‘You pompooey, bald and old. You pay bar me?’ by On Nutter
Posted by On Nutter | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on July 19th, 2007
If I were to see a portly Thai in England, I would not dream of running over, poking him or her in the stomach and saying: ‒You’re a fat bastard.”
So why is the reverse acceptable in the Land of Smiles?
It has to be said that I am not the man I once was. I look at my wedding photographs of 20 years ago and see a handsome man. Now I look in the mirror and see a fat, bald 50-year-old who drinks too much. The march of time is relentless and unforgiving.
The great thing about living in Bangkok is that, provided your wallet is reasonably stocked and you are not visibly insane or incontinent, you are Robert Redford, despite your age or appearance. The only difference is that you have greater access to gorgeous women than Robert Redford. Welcome to paradise.
In this upside-down world, stunning women chase extremely unattractive white men, some of whom are so revolting that I really do feel like Robert Redford in comparison.
But the hunters have some unusual chat-up lines. ‒You pompooey (fat),” is the usual observation of 25-year-old Isaan supermodels desperate to get me into bed. A slight variation is the ultimate in backhanded compliments: ‒I like pompooey.” The conversation generally then moves on to how bald and old I am, not to mention ‒kee neeow” (it means tight-fisted but literally translates as ‒sticky shit”, meaning your money sticks to your hands) after only buying them three 150-baht Bacardi breezers in half an hour. It is a good thing I have the sensitivity of Mike Tyson in a bad mood.
Having softened me up with such sweet words, the hunter then moves in on its prey with the words: ‒You pay bar me?” Sometimes I agree. After all, I don’t know when I am next going to meet a woman who likes fat, bald, old, deep-pocketed farangs.
I actually enjoy this slightly childish banter and even the very personal enquiries about my finances, the reasons behind my divorce and even how often I have sex. Thai people, not just bargirls, are much less reticent than Westerners about asking for intimate details of people they have known for only a few minutes. But not everyone sees the funny side.
Some years ago, I was sitting in the Golden Bar outside the Nana Hotel. It is a great place to observe the lunacy going on over the road around Nana Plaza. I was chatting to an American at the side of the bar nearest the road when an elephant approached us. It had a harmonica in its trunk and proceeded to play ‒When the saints go marching in” without a note out of place. That scale of surrealism only happens in Bangkok.
Anyway, back to the American. He was stick-thin. In fact, he was so thin and wasted-looking that I thought he must be terminally ill. Suddenly a bargirl appeared from nowhere. She poked me in the stomach and said ‒You have baby” before doing the same to the American and saying ‒You have HIV” The bloke went ballistic. He screamed at the girl, paid his bill and stormed off.
Perhaps he did have HIV.
An English friend and his wife had their first holiday in Thailand last year. They stayed at an upmarket hotel in Cha Am. As they were collecting their key at reception one evening, the receptionist said to Tony: ‒How is your baby?”
‒What do you mean? We don’t have a baby,” he replied, perplexed.
Giggling, the receptionist pointed at his admittedly impressive beer gut.
Unaware of how pompooeyness is a huge joke in Thailand, he went crazy and demanded to see the hotel manager. Peace was only restored when the receptionist was disciplined and a bottle of wine was sent to his room as compensation.
The odd thing about the whole pompooey issue is that Thai girls hate it when you turn it on them. Most are convinced they are morbidly obese even when they barely tip the scales at 40 kilograms.
I used to have a girlfriend in Koh Samui who would hold a cushion over her stomach at her bar so that people could not see her fat belly. This was ridiculous. If anything, Wan was underweight, but nothing could convince her that she was not plump and unattractive.
One night we were at her bar when a farangette waddled past who was so fat that she must have been American. She was living confirmation of the power of McDonald’s advertising. ‒You same same farang lady,” I quipped to Wan.
OK, it was hardly wit of Oscar Wilde proportions, but it amused me at the time.
Nothing could have prepared me for her reaction. She started wailing and sobbing about how she knew I was telling the truth and that she would never be able to find a husband unless she lost a lot of weight. It was unbelievable.
I had dug a hole and kept digging. ‒Don’t worry,” I reassured her. ‒I like pompooey.”
29 Responses to “‘You pompooey, bald and old. You pay bar me?’ by On Nutter”
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Translator
Anorexia’s a terrible thing eh?
With the bar girls perhaps it’s something to do with the fetishisation of tiny girls (see also ‘midgeting’) by the client base. Certainly I can see a relationship between the smallness of the girls in the Rainbow bars and their preferred Japanese customers’ predeliction for extreme tinyness, youth & subservience.
View all comments by Combover
I’ve been told by countless bargirls that “mou ouan” (“fat pig”) is a term of endearment, and not an insult at all. Not that it applies to my perfect physique, of course. I just overheard them all saying it to someone else…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
OnNutter: I also have a small beer belly, but still go running 2-3 times a week. I would consider myself overweight (which i am at present unsuccessfully working on to disppear) but not fat or obese. Comments about me being pregnant, “I like poompoey” or “i not like man have no belly” I have also already heard plenty of times in Thailand. I always found it rather amusing since I am not neglecting I have a weight problem. And that girls dont like jokes about their weight is the same everywhere on this planet.
I think sometimes P4P girls use such sayings as a business phrase to flatter you and sometimes they really mean it. I once had a normal Asian girlfriend in my homecountry and she also said she liked my small belly and the soft feeling lying on top of me, which I think was an honest statement…
And even girls in my homecountry Germany dont seem to mind that much physical attributes as men do, which is also true for most regular Thai girls, imho.
For most women – also in the West (at the latest when it comes to getting kids and marriage) – things like a stable character, security, humor, money, … are more important to them than the outside appearance. But if you are in good shape, no girl will ever want you to change that either
Besides: I am also bald. On top no more hair growing, the rest shaved off. And that with mid-thirty, what a gruesome destiny
View all comments by Phoenix
BBB: One Thaigirlfriend once told me that the term “poompoey” refers to little children or babies and has a rather positive connotation”. In TV-Ads in Thailand that show products for babies, these babies are usually overweight from a western point of view, but obviously Thai people consider that as very healthy. I also obeserved this in advertisements in China, where obviously overweight babies are also considerd cute and healthy.
As far as I know the term “wan” really means “fat” and really having a rather negative connotation.
So if a Thai girl calls me Pompooey I usually try to think she is telling me I am cute
View all comments by Phoenix
The bargirls are pretty malicious to each other. Girl comes back from upcountry a bit darker and they tear into her with those oh-so-witty jibes about how rural and poor her home must be (does your home have a toilet? Oh the hilarity). I think the tubbies and fatties are just resigned to it, but pitty the poor bar girl who has ‘a little pot like Madonna in Holiday’. Uan! Pompoi! Moo Noi! No need for advertising to brain wash you into desiring to look like a whitewashed picket fence with a peer group like this.
A regular of mine regularly gets ‘why does he like you? Your not pretty’ type comments. It seems beyond comprehension that the rich handsome man chooses someone with dark skin and a Thai nose and is not emaciated. There are some pretty rude theories I have heard about our relationship to account for my obviously incredibly poor taste. And facts that don’t fit into their world view are conveniently forgotten, such as the fact they are stuck gossiping with their friends when the ugly black duckling is beating off unwanted customers with a shitty stick.
So just be thankful they are being polite and not treating you like their ‘friends’. And it could be worse than ‘I like pompooy’ – you can get ‘nom yai suay’ (what big beautiful tits you have) from the bi girls if you know where to look
View all comments by Cabby
Thanks for that, On Nutter. A charming piece and wonderful writing. You really did make me smile. An elephant playing ‘When the Saints Go Marching In’? Good Lord, and I really did think I’d seen it all.
View all comments by Old Asia Hand
After living in America for so long, it’s refreshing to see women actually concerned about their weight and their appearance.
Many Isaan gals seem to be drawn to farangs with big bellies. I only have about 15% body fat so I have more of a six pack than beer belly. Isaan girls I’ve known for many years always say I need to gain weight around my mid section. They actually seem worried…like I might be starving to death and they encourage me to eat as much food as possible! These girls are in their mid twenties and very attractive. So I find it odd they are not wanting their “boyfriend” to be slim and in shape too.
View all comments by SiamSquare
Thanks for the nice read, On Nutter.
How would a BG respond if a farang replied, “I like you I like mai suai/not pretty” or “I like stupid” or “I like dahm/black.”
I wonder if an undesirable would leave me alone.
SiamSquare,
I had a jealous GF who wanted me to become fatter so I wasn’t attractive to other girls. She didn’t like when girls looked at me in the malls.
View all comments by Muu hiu
Pum Pui (pom pooey) means chubby, and is usually used in a positive light. Think of fat babies sitting in tires. Uan means fat, and is generally a negative term. They have a term they use for cute chubby, salapao. Salapoa is that weird looking white steamed dumpling you see in all the 7-11′s. It is appetizing to them, and an endearing pet name for a chubby person is salapao. Call you girlfriend Salapao and see what she does. The phrase for bald is ai hua laan. This is usually negative.
View all comments by mai rak moo
Phoenix: It’s been said that there are two types of men women will naturally be attracted to. 1. The ‘lover’ and 2. The ‘provider’. Lovers have something women instinctively want: they have the genes that code for behavioural and physical traits that are good for attracted the opposite sex… so any kid with those genes has a better chance of passing on the legacy for another generation. And if we really are just an animal species then that’s what we’re programmed to do: perpetuate. Providers serve a simlar purpose. They are the ones who are going to be loyal husbands and provide security($$$$!) so the kids have the best chance of surviving to the age of majority when they can get married themselves and give rise to the next generation. Similar rules apply to men. Men want to spread their genes far and wide. Women cheat because instinctively they are attracted to a man with good genes. The provider need never know the child isn’t his. Men cheat because it is not our nature to be monogamous. But we too look for women that are attractive again because those physical attributes will benefit the kids. These are all unconscious motivations. We have no control over them. But we do have culture and society and that coerces us into doing things that may be directly opposed to the survival of our genes. And it seems to me when we are preplexed by female behaviour we alwsys look to culture and society for explanations, almost exclusively.
View all comments by author
After reading On Nutter’s “10 things I hate” series I took a look at this piece. If it said “you bumbooey, bald and old. you pay bar me? by Werewolf” it would have been accurate (except that I don’t write as well as ON). I never saw the harmonica-playing elephant, but everything else in the piece describes my life in Bangkok to the letter. Again, brilliant work! Me laugh so mut… you funny man.
View all comments by werewolf
They say anorexia is about preceived self image…. I think I must be anorexic……….When I look in the mirror I see a fat overweight slob……….
View all comments by the sandman
author: what are you trying to tell me? I am the provider while my girlfriend f***s another man?
From my experience.. no matter Thai or Western women.. they all prefer your described “provider” type. A Provider can also look good. For you it seems a man is either gene-donor or provider, two completely seperated entities. That’s the typical Western black and white thinking. I would rather assume a girl looks for both in one man.. and makes her individual decision if she can be happy (whatever that means for her) with one particular man. That is not related to a particular culture…
However, I prefer slim girls… no matter if they could be a one-night-stand or a potential wife, hehe. How about you
View all comments by Phoenix
okay, but what about the ‘baby’ comments…are they insults or … what?
i was at MBK food court eagerly anticipating the enjoyable flavors of those fruit/whip cream crepe wrap things (goddamn those things are good) when one of the works made a baby comment to my somewhat protruding mid-section.
her words completely screwed my enjoyment of the wrap, as well as rattling around in my head for a day or so…kind of f’ed up my vacation day.
-myrth
View all comments by myrth
You hit it right on the head.
I have encounter a few of those type of girls. I am above average tall. around 6’2 and walk around 230lbs (used to play college ball). i m stock build, so i have a beer gut.
once i was with a girl from rainbow, tiny thing (well they are tiny compare to me) she said your breast bigger than mine. i laughed it but it hurt hahaha and later she put her head on my beer gut and said mmmmm soft better than pillow.
another girl from a bar. asked me if i had a gf. asked me if she was skinny? if she was skinner than her? i said jokingly yes she is, she freaked out said that she was fat, and need to lose weight. i said no no you look fine, youre very sexy handsome lady. she laughed but i think it hit her hard
another time, hanging out in my room with these two girls. one was thin and the other one wasnt fat at all had curves, meat in the right places. one the meaty one pulls out a bag full of pill, i asked what was it? she said diet pill, she said in her own words we are too fat. i knew to lose 10lbs. i said the typical guy line, you look fine the way you look, you look hot.
women will be women .
my favorite and i dont know if anyone has heard this one. you big man, you need two ladies
ciao
View all comments by Omoroi Koto
Infantile defensive insults from sellers of sex. Jibes with a view to talking down the buyer’s position? What a fascinating range of intellect.
Who among these young (and not so young women) was ever in a position to insult a man (who could cover a 3000 – 5000 romp) before she started selling sex to Ferangs?
The polite ones shag better.
View all comments by thongsuk
Did any of you consider that perhaps she is pointing out that she is aware of your short comings but that she still likes you so you don’t have to feel insecure about them?
View all comments by Orion
(But it’s a fine exercise.)
View all comments by thongsuk
What always strikes me is that every Thai-girl – even the slimmest ones – I had close-encounters with always had to apologize themselves for being “poompoey” and “not beautiful”.
Women can be very difficult to understand.
View all comments by Ato
i love your sight and i want to ask this im tired of living poor and hard working from day to day i was thinking to move to thailand i have saved up 50.000.00 and im 35 i want to know how long can i live of my life savings over there sincerely your friend rich and p.s how many thai village girls that i can get not bar girls village girls
View all comments by rich
50,000 what?
50,000 Gold bars = 100 girls until the sun goes nova
50,000 Zimbabwean Dollars = 1 girl for about 20 minutes
View all comments by doctorbond
to doctor bond what i ment was now 60,000.00 us dollars since i posted my message on this site last year sincerely your friend rich i would like to live over thair until im about 75-80 and get a lot of young 18yo yellow tail
View all comments by rich
@Rich Keep saving! $60k should last you a year?! – Maybe?
View all comments by Day Walker
Yeah….you will end up somewhere in sukumvit with a sign in front of you bagging for work….the good thing about it is when I see those poor bastards it reinforces to me what would happen if I tried to Live in Thailand……
And the only advice is learn thai and Japanese.Fluently! That means speaking reading and writing….
View all comments by yesman
@rich – well, if you lived like a Thai i.e on about $400 – $500 a month then in theory you could live in Thailand for 10 years. But the trouble is, you won’t be able to live like a Thai. Chances are you would spend between $2000 – $3000 per month – thus I would be a bit more generous than dw and say that it would last you 2 years – helluva two years though
View all comments by doctorbond
Ah, Doctorbond,… I’d be surprised if $60k would last more than a year.. After he’s forked out the $10k for the 1st class flight and another $20k for a years rent, that only leaves $30k for beer and whores. The rest of the cash he could just waste.
I’d be interested to know how much cash I’ve blown each time a girl comes back to the ‘crib’ on:-
1) Toothbrushes
2) Girlie soaps
3) Liquid in that little green box?.
4) T-shirts
5) Kleenex Tissues
6) Girlie comic books (that they never read)
View all comments by Daywalker
I actually find it to be brown tail rather than yellow…
I’d agree that US$60K (about 1.8 million baht) would go very quickly. Unless you are 75 years old now, I’d suggest that you’ll not make your goal without getting additional capital.
How much more? I did a quick calculation assuming you retired at age 50:
60K baht per month X 12 months x 25 years = 18 million baht
That comes to about US$580,000 if you ignore investment growth, and make all things fixed an equal.
60K baht per month is NOT living like a King.
I’d say you’d want to double that estimate to 1.16 million if you wanted to live in a very relaxed fashion.
Triple it to 1.74 million if you want to do a bit of traveling as well.
Retire at age 62 and cut all those numbers for capital required in half:
Basic 290K
comfortable 580K
plus travel: 870K
These are obviously numbers that are rough as guts, just to give you a sense of how much money your realistically need to save. If you qualify for a pension, of course, that can make your capital last much longer.
View all comments by werewolf
Oh 5555! I totally agree!
I’m not sure how much I like the poompoeey game, as I might be quite poompoeey, after Thai scale anyway.
I love teaching my bf Thai because he’s a genius at it and it will impress my family to no end afterward, hence making me look good. So, of course he knows the words urn, poom poeey, and moo-sam-san. (and farang kee nuk, but that’s another story)
When hanging out in a random bar in Phuket drinking our shares of chang beer, some farangs (I can’t exactly remember where they were from, but I think they were brits) walks in with a very beautiful and fun spirited girl.
We started talking to them, and they seemed very nice. As aforementioned this girl’s pretty down with fun. She makes not so few jokes about our farang guys, until my bf quite innocently points his indexp finger to her stomach and says: “poom poeey?”.
The look on her face still make me giggle today. She wasn’t poom poey of course, which only makes the ½ hour of looking rather pouty afterwards even funnier. (she told me later that she had gone from 42kgs when meeting them to 54kgs at the bar, which I guess is pretty much. Even at my fittest I don’t think I’ve been under 54, since I was like 12, so I don’t get it.)
With that said, I’m pretty used to the “why you don’t eat nid nid noi, you suay mak mak!?” so I think that in fact that it would be hilarious if all farangs as an opening line would say: “poom pooeey?”
View all comments by Linepigen
uan = fat , but no really in a bad way. Thais greet each other with uan kuen! (u got fatter). Fat = well fed = rich. So its overall a compliment. To a guy for sure. It used to be for girls too but… Western values invasion
View all comments by oogh