Vans, porn karaoke, sausage mcmuffins and Pattaya…
Posted by sideshowBOB | Pattaya, Reader Submissions | Posted on August 26th, 2007
On the road again – just can’t wait to get on the road again. Not really but it was pmmp’s birthday and we needed to get our game on the road. Had to be done. I got the van and pmmp got the rooms. We were going to stay at the Penthouse in Pattaya and we were going to tear it up. I packed 2 buckets of booze covered them in ice, made some mp3 discs for the road and pleaded with the crew to be at the mango by 3. What follows is the account, as told by me, recalling as many details as I can remember given we started drinking by 5 pm. Pattaya is in full dregs of low season and you could just smell it in the air but it made for plenty of pickings though. I will disclose that I fell off the wagon again but that I am citing “out of my home city” as a technicality. Similar to my behavior in Penang where I used the “out of country” rule.
As with any little adventure in Thailand the fun starts with the little stuff – the things you assume that will go off without a hitch but somehow never do. The van picks us up and we tell him to head for the tollway as quickly as possible. He listens, acknowledges and chooses to ignore us. Seems to take the longest possible route to the tollway entrance near Ratchada. The trip to the tollway alone took over an hour. He had no CD player either so we started to be starved for music but then the driver said he had a CD changer and would play some VCDs. The first one appeared to be the typical Thai Karaoke disc of old American love songs with random videos as a backdrop but this one was different. The random videos were basically images of foreign ladies in the buff. We tried to watch it as long as we could but the music was horrible even though the images were cool. So then we asked if we could pop our own cds into his changer. Took him about 1o minutes to let us and then another 10 to eject the changer and hand it over. We put 4 discs in it and popped it back in. Turns out his porn karaoke machine won’t play mp3s – we were screwed.
Next he popped in a tape, yes tape, of old Italian love songs. Nothing kills the Pattaya party van mood quicker than Italian love songs. Yes – it was impressive that pmmp knew a lot of them but that was besides the point. We opted for the radio and finally hit the tollway. Then we started drinking.
Along the way we got the munchies and stopped to hit KFC. We stocked up, re boarded and kept boozing. Then the driver had another idea. Put the VCDs back on – for some reason he just had to have his player running. Once he skipped past our 4 unplayable discs he hit disc 5 which was something I had never seen before. The adventures of Pan the monkey and James the dog. Yes. You got to see this stuff. It is a TV show in Japan starring this super smart chimp and his friend the dog – James, cruising around doing ordinary tasks. It is so freaking funny, but maybe cause we were drunk but still you have to check it out. One of the crew members in the van admits to possessing a CD of Pan and James and verifies that the random Thai birds who come over to his pad like watching it. He declined to say anything further citing the 5th amendment. If my memory serves me correct we got to Penthouse by 6:30 pm or so with the radio still tuned into some static ridden channel from Bangkok.
We checked in but at the Penthouse that can be tricky sometimes. They just seem to have an issue keeping reservations straight. pmmp had called midweek to book our favorite party rooms. For all you sick fans out there I won’t tell u which rooms but they are adjoining suites made for partying. The lady at the counter said they were taken. Great. pmmp had verified the day before and was told they had messed up his booking but then fixed it over the phone. Then the on the day off the trip he called again to make sure they got the rooms. They promised him they had which made it even more frustrating to arrive in Pattaya and discover the lack of a reservation. All good in the hood though since they had saved the rooms under a different name. Go figure. We dumped the gear, played on the swing, rigged the iPod and headed out for some go-gos.
First stop was Carousel. pmmp being a trekkie had been told, by me, that a Thai version of T’Pol was working there and he needed to see her. Well – she was not in, the lineup looked pretty weak and we had our one and out. Next stop was Superbaby. Superbaby was close to empty save the Chinese tour bus that pulled up but you could tell straight away that low season was in full swing. The place was just dead but all of us confirmed – for a lineup of some of the best breasts in Pattaya – go straight to Superbaby. I am sure that is the owner’s principal hiring criteria.
“Please take of your top.”
“hmmm. Turn around. Okay. Let me give a little cup. Okay. Nice. Hired”
I am not saying they have the best bodies or that this is the place to pull but if you want some kicking tunes, good pours, a chance to pick up on a female Chinese FOB who likes to see naked Thai girls and u appreciate staring at nice breasts – then pass Go and head to Superbaby.
After baby we decide to head to Heaven’s Above – but wait. It was closed. Either they got busted for the underage twins, the aircon never came back on or low season claimed another victim. The sign on the door only said that they were closed and hoped to reopen. Anyone know anything else? I also think one of the second story go-gos on Diamond was closed as well but did not bother to walk up the stairs to check.
Then we headed to Happy, despite my gripes, this is one of the best go-gos going right now. The lineup is great and the shows where they basically get the hottest girls to crazy dance naked for 3-4 songs while working the pole, each other and the people on the rail is just too much. The way a go-go should be. Tons of nudity, good tunes and people having fun. Others should follow suit. It can’t be that hard folks. We had a few in Happy and moved on.
Then we went to Living Dolls Showcase for a round. Show time had not commenced and the basic line up was looking moody and bored. We moved on. Popped into Peppermint but no place to sit and nothing appealing enough to stay so we moved on without drinking.
Then we had to do it, against my better judgment, we ventured into Angelwitch Pattaya. I have to admit, I give props where props are due, the place was packed. The lineup was dancing, mostly topless and they looked like they were having fun. I just wish there was more nudity and I wish, if they insist on doing shows, they would add some new ones. Watching the same show that I saw in AW Nana 5 years ago is just too boring. Come on AW management – go back to Jupiter 2000 for a few nights and find something new to copy. Anyway. AW was fun and we had a few drinks.
Off to Club Boesche. We got right around the hot tub and ordered up. This place kills me but it is mostly about the tub. Something about 3 naked girls washing each other, kissing and licking just works me. I had vowed to pull before 12 so that I would be in good shape for the rest of the evening. My last tub pull was memorable and when the Khmer looking girl came over, naked, to rub up on me while asking for a drink I knew I was toast. She got her drink and decided to lap dance naked on me without listening to my pleading that I may go at any moment but I kept my composure. She then went back to her licking show and I decided I needed to barfine. It was great. 
Part 2 soon…
22 Responses to “Vans, porn karaoke, sausage mcmuffins and Pattaya…”
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Recent Comments
Translator
Heavens Above got a 60-day closure for showing, according to the Baron:
http://www.ymlp.com/pubarchive_show_message.php?ezine+86
I need to check out the monkey show…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
And showing means what? Interesting. Must be more to it given that a lot of bars are showing…
View all comments by smitty
The cops have been cracking down in Pattaya recently. Same report says that “What’s Up in Soi 15 were similarly charged but they paid off the police and are open!”.
So I guess “showing” means “doing what everyone else does, but not paying the cops enough money”.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
I do admit to seeing more bikinis and less nudity than usual. Not a good sign at all really since nudity was the big thing Pattaya had over bkk.
View all comments by smitty
One mention about Angelwitch. Yes, they had more customers than most bars we visited BUT they also have 60 or so workers and about 20-30 customers. Added to that, ALL of the excitement about the shows comes from the girls that work there. The monster Ladyboy with a snake (yes, a real snake not the snake betw her legs) show was HORRIBLE yet the girls were screaming like Elvis just walked in. I couldn’t take it for another minute and had to leave. They are way too full of themselves.
View all comments by pmmp
I never understood the appeal of Pan and James but it’s very entertaining to Thai females. It gets them all juiced up watching it so I know why your buddy keeps it in his DVD player.
PMMP, my expectations are high for Part 2 of this article. I’m really hoping you did something totally crazy since it was your birthday.
View all comments by SiamSquare
SS: smitty will be posting Part II. I will be posting in the Weekly but couldn’t do it yesterday because then the Weekly would have come out on time. Can’t have that. Sets a very dangerous precedence.
The post will contain material of an adult nature so feel free to block this site on the family computer.
BTW, I would give up all my pmmp’ing and life in Bangkok for one hour in the Holosuite with T’Pol
View all comments by pmmp
SS – I think drunk and in a van with other drunk people must have made the monkey video special but if the Thai chicks love it then I think I will be picking some discs up if I can find them. Another tool in my arsenal…
View all comments by smitty
SS – BTW. I am only telling my side of the adventure – pmmp will have to share with u his.
View all comments by smitty
I just hope no one mentions the 43 yr old that was in the jucuzzi?!
View all comments by day walker
So many notes…
I only saw the brit in the Jacuzzi…
but the swing
the zombie hand job
it is all just too much!
View all comments by smitty
Mr Clean 1 & 2 in full force, its nice here in the states when a fellow bud sends a SMS at 12AM saying there are “way too many Naked Ladies Around” and all the while your sitting in a bar looking at all the fat white chicks around you… Shit…
Smitty… i know of the bunch your were the responsible one (doesn’t say much huh), I hope you made sure no one got “stuck behind”
So anyone get to T’Pol? Pattaya the final frontier….
GL
View all comments by GoodLife
Yep, check out Pattaya City News website on news about Heavens Above…That is peculiar, only one place closed:
http://www.pattayacitynews.net/news_23_08_50_2.htm
View all comments by Latte
When I went into Whats up agogo in July. There was a very good looking girl lazily lapping at the private of a girl who had her legs spread on the mattresses at the far end of the bar to the entrance. She would raise her head every now and then to look around before languidly resuming her ‘task’. I was sitting so close I could see her that her tongue was continually flicking across the raised hood of the girl’s clitoris. Meanwhile other girls were busy soaping each other up in the jacuzzi.
One month later when I went in there last week things had changed. There were girls in their bikinis on the mattresses but they were standing up and not touching each other. There were also girls standing in the jacuzzi wearing white vests and underwear with the water up to their knees – a strange sight. A couple of other visits a few days later and things had not changed.
I have seen the occasional nudity in Heavens Above but no more than in the average go go. I also went into Boesche a few times last week and the lesbian show, pretty much the same strength as Whats up used to be, carries on continuously with the girls taking 10 minute breaks every now and then.
It begs the question what sort of money are the police asking for that some bar owners think that it would be cheaper to lose 60 days income rather than pay up?
View all comments by Mike Phillips
MP – you raise some good points that are hard to answer. I was in What’s Up a few months back and was not digging the place but I did remember that show. Heaven’s would get naked but no show really but I was always wondering how young a few of the girls were. That gets u in trouble more than the nudity.
These closure issues are usually deeper. Meaning – there is more going on but publicly the police have to use something more formal to enforce the closure. Their could be permit issues, partner issues or something deeper totally outside the club but related to the police. Meaning things like owners and their gambling debts can manifest themselves as a closure if the people owed the money have a powerful police connection. Sometimes the police are asking for way too much and the owner or owners just close rather than pay it. Especially in the low season.
Interesting stuff indeed.
View all comments by smitty
Sorry I can not be there for the party Saturday. Will not be able to come back till Dec.
Really miss Thailand. Take care all and have a great time at the party.
Terry
View all comments by terry wood
FYI, Above Club Boesche on the opposite side is a go-go bar that I can’t for the life of me think of the name of. But anyway the far back wall has a large marble table thing where you can soap up two girls, in front of a mirrored wall.
For a treat, bar fine one of these chicks and ask them to take you to the short time room behind the wall. That’s right floor to ceiling, one way mirrors. Its a trip.
Even more trippy if you and your mate then walk around the club post session, wrapped in a towel because you were so drunk you didn’t realise that this would be frowned upon…
View all comments by Anon
Anon: Hilarious coincidence. This past weekend we went to Pattaya and I got to experience “the room” in the back of the Go-Go. I am going to write about it in the next Weekly. Awesome experience.
The place is called X-Zone and is upstairs from Club Boesche and Catz. I went here when it first opened about 6 months ago and it was brand new but not busy at all. It’s a crazy and different setup and I think they were hoping it would take off like Boesche. It hasn’t.
However, visiting X-zone was one of the highlights of my weekend. There was one girl there with a natural D-Cup that we all couldn’t take our eyes off. Unfortunately she was taken by another Punter. Instead though, this young nympho beauty with a sexy version of Jlo’s ass latched onto me and easily convinced me to go with her to their short-time room.
I was thinking it was a real room upstairs or in the back with a shower, etc. Instead, she took me to the room in the back corner of the GoGo that has a couch and a two-way mirror looking out onto the GoGo. It was 200 for room, 600 for barfine and 1000 for the girl. I could have negotiated but this girl was like a Nana Plaza cat in heat so I just nodded Yes to any price she threw out.
Fantastic experience and highly recommended. It’s a little rundown now and there are too many stunners but a good time can easily be had. BTW, no shower in the room so bring some baby wipes
. They will let you shower in the back in the girls room but I passed and did the “desperate man’s shower” in the men’s bathroom. Anon, I got dressed before I left the room. Guess I wasn’t drunk enough 
View all comments by pmmp
Didn’t the little upstairs room at Baccara in Soi Cowboy used to have the same kind of arrangement?
View all comments by Combover
Im thinking of heading to Pattaya for new years this year – i got 5 other mates from uk coming along who have never seen Pattaya before and wanna know where the best place to hit will be?
I was in Phuket last year but 2 many old men in cream shorts, sandlas and skintight polo shirts ruining my fun – like going on a night out with war veterans paying way over the odds for average looking chicks – im guessing pattaya will be more of the same?
Hit Pattaya for 4days in July this year for my 23rd and i pretty much camped in soi 6 literally ‘spunking’ my birthday money (arent moms and nans great?) so wanna know where should be a good crack and if any1 have good reviews of soi6 bars/whorehouses?
View all comments by myspace.com/penfold_xxx