Vans, porn karaoke, sausage mcmuffins and Pattaya – Part 2
Posted by sideshowBOB | Pattaya, Reader Submissions | Posted on August 30th, 2007
I am not sure what the crew did while I was out but we reconnected on Walking Street and decided we needed to eat. It was trying to rain so we ducked into the FLB bar since I knew they had food. Turns out they don’t have food but they let people order from the Italian place next door. I am spacing on the name of it but I am hoping someone will chime in on the comments to fill people in but the pizzas and calzone we had were awesome.
The FLB bar leaves plenty to be desired of though. Next to us was a table full of FLB girls who were too interested in their conversations to pay any of us the time of day. So then one crew member basically tells one of the girls that he likes her. She responds that she likes one of the other guys. Nice. One of the other guys asked another girl and she responded with something in Thai that none of us understood and all the girls then laughed. Anyway. Not one of the girls came over and we bought no ladydrinks. We enjoyed the pizzas though and moved on but next time we will go the pizza joint directly and skip the FLB bar.
After eating the crew split up. The non-pulling crowd wanted to hit Lolitas while another crew went back to the hotel to get ready for some clubbing. The rest of us decided to explore. We wanted to check out Secrets on Soi 14. We popped into the bar but basically turned around and left. Their was just no vibe. No girls dancing and it felt dead. I can’t honestly say much more but we needed something jumping to sustain the party vibe. Secrets could not deliver. Then we went next door – I think it is called Top Girls? I am sure someone can correct me if I got the name wrong.
The word horrible comes to mind? 2 ugly girls latched on to us as we walked in and would not get the hint that we were not buying drinks. Then a cute one came over but left for no apparent reason and we never saw her again. It was the show that was killing us though. Some long haired Chinese looking Thai dude was doing a metal rod bending trick and then laid on a bed of nails while some drunk guy stepped on him. It was terrible. No cute girls, no music, and some Thai dude doing a show. This is exactly what happens when a go-go jts. I won’t be back. Maybe Pattaya does have too many go-gos after all?
Then we headed back to Soi Diamond. We were going to pop into Diamond A go-go but it also looked dead. So then we popped into the Windmill club I think it is. Remember – we have been drinking all along so the details may get sketchy. Windmill was actually not a bad call. The girls were not wearing underwear, they were dancing and they were having fun. We bought lots of ladydrinks, got some booth dances and generally had a fun time. There were some talk of barfining but we were saving ourselves for Marine Disco. While at the Windmill we were coordinating getting the crew back together at Casino as a meeting point. So each time I got a phone call I would duck outside to take the call knowing I could not hear inside the go-go. One of the calls lasted a while and I needed to grab one of the crew just off of walking street since he was lost. I must have been out of the go-go for 15 minutes so when I came back the service staff looked at me like they wanted to kill me. They thought I was doing a runner on my tab. I paid up and profusely apologized. All was forgiven.
We moved on to Casino. It just was not the place I remember it to be. It was jamming, the music was good but there were not as many girls as before and the crowd was not into it like normal. Maybe it was too early. I am not dissing the place but it just was not kicking as usual. However I think when it comes to the Coyote style club with dancing – Casino is one of the best.
What can I say that we have not already said about Marine.? In Pattaya it is the best afterhours spot going. Period. Hands down. Nothing compares. The music is real dance music. Something everyone can move to. They actually have a dance floor. For some reason too many clubs in Bangkok forget about the power of the dance floor. They always ram the clubs full of tables thus leaving no room to dance. Bummer. Dance floors are fun. Marine is also full of freelancers. Tons of them. Even if you are not pulling this is a great place just to party but if you are pulling and like the freelancer scene – then Marine is the best. It pains me that I have to go to Pattaya to get some good clubbing in. Bangkok clubs have nothing on Marine. Okay people – please chime in but if you know of a better place to club then do tell. I am all ears – for me about the only thing that comes close in music quality is the Tunnel but with the its random closings, the size of the place and the prices I can’t say it is better. Spicy. Shit music but rammed with freelancers. Maybe there is some new place or an older place I am missing but for now I declare that Marine rules.
Okay. So I failed again. In Marine I was trolling but given we were all pretty plowed I was gravitating towards girls with good dance moves. Went through about 3 of them before I locked horns with a cutie I recognized from the Coyote bar new Club Boesche. She had great moves, dressed well and loved to makeout. Sounds good to me. We drank a few and then moved on to Insomnia. Insomnia is the other side of Walking street but nearer to beach road . Just follow the crowds. Insomnia is the place to be after Marine. The music was okay but not as good as Marine. The place is nicer, has decent service and is a great option for moving on after Marine closes.
For some reason, I don’t know what it was, we decided to move on to Marine II. Marine II is nothing like Marine I. It is basically an old hotel lobby where they play shit music, serve bad drinks and people hang in the dark corners. It is where people go when everything else is closed, are in need of drugs or like dark corners. I can’t say I like the place at all and after one drink we headed out.
It was 5:00 in the morning. or somewhere around there, and I had no idea what to do. Then the girl asked if I had hotel. Actually I do not since the party rooms where in full swing and I knew there was no place to hide. She said no problem and we rode a motorcycle taxi to some out of the norm soi where we got a room for 400 baht. She made sure she could sleep in the room until 3 pm that day. Another great pull, good value and just a fun girl.
We fell asleep and I awoke to my phone ringing. One of the crew was looking for me assuming I had probably fallen asleep in a short time hotel. Indeed I had. Fortunately I did not sleep long enough to induce my impending hangover but was still buzzing. I headed for the Penthouse but realizing that I was hungry and that the McDonald’s in the Royal Garden Plaza is part of the chosen 4- I detoured for a breakfast stop.
McDonald’s was empty, save for the 2 Japanese blokes passed out in the corner, and the front counter staff was surprised to see anyone. I stumbled up and tried to look halfway presentable.
“What would you like to eat?” Cute little McD girls beckons.
I told her in Thai I wanted 15 sausage mcmuffins with egg. No set and I wanted 15 hash browns. I did not want the set because I could not, in my sorry state, manage getting 15 drinks back to the party crib.
She looked at me stunned, “15?”
I confirmed the order and she told me to wait since she needed to get the manager. Seems I had blown the usual morning serene lack of business by asking for too many sausage mcmuffins with egg.
Manager comes over. Your typical flamboyantly gay male manager who seems to always find a home at McDonald’s Thailand.
“uh. Handsome man. What do you want to eat?” as he pranced behind the counter.
I would like 15 sausage mcmuffins with egg. 15 hash browns and no I do not want the set.
“Oh my god. Just a minute. Just a minute.” practically screaming and dancing up in down – the way gay Thai guys do when they encounter unsurmountable problems.
He runs into the back to wake up the cooks and to tell them the order. Then he comes back and in his best Tiffany dance imitation while using the keypad proceeds to tell me that the bill was 1200 baht. My biggest order at McDonald’s ever – from the looks of it probably his too. They told me it would take 5 minutes but it took like 15 minutes. Then I lugged back 2 bags of manna to the Penthouse hotel while fighting the oncoming sunrise like a vampire in search of cave. All the Thais were watching me stumble around and wondering what the hell I was doing alone with 2 massive bags of McDonald’s at 6:30 in the moring.
I got back to the crib and handed out the gifts. Everyone appeared to be happy save the crazy English bloke who had not yet experienced a sausage mcmuffin with egg. He told me he was too drunk to eat it and would save it for later. Huge mistake I tried to tell him. Almost pleaded with him.
text message at 7:15 pm later that same day from the crazy English bloke:
“I assume these ‘egg McMuffins’ taste better when hot?!”
Anyway. 
I finally mustered up some common sense to call the van driver and tell him that some of us would be returning and needed the van by 8:00 AM. He showed up around 8:10 AM and before we shut down and crashed in the van we told him that we needed to stop at 2 different places upon arrival in Bangkok. Then we crashed. He woke us up after missing the turn-off to the first place and was asking where the second place was. I could not take anymore so I got out and got a cab and left my mate to sort out how to get home. I was in pain.
We did it up. pmmp is older but wiser. Hopefully wise enough to make sure not to let us near him next year. pmmp – Happy Birthday bro!
Pattaya is still the best option for a night or 2 out of Bkk for some serious partying. The girls are nice, it is open late, tons of nudity, and decent prices. There is an overbuilding boom going on and it will be interesting too see how it all goes. I think one too many malls are on the way and the bars are hurting. Could just be the low season but it could also be the evolution of Pattaya. Only time will tell. I still love living in Bkk more but I appreciate a night away in Pattaya.
Back to the real world…
19 Responses to “Vans, porn karaoke, sausage mcmuffins and Pattaya – Part 2”
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Translator
The pizza at FLB came from Don Joe’s:
“Don Joe Ristorante Italiano, renowned for its ambiance, now has a bigger terrace, better ocean view, splendorous atmosphere, and brilliant food. Now open for lunch! Don Joe, in the heart of Walking Street, call Joe for reservations at 038 710 733.”
They have a small sign you can see from Walking Street. It’s down a little bit from FLB on the right walking towards Club Boesche.
The Pizza was good enough that we wanted more the next night. We went to FLB to ask them where they get their Pizza from. The FLB door slime acted upset that we didn’t want to come into FLB and rudely pointed us towards Don Joe’s. Unfortunately Don Joe’s was closed. It was only around midnight too, bummer.
About FLB, yeah this place sucked basically. Check out their website, it has to be the most deceptive webiste I’ve ever seen. The beach shot with the girls eye’s faded in and the loads of hot girls partying. Uh uh. I think these were shot during much better days.
smitty, thanks for the birthday wish and the McMuffins. Awesome time.
View all comments by pmmp
I am not in Pattaya currently, but have been to the FLB on more than one occasion. Most recently, I was there a couple of weeks ago and Martin, who owns the bar, was about to go to America on a trip. My guess (it is only a guess) is that Martin was not there. I know; an explanation, but not an excuse because bad service is just what it is-bad service.
I am just a patron, so I am not pimping for FLB or any other bar, but FLB is usually a laid back place to unwind and grab a beer without lots of hassle, and Martin is a good guy. And getting laid there was no problem (nor is it anywhere else in Pattaya; no news there). I will probably be there next week sometime, and will relay your concerns.
View all comments by PB
Smitty…. I stumbled accross a McDonalds bag with about 6 Egg Muffin things around 7pm the next day. There were several hash browns also in there which I think were all covered in beer.
- I must say that I didn’t like cold wet hash browns either.
When I emptied the Jacuzzi, I did find a very soggy McMuffin trying to escape down the plug hole. Didn’t taste that one.
Awesome party….. look forward to the next on. Pity though, now that pmmp is knocking on a bit, I suppose he’ll be wanting to visit the country side and museums?
(Crazy Brit?!)
View all comments by day walker
PB: Fair enough. Believe me, I understand about Hit or Miss with bars. Maybe this was just a Miss night for FLB, especially if the Grownups were away. It did seem like a nice laid back bar and the Service was Excellent. I guess it was just the table of unfriendly and rude ladies that mostly turned me off. Compared to the 20 or so other bars we went to this was bottom 2 wrt experience. On another night, if the club was jumping and friendly I could see it being a chill place on Walking Street, especially if you get the Pizza and Calzone’s from Don Joe’s.
View all comments by pmmp
Great story. Great Pattaya update.
Just curious, what would a trip like that cost, roughly?
Travel (van), room (or no room). food, drinks, lady drinks,
bar-fine (or no bar-fine if freelancer), the current going short-time rate, short-time room (or covered in the room for the night), per person based on how many?
Alternatives?
View all comments by ArtTv
There are a number of clubs in Pattaya which open late (some till 8am). Unlike Bangkok they don’t charge an entrance fee and they are all within walking distance of each other. You could move between them without paying for anything checking out the girls that were there until you found one that you wanted to stay in. I have frequented virtually all of the farang friendly ones near Walking street. Some of the discos are very dark inside and you tend to get the older more hardened FLs at these (for obvious reasons) and they will often move between different discos during the night and be out every night. So if you go with them once then the chances are you will bump into them again.
1. Tony’s – I no longer go there. White walls and furniture but very dark inside – almost no lights; very expensive drinks e.g. 180 baht for a bottle of beer OR mineral water; earlier on in the night there is a cabaret on stage usually involving transvestites; many tables, tiny dance floor; attracts older FL’s and freeloaders (groups of local women looking for free drinks off guys but won’t go with them); closes 3 or 4am. Roving bar staff who will quickly spot if you have not got a drink and ask you to buy one.
2. Tony’s 2 – Same set up as Tony’s 1 except no cabaret. Opens when Tony’s closes. Many tables and small stage for dancing. Used to have naked women swimming in a fish tank but this has stopped during the current ‘showing’ crackdown. Roving bar staff who will quickly spot if you have not got a drink and ask you to buy one. Operates almost a no lights policy (you will find yourself groping FLs only to come outside at the end of the night and find they are old/ugly). Closes 6am.
3. Marine 1 (Walking Street) – Cavernous, reasonable drinks prices for a nightclub, plays techno, hard house, attracts young guys who look like drugged up ravers. Many bar girls go there as it is near the walking street go gos. Large dance floor which tends to be mobbed by falangs with girls they have bar fined. The entrance has a long dark area where many freelancers sit – they watch you as you walk in. Allows ladyboys in. Closes 4am.
4. Marine 2 (Marine Plaza Mansions) – Small, very dark with disorientating flashing lights. Often near empty until Marine 1 closes and still is rarely full. Closes 6am.
5. Marine 3 (Marine Plaza) – Arab influenced – Cavernous with an upper seating area where you can survey the action. Large dance floor as well as many tables surrounding it. Many people smoking Sheesha pipes at the tables. Many Arabs. Hip hop music but can go through phases of several arab songs. Plays more or less the same songs night after night.
6. Lucifer – very dark inside. There is a band in the early evening but turns into a disco after midnight. Commercial hip hop all the way and songs vary each night unlike Marine 3. There is a better lit, small area with seats outside of the disco area which plays more laid back music. Closes by 3 or 4 pm. Attracts young BGs and FLs who are into hip hop.
7. Marine Yensabi (Yensabi Mansions) – This is the follow on club to Marine 3. So you get the same crowd there. Closes 7am. Same music policy as Marine 3, Arab crowd, Sheesha smokers, etc. Almost as large as Marine 3 but with no upstairs seating area. It is a 10 – 15 minute from Marine Plaza down a twisting side street so many FLs take motorbikes to go there.
8. Insomnia – About the same size as a large go go so not very big. Many tables with a small dance area. Not as dark as Lucifer, Tony’s, etc. Techno and hard house like Marine 1 but the music is more cutting edge and experimental – because of the falang DJs who work there. Roving bar staff who will quickly spot if you have not got a drink and ask you to buy one but drinks prices are lower than most of the other night clubs. Open till 7 or 8am.
View all comments by Mike Phillips
Thanks MP. Now it’s suddenly clear to me why I’ve never enjoyed myself in Pattaya clubs. If I had to choose I’d pick Lucifer’s probably. Tony’s is the utter pits.
View all comments by Combover
Another note on FLB. I Went there on a Thursday night, March 07, while spending a couple of days in Pattaya during a 3 week extravaganza, of Golf, Go Go, Girls, and Grog.
There was Free Pizza, and it seemed everyone was signing up for the FLB Bar Crawl that was to start at 9:00. I quickly signed up as a tour of Soi Diamond (That was the theme for that night) was on my list of things to do.
You have to get a picture in your mind of this: 30+ Farangs, mostly in their 40s, some a bit older, all moving together in a crowd down Walking street, without one TG among them. As we went passed each Go Go on our way from FLB to Soi Diamond you could see the street bar touts looking in disbelieving wonder at the group, and them of course trying to entice the whole group into their bar, Amazing.
Anyway, we get to Soi diamond and we started in right away, one Go Go after another. Got to talking to some of the guys, real good bunch of easy going guys.
I can’t remember the exact order or the complete list of Go Gos we hit during the Crawl, but we stayed about 30 minutes in each bar, and moved on, usually after about one drink. I think the guy from FLB who was leading us around, would go out and scout the next one, probably based on which bar could handle an inrush of 30+ guys at the moment. When the bunch of us would enter, it seemed that “The Show” was just starting, maybe just for us.
It was a great way to tour a bunch of Go Gos, without having to buy a bunch of lady drinks, as the staff of each club would know that we would be moving on. We did lose a few guys along the way, when they met there “goddess” for the evening. And I remember we finished up at the Windmill where the show was really great. Just a really great Bar Crawl.
I went back to FLB the next night to start things off with a pizza, before exploring on my own, mostly because I respected a bar owner who would have an event where he encourages his patrons to visit other bars all night.
I think they do the Crawl every Thursday night with varying themes.
My next trip to Thailand, I will check the FLB website to see if they still do the bar Crawl, and plan to be there for it.
View all comments by Glenn
I have a friend who has some vague memories (like the 60′s, if you can remember it, you were not there) of that crawl. He thinks it was a good time.
View all comments by PB
MP and Combover – I think Marine 1 rules. Insomnia is not a bad options either. The back room of the old lucifers is a nice pick up spot as well. That is about all I can take. When I am really smashed and up late I don’t mind some of the smaller bars to hang at. Jenny star bar and performance bar come to mind!
Glenn – good info and thanks for coming to defend the FLB bar. As always we just write our opinions on a given night we experienced something. Always tell it like it is and I know, given we have a bar, how hard it is to stay consistent especially when the girls are involved.
One of the reason we did the blog as an open forum with comments is to allow people to agree or disagree with us to better create a steady flow of divers information.
Seems to be working.
Thanks for the info and my bad if I called it wrong.
View all comments by smitty
artv
van was 4000 there , stay the night and back
I did not get a room but short time rooms are generally 300-500.
short time in pattaya for me has usually been 1500 baht
food and drinks. I have no idea but generally cheaper than bkk.
seeing the crazy english bloke jump in the tub – priceless…
View all comments by smitty
DW – I forgot.
My 2 hash browns and 1 mcmuffin when fresh were the bomb.
later than morning my 1 muffin was still okay but ditched the browns.
the hot tub seemed to suffer the most damage…
View all comments by smitty
Never done well in Marine 1 personally. It’s been a while admittedly but I prefer a house to a techno vibe. Plus I generally found it cock heavy and populated by unsmiling, narcissistic Eurotrash (who were also younger and better looking than me so praps that was the crunch). I have similar feelings about the likes of Tiger in Phuket, Green Mango in Samui etc.
Still, each to their own. There’s plenty for all of us if we spread ourselves thin! Or even if we don’t actually…
View all comments by Combover
Re. Costs… I think the bigger of the two party rooms cost about 9000 for the 2 nights… It cost me a total of 12k as we wiped out both minibars in my room. Pmmps minibar was untouched… – we didn’t want to wake him up
Difinately a good idea to take a load of booze to your room before the clubs kick out.. We did this also.. but still managed to drink the place dry!
tip… don’t mistake the complementary KY for toothpaste
Another tip… CHECK carefully before settling on a porn channel in the room. It might be GAY PORN – FOD made this mistake… or was it a mistake?!?!?!?!
View all comments by day walker
CO – marine has some of the euro trash feel but what doesn’t in Pattaya these days. it is a great FL scene though.
View all comments by smitty
Tiger in Phuket is a breeding ground for freebies, so is Safari which im a fan of aswell – went at xmas last year though an over-run with chino shorted bumbag wearing grandads
Marine is killer though, wall to wall minky and good music, i was never blown away by the gogos in pattaya though – im suprised rainbow group havent set up shop there, unless they have
For sheer filth soi6 cant be beaten – if any1 knows of anwhere filthier please let me know
View all comments by myspace.com/penfold_xxx
Was in FLB bar recently with a friend, good looking guy. Met an American private security guy working in Iraq, full of shrapnel in his ass etc. Nice guy from Boston great raconteur on R & R. Got drinking. Group of six girls on nearby table invite them for a drink. Nothing but Hi-So type bitchy comments in Thai, sort of reply you get in snooty London or New York night clubs. They then tried to come over a short while later. We said nothing but politely drank up and left. Used to be quite nice and chilled I remember but will never go back. If I want bitchy put downs I’ll go To Manchester or Leeds where it is a ntaional sport but not in LOS. Bad bitchy vibe but maybe different for you !!!!!
View all comments by nampla
Marine disco the best…yeah, I gotta disagree here. While I think it is a great disco, Lucifer’s has it beat. The live music…the talent..the size of the space. Some of the best evenings I have had in Pattaya have been at Lucifer’s…
Can’t really go wrong with either, though.
View all comments by Indu WangZi