Banglamung’s Pattaya Circus #3: When Pigs Attack
Posted by Banglamung | Blog, Pattaya, Reader Submissions | Posted on June 14th, 2009
Just when you thought it was safe to have fun again, Pattaya’s favorite curmudgeon is back to slander, scoff and sneer at Sin City’s locals and (last remaining) tourists. In case you were wondering exactly what the schedule for Banglamung’s Circus is, its gets written whenever the idiocy, insanity and incompetence get too much to bear.
The pretty much describes the state of panic the locals have flown into since Thursday with the news 17 underpaid urchins at the Star Dice disco all came down with pig flu and infected a few lucky Taiwanese. Pattaya’s farangs – like this guy in a Speedo and swim cap strolling Walking Street – gave it a big ho-hum, as the only white faces in Star Dice are those of self-deluded young studs who think they actually can find a “good girl” in a Pattaya disco. And pigs can fly too, as well as pass on influenza.
Overnight surgical masks appeared on Thai and other Asian faces all across town. Hardened sex tourists who’ve had two doses this year alone are on Thai-Visa.com saying “that’s it, now I’m not coming.” And, in the biggest farce of the week, Thailand’s health minister stood in front of the press at Banglamung Hospital (no relation) and said, roughly translated, “well, no one can really prove they got pig flu here.” Of course they’d been here for five days, hung out in Star Dice where flu-ridden Somchai gave them all sneezers and then were detected with fevers at the Taipei airport.
The Mess by the Sea
Of course the swine “crisis” is just adding to the misery in the brothel by the sea. Own a business here and there’s little to do but cry in your beer – alone. Oh, sorry, you didn’t realize it was really slow in Pattaya and has been for a couple of months? Don’t worry. No one did until Stickman pronounced it so last Sunday. So now it must be true. C’mon man, get a clue. Either that or stay in Bangkok. The way your column’s Pattaya “news” has been reading lately, you couldn’t do any worse.
The fact is business sucks and, on Walking Street, slow business means grouchy bar owners. Bangkok columnists who write articles saying the owners of Coyotee’s go-go are in hiding from police and angry Thais and that their bar may not soon reopen tend to piss people off to the point bodily harm is threatened. Of course no correction was made a week later when both Coyotee’s owners were on hand to reopen the bar.
Likewise, Stick might want to avoid the management of one of the few go-gos making a good Living after wildly claiming the manager there attacked a couple of guys named Frank, got his father, (the bar’s owner,) to pay them off with fifty-large and then fled the country. Likewise, he may want to skip those many Volkswagon bus bars which the esteemed writer said had all been closed down when, in fact, they were just shut for a night.
Anything that falsely makes the town sound bad or less palatable to visitors will sending the local farang business owners into a rage. Why? This is the slowest this town has been since 1992.
The Bangkok Post had occupancy rates at Pattaya’s five 5-star resorts at 10% in April. And mid-range hotels could muster only 30%. And May, without even needing to look at the figures, was even worse.
Of course, some businesses still are doing a good trade. McDonald’s, for example, doesn’t need many customers when Aussies like this roll through the door.
The Bar Scene
Howver, for those wanting a down-and-dirty trip, Pattaya has great pickings right now. Guys disabled from the neck down with leprosy are being called “sexy man” on Soi 6. Snooty showgirls are actually jumping into customers’ laps and girls are taking condom and som tam money for short-times.
Of course the girls you get to choose from ain’t what they used to be. Those who can get overseas-sponsor money have left town. It’s simply cheaper to sit in the village and walk down to the local Western Union than slog it out on the pole. One very hot ex-Catz girl came back from the village after popping out another kid about 10 kilos lighter but with the same huge bustline. She now works at Peppermint and is getting just two barfines a week. Two months ago she was getting six.
And, for fun, the bars themselves can be terrible. If you want good crowds and enthusiastic girls, the short list has boiled down to Happy, Living Dolls 1, Heaven Above, Air Port Club, What’s Up! and Baby Dolls. Oh, yeah, Angelwitch, but that doesn’t really count.
Horror stories are many. Covent Garden off Soi 16 is a downright haunted house. Club Boesche is possibly the worst bar on Walking Street these days. No customers, no girls (OK, they do have some fat ones) and yet the absent American owner (overseas at the moment) still insists on charging 140 baht for mixed drinks.
Next door at Catz, you gotta feel sorry for Robin and Robert. They run a good bar, some pretty girls and a crazy drink-pricing plan where everything – be it beer, B-52s or Absolut – is 85 baht. Real top-shelf stuff and many fewer error on the checkbins. The two Brummies are banging their heads against the wall over owners of the other three go-gos who refuse to get together on a rational drink policy and marketing.
Belgian gay couple-run X-Zone upstairs has some real sluts, but half the bar is closed off most times. And the cursed site that was recently X-Zone 2 (and before that Taboo and Babe Watch) is now Club Sin City. The new French owner slapped up a new neon sign 10 days after X2 closed and did nothing to the interior except import the mamsan, DJ, Thai manager, bartender and the ugly and fat girls from Casanovy to staff the place.
How some of these bars stay in business is beyond me. By all rights Hooty’s, Lollipop, Dollhouse, Shark, Tiger, all the Soi Diamond bars except the Supers and Heaven Above, and all Nui’s places except Air Port should be closed. The Republika disco has folded after just a couple months and similarly aged Club Mirage is reportedly for sale for an idiotic 17 million baht. Meanwhile another same-sized go-go on the next soi has been on the market for 2 million for three months and is still dormant.
Legs Club, now half the size it was at opening, is also for sale. Andy, the owner of it and Club Misty’s, has it on the Internet for sale for 22 million baht. This is for a single-shop house on half-gay Soi Pattayaland 2. He must not want to sell it that badly.
Let’s Get Drunk…
Probably the biggest plus of slow season is that it’s getting dirt cheap to get drunk. Sisterz just lowered happy hour prices for draft beer and house spirits to 38 baht and offer an early night bargain barfine. They fill the seats, but no lady drinks are being bought and once the 10 o’clock hour arrives, everyone leaves. Living Dolls One has 30-baht Tiger Crystal Lite this month and 30-baht “Red Cock” shots that taste better than the 50-baht tequila and hurts more in the morning. Thai whisky drinks are 45 baht all night in Champion and the Chang beer is 35 baht at BJ Club and Mirage.
Then Let’s Get Stupid
If you want to come down to Pattaya next week and get rat-assed, then perhaps you’d like to strip down to your bikini briefs and dance on the pole for two hours. Alan Lad, bossman at Living Dolls 1, wants to cheer up his girls by getting some (presumably fit) guys to join them for a private after-hours party where the guys dance and the girls ogle.
What’s in it for the guys? They get to drink free in the bars for the two following days. And, if they’re lucky, a member or two of the audience. E-mail him here if you’re interested.
Of course some guys don’t need invites and free booze to get on stage. In recent weeks I witnessed a drawf on the pole with some girls and these two guys. The one with his pants down was less than 24 hours from departure. The other is a guy who must have undergone some sort of brainwashing at an early age. Every time an AC/DC song comes on he stops mid-sentence, puts his drink down and gets up on stage to play air guitar. A frequent visitor, he was a bit more restrained this time as, last time, he leaped in the air and knocked himself cold on the horizontal bar supporting the vertical chrome.
The Ignominy of Death in Pattaya
There are a lot of ways to die. And even a few more in Pattaya. Usually they involve tall buildings, but occasionally a an obituary appears that simultaneously makes you lavugh, wince and feel sorry for the deceased. This is one of those:
A German man sleepy after rounds of beer drinking died Wednesday after swallowing his dentures and choking to death in a room above a Soi 6 ladyboy bar.
40 Responses to “Banglamung’s Pattaya Circus #3: When Pigs Attack”
Leave a Reply
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
That 'free blowjob with first drink'....mmmm wheres that? Just curious.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Did a couple of all nighters this week. As after hours is concerned, Insomnia Bangkok is king in my book. There were plenty of freelancer...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Good theme for the party DW, never tried a 'Four-Some', bucket list #38.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Good read. Appreciate the effort. Thanks
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
"A group of guys from the US Military descended upon us" - did everything suddenly become 'awesome' ?
:)
Yup - wheels up in a week - ...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
I hope you keep the fortnightly updates going. It's a good read and something most (any?) other bars don't do. I used to frequent the 'Ol...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
CTG - June 9th is the party. There will be a separate post about it soon - I am just waiting on some final details.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Daywalker, have you confirmed the date for the anniversary party? Last I read was some time around June 8th or 9th.
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Isan women drinking too much? Really?
9.6 grammes of alcohol would be the content in 24 ml of vodka (40% v/v). That's less than a "small" measure (30 ml.) Is that daily dose s...
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A November to Remember Part Two - By Deptstar
200lb... na, not even in a bad dream.
Recent Comments
Translator
Excellent write-up.
I guess YP will be putting his name down for a shot on the poles.
- it’s an LB bar right?
View all comments by Daywalker
Have some pitty on us Aussie guys as the picture of the two white elephants eating Mc’s is typical of the shit walking the suburbs. Thank god for SE Asia. Anybody got some stories on Vietnam? Have heard some interesting stories.
View all comments by Tails
Don’t guys realize how stupid an pathetic they look when they get up on a stage and dance.I don’t know why the staff can’t tell these idots to get off an out.Also some of the outrageous prices asked for bars,just tells me how much the owner has lost over the years,or what his wife or girlfriend has ripped him for.Owner’s can be as stupid an drunk as their customers.
View all comments by Trapperjohn
bang – nice writeup. thanks
seems a good time to make a pattaya run. YP?
yeah – rough when the bad press hits and the incorrect press at the same time
what is the whole coyote closure ordeal? I was not aware of it
IMHO – pattaya could use some proper consolidation and a return to quality when it comes to the go go scene.
looks like a cheap place to get boozed up
here’s to 2010
View all comments by sideshowBOB
I will be heading my Lazy ass down to Patts to make a few seedings of my own from the 25th to the 28 should any fellow mongers want to join in the festivities.
View all comments by I Phukit
Its cool to see some info on Pattaya again, as the Ghosts pieces have been sorely missed.
With an impending 25th birthday round the corner, and a city full of cock/baht hungry bitches and LBs, I feel a long overdue Pattaya run on the horizon
On the Living Dolls thing, I would gladly take ‘Alan Lad’ up on the offer, as I have the cunt wettingly sexy body of Superman, however, I also share the same face as The Elephant Man. Swing n Roundabouts I guess
View all comments by Young Penfold
Very entertaining, and nice photos.
View all comments by gavinmac
amusing and thorough, good stuff and great effort
View all comments by 8 Ball
Bathing cap and speedo? I didn’t realize they have an olympic sized swimming pool. What a moron!
View all comments by Moonman
Russians are back?
View all comments by Prufrock
yea its idiotic when drunks get up on the bar and wave their willies around but dont be too hard on them- for most guys they only come to LOS once or twice. I defend their to make drunken fools of themselves. I like to kick it up a notch and wear a toga with no skivvies. To bad the x-zone isnt what it used to be.
View all comments by datou
Hope you all had a good chuckle. I know I did.
ssB — Yeah, the drinking is cheap and nasty these days. Forgot to mention that the two Sharks, Tiger, X-Zone, K (Wonder Girls) and Club Mirage also offer a “Buy 1, Get 1″ deal, so mixed drinks are like 70-75 baht each. Surprsing thing is the drinks in just about all these cheap places are good and strong.
Stickman — Not really out to beat a dead horse, but the man has lost it when it comes to accurately reporting on Pattaya. He hangs out in Secrets — notice the huge puff piece the bar gets this week — or Catz and writes the rumors his buddies tell him rather than talk tot he source.
Coyotees — Case in point was Coyotees. The bar for years has employed the biggest bee-atch of a mamasan Walking Street has had, a woman named Sue who previously offended all the farangs in Carousel. She did, however, have an iron reign over the girls and had the best-looking troupe of hookers on the strett. So they tolderated her.
But the woman was costing them business, refusing to let girls get barfined, restricted how long they could go, making guys pay her in advance for the girl’s services and jacking up barfines and pocketing the differnece. The owners said she also was in cohoots with the Thai guy staff and ripping them off blind.
So they sacked her. And all the girls. And the Thai staff. Then closed for a much needed paint job and refit.
According to the bosses, Sue went to the police and filed a comlaint that she and the girls weren’t paid. The owners came down and showed them receipts that, in fact, they had. Sue got arrested for filing a falke police report.
Stickman wrote, however, that the bosses ran off and were in hiding, the police were investigating and the bar would not reopen any time soon. As noted above, it opened the same week the rumor got printed.
At no time did Stick bother to talk to the bosses, despite having their phone number.
Same with the other two cases. As you said, there’s enough bad press going around. Pattaya doesn’t need fake stories scaring people away.
So, in retrospect, there’s probably a good reason the man stays in Secrets or Catz. Might be dangerous to go elsewhere. Walking Street farang bar owners are a bunch of cowboys and have no qualms about retribution.
View all comments by Banglamung
i’m sorry, did someone say “happy a go go” ?
girls budging from 2,000 ST ?
most excellent write up mr. mung .
nice photos too .
did the aussies eat the menu too ?
i need to find the “swimmer” . noi keeps bugging me to get a shower cap for the abnaam .
will be interesting to see what september , the lowest of the low season, brings…
View all comments by jack dawson
september in Pattaya actually is not usually bad. July is usually the rock bottom although it would would take something truly disasterous to be worse than May.
View all comments by Banglamung
Banglamung..always enjoy readung your write-ups. Business is most definitely tough now…getting calls from long-lost Pattaya friends is surely a sign that times are hard everywhere..especially there.
Keep writing..I’ll keep reading.
View all comments by Indu WangZi
Made a Pattaya trip about a month ago and had such a great time I made the trip back 10 days ago. 18 months ago I went down for the weekend and came back vowing never to return but now have standing plans to go every other weekend or until all of the dumbasses return. There is a ridiculous amount of talent compared to a year or 2 ago and the girls have way better attitudes….in general. The best bars of the bunch were Heaven Above, Naughty Girls or Super Girls (can’t remember which) Happy and Living Dolls 1. Club Boesche was not half bad so I have to assume the place has good nights and bad as most bars do. My hands down favorite for skank and sleaze was What’s Up bar just past Angelwitch as there are some of the hardest of hard core girls that I have ever seen in Thailand. This makes for some good fun and quality entertainment as long as you enjoy watching girls play with themselves and writhe on the floor. If you can stay somewhat sober head into Insomnia late night and there are endless options for pulling hotties and the girls are not shy about wanting (needing) a customer.
View all comments by billybobbkk
July In Pattaya is crazy quiet. Nearly all my Pattaya trips have been in July for my birthday and the place is fucking dead.
Soi6 girls offering 500baht ST that INCLUDES the BF, makes for a cheap trip and a happy YP
Are the hotels bending over backwards to drag in any customer or not?
View all comments by Young Penfold
Some of the nicer hotels were offering buy one night get on free and there were a few other deals around but all the places I normally stay (1000-3000 THB) had no deals that I could see. Get a nice room and save the money on the girls….far more satisfying that getting a cheap room.
View all comments by billybobbkk
maybe those in BKK can import Pattaya pricing!! drinks, hoes and hotels. now that would be fun!!
heading to pattaya for the first time at end Aug, after the obligatory day or 3 in bkk. think im glad its quiet; cheaper trip, hotter birds, less freaks. sounds good to me.
View all comments by Maz
@Prufrock – the swim cap guy has taken Russian fashion sense to a whole new level. Wow
View all comments by WPD
@Banglamung –
Great overview – keep writing – I will keep reading!
I was in PATTS (Jomtien) 2 weekends ago
Don’t make it a particular point to go clubbing in WS – but went one night and I tell you it was ‘dead’ — saw a couple of stunners on the sidewalks – but that was about it!
Went later that night to Insomnia – now that place was a ‘rocking’
Next day – went to see a girl that works at the Twin Palms (next to Hard Rock) – have been seeing her a couple of years – we walked from there to WS – and really dead – it was really hard for me to believe
But gotta give the girls credit – still a pretty good attitude!
So – are we to organize in the next 2 – 3 weeks a Charter Bus and we all get together and go?
View all comments by JDH
First of all Bangers, funny shit! You must have had a lot of that loopy juice the other night before writing this. I feel your pain mister.
I’m not really out that much so I can only comment on a few things. Very few bars are indeed busy. Was in the newish K agogo last week and was the only guy in there. Three hussies that worked before in X-Zone basically pulled me behind the shower stage and raped me, all in exchange for about 2 rounds of tequila and a 100 baht tip.
I know a guy who actually banged a girl in a booth in X-Zone. Discreetly, I’m told, until she had to go run to the toilet with some white stuff leaking down her leg.
Wild times these.
Me? I now work 2 jobs, have a live-in (as you know) who increasingly frowns on me going out alone and spend 90 mins / 6 days a week at the gym. No time, no money and no will to fight the missus to go out often.
HOWEVER lots of you sound like you’re in need of a Pattaya Power Price Break. (Fuck, it really is cheap to drink here these days.) And the guys above are right: The stuck-up, shit-don’t stink attitudes have really disappeared in many places.
INSOMNIA is off the hook. I see no need to every pay another barfine. (Not that I get the chance
) It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.
ANYWAY, I digress…. I know Bang Bang is out of town all from next week through the end of July, BUT if a group want to come down, I will play gracious and willing host. Some of you obviously know the ropes here and have been known to ignore calling me when in town, but for those of you that want to roll with The Ghost, I’m sure I could spare a night (or two)
View all comments by Pattaya Ghost
maz – if I could pay pattaya rents I will import pattaya pricing.
insomnia is the shit – no doubt about it
View all comments by sideshowBOB
Did Insomnia solve their police problems? It was raided and customers piss tested last time i was down in Pats….
View all comments by MSB
A major shoreholder in Insomnia is a Chonburi police capt. While they may sugger the occasional raid — to be fair to other discos which also get them — you can bet the bar will never be closed.
View all comments by Pattaya Ghost
Bangers, you sure they’re Aussies? Look more like Americans to me. Check this out to see why (one of a series, the beer is shit but love the ads)..
http://fortheloveofbeer.com.au/ad/
Just returned from a couple of weeks in Patts and confirm it is very, very quiet. I was with my TGF so can’t comment on what prices are like now but I would guess there are some bargains to be had. Spoke to one bargirl who complained her pussy had closed up because it hadn’t been used for so long.
View all comments by OldFatBastard
How about the 26th of this month (Friday) as I will be in town and I have never been to Insomnia before.
@Ghost – Perhaps I can vouch for you and get you a pass to get out of the house for a night.
Who else will be joining in the ‘Night out in SexPatts’?
View all comments by I Phukit
Speaking of Stick and Secrets in Pattaya, did anyone catch this part of his weekly report where he mentions one of the bar’s owners/managers?:
“As a regular of Secrets, I actually already had a lass sitting next to me before I had waved this lovely over. The lass who was with me already, a lady of similar age to me always makes for fun conversation. She tells me the latest bar gossip, and just who Larry did the night before.”
I can’t tell if they are talking about in-house trysts, or imports.
View all comments by DJ
So..you could say, this Larry guy, really is full of shit.
View all comments by Indu WangZi
@Indu – Don’t worry about it, it’s ‘in the bag’
View all comments by I Phukit
Tell me more about this ex-Catz girl with the huge rack…Mmmm…
I gave up on Stickman’s reviews when he kept pushing Catz. It sucks. Drinks as expensive as a bigger gogo though there’s less to look at, girls wearing too many clothes and I’ve always found girls with attitude there. The worst was a girl with huge tits who not only wouldn’t suck cock, she wouldn’t touch it either. Oh yes, and she wanted me to put on 2 condoms! Out the door, honey…
That was years ago but she was still there working as a ‘showgirl’ last year. I wonder if she’s the one you’re talking about.
View all comments by bibblies
In fairness bibbles, Catz has had a complete change since October. An owner who left came back, ALL the girls were replaced, new mamsan and new drink prices.
85 baht for everything. Havana Club (yummy), Absolut … all top shelf stuff. Yes, Stick does over-hype it, but it actually is a decent place. Some very lovely girls working at the moment.
The big-boosum girl might be the same. I used to think she was snotty too, but now, in her new domain, she’s very personable. Unfortunately, she looks better than she feels. Very soft. Needs a few weeks at the gym to firm up the tummy and tush.
Old Bastard — Yeah, sure they’re Cows from OZ. I was sitting not far from where they were grazing.
View all comments by Banglamung
What’s her name? ‘Ann’ rings a bell.
Big breasted, looks better than she feels and is very soft? Sounds like the opposite problem that you get with silicone!
Has Peppermint brought back the old proper shows yet? Not the everyone-does-them-bore couple of girls lesbian shit but the ones where they simply had 6 cute shaven girls in fetish outfits gyrating frantically to fast music?
Best shows ever… number 87… swoon!
View all comments by bibblies
Well I think I would prefer to choke on my own dentures than somebody elses………Oh re bars: what about The Beach Club and The silver Star?
View all comments by The Sandman
Which Insomnia……..the one at the back of Soi diamond.or not?
View all comments by The Sandman
Bang & PG, going for a visit soon, any comments on the “Stork” club?
View all comments by Riodon
Sandman — There are 3 silver stars. #1 on Soi 8 is the best, I think. #2 on Soi 7 probably next. One on Walking is lame and overpriced.
Beach Club is slow like everyone. Insomnia DISCO.
Rindon — Never been to Stork, but this is what my buddy Dave at Thai Anxiety said in Nov.
View all comments by Pattaya Ghost
Guys on the pole acting stupid or falang girls with elephant asses on the pole thinking they are funny.
I just HATE it !
Have to avoid LivingDolls 1 for sure.
View all comments by twoluckyone
@PG – Thanks
View all comments by Riodon
Pattaya Ghost. thanks for the correction. Oh I alway go to the Insomnia on the soi that leads out of the diamond and has the has the sleazy windmill on it. Leads to second RD And a late night beeps and squeaks club with coyote dancers in it. It has upstairs short times rooms…No wonder I am always confused..and yes I did mean the the Silver star on WS which I have an affection for and rate. But will check the other two SSs out
View all comments by The Sandman