Big Mango Bar
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Pattaya – a two edged sword…

Posted by sideshowBOB | Blog, Pattaya, Reader Submissions | Posted on May 6th, 2006

I think I had been to Thailand over 20 times before I made my first trip to Pattaya. I had always assumed that since the beaches suck, they still do, and that since Bangkok had enough naughty night life – there was really no reason to go to Pattaya. Well – I keep struggling with my love/hate relationship with Pattaya – but still I go…

If Bangkok was able to stay open as late and show (naked gogo dancers) as much as Pattaya then I honestly think I would not go to Pattaya. Yes sometimes the air appears cleaner and the sea breeze can make things feel cooler but apart from that if I need a good beach or some cool air I might as well go to somewhere nice like Krabi, Koh Lanta or Siam Paragon. So the point being is this. Pattaya goes late – basically all night if you want it to but you can easily take your partying until 4-5 in the morning at some very fun venues. You don’t have to hide out in some hole in the wall drinking beer in the dark with no music. This is not my idea of a late one. I need to hear some tunes, drink it up and hopefully see who I am partying with. Between Tony’s Disco, Marine (1&2), Performance Bar, Casino and Jenny Star Bar I can easily party down before crawling home at 5 am.

Showing? This is the one big difference I think. Sure from time to time Nana gives u a peak and Soi Cowboy is starting to push the envelope but neither can compare to the amount of nudity and sexy shows that Pattaya has on a regular basis. It just can’t. So given this two points I find myself drawn to Pattaya to really blow it out, take in as many gogos as I can and then as quickly as I had arrived I turn around and head back to Bangkok. Maybe there is a good reason for this since if I stayed in Pattaya too long I would over do it or turn into some of the people I see in Pattaya who have fallen off the track. More on that later.

I do like some of the food in Pattaya and the reasonable prices. My two favorites are the Blue Parrot on Soi 13/4 off of beach road and Tankay seafood near the entrance of Walking Street on the right hand side as you enter walking street from beach road. Blue Parrot is straight up quality Mexican food coupled with excellent margaritas. Reminds me of a sunny afternoon in San Diego, California. I love it. Provides a welcome taste of home and a nice escape from the normal Thai fair. I am a big fan of the deluxe nachos – beef. I like seafood and Pattaya is typically cheaper than Bangkok so when in town I like to gorge a bit on some seafood and for me Tankay seafood offers great prices, fresh fish and nice Thai dishes as well. I tend to see a lot of Thais eating here (good sign) and since they don’t over decorate the place I don’t mind hanging out and having a long, relaxing meal. Good stuff.

Every upside has a downside and for me Pattaya has a few. Since it does go all night, is cheap and sometimes veers from trashy to seedy – Pattaya tends to attract people that I just don’t get along with let alone want to hang with. Some examples:

What is up with the no-shirt rule? Is there some sign near the exits of various hotels instructing fat, hairy, obnoxious guys to please remove their shirt before leaving the hotel thus subjecting the rest of the Pattaya population to sights that sometime kill one’s appetite? I am all for winding down, hanging out and getting some sun but there is no reason to go throughout your whole day with your shirt off unless you spend a little time preparing for shirtless activity.

Spontaneous UFC matches on the dance floor. I love the Ultimate Fighting Championships and admire the balls these guys have but can we leave it in the ring boys? It seems almost every night I go out late some idiot, generally shirtless, happens to bump into another, shirtless idiot, on the dance floor and rather than just shrugging it off and moving on they suddenly erupt into “fists of fury” Pattaya style. So tacky. So lame. Grow up children. I was told of a recent brawl in Casino on Soi Diamond that took place between a Thai girl and a Russian hooker. That might have been interesting. My money would have been on the Thai girl since they are used to fighting their Thai boyfriends all the time so a white girl can’t be too much of a threat.

The story about the almost brawl on the go kart track really takes the cake though. One of my buddies decided to go to one of the go kart tracks to feed his need for speed. The track was pretty full at the time so he decided to wait and watch. As is the case for most things in Thailand – local management tends to be pretty careless about things like safety and organization. So getting tagged by an errant foot while you are drunk and watching that lesbian show as you sit too close to the rail should not create any permanent damage but the go kart track is slightly different. Having raced around there before I remember noticing that they did not ask if I could even drive, whether or not I had been drinking and was I prone to road rage. Point being – they will let anyone on the track from what I can tell and they will also let too many people at once on the track. So there was my friend watching some dude, yes shirtless, in shorts and flip-flops careening around the track at breakneck speeds lapping everything in sight when suddenly he was clipped by another driver which caused his go kart to flip over and slide off the track. Supposedly his shoulder provided the buffer between the track and his go kart. Bleeding all over the place, having lost a chunk of his shoulder – the reckless driver could only think to run around like a mad man trying to find out who clipped him so he could kick his ass. It took a few people to finally convince him that he needed serious medical attention and quick. Welcome to Pattaya.

Sometime we refer to it as the abyss, the black hole or others might call it falling off the rails. I am sure we have various terms for it but we all know the species and it seems that Pattaya is full of them. The serial Pattaya guy. Starts drinking early – got to take advantage of happy hour economics – has lost all interest in his personal appearance, takes in all his meals at the 7/11 (foot long, 2 packs of cigs, tylenol) and thinks every female walking around Pattaya has a price. They can sit in the bar and wax poetically about politics although they can’t tell you what day it is nor do they watch anything but porn, mtv and the local pattaya english news channel (expat german guy accosted by a ladyboy while sauntering drunk down walking street at 4:30 am). I am sure you all know the type and I do my best to avoid them. I know their stripes and usually they start all conversations with a strong opening line “you come from America?”. No – I was actually born in Nigeria by Mexican immigrants (my dad is a wetback so I can say this) but thanks for trying. It seems most of their conversational capabilities come from their amazing command of bargirl thaiglish. Sometims it is easier I guess to reduce your mental capabilities to the lowest common denominator – saves energy. Okay. Enough.

Pattaya is the bomb. Everytime I come back I start planning my return trips knowing, like any drug addiction, that I need to go back before too long just to make sure I have not missed anything. However that is why I like it so much. It is a zoo without a keeper – it is Vegas done right and it reminds me of just what life could be like if FHM magazine could design their own city. No doubt I will return…

2 nights. My nightlife itinerary will be posted soon.