Flying In The Front – Not Yet by WFTM
Posted by WFTM | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on October 15th, 2009
Coming off the 5star trip to Cambodia I was back in Bkk for one night. I needed to repack, regroup and get laid. I was heading off to the USA for 2 weeks and about the only thing I could think of was getting a round or 2 in.
I won’t get into the politics of getting laid in the states but let’s agree on 2 things – you need time and money. Time to work it or money to spend on paying for it or both. I would have no time to work it and I was not going to spend any money on p4p so unless I hit it really lucky I would not be getting any. Thank god Tube8 ain’t blocked in the states. I was heading to a geek conference and a few days of working at the mother ship – this meant that I would not be seeing many chicks and the ones I did see probably are my co-workers. Getting laid was just not going to happen.
Landing in bkk I started texting the usually subjects right away but I already decided that p4p was the only way forward. I was literally in town for less than 24 hours so dealing with a normal girl was out of the question. I needed easy, quick, a short time hotel and a painless goodbye. Being outside of bkk one is painfully reminded of the useful tool that is p4p. Chasing skirt is great, working normal girls is fun and the bounty is awesome but when one is too busy p4p is just what the doctor ordered. My confirmation text messages confirmed that I would drop my bags, head to cowboy, and utilize the barfine/short time hotel system. God it felt great and I was able to finally think again.
That out of the way I needed to pack and focus on the trip ahead. People like to think that flying around the world for work is cool or glamorous. It is not – that is unless you are flying biz or first class on nice airlines. I was flying on SQ but I was in cattle class and I was flying some of the longest hauls you can make. Sing to Frankfurt and then further on to NY. Some 21 hours of flying. It sucks. Sure being on a trip is fun since it is all expense reports, eating out and meetings but getting there is miserable. Fucking sucks.
People are always myopically focused about how bad corruption or scamming is in SE Asia or Thailand but I guess they have never flown into the US. I was rolled up to the immigration officer, yes I am US citizen returning home – I was totally tired and jet lagged. I was not expecting the red carpet treatment but I was not expecting to get hauled away either. The officer was nice enough but I could tell right away I was in for it. Where are you coming from? Singapore. Really he says – I heard it is exotic out there. Yeah – buddy real exotic. Makes Arbys look old skool. Where were you before Singapore? Cambodia and Bangkok. Wow – u get around, come with me please. He closes up his little box and moves the line. Oops – this does not feel so right.
I am used to this by now – my passport is bigger than a chick lit novel and I have a common name. Usually though they just put a fucking big red stripe across my immigration form and then after I collect my bags I am taken aside and accosted. My last trip to San Francisco I was delayed for an hour. This time though I was not even allowed to collect my bags and was taken to a room – full of people who looked like they should be there. Some Uzbek hookers all huddled together wearing some of the gaudiest outfits this side of Coney Island and smelling what everyone thinks a brothel should smell like. Some Puerto Ricans trying to explain why they were coming to America on holiday without luggage but the best one was the huge black lady explaining that the guy beating on her in the immigration line was her boyfriend but that she was trying to get away from him. She also went to on to show that he did not have permission to take her baby. I was waiting any moment to see the camera crew from cops to come out with donuts and coffee for the immigration dudes. Thailand fucked up? Please folks – America is the fucked up place.
I was told my documents were flagged. Flagged for what I ask? I did not see any flags on my documents but I am not a very patriotic person anyway. We can’t tell you. How serious is it? Serious enough that until we hear from upstairs you can’t leave. What the hell is upstairs? Some Homeland Security puffs watching the Simpsons while deciding who gets to enter the beloved America and who gets turned back. I reminded them I was a citizen – he replied – yeah we all are buddy. Take a seat. 2 hours I waited. Then they said I could go. No explanation – nothing. America sucks.
The whole notion of security since the bush era is just a joke. The idea that we are protecting our borders is such a crock. They stop me constantly with no explanation as to why, no recourse and no way for me to investigate why this is happening. How much money is wasted on this type of thing when we all know this is not where the real issues are. Why is it the whole world seems to moderately deal with airport security but yet America is stuck in long lines, taking off shoes, taking off belts and systematically unloading their entire person just to get on a plane? The reality is America totally effed up in the intelligence world and is now paying for it in brute force old school security. A total joke.
Back to the scams. There were taxi touts all over JFK – pushy ones too. Russians following me to the Atm and then to the taxi line trying to get me to use their towncars versus the taxis? I looked for BBC and did not seem them anywhere. I guess this is only news in Thailand. I stop off at Au Bon Pain for a bagel and a coffee. I give the lady a 20$. She gives me back change for 10. I was like lady I gave u a 20. No u didn’t. Listen fat bagel bitch – I just went to the freaking ATM while I was beating off some Russian mobster and got 120 bucks. They only give 20′s so no way in hell did I give you a ten. She admits to her “mistake” and gives me my change. Had that one slid by that would be more money than I think I have been scammed in Bkk for 4 years.
Weirdos – jesus America has them in spades. The right wing wacknut driving my taxi was listening to airbag Limbaugh and then asking me if I voted. I told him I voted for Obama and couldn’t be happier. He then wanted to debate things I said look dude – I don’t even live in America and I don’t give a shit. Can you please put on Howard Stern and shut the fuck up? I forgot howard stern is only on shit ass satellite and there was no way this dude could afford shit like that. The rest of the ride was in silence. Thank God. My hotel was right near times square and there are more weirdos walking around this part of town then Pattaya. The only difference is they were wearing clothes and they had fat girls on their arms versus skinny thai whores.
Speaking of fat – I get so sick of people in the west saying the girls are not getting fat. They are huge and I don’t mean full bodied – I mean like whale huge. There is always this drive to compare them to Asian girls but in a way that they pretend the Asian girls don’t eat or are anorexic but this is a pathetic defense mechanism. Sure – there are some hotties in NY – no doubt about it but these are the moneyed girls cruising wall street, the meat packing district of greenwich – not the normal tarts in everyday life. At the airport there was a volleyball team coming back from some tournament. High school girls – all fat – not one hottie in the bunch and these are supposedly the athletic ones. I miss the BTS during Uni hour.
We had one night out but mostly it was with guys catching up, enjoying great NY food and having some booze. Most who travel around the world just don’t even bother trying to pull. It is a waste of time for the most part. Food is amazing in NY though – italian tapas, wine bars, cheese bars, brunch in Tribeca and BBQ in the square. Some of the best eating in the world – no doubt about it. Hot bartenders too but good luck on them.
We all know airlines in the US have gone to shit. What I don’t get is with the supposed sophistication of America why is it they can’t run a decent airline? Unfortunately I am stuck on Star Alliance. It is pretty simple – I only have about 400k to go and I am a million miler – really no point in using any other alliance at this point. Let’s face though – United Airlines is just dog shit. Old planes, old trolley dolleys and the rudest fucking front desk people on the planet. Self serve check in that does not work and miserable employees to help you self-service. So we boarded our plane for SF and after sitting at the gate for 30 mins they say there is a maintenance problem. Then they say we have to wait for a part from Chicago and would we like to sit on the plane for 2 hours or wait at the gate. Thankfully I take the gate option because then an hour later they cancel the flight. Since i was out at the gate I was able to reconfirm for the next morning – even better I was the first to upgrade to first class. Flying in the front. I plan on wearing shorts and flip-flops just to piss off the establishment that actually pay for the front.
Stayed at the Howard Johnson which was owned by Basmati Inc. and smelled like an Indian Restaurant – no offense folks but I don’t get why hotels owned by Indians need to smell like Little India? To top it off there was some confusion about my hotel coupon and they wanted to charge me for the room. Got the cleared up and while I waited I tried to get the Continental stewardess who looked remotely Asian to go to my room with me. Any port in a storm right? I used the yellow lambo parked out front (PUA style) as my talking point but it did not work at all. She would barely speak to me.
Turned out the manager of the hotel that I was arguing with was the owner of the car.
I am looking into franchise fees for ho jos.
party on garth
66 Responses to “Flying In The Front – Not Yet by WFTM”
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
That 'free blowjob with first drink'....mmmm wheres that? Just curious.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Did a couple of all nighters this week. As after hours is concerned, Insomnia Bangkok is king in my book. There were plenty of freelancer...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Good theme for the party DW, never tried a 'Four-Some', bucket list #38.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Good read. Appreciate the effort. Thanks
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
"A group of guys from the US Military descended upon us" - did everything suddenly become 'awesome' ?
:)
Yup - wheels up in a week - ...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
I hope you keep the fortnightly updates going. It's a good read and something most (any?) other bars don't do. I used to frequent the 'Ol...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
CTG - June 9th is the party. There will be a separate post about it soon - I am just waiting on some final details.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Daywalker, have you confirmed the date for the anniversary party? Last I read was some time around June 8th or 9th.
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Isan women drinking too much? Really?
9.6 grammes of alcohol would be the content in 24 ml of vodka (40% v/v). That's less than a "small" measure (30 ml.) Is that daily dose s...
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A November to Remember Part Two - By Deptstar
200lb... na, not even in a bad dream.
Recent Comments
Translator
wow, so bitter. is it possible your attitude is holding you back from a better position at work, thus forcing you to fly cattle class and exposing you to all of these other injustices you suffer?
View all comments by generous sponsor
I don’t know, I really find life in NY pretty cool. The girls are super hot and there are tons of them, and they are super friendly – NY girls are some of the easiest in the world, and what I love about them is that even super-hot ones from good families will f*** you if you’re not rich yourself if they like your vibe and style. Believe me, I think feminism is corrosive and destructive and evil in countless ways, but in some ways it actually is a huge benefit for at least some guys – if you have decent game, the fact that modern Western women are financially independent has freed them from the burden to only choose guys who are wealthy or upper crust, and to give much more weight to personal considerations.
I think that’s awesome! In Thailand to get the super-hot girls from the good families you have to run with the elite crowd, be rich and well connected yourself – you can have the tightest game and the best style and be great looking, but without some serious social proof and some hi-so Thai friends, you’re pretty much shout out – not entirely, but largely. In Thailand, there really is still a connection between refined, hot girls and wealth, like England in the 19th century, wheras in NY you can be a poor as F**** bartender and banging supermodels. Love it.
But I like life in BKK, too, though. Maybe I’m just a pretty happy guy?
I don’t know, man, running down NY the way you did seems pretty transparently motivated by your inability to feel like a big shot there – which is totally cool, people need to go to where things work best for them, but no need to run down a place just because it doesn’t work for you.
Where I do agree with you is that the “scams” in BKK aren’t so much very worse than what’s to be found in other parts of the world, although still you exaggerate here. But all the guys who go on about the scams in BKK are nuts, in my view. It really isn’t that bad.
Oh – and the fat chics in America, even in NY. There are way too many of them, and that really sucks. Couldn’t agree with you more. Still tons of thin hotties running around, more than enough for an endless good time night after night, but way more than there should be. Although I wished you didn’t say the “West”, because there are places in the West where the girls are as thin as anywhere. America isn’t one of them, nor England for that matter, nor Australian – but that’s not the entire West. And the girls in Korea and other parts of Asia seem pretty thick and heavy to me as well, although not as bad, perhaps.
View all comments by George
Tell us more about beating off the Russian gangster.
View all comments by Ned Deemer
I like readig blogs that are not one massive bitching session…
I would have rather read more about the 24 hours spent wrangling beaver than your incessant ranting about the USA.
Love it or leave it, guy….
View all comments by Indu WangZi
What, no love for WFTM?
I found it quite entertaining and superbly written. To each his own, I guess.
View all comments by Empty Suit
He’s just telling us his honest thoughts about it. Things that get him down. I think I would feel the same way if I went back today (been away from the US for a few years now) so it kind of made me appreciate living here a bit more. I loved living in the US but it does have it’s bad side, as most everywhere does of course.
View all comments by pmmp
I’ve been flying in and out of the US from Thailand for 19 years and the biggest hassle I ever encountered from US immigration was a polite request to see my business card, to verify my profession.
x2 on the United Airlines self check-in system. Just doesn’t work.
View all comments by 2muchfun
Ned that’s so immature, did make me chuckle.
View all comments by Trojan
Blimey and I thought passing through Heathrow on the way back from Bangkok was a depressing experience!
(although the last time I did get asked by a customs officer if I knew bringing drugs and firearms into the UK was illegal, which was kind of funny. You don’t say!)
View all comments by Sarf Essex Taff
Damn you WFTM! I am going back to the US in 2 weeks for the first time in 2 years and you have just reminded me of why I hate going back. My favorite part about flying into the US is the way the immigration agent that has to live in Detroit looks at me when he asks where I have been and I tell him Thailand. I can see the anger and jealousy welling up in his eyes.
For 8 years I made the trip between the US and Thailand on a monthly basis and would get pulled aside 1 in 3 times when I got to the US. It was never for long but always such a drag. I did spend 2 hours in an immigration holding room in Singapore a few years ago but at least I did not have to share the space with any fat black women or eastern block hookers.
View all comments by billybobbkk
What is this “cattle class” you speak of?
View all comments by Daywalker
You flew with S.Q?
I used to fly with B.A but he kept bitching about getting on that damn plane.
(fuck that one kills me!
)
View all comments by Daywalker
You don’t have to go to the states to see what the broads look like, just tune into a news report where they are talking to Americans on the street and watch those that are passing close to the camera.
I haven’t been back for eight years, just don’t see the need to put up with the crap. No need to be greeted by some baby faced smug little prig or some grossly overweight bimbo in a ill fitting uniform. Only to get in an airplane with Bertha the blimp telling you to buckle your seat belt, while tossing you a brown bag of garbage that they call food. Just what is it with the airlines, don’t they ever send those smelly seats out to be cleaned. American airlines, the last one I flew in the states, smelled like the Omaha stockyards.
View all comments by THE MAN
It was on a United flight back to Chicago from Jakarta that I decided I had to leave the US for good…
View all comments by Julian
This article sounded like it was written by ssb’s grumpy twin!
The part about a nobody with good game can bang NY supermodels was a riot. Those are the same words every punter says upon visiting a BKK g-club.
View all comments by Canadian Girl
Yeah, I hate the defence of fat people too – the way they try to normalise it, labelling any photos of anyone with a decent body ‘unrealistic’. To try to get a decent body by, oh, getting some exercise and/or watching what you eat would be piling on ‘unrealistic expectations’, they say, while stuffing themselves with the nearest cake to hand. They actually try to make slim people feel guilty now. It’s all back to front!
I thought this was one of the better written blogs too.
View all comments by bibblies
It’s only a matter of time before we can get countries to come to us – come on scientists, abandon hair loss research…
View all comments by doctorbond
I know what you mean about all the hassle at immigration and the airport security. In Asia it all seems to be a bit of a breeze whereas in the West the security stuff are incompetent and seem to be trained in being brusque.
Don’t agree about the birds in NY though. My head office is Utah and when I make the trip I always take the weekend in NY.
I fire on to craigslist, put up an ad in the friends section “Scottish guy in town for the weekend”. Always get a steady flow of replies and have someone to show me around. Most end up staying over and I’ve met some good people and made some good friends that way.
View all comments by LMW
@Bibblies – I totally agree. When I used to work in England, I would tire at the amount of white girls/colleagues that would complain about being fat and how they couldn’t get a guy. This is while ramming pastries, chocolates, sweets, small children, hunks of bacon/fried meat, fizzy drinks and 87 cups of tea a day down their fat fucking faces.
My boss when I worked in Malaysia, subscribed to the fact that he would never ever employ a fat person, and would always employ a thinner person even if they were less qualified.
He said fatties were far needier, lacked any self discipline, and were off sick way more often. Think he had it pretty much nailed
View all comments by Young Penfold
The USA is the most unfriendly country I have ever been to, from Immigration to Departure:
Jerks with an I.Q. of 3 and a laughable delusion of their own superiority.
View all comments by Uncle Dave
WFTM,
My old German boss would always have a huge problem whenever he entered the US. Apparently someone with the same name was on a watch list of some sort. Maybe the same thing is what happened to you? Sorry to hear it, but the US is full of fucked up systems.
And you can’t buy your way our of them the way you can in the LOS.
So much for moving back. Too bad the weather here in TH is hot as shit year round. Only made palatable by the easy pulls around town.
-J
View all comments by Jeezo
Real great post WFTM!
…I get so sick of people in the west saying the girls are not getting fat. They are huge and I don’t mean full bodied – I mean like whale huge. … At the airport there was a volleyball team coming back from some tournament. High school girls – all fat – not one hottie in the bunch and these are supposedly the athletic ones. I miss the BTS during Uni hour.
Lots of girls looking like potatoes in so many Western counties indeed. But even American teens in a volleyball team? That’s a shock!
Here in Korat, Issan, I’ve seen no more than 20 fat chicks in 2 months (a chick being a women who looks like she’s less than, say, 33, right?) .
Simply by being slim, any young women can be sexy. Even the ugly ones.
The sad thing in Potato-Chick land is that many real hot girls are not sexy anymore cuze they’ve became so huge, so massive. Lost potential.
***
My babe want to name our baby “Pang” if it’s a girl. I mean. Pang?? Isn’t that the noise that happens to cartoon characters when they are hit in the head with a frying pan?
PANGGGG!!
I believe it is.
And “Supashok” if it’s a boy.
Supershock????
Pang???
What about Kerpow, or BOINGGGG, ffs!
View all comments by Katechon
On my last LOS return to LAX I got pulled to the secondary screening zone for the first time? That sucked! was a useless waste of 1.5 hours, staff and resources…All they did was kinda dig through my Garment bag, asked me if I had any fruit and ran my ID through their system? That’s why I was asking about salaries and costs of living in Sing, I want out too but Cali is the only place I can earn a reasonable living as a RN?
BTW saw Mm’s “Sicko” and it got me re-thinking my current political views…Now I plan to see the rest of his works!
peace all
ron;)
View all comments by nurseRon
FYI – the ‘touts’ w/ the town cars at JFK (and all around town) are mostly hard working guys who aren’t getting paid because the car services in NYC have seen their businesses crash. They fed off of the banking industry for years and have gotten killed lately. I use them all the time these days, usually a ten to fifteen percent premium over a stinky yellow cab and the ride is a lot better. You have to haggle bit if you live in SE Asia that should be familiar.
Will respectfully disagree re: NYC girls. Esp if you’re a little older (like I am) and can fish in the late-20s early 30s pond.
View all comments by Scampering Jack Wilshere
Well, I grew up in Brooklyn and I can only say that there are number of things I miss about that environment – having lived outside of the USA for over the last 20 years … some reflections:
GIRLS – there were stunners everywhere, Cuban, Rican, Black, Italian, Jew, Irish, Russian (Brighton Beach), Chinese, Vietnamese, and who else knows — what a mix — and easy to get to know!
FOOD – there is so much GREAT fricking FOOD everywhere —
Have not been back in years – but – I have turned ‘native’ and will probably never go back there to live! I just remember growing up at a great time having great fun with great girls and food!
Is American what it was once upon a time – NO – is anywhere else – NO!
The examples you used – ripped off for 20$, fighting off Russians, fat people, all of that drivel — I thought ‘just bad taste’ – yea traveling around the world is not easy — but 400K short of the million club — I hit that mark years and years ago …
What I am trying to say is just relax a little more – if you have done nothing wrong and Immigration grabs you – so what go with the flow —
so what some guys are trying to sell you their taxi service (no different anywhere)
relax – take a couple of deep breaths and RELAX —
YOU ARE LUCKY – YOU GET TO SEE OTHER PLACES in the world — a vast majority of American do not get to do or even care about it!
Look at the good things that happen to you and let the annoyances drift into the wind!
View all comments by JDH
GS – actually no. My position rocks and I booked these flights about 48 hours before I needed to go and all the upgrades were full. I am biz class all way back baby. I guess people just don’t like americans ragging on america. oh well.
george – i did not say there are not hotties. NYC probably has more than most cities. What I said was I did not have the time or the cash to get any and no way in hell it does not take time and cash to score in NY.
ned – russians scare me. I ran
indu – I dont leave there. left it a long time ago which gives me all the rights in the world to bitch about it. deal
empty s – love u baby
pmmp – ny rocks but the us in general…. damn they need to fix the roads up. my new camaro, transformer yellow, is hitting too many potholes.
2much – yeah. that biz card thing is so funny – like u cant print tons of fake ones. please.
dw – back of the plane. u were there once. dont lie
j – amen. someone who gets it.
cunt girl – ssb is dead to me
bibblies – u r right. it was.
lmw – u r a foreigner. I am us – not as easy
jdh – I hit 600k when I was in my mid thirties. then did not fly for almost 5 years so I had a break. million is coming. dont worry. relax about what? life is good. it is called humor folks. wiki it
peace out
View all comments by WFTM
“it is called humor folks. wiki it”
Huh? It was one big rant. Was it supposed to be funny?
The funniest pieces that get written on here are invariably by brits IMO. Perhaps your American humour (moaning?) just goes right over my head..
View all comments by JL
This was fucking spot on…. Exactly how i feel about being back in Canada. Yes, Ohhhh Canada the great… people tell me all the time love it or leave it.
– Believe me… im going to.
sure it has its good points. Very… very little. The way of life here is boring and mundane at least Vancouver is.
Vancouver is the Gay capital of Canada (equivalent to San Fran). Its the only city where majority of guys give more blow jobs than the girls.
View all comments by Canadian Boy
I was wrong C-Boy, for I was under the impression u were from Montreal!
View all comments by katechon
Katechon… Bland-couver.
Ever been? Don’t ever visit cause I will kick you in the nuts for wasting your time and money. I’d be embarrassed to show you around this city.
View all comments by Canadian Boy
I love NYC. Get there as often as I can. Which isn’t very much more than once or twice a year. I’d move there for a few years, but I don’t think I’d want to relo there permanently. I think Times Square is the best. So much great food, theater, people watching, skyscrapers, etc. Absorb the good, let the bad glance off.
The direct SQ flights from US to SIN are the bomb. Nonstop A340, single class cabin: the whole plane is business class. The seats don’t recline; rather, you stand up and the stewardess folds the seat down forward. The back of the seat is a mattress, which attaches to the foot rest. Then she puts sheets & blankets on, and you’ve got a little twin-sided bed. Each seat has a 20+ flat screen tv, and you can plug your computer or ipod in and watch your own stuff. Food is good, and you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want. Decent wine selection.
They blow the doors off of Thai Air. Uncomfortable seats that only recline to about 80 degrees (to be fair, they’re the same seats that Eva and others use, but they still suck). Crap food. Crap service. I’ve given up on them & won’t fly it anymore. Cathay is great, just a notch below SQ. The “herringbone” layout in the biz cabin is the best development in air travel in a long time: all the seats are angled to the middle, so each seat is on the aisle, and 50% of the seats are window seats too. Huge step-up in privacy, too.
I thought this was funny: “I plan on wearing shorts and flip-flops just to piss off the establishment that actually pay for the front.” Honestly, the last time I’ve paid any attention to anyone else on the plane who wasn’t wearing a turban was about 20 years ago. Anyone inclined to care about what their fellow fliers are wearing already has a corporate jet.
Girls: topic as old as the internet. There are hotties and notties everywhere. Sure, Thai girls aren’t fat, generally. They’re also generally flat-chested and flat-bootied. Lots and lots of them have that feline look that I can’t stand, and they have more facial hair than any other nationality I’ve ever come across.
NY Taxis: you’re really agitated at an English-speaking hack who wants to chat politics? It’s so retro, like Benny the Cab in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. “How ’bout them Brooklyn Dodgers? Are they bums or what?!” As they said in the classic Avenue Q song, “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist”: “I always in taxi cab with driver who no shower…” (Oh, and GO DODGERS! Off to the game in 3 hours!)
US airport security: I’m really of 2 minds here. I cut the screener grunts working the line a lot of slack. They got a job to do and they do it. They don’t need someone like me giving them grief or being a dick. They’re not setting the policy.
I have a lot less love for the higher-ups at Homeland Security or the FAA or whoever does make airport policy. We all know what demographic comprises the gravest threat to air travelers, but we’re PC-barred from making any security decisions that take this into account. So granny and me and WFTM get delayed and questioned, just to show statistics that don’t indicate any profiling. It doesn’t make us safer, but it avoids lawsuits.
K: MC Supashok. Born 2 spin.
View all comments by fender
C-Boy: Yes, I’ve been there when I was 17 y/o.
I was a virgin when I hit the tarmac…
Ended up on Lascatti Island for a few months…hooked by the daughter of a hippie married to a German expat; for 3 months, she unveiled yo me many a mystery : the joy of vegetarism, her womanhood (even though she had a boyfriend), magick mushrooms and grasses, threesomes, fluorescent waters and… tree plantin’ in Georgetown.
I stayed about 6 months in BC. Never came back though… I feared I would become a drug addicted guy that is totally crap at long-term personal relationships due to selfishness who uses lots of hookers and has a capitalistically Darwinian perspective on life.
Hang on…
When will you be back in the streets of Bangkok trying to save again some fallen women?
View all comments by Katechon
Katechon – That’s all Vancouver has to offer: tree hugging, hippie pot-heads fused with malcontent, artistic wannabes bent on a narcissistic, self-destructive path to celebridom.
I agree ‘the revolution’ has been crushed by the boot of capitalism. Orwell, had it right.
Me, back in BKK… don’t know yet. It all depends if i decide to walk into work tomorrow with a semi-automatic, carbine assult rifle with kick-back action.
View all comments by Canadian Boy
he has many strong arguments that I can relate too.
View all comments by Munutkangkao
What happened to to the good life in Pattaya ?
View all comments by Peter F
For about a 6 year period I used to travel between the USA and SE ASIA every month with always at least 2 entries into BKK on each trip as I used BKK as a hub for trips to MNL and SGN, Absolutely everytime when returning to the USA I would be brought back into that little room with about 4 armed custom agents surrouning me and trying to intimidate me with their machismo. They would look everywhere except body cavity and would take a razor blade and cut my shoes and clothes, So when I one time I asked to speak to the highest ranking customes official at LAX and I met him and said basically look after over 30 times you have searched my belongings thorougly don’t you think that you should stop wasteing your time with me because if you didn’t find anything there is nothing to find. Amazingly he agreed and entered something in the computer and for the last 10 years I have never been detained and just breeze through immigration and customs.
I suggest that you get an “audience” with the local Pope and give it a try
View all comments by 8 Ball
canadian boy- vancouver is soso,but whistler and blackcomb,are bloody great,worth the pain of spending time flying into vancouver.
View all comments by zepplin
fender – now that’s a post. you summarize all that’s good with SQ perfectly. is that true about the facial hair though? that kinda surprises me. i would have thought southern europeans or maybe middle eastern women held that title.
wftm – if your position rocks, then have your secretary book you in business class from the get go – why bother with economy and hope to get an upgrade? odd way to do business travel. btw, i’m all for bashing america or any other country for that matter. curious why you assumed i was from the US – is WFTM perhaps a nom de plume
View all comments by generous sponsor
Zepplin, you need a kick in the nad’s don’t ya:)
I been in Vancouver for almost 10 years… been to Whistler once. For an hour.
View all comments by Canadian Boy
“full of people who looked like they should be there”
So it’s within your purview to arbitrarily pass judgement on others but unacceptable to have that done to you?
View all comments by MongerSEA
Drove into Vancouver and within five minutes of hitting the main part of town I picked up a great looking girl that had just walked out of an office bldg. Had a great time and never saw her again. Like getting laid in a woman’s prison with a handfull of pardons, nothing to it.
View all comments by THE MAN
Great write up WFTM. Really enjoyed it and took it in the good humoured way it was obviously written.
View all comments by FUMF
The Man – When you drove into Vancouver, you driving a Lambogini cause then i’d believe that would easily happen…
View all comments by Canadian Boy
I like how you now have decided this was supposed to be a humor/funny piece….
Your change of direction is much funnier than this blog…
View all comments by Indu WangZi
Is a Lambogini a Yugoslavian knock-off?
View all comments by Indu WangZi
Indu – maybe CB is from da hood?
View all comments by generous sponsor
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
Enough said.
View all comments by bkk22
CB- It was a Buick, but a new shiny red one with a half white top, and a big V8 engine. Saw the honey walk out of her place of employment, rolled down the window, asked if she would like a ride. she got in. The rest is history! Jump back Jack!, if you got it, man you got it! I got it!!!!!!!
View all comments by THE MAN
Get yourself set up with a SENTRI pass, or the equivalent Homeland Security document applicable to you — once you apply, they vet you, and you have a much faster come and go procedure.
View all comments by DaffyDuck
@WTFM: thanks for the post. Some people love the States and some don’t.
One thing I find: the longer I stay in Asia, the more difficult it is when I have to visit the country I was born and raised in. It’s not so much the obesity as the insularity…people just don’t seem to care about how ignorant they are about the rest of the world. Considering the current worldwide economic changes, this isn’t good practice.
A few of my survival tips: I only go when I have to for biz (and beg/borrow/steal to get into biz class), and I usually stick to an Asian sched. Leave the television OFF, only play movies/music I bring with me. I now have a new slim passport (US passports last ten years and have extra pages added when they run out, cheaper than buying a new passport but make them paperback-size after awhile), but once when i went with my enormous passport the fat immig lady flipped through it, gave me a look and the following convo ensued:
Her: You travel a lot.
Me: I’m a journalist.
Her: Oh. (hands passport back)
LAX International is some hitherto-unknown circle of Hell…flying into SFO has always been easier in my experience. The “gypsy cabs” at JFK, complete with security guards chasing after them, really got to me after a 20-hour ride once…I turned to the guy next to me in the queue and said: “The taxis at the airport in Phnom Penh are better organized than this.” It was true. We ended up sharing a ride into town and splitting the cost.
I’m basically a tourist now: I show up, do my job, buy what is better/cheaper than in Asia, stick it all in a bag and get back to Asia, where life IMO is closer to normal. Everyone’s mileage varies, but that’s just my experience. A dozen years ago people thought I was insane for wanting to live in Asia. I don’t get that so much anymore.
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat
JTB – Your motivating me.
View all comments by Canadian Boy
People live in Thailand and then complain about the insularity of the American people. What a strange thing to say – are Thais more knowledgeable and worldly-wise than Americans? Really? Get a grip. One chooses to live in a country – Thailand – which has some of the least educated, least sophisticated, and least internationally curious people in the world, and then says that one of the main reasons one can’t stand America is that the people are insular. It just don’t compute.
The only reason I even mention this is because it is so common to hear that from expats – that they can’t stand America – or whatever Western country – because of the horrible government, the erosion of democracy, the insular people, and prefer Thailand – a country where all the political evils just described are infinitely WORSE!
To flee a Western country because of perceived political ills or the ignorance of the population – to Thailand – what a bizarre cognitive dissonance! Don’t they even realize what they are saying?
To come to Thailand because of the easy sex, sure, thats one thing, or because you like the lifestyle, but for POLITICAL reasons? What a hoot.
I love how everyone has their little pet reasons disguising why really hate their home country. People – we are all here for the same reasons, and they aren’t fancy, and they have nothing to do with politics, and they don’t even have to do with the objective merits of our home countries. We are here because we are losers – nobodies – in our home countries who have a really hard time getting laid there. That’s it. Once you admit this simple truth you will feel a million times better and you won’t have to engage in these weird mental gymnastics claiming you are fleeing to Thailand because democracy is declining in your country.
View all comments by George
George, lets say… you – me hit a go go and talk this over a beer.
I could give a rats ass about politics anymore. This utopic idea that one day we’ll all live in harmony, peace on earth will prosper ending poverty and everyone will be treated as an equal is a joke.
Ain’t gonna happen. Since the begging there have been slaves and there always will be. The French Revolution was a cute little moment in history. Did it change anything? Okay, sure a little… but in reality politics/ the elite its still the same.
So… while I’m still a peasant on this planet; I want to enjoy it in another country. Cause honestly, I’m fucking bored to death of my homeland. Doesn’t offer me anything stimulating. Too many strip malls, Wallmarts and yes insular people plagued with fat white chicks. I reside in one big ashphalt oasis.
How’bout that beer?
p.s. Who the hell goes to Thailand for the sex?? phhhffff…. losers.
View all comments by Canadian Boy
George We are here [in Thailand] because we are losers – nobodies – in our home countries who have a really hard time getting laid there. That’s it.
That’s certainly true in my case. I simply was not able to enjoy a healthy lifestyle in Farangland. The food, the climate — the insularity, not from the international community, but from my friends and neighbors–was killing me.
My energy was low–so it was quite hard to get lay by decent girls indeed.
I was getting restless, insomniac and a little fat.
In Asia I found that the climate and the lifestyle suited me very well. It’s very easy for me here to maintain a very healthy lifestyle, which makes me enjoy life much more.
I was a sad loser in Farangland; and here, I’m having fun.
View all comments by katechon
Katechon – “I was a sad loser in Farangland; and here, I’m having fun.”
3 POINTS!!! BooooyAA!
View all comments by Canadian Boy
Hot tip for ‘bypassing’ passport control at U.K’s Heathrow: Lose your boarding pass when you go through security at Suvarnabumni. I did this last year but realised quite quickly and didnt panic straight away as the flight was delayed 3hrs. I notified Thai Airways. ‘No problem sir, go to the desk in the transfer zone they’ll give you a new one.
At transfer zone was told to go somewhere else (barely registered a furtive look between clerks). At somewhere else, was told my boarding pass had been found. ‘Wait here please’. An hour later, and James Ellroy’s prose not helping, I started to get nervous. After asking 3rd time what the delay was. ‘No problem sir, here is a slip to get you through the pre-gate security, your boarding pass will be at the gate. ‘Are you sure?’ Three more officials nod assuredly. Did I imagine another furtive glance as I walked off?
My fears are allayed somewhat as my magic piece of paper doesn’t get me the Little Hitler jab in the chest with a baton as I sheepishly shuffle through the x-ray zone. But, alas – I relaxed too soon. At the gate I presented myself. ‘Hi, you have my boarding pass’ The Immigration officer and Thai Airways lady both in unison make that ‘Aaaaaahhhhhhhh’ noise that only Thais can make sound so unsettling. ‘What’s the problem?’ I notice their perplexed expressions and what seems like inscrutable wordless communication pass between them. ‘There’s my boarding pass, I can see my name there.’ As I point at my pass, I clock a look of…is that disappointment?…on the womans face. My attention is distracted by fleeting hand movements. The Immigration officer smiles. ‘Sorry – you no have visa receipt, hab to go back to immigration…..or…’ Or what? ‘The little stub? I just saw the lady remove it from the back of the ticket!’ More puzzled glances. Shit, now I’ve blown it big-time, loss of face for them, etc. A long moment of impasse. Then, another TA lady quickly bends down and my visa stub is magically and mysteriously picked up off the floor. ‘Ok, you go’
I’m muttering ‘you fucking swine’ barely inaudibly as Im allowed to pass through. But I gag myself and bite my lip – that was a close shave and sure beats missing the flight.
12 hours later, as we park at Heathrow, my name is announced on the plane and I’m told to contact ground staff immediately as I leave the plane. WTF? My heart flutters as I wonder who’s died. I get off the plane and a cheerful young Asian man tells me my bag was taken off the flight. ‘Dont worry, I’ll rush you through immigration’. As good as his word, he pulls back cordons and we jump irate hoardes and walk right up to the desk. ‘Tell them you have a connecting flight’, he whispers as I’m feet away. ‘Great, I thought you had authority…’ I lie about my connection and am waved through. I fill a form and my bag arrives at my door the next day. I notice my porno mags have been roughed up, and a hand-sock puppet (long story) has had the eyes pulled off. Crazy Thais. I cant wait to get back there(30.5 days to go!)
View all comments by Hunch644
@George: I’d ask you to please re-read my post again. I don’t mention Thailand (or “democracy”). I don’t live in Thailand.
I’m largely in agreement with your comments on Thailand. All countries have their good points and bad points. If my post gave the impression that I “hate America,” I didn’t write it clearly enough. What I meant to convey is that I suffer from reverse-culture-shock when I do go back for a visit, and I have a deep disdain for what security expert Bruce Schneier calls “security theater”: the screening-points where people line up to put their shoes/belts/whatever in gray trays.
I chose where I want to live. Again, it’s not Thailand.
As for Americans being insular, that’s been true since at least the 1920s, and it’s logical. With an enormous land mass, relatively low population and excellent crop potential, oceans west/east and no military threats north/south, the USA was set to rise at the top of the global economy. Unfortunately, these strengths are difficult to adapt to an economy which is rapidly becoming globalized, the power balance is shifting slowly away from countries with built-in agricultural superiority and a banking/financial hierarchy which until recently was considered world-class.
But my main point was addressing the absurdity of getting into the USA via an international airport. Many of the gentlemen posting on this thread are recounting bizarre episodes of being detained trying to enter their home country, or their baggage being tampered with in some way. I’ve heard many such stories firsthand, and reading this blog helps me aggregate more anecdotal evidence to get a clearer picture of what *can* happen when a US citizen tries to enter their own country. I don’t pretend to understand the *why* because I’m frankly not seeing any clear pattern.
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat
Bizarre — you want bizarre…
My brother and I are going through customs in Canada. 14 Immigration booths all maned by East Indian’s with turbans except for 2 that have two white woman stationing them. No way in hell are we going to go near the white chicks in uniform. Once they see how long and how many times we been to Thailand they’d kill us.
Its not even Canada anymore. Sorry, but don’t get pissed but when I’m entering my country I’d like the person ‘allowing’ me to reenter to at least speak english… not offer me a suit.
As i get to the I.O he starts to question me for over and over and over and over and over and over…. Why you there so long? What you do over there? Okay, De-pak you asked me that question 20x already. Your NOT going to catch me in a lie. Can I just enter my country? I was you know — born here.
View all comments by Canadian Boy
A few months ago, the Bangkok Diaries blog took up the topic of what kind of farangs indulge in P4P. Please click on the following link for details:
http://www.bangkokdiaries.com/2009/09/08/dispelling-laid-home-myth/
It generated some good comments.
@ George: Are you the same George as the one who commented on the Bangkok Diaries post? In any case, there was a fruitful discussion between a “George” and a “Jack” on the Bangkok Diaries thread.
View all comments by Ling
OK, I also belong to the ‘elite travelers’, having been flying around the world for the past 8 years or so. Flying in business class is not a luxury, but a necessity to survive this kind of life. Fortunately I get paid business 1/2 the time and the rest I upgrade, compliments of Star Alliance. Being a 1K or GS (undocumented higher than 1K level) helps, and makes most UA staff jump to attention. Agree, the flight attendants on the long haul have been working longer than I have, but they make up in friendlyness if you give them a friendly smile once in a while. Attendants on SQ or TG are way hotter, but usually to busy to give you the time of day.
Immigration in the US can be daunting. I have spend many hours in the dreaded secondary processing room. Mainly caused by me loosing a green card 5 years ago. But you learn ! The INS has a policy that requires them to provide a written explanation of any processing they do. You just have to ask. Actually, you have to insist, as they hate doing it, but in the end they have to.
Found a new solution to the whole immigration questions issue. It is called Global Entry. You apply, pay a processing fee, have an interview at one of the centers at a major airport in the US, and voila you are special like a diplomat ! Now I walk to a kiosk in the immigration area. Have the system read my passport, put my fingers on a scanner, answer a few questions on the screen, and walk through. No talking to a suspecting officer any more. No waiting in line for 30 minutes anymore. Absolutely brilliant ! I have breezed through immigration like this 5 times now. Just have to stop checking bags now, as now I spend more time waiting for my luggage. Who needs to carry liquids or knives anyway ?
View all comments by Dutchy
@Ling: thanks for the link, some interesting discussion there. Many things I’ve noticed in the 20 years I’ve been visiting Thailand is how many more younger men have come in Thailand, actively seeking romantic encounters. Maybe they’re just…tired of their local dating scenes, I dunno.
Can’t speak for George but I’m not the “Jack” posting there, hadn’t seen that site before.
Thanks again.
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat
@JtB: Glad to hear that you found the link worthwhile. Your own comments are well worth reading, too. Keep up the good work.
Maybe an aspiring sociologist can explain to us what’s driving the increase in the number of youngish male romeos who visit or settle in Thailand.
View all comments by Ling
@Dutchy: thanks for sharing the info. My only query: is Global Entry allowed for US citizens? I know, it seems obvious that it should be, but is it?
@Ling: thanks! I can only guess at the reasons, but i do know when i first visited LOS, I was the youngest guy in any go-go bar or nitery area. I wasn’t conducting any scientific studies, but when I met a resident whose contact info came from friends in the Bay Area, we went to Patpong one night and we seemed to be the only folks under 50 in the entire area. He spoke Thai and was learning to read, so he had a paperback copy of a cartoon-version of Aesop’s Fables with him, with one-sentence explanations in Thai. The ladies absolutely LOVED that!!
I think the aspiring sociologist should ask many of our “youngish romeos” (love that phrase BTW) as possible why they’re there and what they’re looking for. To me, what’s more mysterious is why the immig authorities don’t leverage that pool of moneyed farangs in some comprehensible fashion: to have made the decision to retire to Thailand and complied with all the regulations, only to have them change because of…I dunno, the phase of the moon or something, as they seem to, seems an utter nightmare. I can’t imagine working hard for decades, perhaps raising a family and undergoing a divorce, then moving halfway around the world to start a new life (perhaps with a new partner and even children in the mix), being sure to comply with the laws, only to have them arbitrarily changed and find yourself on a train to Penang hoping you’ll have a few months to sort out your Brand-New Mess. It could devastate an elderly person.
I know more than a few farang who have sold all their property and left LOS because they feel they can’t count on stable right-of-abode in the Kingdom. The funds they used to spend in-country are now spent in another country. Not all have returned to their home countries of course, there are other options in Asia where maintaining legal residence isn’t dependent on capricious regulations by Immig personnel who seem quite at ease with whatever phase the moon is in.
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat
This could be a start,Im 35,have no drama’s picking up at home,(just picked up a 23 yr old the other night-sz10,12dd tits and blondie to boot).I also claim to being as ugly as a bagfull of bums with all the good ones taken out too…
I can party with the best of em any where in Oz,having just travelled from Perth to Sydney and back for a wedding,I blew the same on travel and piss as I would of if I went to Bangkok and back.
With AirAsia flying Perth-Bkk return(via KL)for around $400,atm.
I love the party atmosphere and the girly scene of Bangkok..
Most places in Australia don’t start to get going til well after dark,one would enter any standard establishment upon opening time say 10-11am,and you would be the only one in there for hours,except for maybe the 70yr old soap squandering his pension on middys and 2 dollars each way on dogs/horses etc…not to mention the lack of available pussy!
Compared to rocking up to Mango Bar,(or any other place)ordering the ham and cheese ommlette with a light fresh side salad and cold glass of o.j to cure all that ails you and engage in a bit of light banter with the girls…just what the doctor suggests na. This just being the start of the day mind ya…
The ability to party ya ass off,coupled with the abundance of pussy in Thailand is a big draw card for any age group!
Every day is an adventure in LOS,beats the same-same dullness of home hands down..
See ya’ll in a cuppla weeks..
Pmmp/SsB,I see Jimmy Black at 1200bt,i’ll grab 2 then!!
View all comments by Khunkunta
Here’s what I think the deal is for single guys returning from Southeast Asia to the US.
Traditionally, I would get questions designed to determine if I’m a drug smuggler. Bascially, “what do you do for a living” “how much did the trip cost” and “who paid for it.” If you look scruffy and answer “I’m unemployed, I don’t know what the trip cost, and a new Nigerian friend of mine paid for it,” that is going to get their attention.
I have a professional occupation suggesting that I am a wealthy tourist, and they usually wave me through when I tell them what I do for a living.
Recently, they have also started looking for child porn or evidence of child sex tourism. On a recent trip, I told the officer I had been in Hong Kong and Cambodia, and she said “Cambodia?” and then immediately asked to look at my digital camera photos. There were actually a few photos of me and a friend cavorting with Filipina chicks in a Wan Chai bar. I showed them to the woman and said “See, adult women.” She said “OK, I believe you” and let me go.
View all comments by gavinmac
Update: I made the above post while in th EVA Air lounge at Taipei airport waiting to fly back to LAX.
Usually, when the LAX officals ask what I was doing on my trip to Southeast Asia, I’ll say “tourist” or “visiting friends.” That’s probably what pedophiels and drug dealers say.
This time, I took a more honest approach.
Intake officer: “What were you doing in Cambodia?”
Me: “Drinking and chasing women.”
Him: “Must have been a fun trip. Welcome back.”
Then ten minutes later, after I collected my bags.
Customs screener: “What were you doing in Cambodia?”
Me: “Drinking and chasing women.”
Him: “It doesn’t get more honest than that. Go ahead.”
View all comments by gavinmac