The Slums Are So Quaint by The Cowboy Kid
Posted by The Cowboy Kid | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on June 20th, 2009
I have spent time looking at the blogs and webpages of those who want to label me a sexpat and I have found that their patronizing take on living in Thailand cannot be any more beneficial to the common good than my philanthropic endeavors. At least I make an attempt to view Thailand from the street level. Granted, my street is often neon lit, but does that somehow make me the bad expat to their halcyon daydreaming? At least my presence here benefits people. Argue that the money I put into the pockets of street vendors and street girls is somehow less beneficial than theirs. When did they ever give money to a street girl?
Reading their webpages one finds the same accounts of picturesque dirt roads in forgotten little provinces tracing rivers through rice fields and the arcadian farmers smiling on the backs of water buffalo; the esoteric knowledge that they are able to gain in pigeon Thai with old men at tiny food shops; the vibrance and sincerity of the people (insert heaving sounds here); the quaint old world appearance of the tin roof shanty towns, and it goes on and on ad nauseam. To me, all of this just reeks of the colonial literature of the past and the minstrel shows of the American South.
I don’t know how these better expats can write these entries without feeling like condescending voyeurs. They view the Thais as the other (see subaltern, postcolonial criticism, orientalism) and the Thai culture as a curiosity with little to no value other than it gives them an escape from the West. They fill pages with stereotypical images and myths of the exotic orient and its enchanting people.
I get it. You are a Westerner who is here finding yourself by way of setting your norms and culture against the backdrop of the East. But please don’t forget that by doing this you are keeping Thailand as the scenery. You keep the people as extras, and often only the nameless and faceless extras at that (movie credits: Thai Soi Girl #2). I could argue that your view from Khao San Road or from the driver’s seat of your rented car for the weekend excursion into Isaan is not as authentic as my time in the slum houses of bargirls or bus trips to Isaan to stay on family farms to help with the harvest; that my conversations with drunk motorcycle taxi drivers are not as valuable as your discourses on politics with the aged; that your bucolic illustrations of the noble Thai are more fitting and honorable than my renditions of bargirl biographies.
I could make these arguments but then I would be engaging in the stupid and all too common pissing contest of who is more of a foreigner. Guess what, none of us are Thai and never will be. What point is there is comparing the number of times that we have gone to Starbucks since we’ve been here?
My point is that my going to Soi Cowboy or other red light districts does not make me any worse than you; it does not make me somehow a bad expat. The willingness of some to label men as sexpats and sex tourists only emphasizes their natural predilection of making people other than themselves into subalterns or symbols while ignoring their real identities. Do they really know any Thais? I believe that as soon as one begins a sentence with ‒The thais” she already reveals her total inability to really examine humanity. There is no such thing as the Thais.
That brings me to another question: Why is it that just because this is a foreign country, all the rules of judging living conditions seem to disappear? If a person were to see a shanty town in the U.S. she would feel pity and outrage, but here she seems to view it as quirky little village of local inhabitants. If she saw a man working a roadside chorizo stand outside a construction camp she would recognize the face of a toiling member of the lower class, but here she sees the smiling faces of the playful Thais just waiting for a foreigner to come and joke with him.
Enough of this. Someone please feel free to attack my logic here. I welcome the opportunity to see my own erroneous conclusions or defend my findings.
37 Responses to “The Slums Are So Quaint by The Cowboy Kid”
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Quick question - 'it doesn’t take long before tears poor down her chins' - Why are you banging fat girls?
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Before They Turn Jaded - by Working Tourist
@Working Tourist - Listen mate that was possibly the funniest post I have read on the Mango Blog!! Obviously a 'wind-up' but so well pre...
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@WorkingTourist: Well done, and great post. The blog needed such a post, something to break up our recent fanboy posts/comments (which I ...
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w Tourist - It is quite possible that she is a newbie to the bar girl business. If so, it may not be surprising she was sweet, affable a...
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@Mr V: Technically I had only paid her bar for the second day which was part of the reason for asking.
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Translator
Normally I would think this ought to be good, but on this blog I imagine the Simple Sons of Issan are a woefully under-represented lot. Try Thai Visa instead…
View all comments by OldAsiaHand
Well if you are in Thailand mainly for the sex then you are a sexpat or sex tourist. Is that bad thing though? It’s good to enjoy your sex life.
I was discussing on another internet forum, like a good little nerd, my recent trip to Bangkok. I mentioned meeting women in nigthclubs and slipping them some cash ‘for taxi’ in the morning. I got jumped on and accused of exploiting the local people.
View all comments by LMW
Sex is a wonderful thing and no one would exist on earth without the act having taken place at some point even in the most supposedly outwardly moral (religioius?) people.
As long as those people who travel to enjoy the company of thai ladies treat them well and as human beings its more honest than most western style relationships where people lie and cheat to avoid hurting the one they apparantly love until their dying day.
Cant stand the who is the biggest ex-pat contests between people who all enjoy pretty much the same thing pontificating on others behaviour. Everyone foreign is different and everyone has an opinion and was once a so called newbie here tourist, working or ex-pat.
I love this country for everything experienced good or bad, at least its not boring or predictable if you apply yourself and get out and about.
View all comments by ao nang
if you are comparing the middle class, mildy self righteous, rice paddy sunset photographer gap year experience of thailand, with the red light free for all of a sex tourist, i would be prepared to stick my neck out and say that they are both about as ‘authentic’ as each other. talking bollocks on the khao san road isnt so different from talking bollocks on soi cowboy.
ao nang – i fail to see how traveling around the world and paying for sex is more ‘honest’ than most western style relationships. you say people cheat and lie to avoid hurting the one they love etc etc. well thats quite a generalization, if we are only talking about the sex industry here (obviously most thai people have relationships exactly the same as those in the west) then i would say the girls involved would cheat and lie or do whatever it takes to get your money. the cheating and the lying may well involve copious amounts of drink and good times, and fun on the surface, but i dont think you can compare a bar fine with a genuine romance.
having said that has anyone seen the drinks promotions going on down on cowboy right now? practically all of them have happy hours from 7-9ish, 50 baht ANY drink. and theres no tourists, in several bars girls were offering to go out for FREE if you pay the barfine and shout them some drinks.
View all comments by BangkokMilkShake
You failed in this posting as you only present to options to the reader, either you are a sex-pat or you are a LP toting traveler. This is what oft times is called a Hobson’s choice. George Bush used this all the time, for example “you are either for us or for the terrorists”.
I enjoy banging chicks as much as anyone does, and I’ve been to Thailand a bunch of times and have banged a bunch of chicks. But I have also been all over the country and have enjoyed other things besides chicks and and hanging out in foreign enclaves of prostitution.
I think Thailand is a wonderful place for many things and not all of those things can be found on Soi Cowboy.
View all comments by Nedword
……..yeah on second reading I think I was generalising too much in that post comparing relationships real and bought.
Have enjoyed the country away from the bar scene too.
View all comments by ao nang
I long ago gave up caring what other people think about me, or even mutter under their breath.
View all comments by Orenthal James
Well written, CK, and thanks for putting some thought into the subject, and taking the time to put it together in cogent prose.
IMHO, Thailand is all about shades of gray, and as big cities have so much Western veneer yet are so different (culturally, socially, spiritually) from the West, visiting Westerners tend to snap a set-of-answers on the whole thing. A prefab paradigm. Bangkok is what a person wants it to be: a place for cheap beer/banana pancakes/boot DVDs or a neon pussy-paradise.
My take: I’ve been traveling to Thailand regularly over the last two decades, lived there about 15 months, spent about three considering various extended trips, speak passable Thai…and while I function well on holiday-trips, I still feel there is much I will never know about Thailand, being Thai, Thai culture or whatever. Its lack of Judeo-Xian guilt to me is one of its strong points, but the attitude that there is no wrong in overcharging or just plain ripping off farang because “all farang are rich” is one of its weak points. I used to think I wanted to move back there, but now I’m not so sure. To me, Thais have never quite figured out how to deal with tourists (they can’t advertise their biggest tourist attraction, as it officially doesn’t exist) and the result is ongoing confusion that continues to spread.
Their tourist industry is being throttled: I was in Bangkok last week and shop after shop had NO customers. Some sex-oriented businesses seem to be treading water (Lolita’s was packed when I went), others are in deep pain. In the past I have hopped a taxi to the airport and if the driver quotes an overpriced flat-rate, I said “stop here now” in Thai and just got out without another word, and flagged down another taxi. This time, the guy put on the meter without a word, was friendly, didn’t talk too much but drove me straight there and as we approached the airport, said: “Business so bad, I make 70 baht today, please help me.” After awhile you do develop a “gohok-radar” and this guy wasn’t kidding, I’ve never heard any Thai (even some of my bargirl-consorts who didn’t have enough baht to buy a top-up card for their mobile say “please help me.” As you can longer go up to Departures and grab a cab that just dropped someone off (which puuyai controls the Taxi Mafia, anyone know?), he was heading back into town without a fare.
“Please help me.” That should be the new tourist-slogan (it’s actually “Amazing Thailand, Amazing Value,” but who cares). I gave him some money. At least he could, maybe, pay rent on his taxi and have enough for a bowl of noodles.
If I were gainfully unemployed and flush with cash, I’d be spending a lot more time in LOS now, but like everyone else, I’m cutting back on luxuries. I enjoyed my trip, but it was shorter than I would have liked. Oh well, as the Thais say: “mai pen rai.”
Thanks again, CK.
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat
feeling sympathy for taxi drivers .
i can go now . i’ve heard everything .
oh yeah, jack, ur right in thinking twice about moving back here ; they might chew u up and spit u out .
might enjoy the ride for awhile though…
View all comments by jack dawson
@JD: I *did* enjoy the ride when I lived there. Got out, it seems, while the getting was good. Was not “spit out” (ask SSB).
Every time I return there is more xenophobia, more ripoff-attempts, prices being raised because there are fewer farang to rip off (“Amazing Value,” my ass)…not to mention the less-advantageous exchange rates (perhaps you know why the baht-rate remains flat while the powerbrokers squabble like kids and exports keep dropping as global demand slows).
I have little sympathy for taxi-drivers, not only in Bangkok but in most places. They’re usually beholden to some organized authority. Back before they started having Airport Dingbat Parties and Thai tourism was relatively healthy, some dildobrain hacks wd growl “300 baht” and I would say “JOHT THII NAI” until they stopped the cab, then get out without another word and flag down the taxi-meetah right behind the crook and get a metered ride.
Don’t even get me started on the tuk-tuk scuzzbuckets. Amazingly, those scams are still big business in Bangkok. People do buy the cut-glass “gemstones” convinced they’re gonna make a fortune.
Bangkok: up to u. I can appreciate that a healthy dose of cynicism is appropriate to any Bangkok taxi-encounter. But my sympathy was not misplaced, and you’ll have to trust me on this, JD. I know where yr coming from. Did not want to give the impression that you can trust BKK taxi-drivers: it helps to be on your guard all the time, and in a cab it’s a must. I never encountered so many mistakes in checkbin-addition and requests for gratuities as I did last week. It makes me wonder if/when I want to return.
Then again, Bangkok has it’s perks
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat
We are all in a position to show largesse to some Thais who are hovering around the poverty line. Some would never say anything to you, some will ask you to help, some will try to cheat you. If you are a regular visitor or a resident you will start to make your own assessments and while you won’t get it right every time we would all want to help those that we deem genuine from time to time.
View all comments by doctorbond
one of the best pieces ive read on this site in a long time
View all comments by seanl
Taxi drivers… Grrrrr…
A few weeks ago, my Monkey and I headed over to Silom to try the Chicken Tikka Masala at the Duke of Wellington (shameless plug
)
A few taxi’s at the end of soi 4 refused to take us, fair enough, but then one excepted the challenge. When we approached Silom road, the little oik pulled over and said that there was too much traffic.
- which their wasn’t. We had to get out and flag down another taxi.
The meter was reading 59bht which the monkey handed over with a load of Thai verbal abuse. The guy even asked for a tip?!
It kills me every time, as I always give these guys a generous tip.
- has he of taken us to where we wanted to go, I am sure he’d have been able to knock off work an hour earlier with the tip he would have got.
View all comments by Daywalker
I’ve been to Bangkok all of two times and had 4 airport taxi trips. Never been able to get the meter yet,
Always ask for it but there is always something.
To be honest though when you’re in holiday mode and the sums involved are trifling then I just tend to think “ooh you cheeky scamp” and let it ride.
My 4 trips cost 500, 500, 400 and 450. Considering the same trip in the UK would be 20-30 quid I can’t really get worked up about a quid or two.
easy for me to say as a tourist must suck for the ex-pats.
View all comments by LMW
Cheapest taxis in the world. It’s the scamming that bites.
View all comments by Prufrock
For all of you that proudly say you have been coming to Thailand for X number of years, You don’t have a clue of what it’s like living here 24/7, 365 a year for X number of years. Dealing with the Thais that feel we owe them gets very old, very quick. To compare price with what ever it is where ever your from is just plain silly. Your in Thailand and for most of us it only costs X, that’s what the Thai’s pay and that’s what I plan on paying except when it comes to pussy, then for me, it’s what I want, when I want it, and I don’t care what it costs. Thankfully I don’t want too damn often. Live here for a couple of years, you’ll then understand. When your here for a couple of weeks or months you overlook a lot of things but when you live here it’s a different ball game. Sort of like when your going out with Suzy rotten crotch, those little cute saying and baby talk don’t matter. Well it will kick you dead in the ass if you marry her and hear it every day.
View all comments by THE MAN
Cowboy Kid – Can you post some links to the sites that inspired this essay? Thanks.
View all comments by silbundio
no thai person would ever even think of giving a taxi driver a tip. it’s just not expected. it’s because of people like Daywalker (“I always give these guys a generous tip”) that they start asking Mr. Farang for a tip, or claiming “mai mee tawn”, etc etc.
a lot of the stereotypes about thailand aren’t based on the country at all, but rather on the scum de la scum from around the world who choose to come here. harsh? maybe, but let’s face it, most of the foreigners you see around town are just plain embarassing.
View all comments by confusio
Yo, confusio.
How could you be so fucking wrong about Thais and tipping taxis and so ab-so-f*ck-ing-lute-ly spot on about the dick-wads? I mean you ARE super accurate about the weine-heads that suck beer from cans in the street and get up on the stage and shit.
Puke-worthy Kev’s all.
But I have asked about 1000 Thai bank/office worker/functionary/business type/ medical type/ whore type/ EVERY TYPE in MY own inimitable way of asking and they all say that when the guy is s mensch and he does good stuff with his taxi and his manners are mannerly they tip.
Good taxis are like good mobile phones: they reduce stress.
Thais tip taxis here.
It’s go-go staff that can blow me if they come for a tip.
And, of course, I, um, tip handsomely at the Big Mango Bar.
View all comments by Prufrock
At least here is one who goes against the normal flow…… im coming to thailand in 4 days time and will spend 7 weeks this time, and almost all of it in Bkk….. because i love the city n the people.
And will contribute to the weak tourist economy…… mostly since i just broke up after a long relationship back in cold-land, and after a house-selling that went remarkably well , i have the opportunity to take a time-out over the summer for the first time…..
So Bkk here i come
just hope there is some more fun-loving people still left in the city so i dont have to support the whole Soi Cowboy alone 
View all comments by Companyman
Thanks for the nods and the nudges. I realize that this post might not be the most appropriate for the site, but thanks for bearing with me. Also, it was not my intention to offer some excuses for me and my ilk. I feel no excuse is necessary for my hedonistic hobbies, but I do get tired of the preachy better than though diatribes on some blogs. I just felt like writing my own.
View all comments by thecowboykid
The taxis drivers out here are saints compared to the cunts I had to endure when I lived/worked in Penang. Being a ‘Matsali’ (Malay for ferang) I had more chance of ass fucking a herd of horny nuns then getting those fuckfaces to turn on the metre.
I worked in Georgetown but was staying in Batu Ferrenghi which was a 15 minute journey at best. The turds would flatly refuse to go for less then equiv. 250 baht. My then GF took the very same taxi journey to come visit me one night and it cost her a flat 70baht. Cunts, repeat cunts!
One thing I have noticed a lot more recently is persistant taxi/motosai drivers. Slowing down almost to a stop next to you, winding down the window (sometimes to hurl abuse) crawling along next to for 5-10 seconds even after you signal them to politely FUCK OFF, and constant bibbing of the horn. This isn’t uncommon at all in BKK, but over the last few months its become more commonplace
View all comments by Young Penfold
@ Jack the Bat: you can still get taxis at departure.
It’s one of the few places where you have the upper hand. If they refuse to use the meter and you get out, they run a real big chance of losing a fare from the airport. Obviously helps if you speak Thai to him, they will almost always turn the meter on immediately when given the destination in Thai.
View all comments by bkk22
Confusio…
My Thai gf tips the cabs also. But I might add I ONLY tip them for good service.
Sometimes they’ll turn up the AC for me, sometimes they’ll automatically put the meter on. One more than one occasion I have been given a bag to vomit in. (note that was going to vomit regardless.. it wasn’t a pass-time)
I don’t mind giving a tip to someone who is pleasant and polite. Same as Prufrock, I’ll not dish out a tip to a grumpy dwarf service girl at a go-go.
Do a good job and you’ll get a tip. With salaries being so low, it doesn’t hurt to give them an incentive to do better.
Next you’ll be shouting at me for giving the soi 4 shoe-shine girl a 1000 bht note for rescuing my beloved Nike Air Max 90′s from the dead.
View all comments by Daywalker
Companyman: I am still waiting on the info about race weekend in Pattaya …. 7-11/7-12 … please give …
thecowboykid: great post … many of us expats are here to escape the very mentality you dislike … elitist, self-righteous, PC’s. The great white hope … what a crock.
View all comments by Khang
@bkk 22: Thanks for the tip (and appreciate the Hikari icon, tho I miss Ziyi
)! The legions of “cheese-patrol” drones hassling the taxi guys is what dissuaded me. At Don Muang I used to open the door, greet the guy in polite Thai, point at the meter and say: “meetah dai mai?” If they said ANYthing other than “dai!” or gave me the ol’ “hand-revolve” gesture I didn’t say another word, just closed the door hard and went to the next guy in line.
The Silom hacks: don’t get me started. A few yrs back the company had a good year and we were treated to a company trip…to Bangkok. As no one wanted to take charge of a dozen people, I ended up with much of the logistics. Of course all the activities planned ended up in the Silom area, where you’d be lucky if a single taxi turned up (while conga lines of taxi-meetahs troll up and down Sukhumvit…a free market? methinks not). And the guys absolutely would not use their meters, although I was able to talk them down to 100 baht…then half our mob would pile in. As that part of town is full of embassies and flash hotels I guess the taxi puuyai there gets his share of fresh lobster…if I need to get to Silom in a normal situation, I use the Skytrain.
Speaking of which, there’s supposed to be an express train to Sublime-A-Poon Errport soon…next year, yeah that’s it, next year it’s gonna start running.
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat
Bizarre taxi experience the other day: fare was 53 baht, handed over a hundred note and said “jet-sip” (apologies if that is too generous, I am still not-quite tuned in to the real value of the baht) and got 2 twenties and a 10 baht coin back.
View all comments by TokyoSexManiac
@Khang
I will get all the info after i get to Bkk , like next week, so as soon as have details of 11-12 Juli i post it here
View all comments by Companyman
@ LMW, Can’t understand why you’ve had such a problem with getting drivers to switch on the meter?
Only once out of numerous of times have i had a potential issue whereby the Taxi driver wasn’t going to put on the meter, but, he could see he wasn’t getting away with it.
Apart from that, i’ve had the meter on every time!
Only place you can’t get the gits to put on the meter – even though its says it large bold lettering – TAXI METER, is on Samui!
So i just used Songthaews (help with the spelling pls) where possible.
View all comments by Eddie T
@Companyman: thanks … have a good trip and welcome to Thailand. See you soon….
View all comments by Khang
Nicely written piece. There’s a definite authenticity in seeing Thailand from the street, especially if you stray off BBK’s ‘reservation’, and even if you don’t, partying with whores is always edgy, even if it is easy in Thailand. Like Jack the Bat’s take as well. To be honest sexpats and backpackers are just as ignorant as each other and even if they’re not, everybody’s there to get what they can from it, even the charity worker’s getting something in return. Having said that there’s a definite tendency to make sub-alterns of the Thai in the expat community too, – DW calls his Mrs ‘The Monkey’ – but maybe it’s more honest and upfront. At the end of the day the people of Thailand want people to come and spend, so who’s exploiting who?
View all comments by milo
Nice post….the “Granted, my street is often neon lit,” sums up SE Asia for me in a lot of good and bad ways. FWIW, in SE Asia, I always tip if the service deserves it.
BTW, Penfold…you are just “ang mo”. Cheers!
View all comments by The Asian Badger
I’m in violent agreement with this post.
View all comments by Charles
Asian BAdger – ‘Ang Mo’ – Do enlighten me……..
View all comments by Young Penfold
@YP: “ang mo” same-same “farang” in Singlish lah.
Dun no about Malaysia, same or not, Badger?
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat
For a minute I thought I was being slagged off. Should be used to it by now.
‘Matsali’ means foreigner in Malay, and ‘bodoh’ means ‘idiot/stupid’ aswell. Used to hear those words paired together all to regularly in my time there.
Had you asked me 2 years ago what ‘bench press’. ‘whats your protein intake today’ and ’10 more reps’ was in Malay, Id of been your man
View all comments by Young Penfold
I’m into the cardio rather than the muscle-stuff, but I do need to start working on core and balance. Prob is that finding a good personal trainer where I live (and esp with the gym I belong to, which is so much like McDonalds it literally has a McDs underneath it) is difficult-to-impossible. Their goal is to sell u lessons and tell u yr fat, oh so fat…I took their “introductory” course and the dingdong told me I shd have a BMI of 15…with my frame, if I starved myself to that absurd metric without dehydration, I’d look like a cancerous stick-insect. So I avoid the PTs, who look like they’re just waiting for a better job to come bite them on the ass anyway, and do my 40-minute cardio routine 3-4 times/week. meeting my chiropractor next month (now HE knows his stuff) to see if I can find a PT who will show me how to do the exercises correctly. Balance decreases with age but u do exercises and u can stave it off: many Chinese do tai chi, but I’m not in that age group…yet.
Anyway, “ang mo” is Hokkien in origin like most Singlish, and I think it means “red monkey”…so yeah, yr being slagged off by default. Ironically, a good friend in SG lives on Ang Mo Street (and he’s Singaporean!).
JtB
View all comments by Jack the Bat