A good girl shakes the farang money tree by On Nutter

Posted by On Nutter | Blog, Reader Submissions | Posted on July 9th, 2007

There is no such thing as free sex in Thailand or anywhere else in the world. You probably knew that already, but this tale emphasises the point that, here in this crazy, upside-down country, good girls can be more expensive than bad girls.

I met Som 18 months ago in Ayutthaya. She was in a bar and I wrongly assumed she was a bargirl. Embarrassingly, I tried to barfine her only for it to be pointed out she was a customer. She was angry at first but eventually was able to laugh about it. We became friends.

Som was 32 with a beautiful face and great figure. She had a teenage son living with her estranged Thai boyfriend. She said she eventually hoped to marry but was in no hurry because she was enjoying her independence and building up her clothes shop. I was soon making regular trips to Ayutthaya from Bangkok, where I live and work, to spend long weekends.

We had a curiously old-fashioned courtship, going for long walks and enjoying each other’s company. But IT never happened. Sometimes I felt as though I was the only farang in Thailand having a celibate relationship. At least I had novelty value.

When I broached the subject of sex, she said other Thais would assume she was a bargirl if she was seen going back to a farang’s hotel and that I would have to wait until she visited me in Bangkok. Eventually, after 15 months, she came to Bangkok, accompanied by her best friend. I ended up sleeping with both of them in a literal sense – that is, we shared the same bed but without any contact.

The next month, my frustration went off the scale when Som agreed to accompany me on a five-day trip to Hua Hin. I assumed we would do the dirty deed at last. I was wrong. The condoms stayed in the packet. She said she didn’t know me well enough.

My last throw of the dice was to do nothing. When she rang a few weeks later asking me to go to Ayutthaya, I said I would think about it. Instead, I went to Pattaya and didn’t ring her back. My strategy was to give her a taste of rejection and see how she reacted. It worked.

I was at work one day when my mobile rang. It was Som demanding to know why I had not been in touch and asking me to go to see her. ‒I can stay with you if you like,” she said. Something about her tone told me it could be pay-off time.

Nothing happened on the first night and I decided to not even mention sex. In the morning we sat on the hotel balcony and she talked about her recent week in a temple (she is a devout Buddhist) and her uncertainty about what she would do in her life.

As always, she asked if I ever went with bargirls in Bangkok. Usually I lied but I decided it was time for the truth. I told her that Bangkok can be a very lonely place and occasionally I felt the need for some company. She asked if I used condoms. I said I had no wish to die of AIDS and always covered up. ‒I am not scared of you now,” she announced. ‒I think we can have sex.”

The sex was great. She was not the Miss Frigid I had feared she might be and was rubbing her breasts as we made up for lost time (I am no expert in such matters but believe this is a sign of female enjoyment). As I climaxed, something in me died. That is the way it is for butterflies. The thrill of the chase was over and life would never be the same again. It was quite an emotional moment. OK, I wasn’t actually sobbing as I lobbed my condom in the bin, but you get the drift.

As I packed to return to Bangkok, Som asked if she could come with me. This placed me in an awkward position. Jeab, a bargirl, had been staying regularly and loads of her clothes and cosmetics were lying around my flat. But I could not really say no.

When we arrived at my flat, I managed to hide Jeab’s clothes while Som was in the bathroom. But she quickly noticed the cosmetics and seemed suspicious. Feebly, I said I bought them for myself. Thankfully, she did not ask why a farang would need whitening powder.

I was in a rush for work but she lay on the bed and said she felt horny. What the hell. I stripped off and attended to her needs. I quickly showered and Som asked if I would be up for another round after work. Suddenly I had a nymphomaniac on my hands.

That was where it all began to go wrong. As soon as our relationship became sexual, Som became more mercenary than any hard-bitten Patpong go-go dancer. Soon she was demanding up to 3,000 baht each day for shopping trips. I was happy to take her out on the town and buy her occasional presents, but this scale of spending was blowing my budget to pieces.

I tried to give her a lesson in basic economics. After paying my bills each month, I have about 20,000 baht to play with. That works out at about 700 baht a day. If I were to give her 3,000 baht each day, I would have a deficit of 70,000 baht at the end of the month.

My argument hit a brick wall. ‒Farang have big money in their own country,” she said. ‒All you have to do is get some more from there.” As she had quickly drained my Thai bank account, that indeed was my only option. I went to my English internet account and shook the farang money tree. Zap! It was in Thailand in seconds.

Som stayed for three weeks and I virtually had to beg her to go home before I became totally insolvent. Fittingly, I even had to strike a financial deal. It was a bit like a divorce settlement. The terms were 2,500 baht for yet another shopping trip, followed by 500 baht for a taxi, bus and refreshments on her journey home. I was happy to pay just so that I could stop paying.

She had arrived in Bangkok with a plastic bag containing a few clothes and left carrying a holdall (mine, of course) packed with half the contents of the Siam Centre, including enough shoes to keep Imelda Marcos happy for a year. Bargirls get a bad rap but at least most of them are working to send money home; Som was just selfishly buying clothes she didn’t really need.

I am older, wiser and broke. That is positively the last time I have a relationship with a non-prostitute. You can’t trust non-working women. They follow you everywhere (even go-go bars) and need constant feeding and watering, not to mention the shopping trips. And while hookers generally try to part company with customers as soon as possible, non-hookers stick like glue.

Yes, it’s hookers for me from now on. They cost less, you get more sex, you can kick them out when you are sick of them and they don’t ruin your social life. There’s no contest really. I don’t know what I was thinking of.

The irony is that Jeab, who is ostensibly a hooker, often comes round bearing food and cleaning utensils, stays the night and doesn’t ask for a bean. She says she likes my company, the air-con and not having to sleep with three other girls.

Thailand’s capacity to surprise never ceases to surprise me.

26 comments

26 Responses to “A good girl shakes the farang money tree by On Nutter”

PB says:

July 9, 2007 at 1:46 pm

I am not sure that generalizations work, as you have noted. I have met non-working girls whom I would not let tie my shoe. On the other hand, I have met girls who do PFP, but in all other respects are clean, neat, conservative with money, and do have the capacity for love.

In Thailand, I think the circumstances do a lot to decide what people do to get on with their lives. It is us in the west (and other places) who tend to place labels on their behavior when for the most part they are just trying to make a living.

The options are few. The educational system is dysfunctional, and the economy is a labor intensive one which gets priced to the market, and the competition with China is brutal and getting worse. I tend to separate the person from their position, and that works for me. It may not for others.
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pmmp says:

July 9, 2007 at 7:11 pm

“Yes, it’s hookers for me from now on. They cost less, you get more sex, you can kick them out when you are sick of them and they don’t ruin your social life”

My motto as well. Sure, it’s not for everyone and you can’t generalize but spot on imho.

I ran into a non-working-girl at Spice Club last night. She was gorgeous but five minutes into it she was talking about dating and getting to know each other. She was also wearing expensive clothing and accessories. Had I read this post before last night I would probably have bailed and pursued one of the thirty or so working girls and felt great today. Instead, I hung, bought her and her friends drinks and got nothing but her phone number. Arghhhh.
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w says:

July 10, 2007 at 12:33 am

Check out the beer garden on Soi 7. Some dirty things, but cheap at this time of the year. Some cuties too! Always a good laugh! Take it for what it is!!!!!!!
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Old Asia Hand says:

July 10, 2007 at 10:59 am

I don’t know which was more depressing: the original submission dismissing all women who aren’t whores, or the comments on it enthusiastically endorsing the proposition.

Good Lord, if people like this are really representative of most male foreigners in Thailand, or even of many, it’s no wonder most of the civilized world snears at us all as nothing but a bunch of worthless drunks and scummy whoremongers.

Oh wait…nobody has yet recommended alcoholism as a lifestyle. Never mind.
View all comments by Old Asia Hand
pmmp says:

July 10, 2007 at 11:42 am

OldAsiaHand: Scummy Whoremongers we are not. You need to look deeper. In my case what you are reading is more about Male Liberation. Years of opression in the US in the dating world has put me in this position. Begging for dates and sex gets really old, especially from women that aren’t that attractive. I’ve had enough.

As On Nutter was pointing out, you pay for it no matter what so why not get what you really want. After all, you are the one paying. The working girls here offer it all for you. You can have a short time or you can establish a more meaningful relationship over time. It’s up to the both of you.

BTW, I think women should be afforded the same rights and luckily in Thailand they can get it too. There are several bars here that cater to women in the exact same way.

Prostitution goes way back and works for men and women on both sides. It’s gets a bad wrap and we are taught or rather brainwashed that it is a bad thing in most cultures. I don’t believe it is and neither do millions of people. Sure, there are abuses like anything else but for the most part it’s a healthy transaction between consenting adults that can sometimes lead to something more.
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DJ says:

July 10, 2007 at 3:22 pm

PB has it right as you cannot generalize about BGs and (alleged) non-P4P ladies. Both can be absolutely mercenary, but sometimes sweet and fun company. I would rather stick with the P4P ladies as they are generally more upfront with what they do.

Despite the risks of having a relationship, with sex as the main objective, with a non P4P lady, I have some friends seeking just that as they are tiring of the increasing predatory behavior of the bargirls. I think they are just heading for more disappointment.

One aspect that might explain Ms. Ayutthaya’s actions is that Thai ladies frequently relate love with the boyfriend’s willingness to buy them whatever they want; whereas western males equate love with the lady providing sex without any financial considerations. I just talked with a BG who recently broke up with her (former) live-in farang BF over this misconception.
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Jack Dawson says:

July 10, 2007 at 10:40 pm

Have you heard the word “no”?
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SiamSquare says:

July 11, 2007 at 1:59 am

I’m confused as to how you ever started giving her 3,000THB per day for shopping trips. If some girl mentioned she needed that kind of money I would have politely declined and then broken off the relationship ASAP.

Your story reminds me of many years ago I met a girl on the internet. She put the on the good girl routine when I finally met her. I didn’t trust her so as a test, I had my friend secretly meet her when she was waiting at her bus stop. Keep in mind she had never seen or talked to him before but he had her in bed at a local short time hotel within 15 minutes! After words she never asked him for money but was strongly hinting that he needed to take her shopping at Siam Square.

In my westernized opinion, the girls that demand shopping money are worse than the ones that directly ask for cash because they are deceptive.
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On Nutter says:

July 11, 2007 at 8:53 am

Jack Dawson/Siam Square: I take your point. My friends have also questioned why I didn’t say no and boot her out earlier.
Yes, I can be a soft touch and have a Thai-like aversion to confrontation, but I have toughened up considerably with the working girls over the years.
The difference with Som was that I had known her for 18 months before we had sex and she started making her shopping expeditions. So we had already established a bond that made it harder to say no.
I didn’t always give her what she demanded. On one occasion, we were due to go to Pattaya for the weekend. As we were about to leave, she said she would need a designer swimsuit she had seen in the Siam Centre. I said she was welcome to buy it with the three grand I had given her the previous day, but she insisted I buy it for her. I refused and she said she would not go to Pattaya if I did not buy it.
I called her bluff, packed my bag and went to Pattaya alone. I thought that would be the end of the relationship but she was still in my flat when I returned two days later. I don’t know how she managed so long without financial support!
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Bobs Yruncle says:

July 11, 2007 at 9:21 am

A Thai lady demanding you buy her a designer swim suit and making threats?
What a bitch.
A Thai guy would’ve smacked the shit outta her.

Thai ladies actually ‘lose face’ if they don’t take advantage of Farangs.
They love making a fool out of the “stupid farang” then bragging about it to their friends. Her friends would be shocked to hear she was being fair with you and probably give her a hard time.
It’s ALL about the money.
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Pattaya Gary says:

July 11, 2007 at 2:59 pm

Here’s a point many of us have arrived at and it makes sense..P4P girls know much more about the cultures we come from and can be more flexible..They also are not as rascist as the vast majority or See Kao beauties stalking the shopping malls.
In 5 years here, i’ve experienced a variety of types as is our delightful advantage to savor..And i believe each has to decide what behavior is palatable and what is not..But, in my eyes ALL women who create opportunities for us to lay with them are after some of our money or some form of secuity..If you had thier options would you be any different.?.
Additionally, they prefer to be with one man and avoid the oders, wear, and tear of mulitiples lovers(?)..If you can make them laugh , let them work, and help them some you can enjoy your life more..Remember they want all you time and as a normal falang you canno take them in your face and covering all thier meals..But, it can all work with some compromise and creative thinking.” honey, you go now, i see you tomorrow!”
I dunno any man here over 40 who thinks it is better back in whatever messed up 1st world country where the women want to be both the man and the woman..
We got it made here if we keep our eyes open..

Nice site you got , Nick, compares favorably to your fine Tacos..
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smitty says:

July 11, 2007 at 8:28 pm

Seems like this whole post has touched off some interesting comments. I am sure there is a crowd out there, Old Asia Hand, that will hammer on any of us who partake in P4P. I have no issues with people who have issues with it so need to deal with that here.

For me it is pretty simple. P4P tends to be a known quantity. It is a transaction. I know what I am getting, what it will cost me and generally both parties seem to be okay with the whole thing. At least that is how it should work but sometimes it does not.

What I see happen is when some guys find their first non P4P Thai girl that they want to have a relationship with, they tend to let their guard down and assume that she is better or different than the rest. However P4P or not – there are no generalizations. A normal girl can take u as easily as a P4P girl. A P4P girl can turn out to be the best thing ever. So can a non P4P girl. No rules here.

On Nutter shared his experience and that is really what it is all about for me. It does not mean there is any blck or white here. Just an experience. One we can all learn from.

Just walking down the street today I saw a Thai guy welding some sign on Silom by squinting and shutting his eyes just before he hit the weld. Then he would stop and re open them to do it again. Insane. It’s Thailand though. How can one really generalize this place? Would be impossible.

Back to my own world. Will set out Friday looking for more girls and more phone numbers in a new to me non P4P area. Will see how it goes. Can always hit Spicy later if I totally strike out. Love the options Bkk provides.
View all comments by smitty
larry says:

July 18, 2007 at 4:23 pm

Many farang get it for free even from Bargirls. But these guys are always either young and handsome or at least handsome. It is a status thing for many Thai girls (hookers and otherwise) to be seen with young and handsome farang, it makes them kinda proud to be able to show the others they can get him.
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DSukhumvit says:

July 18, 2007 at 6:06 pm

Another Western nutter appropriately nutted for thinking Thailand is America. Chasing an obsession until you get it when it comes to women is foolish at best.

She was clearly as P4P as any of them. She was just playing you different to get it.

Sure glad you put more thought into your burgers than your persnal life. Now if you’d just do the same with your fries.
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smitty says:

July 18, 2007 at 8:12 pm

d suk – not sure what object you are attacking? The author, the fries or wester nutters. Please clarify thanks.
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DSukhumvit says:

July 19, 2007 at 12:36 pm

The author appears to be the Western Nutter. As to the fries, well, they jsut lag behind the great burger is all
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psi100th says:

July 23, 2007 at 4:34 pm

New here, been in LOS a while… agree about the burgers at BM – Great!!! –

as to On Nutter’s little problem there was an easy solution … and in my experience it works… Thai women expect YOU to be a MAN, defined by saying no a lot and then taking off for a bit of hide the salami with some cute P4P. Then come back covered in lipstick and smelling of sex – one way or another it will solve the problem.
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yesman says:

August 31, 2007 at 6:12 pm

psi100th you have got it!!!! yes, brother! guys, there is more to this than after the fact rationalisations. e.g., guy thinks ‘well i pay for it one way or another. what’s the difference?’ girl thinks ‘well i like sex and i’m going to fuck, so i might as well get something for it.’ this is ex post facto gibberish. same with all the face/status BS. if you want to get her hot for you act like a man who LEADS+CONTROLS and she will feel compelled to sleep with you… only chance she has to try to influence you. try it. you will be amazed. when she asks for something your answer is ALWAYS no. default answer. see BGs, pay for it if you want but PLEASE act like men. break those old habits! you’re no longer living in a culture of male-female equality… this should be EASY.
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myspace.com/penfold_xxx says:

September 1, 2007 at 1:22 am

@siam i agree with the ‘shopping trip’ line – i had a gogo girl i was nailing for free for a few weeks then i was going MBK one day and asked her to join me as didnt wanna go alone – we got there and the strap on her bag was broken so i offered to buy her a new 1……. she started eyeing up bags and i was waiting outisde the shops as she was taking an age – she wittered away and came out with a bag and said how about this one (fake gucci) and assuming it’d be around 1000 baht i said OK – how much? sheepishly she looked at the floor then said 9000 – i knew she was lying so i told her no way. later she went off to the toilet so i thought id nip back to the shop – i asked how much it was and the lady said 1200baht sir……. cant believe the bitch tried to stiff me for 7800 baht – i didnt even confront her i just walked off

im guesing that if this som wasnt actively a bar girl, she probably was in her day. you can take the girl outta the bar but you cant take the bar out of the girl

forgive me if im talking out of turn but if you let her fleece you for so long blatantly you deserve everything you get as you only have yourself to blame. she must of been rubbing her hands together. sorry if thats sounds harsh but its true

dont get me wrong we’ve all had our fingers burnt before but you soon cotton on. the minute a girl starts playing the ‘your a ferang you have money’ or the ‘your the man you HAVE to take care’ line they get promptly kicked to the kerb
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On Nutter says:

September 1, 2007 at 2:51 pm

Penfold: I take your point. Looking back, I am a bit embarrassed at how accommodating I was. If she had been a bargirl, she would have been out of the door within minutes, but after pursuing her for 18 months I was hoping we could have a proper relationship and I did not want it to end abruptly over money. I thought I could reason with her but I was wrong.
I suspect you are right about Som being a bargirl at some point. A farang I met in Ayutthaya was pretty sure she was plying her trade in a bar four or five years ago. The odd thing was that she was always badmouthing bargirls. Perhaps she was trying to reinvent herself.
Anyway, she has rung me twice recently asking to come and stay with me again. I turned her down. I am not going to get burned twice.
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myspace.com/penfold_xxx says:

September 2, 2007 at 5:32 am

fair play if she has called you and you have told her where to go!

reading back on my post it did seem a little harsh and abrupt – i really didnt mean it to come across like that so i aplogise if it came across that way

its just i think a lot of ferangs make a rod for there own backs and when they tell stories similar to yours you have to ask wether the guy ‘deserves’ it or not
dont get me wrong im not saying any1 ‘deserves ‘to be strung along……… but if you hit yourself in the head with a hammer and think ‘fuck me that hurts’ you’d be a fool to do it again – same principal
but i admit emotions can come in the way and blur judgement so it can become a grey area, but like you wisely said about getting burnt twice, you soon learn

sorry again if my post came across the wrong way
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anon says:

September 3, 2007 at 5:47 am

‘good girl’: buy this for me.
farang: no
‘gg’: why?
f: you not girl bar. you nice girl.
‘gg’: you cheap charlie
f: you sound like girl bar.
‘gg’: no, no. i nice girl.
f: good. i like nice girl.
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smitty says:

September 4, 2007 at 3:59 pm

anon – nice one. my rule is a good girl should have money, a job or a sponsor then I am all over it. Otherwise the bargirl is the cheaper option.
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the sandman says:

September 10, 2007 at 9:21 pm

I consider myself and old Asia hand as are some of my older friends…If being out here in the the days of ‘Nam’ counts as being an old Asia hand………..We came and continue to come for the cheap charmimg pussy and in the old days the drugs……….Regarding the main story I think you are lucky you did not get suckerd into marriage. I have noted that some of my younger associates have not worked out that their ‘good girl’ is, not to put too finer point on it……….a prostitute looking for a visa and a western divorce settlement. They usually meet at a western style hip hop club and project their western perceptions onto the situation………..date the girl……..pay loads of money……etc etc and sometimes are dim enough to marry…………its sad if you like the guy but funny if you don’t……….
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Langchai says:

April 28, 2008 at 9:35 pm

Hell yeah! Spot on bro!
At least with hookers, you know what you’re in for – most of the time.
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Hiper says:

December 31, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I ear a lot of histories about thai girls, and I know that, if the first meeting started in a bar 99% result in a bad experience, I mean what kind of girl you expect to find in a bar, for cultural reason is very obvious that good thai girl hate bar girls and go as far that they can from this places, exactly the same with a girls from other countries, what can of men they can find in a place full of freelance or working prostitutes, I meat very nice girls with good education, competitive salary and from good families and really, no one of this girl never ever think to go to a bar
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