Thailand Massages – The Newbie’s Guide to a Happy Beginning & Ending by I Phukit
Posted by I Phukit | Blog, Newbies, Reader Submissions | Posted on May 18th, 2009
You cannot take two steps in any city here in Thailand without seeing a massage shop, and in the tourist areas you are practically tripping over them. The fact is there is nothing in the world like an oil massage in Thailand. But with literally thousands of choices how do you know which ones to choose, and which ones are you most likely to get that ever so special, Thai Style, Happy Ending?
After living here in Thailand for the past 3+ years, and getting a massage at least once a day for the 1st
year, then a few per week over the next two and half in over 15 cities throughout the Land of Smiles, I have had my fair share. In Thailand, especially Bangkok, there are some well know shops that are clearly anything but massage shops and offer everything and anything under the sun. Many of which are listed here in the Wicked Traveler. This article is not about those types of shops, but the thousands of other shops spilling over throughout the country that may offer these special services, particularly Hand Jobs, but would look like any other shop to the untrained eye.
So why would someone even bother to go to one of these “regular” massage shops if they can get everything they want from a well-known Pay 4 Play (P4P) shop? Well, several reasons:
Discretion – If you are a single male coming here alone to indulge in Thailand’s finer assets, you might just want to head straight to a full- service shop and skip the B.S., however if you happen to be here with a significant other there is a good chance you might need to keep the “it’s just a massage, darling” mantra, and these clean-looking massage shops will aid in that, albeit weak, argument. (NOTE: Don’t try this with a Thai girl, as I learned that the hard way)
Massage- The fact is you may very well want a legitimate massage right along with your busted nut, and these are just the places to get these two tasks completed in a timely & efficient manner. Often these ladies are experts at not only relaxing your tense muscles but tensing up your relaxed muscle, before expertly relieving you of that stored load of baby batter.
Cost- If money is tight, and you want the most out of your hour (or two) then these shops are the way to go. Most oil massages will run 250 – 400 Baht per hour. This includes the oil massage without any extras. Because the staff in these places caters to all types of customers including women, families, elderly, etc., their expectations of tips can be lower than the straight P4P shops. (More on that later)
NOTE: Costs can vary depending upon what area of the country, or even the city you might be in. Your full service, anything-but massage shops, will generally range from 500 – 1000 Baht Per hour for the room alone. These types of places generally have private rooms with showers resulting in the higher costs. (Prices can vary widely here as well). So if you are looking for a simple massage and HJ, these everyday massage outfits may be just what the nurse ordered.
The Unknown- One of my favorite reasons for partaking in these types of rubdowns is the gamble. As her well-oiled hands glide up my thigh how far will she go? Does she avoid the bait and tackle like the plague, or does she dive in like an excited 5-year-old on Christmas morning? This is what I find the most fun, as every new girl, or new venue is a new hand and a fresh deal. Do I walk away with a full smile and a pair of empty nuts, or do I leave as blue as my balls? For me, the true excitement lies in the
unknown.
So how do you go about finding these fine establishments, and with a limited budget and time, how can you make the right choice? Phuket alone has hundreds, if not thousands of shops, with more opening every day, and probably 10 – 20 girls in each shop, so your options are virtually limitless. To help you navigate this confusion I have put together the following guidelines, based on my own experiences that will help you get the most out of your massages here in Thailand and keep you cumming back for years to come.
1st Rule- There are No Rules- The fact is that on any given day, in any given place, you can have an experience that goes beyond any possible explanation. Anyone who has been living here for any length of time can certainly confirm this. I have been in the raunchiest, sleaziest, run-down dirty, massage hole in the wall place and received nothing more than a coat baby oil splattered on my back, while I have also been pleasantly surprised by a hot and sweaty table-top session with a beautiful massage therapist at one of Thailand¡¯s most high-end and prestigious spas. With that said, the following paragraphs are simply guides that will help you in your quest to rid yourself of that pent up protein paste, and remember this is Thailand, there are no guarantees.
The Inspection (Exterior) – From the outside many shops appear nearly the same, however there are sometimes subtle and important differences that can help you make the right decision. The best way to see these shops is on foot. Leave the rented motorbike at the hotel, and complete your inspections on foot. Not only will you be able to see more, but there are enough obstacles just walking with your head turned, let alone driving. As you walk up to these massage shops, most will have signs with Foot Massage, Thai Massage, and Oil Massage along with the prices for these services as well. Foot Massages are generally given towards the front of the shop in a lazy-boy rocking chair, while Thai Massage are more of a stretching and pulling of your body, and both are done with your clothes on often in the open, full view of others. Both good massages, but that is clearly not what we are after in this article. What you want is the Oil Massage. Although this is Thailand, extra services are not always included or offered, and in fact in many tourist areas, some shop owners have been known to forbid their staff from offering or partaking in these extracurricular activities.
Unless you know the place well, it is always best to be discreet about your special needs, so don’t walk in and say “How come I don’t see Hand Jobs on the outside sign?”. This brings me to another important point. If you are looking for a lower price on your massage don’t ask. “Do you have a special?”. The word “special” here is never associated with a lower price, and is only used when discussing “special services”. I recommend using the word “Discount” as most will understand this word, and you will receive a lot fewer wide eyes and flush faces. (Trust me on this one, as I learned the hard way)
One of the easiest and most obvious ways to determine if this shop is offering rub and tugs is by the uniforms, or lack thereof. Almost all of these shops will have a group of ladies out in front calling the now famous “Helloooo Masaaaage”. If these “therapists” are dressed in small shorts, skirts, and/or tight shirts, or any type of revealing clothes, this is often one of the best indicators that, at the very least, a sausage soaking is on the menu.
Another clue is the existence of Japanese writing on the outside windows or sign boards. What, you say you don’t know what Japanese writing looks like? Well neither do I, but it’s not English and it’s not Thai, so if you see anything that looks like this: マッサージ That’s Japanese. The Japanese are well known to drop a great deal of money for P4P, and they are also kinky SOB’s, so any massage joint that specifically calls out to these customers types, is always a good choice.
The last and probably most important sign from outside the shop that a proper flogging is on the horizon, is the existence of a bar, either directly outside of the massage shop, or in close proximity. Somehow the Thais have magically combined drinking, massages and P4P all within the same surroundings. They have intelligently figured out that the more intoxicated we are the more likely we are to part with our hard-earned cash.
to be continued…
50 Responses to “Thailand Massages – The Newbie’s Guide to a Happy Beginning & Ending by I Phukit”
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Recent Comments
Translator
IP, great write-up, I’m eagerly awaiting part 2.
View all comments by Quagmire
i love massages
heeeelllooo welcoooooooome masaaaaaaage. . . . . .
View all comments by junny
Has anyone ever *not* got a hand job during an oil massage? Short of going to Wat Pho I don’t think it’s possible not be offered one.
Thai massages are a different story. From experience I’d rate those at 70% success rate. Even just getting a foot massage 30% of the time I’m hounded for an oil massage after wards. It’s funny when the are so instant that the cashier manager discounts the oil massage just to get you upstairs.
View all comments by ghost in the machine
@ghost: Me, twice. Once on soi 7/1, and once in the little massage shop just along from the Big Mango bar.
I did, however, get a thorough groping during a foot massage at Fortune Town last week.
I must be doing something wrong.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
@bbb Perhaps they were afraid of your broken twang? hehe. I’ve been to all the massage places on 7/1 and maybe I was lucky with getting the right girls but they all offered a minimum of a hand job. One even gave a bbbj for a 320THB tip as that’s all I had in my wallet. Got to love this slow economy.
That Fortune Town massage shop sounds like my kind of place. If you remember the name or have a description I’ll check it next time I’m in the neighborhood.
View all comments by ghost in the machine
I Phukit this blog is definately good for your “Greenhorn” on his first outing in find a discreet massage shop, one that gets his rocks off without it being obvious to the wife/ GF accompanying him on a trip/ holiday.
But, i was a little disappointed you didn’t share any little gems of places that you felt were of notable mention?
Sure i have had many experiences myself from Roi Et (sparse choice) to Hua hin (so so choices) to BKK (Unlimited choices). But there’s always someone else out there that knows something you don’t etc? And so i’m always interested in listening to what people have to say.
Just thinking about my habits for a moment, i mainly tend to separate my need for a good Thai massage and my need for a good session with a hottie.
I have a couple of favourite Thai massage shops i go to where i just want a GOOD 2 hour Thai massage, no HJ or BJ just a fucking A+ incredible Thai massage to relax me and zone out, no music, no chatting massage girls, no talking, just pure relaxation!!
For sex i tend to go to NEP (no shock there then) or other bars to find a hottie that will do everything, for me this eliminates the ‘pain in the arse conversation’ of trying to get the massage girl in the shop to suck me off bb or to drop her panties for a poking!
This true scenario is the reason behind my mantra;
Towards the end of my 2 hour massage she (cute petite massage girl) decides she wants to earn a bit of cash, no problem i don’t mind it’s expected, so i get the – “you want anything else, something special”… blah blah blah, so i ask how much?
“1 towsand for suck-king your cock, 3 towsand for fuck-king ok”.
My eyesbrows raise on like they are on autopilot in astonishment, i smile and furrow all at the same time thinking WTF, i can get ST for a standard 1,500 and usually LT/ all night for 2,000!!
But this cheeky bitch wants to charge me top Dollar for a nothing more than a quickie!?
We’re 1 hour 45 minutes into the 2 hr massage, she’s on a timer and expected back downstairs in next 15 minutes and she really thinks i’m gonna go for her daylight robbery without the mask prices?
In my head all i can hear are the words often said by Roy Chubby Brown on stage in his distinct Geordie twang saying – FOOK OFF, CUNT!
Anyway i decline politely lmao, however, the tosser side of me wants to actually come out Chubbys insult, but no, too polite for that.
So, that’s why i tend to separate my needs of good massage, and needs of a good shag’, that way i get the best possible experience in both scenarios as best as possible.
Ever asked a BG for a massage after sex? mostly they prod you in an awkward manner, fuck that. Keep it separate i say!
View all comments by Eddie T
@Quag -Thanks, The next sectio is the fun part
@Ghost – Come to Khaosan Rd, and try out anyone of the 30 – 40 shops there, and see what you walk away with. Only about 10% of the women in 5% of the shops are willing, as this is quite a different part of BKK then you might might be used to. For me, I love the challenge.
@Eddie T – Where is your sense of adventure? As far as the requests for tips, I have had many a chuckle as well, at some of their absurd requests. Wait for the next part as I teach newbies how to compromise in an uncompromising position.
Remember folks, we are in one of the best buyers markets in recent history here in Thailand.
View all comments by I Phukit
@ EdditT: full ack!
a pro pos “…just a fucking A+ incredible Thai massage”
so far I have been trying a few places on and around sukhumvit. the one at the corner to soi 8 , but still on sukh. I found to be the best I have been to so far. 250/1h ; 400/2h BUT as always quality pretty much varies with the girls. although they seem to run the same trainee programm with all of them. just that some seem to have their favorite body parts. i dunno. some are great doing legs, some are great working out the neck/back and shoulders. but overall still better than the other spots i have been to.
do you mind sharing some of the traditional thai massages places you would highly recommend ?
TIA
View all comments by BKKtypelexic
@BBB you must have been having a bad day when u visited the place next to the mango. I have been 2.5/3 there for extras albeit only HJ.
The 0.5 comes from me being the unwilling recepient of a hastiyl aborted HJ. The really big girl was next in turn when I went in for an oil massage. I didn’t know that until I had agreed to go for a 90 massage.
I should have known something was up when she told me to start off laying on my back. Within 10 minutes she had me pinned down, whisked the towel away and was attempting to get me hard.
within minutes I was covered in oil and scrambling to the mango for sanctury, aborting 15 minutes into the 90 minute session.
Now I ahve to do a freeking walk of shame every time I come to the mango.
View all comments by WarCorrespondentDave
wcd – now I know who the oily looking dude was. all makes sense now. thanks!
View all comments by sideshowBOB
@ I Phukit
Lol ok i’ll be patient for the next instalment lol.
@ BKKtypelexic
Thanks mate.
@ WarCorrespondentDave
LMAO, i’ve never been for an oil massage before heading out on the town, i guess i hate that clammy feeling of oily skin on my shirt.
Usually i have an oil massage when in a relaxing mood and tend to head straight back to the hotel to continue to chill, especially if i got company already.
View all comments by Eddie T
When I just want a massage, my favorite place is to go to Friend’s Massage between Soi 8 and Soi 10. It’s a hair salon downstairs and a massage joint upstairs. They have something like 7 foot massage chairs, 4 Thai massage areas, and 2 oil massage areas.
The place itself does not stand out from many other massage places that you may find. The difference is the girl I get my foot, thai, and oil massages from. When you go there ask for Aoy (pronounced “Oy”).
She’s no stunner by any means, but she is a really nice lady with a great sense of humor and she has very strong hands and gives a great foot, thai, and oil massage.
I’ve been going there for about a year. The other girls are very nice. Sometimes when it is slow, while Aoy is giving me a foot massage another girl will massage my head (upstairs one), and other will massage my arms. That is heaven. I don’t think that is standard practice, but I have known these girls for about a year. Many of them where at the B-day party at the Mango April 4th. They like when I bring over a couple of burgers from the Mango for them to share.
I took a friend of mine from the States to this place and he got Noi and he says that she was really good as well. He told me one time when it was really slow he hired both Aoy and Noi and had a fantastic massage.
The other side of the coin: A good friend of mine that comments on this blog has gone there and doesn’t think it’s anything special. But he did not get Aoy! as she was busy with me.
I have taken my Teeruk and her daughter here before and they like the place.
As for extras, I am sure anything can be negotiated pretty much anywhere as some earlier have suggested, but that is not the reason I go to this place.
Downstairs a few of the hair and nail girls are really cute. If you want a challenge, try to get one of them…
P.S. there are two Friend’s Massage places owned by the same person. The one I go is between Soi 8 and Soi 10. There is another one on the other side of Chuvit Park past Soi 10 but I have no experience at that one.
View all comments by TuBuKu
@I Phuket: Great post. Good advice on discount vs. special.
Last year I went on a massage tour in Thailand in Chang Mai, Phuket, Pattaya, and BKK to find out the spectrum of services offered in the various markets. One place in Pattaya I got a 2 hour oil, not expecting anything. For some reason I pitched a tent and they lady suggested that I could go over to walking street to take care of that. She was very good at the oil massage.
I went back a day or two later and she was not there so I got someone else. For some reason, again, I pitched a tent and this one was willing to go the extra mile. So just to confirm, even in the same venue, you may get different levels of service.
View all comments by TuBuKu
My mom comes to visit me in Thailand last year and we head down to Krabi for a week. Go to a run of the mill massage shop and I opt for the oil massage and my mom goes for the Thai massage. At around the half time mark, I ask the girl if she can give me a hand job. She replies that she cannot as her boss is across the way (giving my mom the Thai massage). I offer 300 baht and she says okay and we both keep things real quiet – her for her boss, me for my mom (yes I know it is a bit fucked up). We go back the next day, my mom for a foot massage and I head to the back for an oil session. Lo and behold, I have the boss giving me the massage and any thoughts of a happy ending are dismissed. About 50 minutes in after the flip over – and she says “you want happy massage? 200 baht”. I replied “sure…but quickly, my mom’s foot massage is almost over”. Gotta love Thailand.
View all comments by JustinCider
@I Phuk: Spot on. Looking forward to part II.
@JustinCider: “(yes I know it is a bit fucked up)” – I think you can leave the “a bit” out.
View all comments by pmmp
Having been beckoned repeatedly by the massage shop near the Mango I always wondered if anything additional was available, but since it appeared that the chairs were right there I wasn’t optimistic, so I decided against it, knowing that only a HJ was available, I’m glad I did not partake. Let me know if you ever get a BBJ, I can give myself a HJ for free.
“Hansum Maaaan, Maaasage” is absolute music to my ears.
View all comments by Quagmire
Oh, and lao lao with part 2!
View all comments by Quagmire
Must agree that the uncertainty adds to the enjoyment and is one of the reasons I often try new places. Especially during the day when even a strike out can be fun, knowing that a good root is no more than a few hours away at most.
Having said that, sometimes when I just want a massage it is hard to relax properly when I can to hear someone on the other side of the curtain getting a HJ.
View all comments by NotinParadise
Can anyone tell me some places to get one of those body to body nude slide type massage with oil. I saw a video and it looks great. I will be in Bkk in one week. I would like it to end in BJ or FS.
Thanks
View all comments by don
In years of coming to Thailand and many, many massages in BKK, Chiang Mai, Pattaya, Phuket, Ao Nang etc., only twice have I not received extra services: most usually a HJ but on a few occasions a BJ.
In Pattaya of all places, I got a “No” from the girl in a parlour near the Mercure Hotel. So I paid her just the 200 bahts for the massage and a 50 baht tip. Then went and had a good soapy with absolutely everything.
Staying in the Novotel, Siam Square, in BKK, the room rate include one hour massage. “No,” said the girl, “We are not allowed to do that. You should go to one of massage parlours opposite the hotel.”
Think I went to Annie’s.
View all comments by Bonkabit
Don,
Dunno where you live or travel to but in my life the best body to body places were the Korean massage shops in Sydney Australia. The Korean girls had it down to a fine art. I used to partake two to three times per week. They are dotted all around the CBD (downtown) area.
There it’s important to know the difference between Korean and Chinese massage since most places offer both. The chinese girls usually give a real massage while they are fully clothed, then offer sex for a tip at the end.
The korean girls get naked early in the piece and give a sexy massage and the happy ending is included in the higher up front price. I often found that after I’d seen a Korean girl a couple of times it was easy to get her to upgrade to full sex… sometimes for an extra tip, but often for free. (One of them actually started coming to my house for dinner and a night of banging (gratis) on her one day off per week).
View all comments by Werewolf
“Come to Khaosan Rd”
i like that. that’s funny.
View all comments by jack dawson
‘after I’d seen a Korean girl a couple of times it was easy to get her to upgrade to full sex…’
I usually ask for upgrades at check-in so I don’t have to use my air-miles.
View all comments by bobonzo
Some of these posts are awful long.
The Readers Digest version?
You can often get a hand job at the massage places.. sometimes a blow job.
View all comments by ATM
atm: I’m not known for my brevity so I don’t complain about the length of other people’s blogs, but when it comes to reading those blogs I often find the length tedious as well. Usually I just read the first sentence of each paragraph to get the flavor of the piece.
I actually read this one all the way through.
I thought it kept moving decently well, with each paragraph adding something new, so I didn’t think it really needed editing. It did seem to be ironically devoid of any ending… happy or otherwise.
I gotta say, I’m not a big fan of the two and three part blogs that are a feature of this site… especially when there are two or three of them running at once. I understand why some blogs are broken up. I remember some of the early opus-like blogs that drew complaints from readers for running 3 to 5 thousand words, but if I’m gonna get em in parts I’d like to get part 2 about 24 hours after part 1, then move along to the next entry. Not that anyone needs to give a f*ck about my opinion.
BTW, it looks like junny’s been studying! He’s learned the phraseology of the New Theory of Mongering and is able to parrot the perfessor to perfection. Does downtown Sydney count as “the reservation”?
BTW, I got an SMS from doctorbond last week apologizing for not answering my call, explaining that he’d been in “kennyland”. To my query “kennyland?” he replied “off the reservation”.
funny stuff. It waould seem that the vernacular of the ‘kokosphere is being constantly enriched from a variety of sources.
pmmp: party pics soon? I didn’t fall asleep in the bar, did I?
Live long and prosper.
WW
View all comments by Werewolf
@WW: They will be posted later. You remained conscious the whole time. Well done
View all comments by pmmp
Why would anyone get an oil massage if a handjob isn’t included? If you don’t get one you deserve a refund on your massage. Will people be saying next that soapies don’t include sex?
And WW I agree the 2 and 3 part posts are a shameless way to push up advertising revenues.
View all comments by Johnson&Johnson
brevity is wit…especially here.
View all comments by Indu WangZi
I totally enjoy multi-parted posts. i love a good sequel. what i don’t like are those damned pre-quel post. what the fuck is this, “revenge of the sith”?
i love a good massage.
long long ago when i was but a wee lad getting my non-b visa in penang i decided to spend my money on a much needed massage. i had been traveling all day on foot, scoping penang for all things of interest to man and happened upon one of those signs on a hotel saying there was a massage place upstairs. not being one to waste a good opportunity i jumped at the chance to get a rub down before going back to my room to finish reading through my stash of lowrider magazines and prison loveletters.
i entered into the shop and was greeted by a 40 year old chinese lady that look every bit of her 40 years. she had a voice which suggested she had a two pack a day habit and she was wearing something that was probably from the grace jones fashion line. i had thought that i would be presented with my pick of massagologists but was instead led to a room and told, “okay, you take off. i wash your dick.”
now i realized that this gravel voiced. technicolor dressed old chinese lady would be rubbing me down i disrobed shyly like you do the first time you gotta get naked in front of a girl in a blizzard, thinking of a good excuse, “it’s cold, little guy’s shy.”
i then lay on the massage bed which looked more like a discarded OB-GYN examination chair and was rubbed down quite nicely. i would relax and start to enjoy the warm scented oil until she started talking to me. her voice reminding me of that lady from the “goonies” that chased chunk and the others to the pirate ship.
now on my stomach, my legs got a good going over. since i had been walking all day this was quite pleasant. as i was going into dream mode on the examination table i felt a warm sensation envelope Don Francisco Villalobos (yes, thats it’s name). the old lady was blowing the shit out him and he was helpless against the onslaught. i remember thinking, “well, if this shuts her up for a while i’m all for it?” and laying my head back to try to enjoy what was taking place.
about 15 minutes into the reacting of jonah and the whale starring Don Francisco Villalobos i felt the bed/exam table shifting and then another warm albeit different sensation. the old lady decided to have a go without so much as an invitation. i never asked for it. all i wanted was a nice massage and i end up getting raped. moral of the story… none, experience was so traumatizing i’m having a hard time typing this out.
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
@J&J: “And WW I agree the 2 and 3 part posts are a shameless way to push up advertising revenues.” – I don’t believe WW asserted that 2 and 3 part posts are done to push up ad revenues, and it’s not something we do here. Nice try though. I have no shame but it has nothing to do with multipart Posts.
View all comments by pmmp
@ucw: Sorry, but I’m going to split your very long Comment into two parts so we can retire early on the extra ad revenue.
Kidding, always love the tales.
View all comments by pmmp
pmmp- as long as it doesn’t include giving fellatio to a hoofed animal i’m always down to take one for the team. split away!
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
@WW – “It did seem to be ironically devoid of any ending… happy or otherwise.”
Ah, yeah that’s because the ending has not come yet, and I am sure it will be posted shortly.
FYI: The piece was submitted in one part, but it may have been a bit too long for one shot.
@UCW – I nearly fell of the chair. I, as well as others I’m sure, would enjoy reading a submitted article by you so put something up soon.
View all comments by I Phukit
@WW -Oh yeah, by the way, it was nice meeting you the other night, although I am not 100% sure you remember it.
View all comments by I Phukit
@ WW – yes, my text messages are hilarious – I often send them to myself so that I can enjoy it all over again.
View all comments by doctorbond
good tips but you see so many massage places in thailand.so were the best ones are takes someone who knows.good advice,look them up next visit
View all comments by geoff
Ok i know some smart ass is gonna verbally slap me for asking this, but, what does “home town heroes” mean?
I’m guessing it’s an Americanism? I remember reading this phrase several times during BBK’s mamouth blogs, funny how be side swipes them, yet on his own website he’s been banging on how popular he is especially bigging himself up as the so called Numero Uno on these type of blog-sites.
Really, i was about reaching for a bucket to throw up in as the self-proclaimed king of blogs of all things Thai – was pushing himself further up his own arse. lmao.
Go have a read, he was even slagging of this site (tfs2m) and the people that contribute to it, if it wasn’t so amusing you’d think he was being serious, or, maybe he was?
View all comments by Eddie T
Eddie,
A hometown hero, at least my interpretation is one who brags about all his sexual exploits/conquests back in his home country or exaggerates or lies about their job back home to inflate their own egos. They try to make themselves into something they are not, it’s easy for one to assert that they were the prom king or had some sort of Hugh Hefner like mojo and got hookers to give them freebies when one is in Bangkok.
How many men have you seen rolling around the go-go’s are absolute mutants and probably couldn’t get ass anywhere but a red light district? Probably quite a few. But if you asked them few are going to say “yeah, I was a fat ass loser and I look like a mutant so I couldn’t get any ass in my own country, that’s why I came to Bangkok” No, invariably they were always a stud back home, or wherever they came from.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way saying everyone that came to Bangkok is like described above. A lot of guys just like Asian women, particularly Thai women over the fare offered in their home country and are probably do quite well back home with the natives of their home country.
View all comments by Quagmire
Or, maybe the stuff some of these “hometown heros” say actually occurred, but it is irrelevant to the thread and nobody really cares. The real purpose of some of the hometown heros postings are perhaps stroke their own ego, or try to impress others.
View all comments by Quagmire
I went to King & I on Sukhumvit last year and it was completely legit. Which was what I was looking for at that particular moment. Was fun.
View all comments by David
@ Guagmire, thanks for explaining that. Well i guess i’m no ‘home town hero’ since several of my postings you will recall i have fucked up or been blown out lol.
I think it’s amusing retelling my less successful exploits, as looking back on them make me laugh even. Ok, so glad im no ‘up myself king dick’ yet! lmao
View all comments by Eddie T
The King & I is a bit on the expensive side but always good quality massage. I have always gotten “legit” massages there, no extras on offer that I know of. When I want a guaranteed good massage that is where I go.
View all comments by Werewolf
would that be the king and i with yule brenner or chow yun fat?
View all comments by UnCochinoWetback
I’ve always heard the “hometown hero” term used to describe a dumb farang that gets involved with a girl from Isaan and gives her money, builds a big house on her family’s farmland, etc. Hence the dumb farang feels like a “hero” in her hometown because family members and neighbors pretend to like him.
View all comments by ghost in the machine
@ ghost in the machine – good analogy my friend.
I can imagine how some farangs get hoicked in by those seductive and sometimes innocent looking TG’s, and pay out to get a house built on the parents land.
I for one put my foot down with a firm hand and told my T/GF from the beginning that i’m not giving her parents money, i’m not building a new house or paying for a new buffalo, she laughed, i think some of her friends may have done this?
Anyway, over the last few years i have gotten to know her well, she never asks me for cash for her family or anything, except when we go shopping lol, why is that she wants to buy the whole store for our baby girl? But i know this isnt just a Thai thing, all mothers want their kids to have everything i guess.
When we visit her village i don’t act like ‘king dick’, however, im greeted by over a dozen of her family members that come over for a feast. I buy some beer and alco-pops and veggies from Lotus, and her dad takes us down to his farm where we get a net of live catfish, and some live chickens. (My T/GF told me one day that her dad wants me to work on the farm with him so i could stay in Thailand, i had to politely decline, i earn more working for myself).
So all i take her father is a bottle of fine malt whiskey (not Jonny Walker from Lotus), and mum – well my T/GF gets some Thai sweets for mum.
And that’s how it’s been almost 3 years, everything cool. But i think i’m one of the lucky few who haven’t been short/ long conned.
However, that didnt stopped me spying on her for the first year or so, only because i was so paranoid at being sucked in to the usual stories we often hear.
Oh sorry, no one asked about my situation, but i thought i’d explain anyway, gives you guys a little info/ background on me.
View all comments by Eddie T
@ET- Yes, consider yourself a lucky one, but never let your guard down, and don’t forget to Phone Home once in a while.
View all comments by I Phukit
@ I Phukit, Thanks for the wise words, i do feel more relaxed these days, but i don’t think i’ll let my guard down for some time yet. Luckily i still have a fair amount of contact with my family and friends.
View all comments by Eddie T
Quag: I began my quest of getting the girls to give it away for free in the red light districts because I got tired of getting it for free in non red light districts in the West.
Sincerely,
Bubba the fat ass’d one eyed mutant
View all comments by Bubba
Can some one please tell me how to say ” swallow my cum” and I want you to swap my cum in your mouths” I’m off to Eden tomorrow! Thanks in advance!!!
View all comments by Leigh
These days you would be hard pushed to find a massage parlour in Chiang Mai that does not give hand jobs. It`s easier to enquire; which massage parlours don`t do hand jobs?
Now even the establishments that were in the past the most stringent of legit massage parlours will oblige with a happy ending.
This all came about within the last couple of years as the Chiang Mai tourist industry dwindled and these entertainment establishments such as massage parlours became desperate to maintain they’re incomes and stay in business.
The massage women, most are plain looking and in the 35s up bracket although there are some far and between young lookers, began doing hand jobs as an additional service of the standard oil massage to earn extra income.
All this may sound great, but there are drawbacks.
Many of the massage parlours have become known as the happy ending parlours and the actual massage has become secondary. Once inside these places the woman’s sole life ambition becomes to obtain as much money from the customer in the shortest possible time.
Usually she has her hands around the guy’s genitals within the first 3 minutes and if the guy reacts as he should, then the woman begins the bartering process. You want? Yes; how much you tip me? Or she may hold up her fingers if the woman thinks her conversation maybe over heard. She will try it on according to how naïve and gullible she considers the customer to be. This is a big turn off for me.
Some will ask for 1000 baht plus the massage fee. Others will try they’re luck at 500 baht. But I never go above 300 baht for the hand relief plus whatever the price of the massage. Take it or leave it I say. So far only a couple has refused and insisted on more.
These women can be extremely insistent and not except no for an answer. It can be like being locked in a room with a high pressure salesman. The favourite line is; you are my first customer today, please give me good tip or business no good, you be kind, OK?
There have been times when I have been in and out of a massage parlour within 20 minutes flat. Cost 250 baht for the so called 1 hour oil massage and 300 baht for a quicky hand job.
Most of the women seem to want to get it over with a.s.a.p and insist on not touching them. The woman sits facing the customer about knee distance, just enough so that the guy is not able to reach her if he happens to get a bit amorous. They seem to have 10 foot long arms and body well out of reach.
Over time I have become bored with it and have been searching for something more adventurous but can`t seem to find this in Chiang Mai.
The Chiang Mai bar scene is pretty grim.
View all comments by Bored in Chiang Mai