Big Mango Bar
drink and blog

Sukhumvit in 4 by Daywalker

Posted by Daywalker | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on July 22nd, 2010

Pattaya in 12?….. no time… how about Sukhumvit in 4?

The night before the party saw me turning away 2 girls at my door.   The next day was to be a big one and I needed to save energy.  These two girls certainly would not have saving energy on their minds… or the environment.    I gave The Heckler direct instructions to step away from the girls… don’t look back.  Head for home…, do not pass Jo, do not give her 200 dollars.

I then turned to my other pal ‘Crazy Sweede1’ to dish out the same instructions….  to save energy….  Too late.. he was already adding to the stains on my Jackson Pollock inspired sofa.

I went to bed, being a good little boy that I am.   Can’t say I got much sleep, if any at all….  My sleep was disturbed with CS1 trying to persuade his latest wife to take it up the arse…….

SMS on the phone at 6am from pmmp.  He was in the hood and asked if anything going on.  Apart from CS1 thumbing in a softie.. not a lot… but I could make a few calls and get a party started.

Executive decision from the wise one was to save it for the next night…..   off to (try and) sleep again.

Roll on 2pm.   CS 1….  Pmmp, ssB and I gathered in HQ for breakfast provided by pmmp.  When we say breakfast,  that is actually 3 shots of Belvedere Black Vodka each.  Just what the alcoholic ordered.

It’s been a while since some of us have been together…so a catch up was in order.  Pattaya in 12 would have been great, but we had the Mango party…   so what else can we do?  Lets hit the streets.  My god, it hurt. I went outside only to see what can be described as a huge ball of fire in the sky.  There are reasons I don’t like going outside in the daytime, and I just remembered the main one.

Some bright spark suggested cowboy in the afternoon… of course… because that’s what it’s known for… being busy at 2pm….    Our taxi driver dumped us off at the bottom on 23…..  we did the walk… saw lots of old hogs buying food and washing soiled pants…  it wasn’t pretty.   Walked straight to the top at Asoke, and jumped in a cab… by jove, it was the same cab who had just circled around to get back to Sukhumvit. This must be fate.    I am sure he was chuckling to himself that a bunch of young(ish) dappers couldn’t find any action in one of the worlds hotspots.

Soi 22 was the destination as we were in desperate need of booze and boobies.   Taffy’s, an old fave of my pal Prison Rape Pete was the 1^st call…..   it was full of old guys flirting with equally as old women.. pass…..  a little more trawling and us questioning our abilities to find women in Bangkok on a Saturday afternoon…   We spied a cute little thing opening up Cheers Bar.  She ushered us in…. poured us drinks and put some music on.  All well and good, but we wanted boobies.  With drinking underway…..   troops were rising from their pits.  YP was inbound as was Crazy Sweede 2.   The cute little girl behind the counter promised us that her pals were on the way and would be there in 5 mins.    15 mins later we were getting restless.   Just about to check-bin the hell out of there when her pals turned up.  As did YP and CS2.   Bored…no boobies… we spent an hour in there… guzzled lots of booze but were ready to move on.

Drunken empty promises were made to return later… little fingers were shaken and kisses blown.  If only she had shown some boobies.

It was at this point I received an SMS from our absent companion ‘The Heckler’.  He followed my instructions of resting up until he arrived home and called in some dirty arse CW’s.  He was still at it.  We could shove our bonding up our arses… he was gettin’ some.

Next on the agenda was Wild Country.  My god.   The place was also full of hogs.  This is where bar girls go to retire me thinks.   Not that the ‘ladies’ were not friendly, and to the more ‘mature’ customer, I am sure the place is a bundle of fun.  But for us young and hip fellas of the moment, the place was scary.   There was one ‘piece’ that was so visually offensive, I couldn’t believe that anyone would get stuck into it.  Roll on YP… I offered him 10k to bang her.  Such speed of his agreement led me to retract my offer and halve it to 5k.  Pmmp was offering to pay half of this mighty feat.  Again, YP was up for it.  “baby… come on… you and me”.   There was some flirting for a few mins…. YP dropped his pants assuming that it would just save the old hag some time.    The Hags pals leapt into action and pulled them back up.  The old hag would only extend her innocence to him in the form of a drink.  YP was blown out.  We were getting bored.  Moving on……

Out of Wild Country… we were feeling rather drunk….  We decided on getting a cab to Cowboy.  Traffic being as bad as it is… we walked……. And walked….and walked…….

YP chose to take on an old man (me) at chin-ups on those road side head skewers.  I think we were only up to 5 or 6 when the thing gave way.   The skewers are now a tripping hazard.   Running away like little naughty girls we sprinted closer to Cowboy.

This is one of the few times that I have actually walked past TWINS without going in.  I thought the place was closed until a little troll poked her head out the door and beckoned us in.  We were having far too much fun to let her spoil it.

Into Fanny’s…. It was mid-afternoon.  There was one punter in there wearing a white vest and Bermuda shorts. – Oh, and flip flops.   There were a few nice looking girls in there, which was quite surprising.   All of which gave us drunken slobs a wide birth.  YP… upto his usual tricks spotted a lonely miniskirt on a stool…. Cue… remove his strides and put on the skirt.  The usual prancing round the pole with his tackle poked behind his arse followed with whoops from Bermuda boy and boo’s from the girls.  YP’s final pose, exposing his ‘balloon animal twisting’ meat and two veg prompted us to get the hell out of there.   Bermuda boy was all tearful when we left as he thought he’d finally met some people on his level.

Where next?  Well, as in all cases, when we are running out of places to find amusement… Lolitas it is.   We all jumped on motorcis and headed for the trusty soi 8.

Can’t say they were ‘lookers’…     the two which had the nicest tops of heads were snapped up by the two senior members of our group.  No chatting up, no drinks… straight in. Job done.   They spent the best part of 30 mins up there, which left the rest of us to continue drinking.   For some reason… we’d switched to Jaeger Bombs.  Not nice.

There was one little dumpy urchin that looked to be doing well in the ‘Lolitas got Talent’ competition… but was snapped up by another old codger. – damn.   It was nearing later afternoon and still no action.

With the chaps walking down the stairs like new born giraffes we set off for the soi 6 bars.

I say ‘we’….  ssB had head back to the crib to freshen up for the party……  pmmp and CS2 were walking at a fast pace and left us behind….   YP created a new sport of throwing traffic cones and CS1 was looking at anything with a pulse.

Jersey bar was entered…. The usual hellos took place as I’d not seen the crew there for a while…  more drinks ordered……  Now there was just YP, CS1 and me, and a rather buxom young lady.  Again… I forget what was said… but the more drinks we offered to buy the girl, the more clothes she promised to remove.   She bottled it.  YP, ever so keen to show her how it’s done, once again (for the 4^th time of the day) stripped off and posed on the pool table like a Playboy Centerfold spread.   Having suspected that we’d outstayed our welcome, we paid the bill… left a hefty tip (guilt) and were heading back to the Mango.

Walking along Soi 4 we spied a little old lady selling cheap nasty crap displayed on a blanket on the pavement.   Having seen a little green plastic frog, YP and I both discussed the need for such an item. Seeing that we were fresh out of green plastic frogs, we deemed the purchase necessary.  Pulling out a crumpled 100…  the old lady was delighted with the sale.  However, CS1 and I were feeling left out.  Now that YP had a pet, we perused the other items on sale and decided on an ugly little fury monkey that holds on round your neck.  A couple of those… and a few more hundred baht saw us walking with our new pets.  After a whole 15 seconds, YP was sick of his frog and wanted a monkey.  We thought of using our honed trading skills… instead, just threw the frog on the floor, picked up another monkey and handed over yet more crumpled hundreds.  The old lady must have thought it was Christmas.  I am sure she decided to pack up her blanket  of crap for the day having made her money.

Watching this buffoonery from across the street were a bunch of chirpy little giggling girls outside Hilary bar….    So… we thought we’d go and check the place out with our new pets.

Surprisingly, we were welcomed with smiles and laughs.  At least I think we did.  But that lasted all of 2 minutes when the girls (rightfully so) surmised that we were just pissed up idiots.  They did like the monkeys though, and many came over to have a little play.  It was at that point, YP’s little pink monkey was not enough, and decided he wanted a dog?!  Off he went in pursuit of the little old lady.  Well.. I thought he had…  what he actually did was go onto Soi 4 and pick up trainee pig-dog and bring him into the bar.  A proper fookin dog?!?!    YP needs to hit the weights a bit more, as the dog was a bit of a struggle!

With the dog set free and the bill paid, we made our way back to HQ.  Inside the Mango we found our crew that had abandoned us.   Looking at the state of us, with monkeys round our necks, Jaeger Bombs down our shirts and smelling of dog, I am not surprised.

The party got underway…  I am told it all went well, but for me, the memories I’ll take of the party is of me hurling into a carrier bag whilst YP was hurling into my sink around 11pm.

I seem to recall, as I sat there feeling sorry for myself… YP asking if he could drink my sick. ?!?!

I’m getting too old for this shit.