Big Mango Bar
drink and blog

Lionel by Daywalker

Posted by Daywalker | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on July 24th, 2010

There I was…. At Mango HQ sucking on a vodka. No plans for the night, just sit back and take it easy. Along side me was a guy named… well, lets call him Lionel… Lionel is a kinda regular visitor to Thailand, although from what I can gather, he doesn’t partake in all the usual debauched seedy shit that most people here dabble in. Having said that, he has taken a shine to a particular BG who caters for his every need. Personally, she is not of my taste which did make me wonder if she performed acts so unspeakable that only Austrians would appreciate.

But, that’s his choice. YP chooses Lima Brava’s…. The Heckler rejects hi-so girls… and BBB… well, I’ll leave it there.

So, Lionel was telling me that it was his penultimate night in Bangkok. His BGGF was recovering from a weeks partying (she loves to party… especially when Lionel is tucked up in bed)… so Lionel had arranged with BBB for a last nights hanging out and beer drinking. Well, that was the plan anyway.

They were to meet at Mango HQ at 7:30. At 8pm, Lionel called up BBB and asked where the fook he is. BBB made his apologies saying that he had a problem with his water and that as soon as he had a shower, he’d meet up. Damn… we didn’t remember it was his Birthday.

Roll on 9pm… BBB turned up ready for action. Lionel asked me along also.. more the merrier and all that.

Off we skipped merrily to Soi Cowboy. 1st stop was Shark Bar. Selfishly because I wanted to see an old flame. BBB left to smooch some other bint…. Lionel just gazed up at the scantily clad girls.

After BBB had a cigarette and I got rid of the bint, I suggested Tilac…. In we went. BBB was instantly bummed out as it was full of women and drinkers. He then waited outside and had a smoke.

Lionel was having fun whilst various girls rubbed his bits. He was smiling like YP does when he wakes in the morning to NOT find poo on the end of his nob. I was starting to think he doesn’t get out much. The girls we ‘ok’ , the place was packed and we had to hoof some lazy cows off some stools so that we could sit down. All in all, it was worth a drink, but not entertaining enough to keep us there any longer.

Outside we pondered our next move. Lionel was concerned about BBB. BBB didn’t look like he was having fun and Lionel felt responsible for BBB’s bad time.

I explained to Lionel that as BBB has been in BKK for many, many years, and slept with man, beast and dog, that all the neon lights, fake boobies, jailhouse tatts and stretch marks no longer ‘did-it’ for him. These days, BBB picks his venue according to what ‘extras’ they offer. Extras being smoking and food.

Shamefully, I am not up to speed with who owns what go-go and which go-go does certain shows. I just know of the few go-gos which I have to avoid for the rest of my life in case the girls I promised to marry and buy a moped for are still waiting patiently for me. So off we skipped to the Wong-Gun or whatever it’s called.

The lovely girls in there were doing things that appalled BBB. There were girls in there that were doing unspeakable things with cigarettes. BBB was mortified. How could they stuff them up their boxes with out smoking them the normal way.

Lionel’s grin seemed to get bigger and bigger. At one point I counted more teeth in his smile than a Ferrari gearbox. After BBB trying to suck in any ‘free’ smoke what was wafting through the air, he went outside to have a real smoke.

At this point Lionel was growing more concerned for BBB, wanting him to have some fun. Off we went to Long-Suzi’s where the girls were having a bit of a rubdown with the Radox. For a whole 10 mins, that gogo was the cleanest smelling gogo in Cowboy. Not that clean that I’d lick a pole. Moving on….. With BBB outside smoking, Lionel was once again amazed at all these women in suds. Drinks downed, off we went to meet BBB outside in a cloud of smoke.

Time was getting on, and being Lionel’s last night and BBB not too concerned about Lionel being pleasured before he fucks off to Farangland, I suggested Afterskool with the idea that Lionel could sit in the Naughtyboys corner. I poked my head in there and was met by absolute hogs. The urchins that sat outside were too busy knawing on what looked like a human leg bone or something. Not at all interested in us, the paying customer.

What to do… BBB had already given us a review of all the stinking dirty gogo’s in Cowboy that totally disgusted him so I came up with the master plan… TWINS!

It just so happens there is a Fish & Chip shop next door… I think it’s fish anyway. There is always a strong smell of fish when I approach Twins… With BBB finally happy that he can stuff his face, Lionel and I entered the hovel I love and know as Twins. Immediately 3 trolls escorted us in, where we were greeted by another trog gargling Listerine. Behind the bar was a ladyboy. Or a girl-boy. Or a poof. Not sure what it was, but as long as the bar was between us, there would be no glass ashtrays getting broken.

After a few moments of Lionel looking at the décor and ordering a Cognac and Cuban cigar, the two trogs got to grips with Lionel. I had my back to him so couldn’t see what was going on. Even with one of my trogs tongues 40cm into my lug hole, I could still hear the slurping and gagging of the clingons behind me.

He seemed to be having fun.

More than I could say for me. One of my trogs who seemed to have teeth so bad that she could eat an apple through a tennis racket and was living in hope that she would be called up to play the Child Catcher in the remake of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang seemed hell bent on licking the back of my eyeballs through my ears. Only stopping to say ‘one dink for me’…… this would make it 3 since we walked through the door and at this rate would end up being 9 before I blew my beans over their faces.

Enough was enough… it just wasn’t working for me. I looked back to see Lionel in a deflated state so assumed that the spunk added to the already dry spunk on the wall was his. Off we go.

I told Lionel that this one was on me. That way he’d always be able to look at his bggf in the eye and tell her that he never paid for any sexual acts. Except all the money he spend on her of course.

I showered the girls with money…. Not out of appreciation, more like the way you’d pay a Scouser money when you return to your car having already been told it’d not be there when you got back had you not paid the little git. So with the money paid to the preying wolf pack I headed for the door. Lionel, having just had the Dyson experience was walking like a new born pony.

Outside, BBB was rubbing his belly, Lionel was rubbing his nuts and I was rubbing the gsaliva off my ear. After a little refreshment, we bid BBB goodbye and headed back to Mango HQ.

A few drinks followed with Lionel pondering over which kidney he could sell on eBay so he could stay on in Bangkok for a few more months. Or more specifically, TWINS.

Twins is a place you either love or hate. For me, it is pure grot and filth. The girls can be a laugh, but more often than not, they are just a bunch of piranhas. It does the trick quick and easy. There is no haggling or asking them what they do, they just get on with it. For Lionel, that was just what was needed.

For the next hour Lionel was recalling his experience. I think he enjoyed himself. But what I do know is that with his milk urns empty, his bggf couldn’t hit him for a big payoff in order to relieve his frustrations in his final hours.

Me, it was just another day at the office.