Big Mango Bar
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Dodgy Soapy by WFTM

Posted by WFTM | Blog, Indonesia, Reader Submissions, Trip Report | Posted on March 28th, 2010

Written about Jakarta a few times. It ain’t Bangkok but compared to the rest of the region it is my number 2 pick. Great vibes, cool food, good clubbing, fun girls and lots of options – since apart from the go-gos about everything else is available. This last trip I decided to explore a little bit more. I had one free evening to myself and wanted to walk around a bit but I was pretty far off from the area I wanted to be in. This area would be the side streets around The Stadium. I will write more about The Stadium on some subsequent post since that is a post in and of itself. Suffice to say Stadium is one of a kind and Bkk has nothing that even partially compares. Imagine a massage joint, club, restaurant, short time hotel and circus all rolled into one. Open until the wee hours of the morning, overlooked by the police and gently cared for by the mafia. Awesome.

So you got your hotel bars – freelancer joints, escort services and massage parlors. I have checked the Fortuna Sauna before and had a great time. I have also heard that both Sumo and Maliaboro are awesome too. Marliboro and Stadium share the same group of owners. Maliaboro is also known for having a range of Indonesians as well as foreigners from Eastern Europe, South America and Russia. I know a guy who lost 3 days there working his way through Estonia to Prague. I am saving this place for bonus time.

Surfing the net, as we do, I was trying to find the more normal massage joints with extras just to see what is out there. There are a couple sites to use and I stumbled on this link – I was interested since it mentions a service akin to a Thai soapy. Rating seems okay and I was thinking it can’t be too bad. Wrote the address down and jumped in a BlueBird – I only use SilverBirds when the man is paying. Nice thing about Jakarta is generally all one has to do is write the address down and show it to the taxi driver. Bahasa is English characters and the street numbers and names are well organized for the most part.

I was sensing I was in the Stadium area and most people would describe this section of Jakarta as somewhat dodgy. Not dangerous but suspect. We turned down a small lane and next thing I know I was looking at the Berlian neon sign. I could sense right away this place was 2nd rate – maybe worse. It reminded me of pulling up outside the old StarDust in Bangkok. A papasan jumped over to get my door and welcome me. A mamasan scrambled inside to roust the ladies and a cleaner scurried to grab the broom – pretending to work. Reminded me of when cockroaches scurry as you turn the lights on. I was thinking I should just pay the cabbie and start walking but I figured I needed to follow through.

Once inside I checked the well lineup – meaning the girls went from laying down to somewhat sitting up and rubbing their eyes. Everyone looked as old as “the man” and I was quickly deciding if maybe the mamasan offered the best option for service but then I noticed one girl who looked to be under 30. Point – done. Papasan said it was a good choice. I am sure he would say they all are great. He said the room was 300,000 INR and I needed to tip the girl. Okay. Cheap enough to not get to miffed about the discovery mission. Up one stairwell to another and then a dark hallway to some clean but small, old rooms. Looked like the small one room Thai joints with the open shower, no toilet and a bed. Aircon on full blast like the room was being used to store block ice. Bed with clean sheets and 2 towels. Bucket on the floor.

Girl spoke no English. She made a motion that I figured meant body to body. Yeah – b course baby. My instinct was to try my Thai but that was just because I don’t speak Bahasa and I had Nataree on my brain. This was no Nataree. She stripped of the sheets, my clothes and hers. Baby belly, saggy Nat Geo tits and a furry muff. Nice. Jackpot. I should buy a lotto ticket. The stripping revealed a latex encased mattress – for the slip-n-slide.

We showered with cold water and then she mixed up a bucket trying to half ass imitate the Thai soapy slippery suds. I assumed the position and she went to work on me. Apart from it being on the bed and not on the floor – the routine was not half bad. I was embarrassed to be getting a chubby. This went on for a bit and then she took me back for another cold shower – coupled with the ice blaster I was back to shrinky dick. The street sounds could not be heard over my chattering teeth. Back to the bed, sheets back on and she got to work. No massage here folks.

Nice blowie and well yes – I banged her senseless when she showed me how she could practically tuck her legs behind her head. Not a great body by any chance but limber as hell. 45 mins later I think she got leg cramps and motioned me to lay down so she could get on top. I knew this was never going to work for me since the sight of the belly and the Nat Geo tits flopping around would kill the mood. Not that I was in one anyway. I summoned the lotion bottle and her tits to finish me off and then I gave her a pearl necklace trying as hard as I could to get some in her hair but she deftly dodged it. Damn.

Another cold shower. 150,000 tip and I was doing my best to escape. All the time fearing I might see a cop at the bottom explaining to me that although the girl had given birth and looked to be over 25, she was actually 15. No dice though – just the mamasan asleep on the counter and the papasan wanting to give me his phone number so we could be best mates.

-1 star

ps. the picture of the girl and the room on the site is not from Berlian.