Enlightenment by On Nutter
Posted by On Nutter | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on January 21st, 2008
It has taken me 10 years to reach the Buddhist state of Enlightenment. The moment of supreme clarity came as an Isaan princess played with my balls in a bath tub in the S. Botan massage parlour on Rama VI. And I owe it all to Cheapolay and ssB for bringing it to my attention.
As with all life-changing moments, it had been preceded by suffering. The previous night I had paid a 600-baht Nana Plaza barfine on top of several outrageously priced lady-drinks for a cutie who ticked all the boxes. The only problem was that as soon as we arrived at my apartment she told me it was the wrong time of the month. It would be an understatement to say I was angry.
?Why did you let me barfine you when you knew you were on your period?” I demanded. ?You have wasted my time and my money.”
?Period just start now,” she claimed. Yeah, and OJ Simpson was innocent.
I gave her 100 baht for a taxi and told her to go. She then had the cheek to demand 500 baht before, sensing my anger, retreating sheepishly out of the door.
My previous P4P recruit was a similar disappointment. She was a Thermae freelancer with whom I had agreed an overnight rate. As soon as we got to my place, she took a call (no doubt pre-arranged with a friend) and claimed it was the tragic news that her mother had been taken ill and was being rushed to Bangkok for hospital treatment. She seemed remarkably unconcerned about her mother’s plight as she casually announced that she could now only do short time. I could not even be bothered disputing such blatant bullshit and gave her 500 baht to go away.
These two letdowns, indicative of the bad attitudes prevalent among many Bangkok entertainment providers, convinced me it was time to have a change of scene and strategy. I went to the sexpats’ bible, this website. I recalled Cheapolay recommending S. Botan and Smitty following up with a field report. I researched the articles, recruited a friend and was soon on the Skytrain to the National Stadium.
I had not even visited a soapy for four years and had never been a big fan. I had always thought picking a number from a fishbowl line-up was slightly demeaning to both the girls and the punters. But, hey, anything had to be better than paying go-go dancers and freelancers for not having sex.
As we walked along Rama VI, it was not encouraging to see people on the bottom rung of Thai society scavenging and sleeping among putrid rubbish dumps. As Cheapolay and Smitty observed, this is not tourist Bangkok; S. Botan is where the local working-class guys go for their fun. At 4.30pm on a Saturday, there were plenty of them inspecting the fishbowl.
My friend and I decided to take our time. We ordered some beers (80 baht for a large Leo) and sat down to inspect the view. There were about 25 girls in the bowl. Not a bad line-up but only two or three were rocking my boat. My shortlist soon became one – a classic Isaan beauty with a lovely figure – who was smiling over suggestively. As more Thai guys crowded into the inspection area, I was worried she would be snapped up, so I beckoned one of the papasans to bring her over to our table. She was lovely, 27, and from Roi Et. We conversed in a mixture of Pidgin English and Bar Thai until a papasan came over and said ?overtime”. We went to the counter, I paid my 1,000 baht and we went upstairs.
After Smitty’s description of his room, I was expecting something dingy, but I must have been in a renovated room. Honestly, I have stayed in worse mid-range hotels. It was pristine with air con, a dinky leather couch, nice bed with a mirror running alongside it, TV and a spacious bathroom area. A lot of the fittings appeared to be new and the lighting panel had eight switches with which to adjust the ambience. My hostess set up a subdued red atmosphere in the bedroom. ?Lomantic,” she smiled.
She was a pro but not a jaded one. In the bath tub, she gyrated over me while giving every area a thorough cleansing. On the bed she applied a strawberry-flavoured condom before administering an expert blow-job. When we got down to bumping uglies, she demonstrated her acting skills by appearing to enjoy it, culminating in a great fake orgasm. The whole experience was fantastic. While I understand a tip is not obligatory, she asked for one and I was happy to hand over 200.
Back downstairs, I ordered a beer and marvelled at the Thai guys as they meticulously made their selections, some pondering for fully 30 minutes and going right up to the glass to have a closer look. That’s when I reached Enlightenment, the realisation there is another P4P world offering greater value and enjoyment than lying freelancers and menstruating gogo dancers.
I have seen the future and it doesn’t involve barfines, pushy mamasans, Cola beggars and amateurs who want the maximum amount of money for providing a second-rate service. Thank you, Cheapolay.
33 Responses to “Enlightenment by On Nutter”
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Translator
You’ve discovered what I’ve always thought..
Bravo
View all comments by bo
ok, but what number was she?
View all comments by jo
I am pretty much of the “go somewhere, get yer rocks off, go back on your own and watch the football” sort of chap too and know exactly where you are coming from.
I recommend getting a couple of female friends that you don’t bonk too – these should obviously be outside the P4P scene, intelligent and career women in their own right. Then you have some fun company to go out an about with.
My Bangkok scene had been predominantly this so far and I am having trouble faulting it. The odd occaision when I have woken up with somebody it is nearly always with some regret – they disturbed my sleep, they were in the bathroom when I needed it etc. etc.
View all comments by doctorbond
How you gave the soon to be orphaned polehugger 500baht i will never know
S.Botan is gonna be top of my list to check out. i take it same applies to other soapies if i go by cab i get stung for a surcharge?
View all comments by Penfold
You called the play on these paddy princesses, most of whom never even SEE two thousand baht in one place before they start “working”.
View all comments by thongsuk
Glad you had a great experience after some bad one’s. With the bargirl going on her period I would have went back to the bar and got my barfine back. A little loss of face may alter her behavior in the future. For the freelancer, taxi fare at best.
Freelancers and gogo girls are a mine field but it’s certainly more exciting trying to walk through a mine field without getting blown up than peacefully strolling through a cabbage patch. The soapies are okay once in a blue moon but offer no challenge. No risk, no reward. After a few bad apples the sweet one you get next tastes oh so good. I know, I’m weird.
View all comments by pmmp
Is there anywhere to go for an ‘oil massage’?
I usually laugh in a bargirls face when she bullshits me.
View all comments by Jimmy Cricket
I spent 30 years tip-toeing through the minefields. At my age the soapies do me just fine. No more excitement for me thanks, I’ve had enough.
View all comments by bo
Jo: I don’t want the sort of people who read this site shagging my girl.
Penfold: Yes, 500 baht was far too much. I don’t think I had any 100 notes in my wallet and I just wanted her out of the door ASAP.
As for the taxi surcharge, I really don’t know. I went by Skytrain and walked for 15 minutes from National Stadium. Being cheap, I got the No 48 blue bus back to Sukhumvit Soi 5 for 8 baht.
pmmp: Good point. I know exactly what you mean. The bad experiences make the good ones even better. And I know that when some gogo cutie is sitting on my lap after I have had 10 beers, my no-barfine resolution will quickly crumble.
As for retrieving the barfine from the bleeder’s bar, I have always worked on the principle that once you give money to a Thai, you will NEVER see it again. Has anyone ever been refunded by a Thai-owned bar?
General point: I have had a few bleeders over the years. The worst are those who don’t tell you until you realise that your bed resembles a scene from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The others break the news after the barfine but before any action, hoping you will settle for a blow-job or a hand-job.
It just goes to prove that you can’t trust anything that bleeds for four days every month and doesn’t die.
View all comments by On Nutter
Something wrong with a BJ ?
View all comments by Jack Dawson
There are cheapies on Petchburi Road as well but they don’t measure up to Cheapolay’s S.Botan
. . . . I think this is worth keeping in mind
How does THIS sound:
1) a two hour traditional massage w/ happy ending (tipped well)
2) adjourn to the soapy section
3) leisurely 20 min. refractory period as I decided upon a second very sexy 55 kg. “fatty”
4) she spoke almost no English but was eager to learn
5) a naked 90 minute Thai lesson for me / English lesson for her (tipped her even though she really wasn’t expecting much)
6) she said bye in the lift. (Some have lost regular Thai/ Asian clients who see them having too much public fun with Ferangs in the reception area (that’s OK
No running the clock, no non-performance, no “shutting down the play”
You hafta speak Thai here. Papasans are OK.
View all comments by thongsuk
On: Dealt with Freelancers and GoGo girls last night (ie. walked through the minefields) and couldn’t stop thinking about S. Botan. Ah, the p4p pendulum, what a ride.
View all comments by pmmp
Nice review on the massage. If the girls did a soapie I might make it a higher priority to go there.
Why do you give 100 or 500 baht for taxi fare? One girl I knew kept passing out on the bed (naked) saying she was too drunk. I told her politely but firmly to leave. She suddenly lost her drunken state and asked for some money. I strong refused and she left.
Now a days girls are too successful in these games. Please guys, stand up and refuse the antics of the girls and refuse to pay and optionally go complain at the bar. If the mamasan doesn’t care, be sure to alert the other farangs in the bar to what happend so hopefully they will leave without falling for the tricks.
View all comments by BeAMan
I think its a case of ferangs not wanting any bother, and for the sake of 500baht getting rid of the girl which makes them think they can get away with this type of shyte.
I’ve never had a prank like this played on me before, but I been guilty of throwing girls 500baht when i get the oscar-worthy waterworks in the morning to stop the GBH of the earholes and get rid of them.
View all comments by Penfold
JD: Nothing wrong with a BJ but when paying 600 for a barfine and agreeing 2,000 LT with a girl, I expect it to be part of the action, not its entirety.
BeAMan: You are probably right but I am ‘jai dee’ and like to ensure they can at least get home safely. Stickman makdes a point in his latest column that punters should pre-empt these games by pointing out to girls before they barfine them that they will not be paid one baht if they leave before the morning.
View all comments by On Nutter
ON: “It just goes to prove that you can’t trust anything that bleeds for four days every month and doesn’t die.” My nomination thusfar for 2051 quote of the year.
Re: the FL whose mother turned ill. What pisses me off with these subterfuges are that the lady assumes you just got off the tourist boat, despite having your own apartment and speaking Thai. She’s more deserving of bus fare than taxi fare. The only satisfaction is that she realizes she lost 500-1000 baht, plus some time away from her Thai Gik, in using this ploy.
PMMP: Your minefield analogy perfectly describes why I still plough the FL spots, gogos, and beer bars for that next ‘discovery’. Reasonably priced soapys are a much better value than gogos for those only wanting to wet their pickle. There are times when I like taking the girl out for drinks and chatting, and letting the anticipation build prior to the conclusion. For ladies I already know, it’s nice when they phone and say they want to come over for a visit.
View all comments by DJ
How’s this?
Over the years I have gotten bar fines back from Rainbow 1, Rainbow 2, Pretty Lady, Club Electric Blue, Fantasia and three or four others I cannot remember. Get back to the mamasan and tell her exactly what happened. You want to make the point that its NOT the money so buy the mamasan a drink and blew that refunded barfine on girls in her bar.
I have kicked out about ten girls from rooms in the Penny Black, the PB, the Street Lodge, the Landmark, the old Uncle ray’s GH behind the Landmark and several apartments. In doing so, I have been threatened with the “bing back here my brother, me” bullshit and the “my uncle me is a bodyguard from (****) And “my sixter me blah blah blah. . . . or regaled with the old “my peeliod me, blah blah blah . . . . .” Fuck it.
It’s ALL bullshit.
First: ST or LT Before you pay bar, tell her to turn her GD phone OFF (she knows about this) Really. Is she expecting a fukcing call from the Pentagon? the World Bank? Elvis Presley? PHONE OFF.
Performance scams are rewarded with comparable pay cuts. Warn her that once she starts down that sulky, grumpy, bullshit road she has cut her own pay.
Second: Short time is 2 hours and/or until YOU’RE through with her whichever comes first. It has nothing to do with her inspecting your condom, telling you she knows you came and now you’re now on overtime. In fact, any shutdown talk (“you fat”, “you smell like a pig”, “you have water in your eye”, “I not do” (after agreeing), or any other bait and switch is a vote for cancellation.
The infamous “rock fuck” or the “sleep fuck” option is NOT on either.
ST??? It’s 1500 baht (not an automatic 2000) unless you want to pay her more. . . but she has to make you want to pay her more.
OK How do you “cancel” a tough one?
First: Stay cool.
Second? Move fast.
Slip out of bed over to the door. Open the door, grab her shoes and purse (phone) (NOT her clothes) and toss one shoe down the hall towards the lift and the rest towards the end of the hall.
Now SHE has the problem not you
She’ll have to leave the room (naked or toweled) to get her stuff. She’ll have to stop and think. While she’s figuring out what to do, get your pants and shirt on and gather the rest of your shit and get the key out of the room into the hall.
At the top of the stairs, toss her back the key so she can unlock the room and get her tart-wear back on.
(Now you’re outside, dressed with the key and she’s in the hall naked
“You pay for my time” is worth 100 baht.
Long time is all night and if she leaves before morning sex she gets paid for short time only if she banged you and blew you well enough to call it ST.
View all comments by thongsuk
Whats GBH?
View all comments by yes man
Grievous Bodily Harm.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grievous_bodily_harm
View all comments by TAFKABBB
“..I have been threatened with the “bing back here my brother, me” bullshit…”
@thongsuk – did you ever get “tomollow thai man come boxing you!” ?
i hate stonebangers! tossing her shit outta the room is a great one! i did that before in hong kong…haha
View all comments by anon
Once had a threat of ‘my brother come boxing you’ bullshit after i took a sukhumvit street-rat back to a friends friends hotel room. I openly laughed in her face after the 500baht ST she DEMANDED 4k baht because ‘me have no money to open loom’ and because ‘im lich felang i have many moneys’
I booted her out and on the way she gave me the thumb across the throat signal. 5 minutes later i had a knock on the door…. bollocks what was i gonna do? simple…… i dropped my pants and grabbed my friends cricket-bat from his suitcase (former county cricketter) and answered the door stark bollock naked
her brother was most apologetic ‘solly – must have long loom’
dont think my ego could of taken it being kicked to pieces naked by a 5foot guy
View all comments by Penfold
Penfold I don’t understand what you mean when you say “Oscar winning waterworks in the morning“ I haven’t heard of this one.
View all comments by yes man
It means Penfold has shagged Holly Hunter.
View all comments by Pants Elk
Just to be clear is crying in the morning a working girl attempting to scam you in some way. I had a crier one time. Did`nt seem like she was messing with me. Or did I miss it.
View all comments by yes man
@ yesman: I suspect she was doing a scene for her latest (fourth) grainy-assed, night-vision, black bikini BBC documentary on sex tourism: “The Misunderstood Woman of Bangkok.”
Walking back into Nan Plaza with an hysterically screaming, crying, alibiing whore hot on your tail was not exactly a safe bet. Watching the RB1 Mamasan smack her and tell her to get her ass back onto the stage was priceless.
The RB1 scene was quite a while ago but like On Nutter I had already paid up many times when I shouldn’t have.
I have never stiffed a rascal who wasn’t asking for it.
View all comments by thongsuk
@ Yes M’am: Hon. there’s a feature on this blog that packs all your posts into one file. I suggest you take a moment and use it.
View all comments by thongsuk
@Pants – Im sure ive seen a grot flick with Holly Hunter in it before
I dont know why, but where i seem to avoid the pestering for ladydrinks (im young and look younger so they prob think im skint or cheap….and before you ask yesman, skint = have no money) however i rarely seem to get away without the 5minute sales pitch after of the voilent husband or the no money for rent/food/baby/ice/fake vuitton handbag
I find slipping my ipod in usually deters them
View all comments by Penfold
Your welcome On Nutter. I must admit, I have not been gracing the lasses there amongst the Soi dogs on Rama 6 with my 1,000 Baht notes as of late. After revisiting a few other of the massage places (like Bangkok Cozy) on the Petchaburi strip, I started to feel that the girls in Sao-Bo are a bit more dry (no pun intended) than I really like them. I have come to the quiet conclusion it’s really just a knocking shop posing as a soapy, and for the price you can’t complain, but I started to wonder why some of the girls, even after calling out there numbers over the microphone 5-6 times didn’t really stat to get any warmer so to speak. Then I realized it basically comes down to the P4P corporate culture of the place. Most Thai guys go there because it is cheap and cheerful and they are not looking for much of a personal exchange or even that much in the way of service. Just really to lighten their load so to speak and head back home to their wives without too much missing from their wallets so that the investment in hormone maintenance stays widely unnoticed. And because its cheap, the girls have to rent out their real estate more times in a day than other venues of similar cloth to make it more viable for them. So as a result of all the above, it almost gives it a drive through feel, like “In And Out Burger” in northern Cali. Not to say that I haven’t turned some good nuts in there though, but for a few hundred Baht more there are places where the girls will put up even more of that “I Li You Too Mut” facade for ya. Anyway, after the experiences you have had as of late in the heavily commercialized and over rated tourist sex corridor, I can understand why you found Sao-Bo’s to be an oasis. As for my exploits of late, I have actually found a few bits and pieces combing the streets of Suk of all places lately which are helping me to lighten my wallet these days. Plenty of the fake romance drama as well as the hardcore hitting of the ceiling to boot. My advice is basically if you want to find anything good in tourist wonderland these days then stay out of the rental shops and on the streets. The gems still do exist. Otherwise, ride out Sao-Bo’s so to speak. Seems you are onto a good thing there for yourself…
View all comments by CheapoLay
As I hadn’t visited The Sao Bo in a few months, I thought I would ring in the Chinese new year yesterday by reblessing the place with one of my 1,000 Baht notes for good luck!
Unfortunately all the ones I used to tap from time to time have pushed on yonder, and to a more fruitful orchard of latex and lube, I can only hope.
I must admit seeing around fifty 30+ year old women in tight Chinese dresses was an interesting spectacle and after that I was seeing red. Not to mention all the mock oversized firecrackers hanging from the ceiling.
So I took those red and silver phallic symbols as a cue to choose a girl to hang my long fuse out of for an hour or so.
Although it was the typical assembly line experience I have had there most of the time, this one did go off a bit more like a bomb than others have in the past.
Instead of the usual requisite 2 minute BJ before they then flood their gates with KY and get up on their hinds and start bouncing up and down on your pelvis, this one actually took the time to see to my whole tube steak package using her tongue to the tune of about 10 minutes, which included a full buff shine on my bung ring!
Because of her enthusiasm, and her thick hairy bush teaming, I even decided to hold her over for a second round and succumb to getting out the crow-bar and loosening another purple note from the tight, inner, hidden depths of my wallet.
I would not say the “Bao Tan” is now back on the top of my cheapo-list, but given the new discovery of where I can go when I need to get the willnots removed from the perimeter of my hairy turd pipe, I may be going back there again from time to time.
Fishbowls, small bathtubs, freezing cold air-conditioning, and another cheapolay, ah yes….. inward and outward…. or even upward and downward for that matter….
Gong Hei Fatt Choy!
View all comments by CheapoLay
Living the dream…
View all comments by smitty
CL: I trust any deep-tongue french kissing preceded the ‘bung ring shine’.
View all comments by DJ