this was in my state of mind combined with the days heat and my drippy dick. Every five minutes or so my cock would clench up in an attempt to squeeze out the infection, it was nearly impossible to not have a visible reaction. With each recurrence I buckle slightly, close my eyes and grip the ladder and my teeth a bit, with a few moans here and there. By now I’m beyond mumble mouth, I’m making no sense at all. Well it makes sense to me, but no one else seems to know what the fuck I’m talking about all day. I go back to my room, drink more and watch Thai TV and absorb my insane situation. I can’t remember crashing out but I wake up in my room alone and generally feeling lost to the world.

My new friend comes back to my room with his farang girlfriend. They say firmly, “Were taking you to the hospital, because you can’t even speak English, you’re losing it and your obliviously in pain.”

Outside to a taxi. I’m pretty hunched over and the touts out front are all laughing. They have been watching my antics outside for the last two days and I look like I deserve this. I remember the farang girl having some words for them. Fuck, I’m at a Hospital for the third week in a row. They tell the doctor what happened. He says “Yes that has happened in Bangkok before, you must be very careful.” Then I tell him my cock is on fire, and strangling itself. He asks me where I’m from. I tell him which city I grew up in. So he says “I did my residency at such and such hospital”. Same one my brothers were born in. He then knows the exact area I’m from, and he looks at me grimly and says “Why are you in Thailand?” I feel like this is not a question but more of a statement. He knows the kind of people that our produced by my neighborhood. Then he says “You are the last kind of person we need here in Thailand.” I’m all smiles because I’m told my cock is easily fixable. I’m actually amused by his rudeness, because he’s right. I get my meds and he says “You can’t talk correctly because you’ve taken too much codeine and alcohol and you should stop it and go home to America.” I leave the hospital and my new friends tell me they are going to Koh Lanta and that I should come and chill out. So I take them up on the offer and we leave the next morning.

Five days on the island, I stay in a beach hut for the most part solo counting geckos, but quickly I’m feeling like a normal person again. One day a white rabbit appeared under my hut. Is this a sign from the acid gods, some type of joke, just bizarre. I asked a Thai kid who worked there what was up with it, and he says “Don’t know, they just come out of the jungle the other day.”  So my obvious reply was “Wow, those are actual jungle bunnies!” laughed to myself about that for days even though beach dogs killed the bunnies the following day. My sense of humor is back, I’m repaired… Like a rush, I’m anxious to get back to Bangkok. I can see the world a little clearer. I’m feeling fearless and I know I will never see Bangkok the same again.

Arrive back in BKK. The luk krueng girl is ruined. She was totally turned off by seeing me getting taken advantage of and not even noticing. Not to mention what I may have said to her on the phone when I was flying. Fuck her anyway, she was too scared to say anything about it to me when it was all going down. It is what it is. Like the sap that I am it’s then I realize what a dime she was to begin with.

First things first, I buy a Stiletto from a street merchant on lower Suk. I carry this knife with me everywhere I go for the next 4 weeks. I’m waiting to run into the LA Thai’s again. Hopefully in a packed disco, where I can drop them to the floor with a pointed blade to the ass bone without even losing my stride through the crowd. It’s probably a blessing that I was never able to recognize these guys again. I’ve always felt like a few of my current friends knew exactly who these guys were. They are doing us both a favor by saying nothing.

The scariest thought amongst all of this is what would have happened if this was done to someone who did not have any the of drug experience I have. Someone that just had no idea. Chilling to imagine how it would have played out. When it was all said and done. Well,,, if it wasn’t for the Gonorrhea, I would probably do it again. I would, not now, but back then again. Looking back it’s a lot easier to see how the codeine & alcohol did in fact play a big role. It was a profound learning experience and strangely I’m glad I have it in the files. It was scary at times but I kept my feet on the ground by incessantly reminding myself it’s all just my mind. I can’t begin to tell you how many times since then I’ve been handed a drink by someone anywhere in the world, and while it raises to my mouth, I’m thinking here we go again, and drink it anyway. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Or something like that.

Stay away from the free Heinekens in Silom. That’s all I’m sayin.