Zero Nights In Angeles City
Posted by Bangkok Bad Boy | Blog, Pattaya, Reader Submissions | Posted on April 14th, 2009
And now, some light reading. From yellow shirts, to red shirts, to blue shirts, to the home of the permanently shirtless…
Fields Avenue, Angeles City
“Oh, you’d definitely like Angeles”, said On Nutter, as we supped beers in the Mango one night. “Right up your street”.
“All I know,” I replied, “is that half the people I mention it to tell me that it’s amazing and that I must go, and the other half tell me it’s the biggest shit-hole on earth, and never to go within a hundred miles of the place”.
“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”
I nodded. I’d heard so many conflicting opinions, that the only way to figure it out would have to be to visit for myself.
A few weeks later, On Nutter told me that Cebu Pacific had an offer on flights. Direct from Bangkok to Clark (Angeles) for ฿5,000 return. Sounded good to me. We booked for five nights, made reservations at a decent-looking hotel, and waited.
Cebu Pacific Are Not A Very Good Airline
“I hate taxis”, said On Nutter. “Buses are the way to go”.
I had never been on a Bangkok bus before. Aren’t they for peasants and balloon-chasers?
“Taxi drivers demand tips,” he continued, “and half the time they don’t even know where they’re going. A bus ride is anything up to ten times cheaper, the driver knows exactly where he’s going, and it’s really not that much slower”. It kind of made sense. He even claimed to know all the routes. Mind-boggling.
And so it was with On Nutter’s expert guidance that we got onto precisely the wrong bus, were laughed at when we tried to buy tickets to the airport, and promptly got off again at the next stop. And, eventually, onto the correct bus, to the Amazing Sinking Airport.
“งด”, said the departures board, next to our flight number. None of the other rows on the board said that. I waited for it to flip back to English. “Cancelled”, it said.
“Bugger”, said we.
The flight was cancelled. Cebu offered to put us on a flight to Manila several hours later, but even if that managed to take off, what if the return journey was cancelled?
We’d heard a lot of horror stories since booking, of people arriving at the airport to find their Cebu flights cancelled. We’d even joked about it happening to us. It wasn’t very funny any more.
“Don’t worry, the return flight is confirmed”, smiled the desk staff.
“So was the outbound flight that you’ve just cancelled”, we not unreasonably pointed out.
The Manila flight wouldn’t have got us to our hotel until 3-4am, wiping a night off the holiday, and we just didn’t trust them to return us to Bangkok, and to work, on time. We asked for a refund, and are still trying to extract one, several weeks later.
A Not Altogether Unpleasant Plan B: Pattaya
Pattaya, home of the best gogo bars in the world, is sadly marred by the presence of some of the scummiest westerners. We were to swell their ranks by two.
We took the shuttle bus from the departures area to to the airport bus terminal, clutching the in-flight meals that the Cebu staff had kindly handed to us in lieu of actual flights.
The next bus to Pattaya wasn’t due to leave for another couple of hours, but the man in the ticket office had a mate who would drive us there in an ageing but comfortable Volvo for a thousand baht, including tolls.
I’d never eaten an in-flight meal in a taxi before. I was so excited that I took my new digital camera out of my bag to snap a photo of it open in my lap on the plush leather seat. And then left the camera in the taxi. D’oh.
This isn’t going to be a comprehensive diary like the last few entries – I’m as tired of writing multi-part trip reports as you are of reading them. Instead, a digested summary of our time in Sodom-on-sea…
The Bars
nb. A month is a long time in Pattaya, and that’s about how late this trip report is. Things can change quickly, particularly with the X-Zone bars! This is how I saw things at the time.
Airport Club is fun. Lots of fun. Not cheap, but contrary to perpetual and scurrilous rumours, neither am I. Some cuties in here, the air hostess uniforms are a nice touch, and the gaggle of naked chicks either playing in the jacuzzi or variously abusing each other towards the back of the bar are very friendly, positively encouraging audience participation.
New Living Dolls 1 was another favourite, where I came across a girl with one of the finest pairs of natural boobs I have ever seen in Thailand. The bar owner, whose name temporarily escapes me, is one of the nicest blokes I’ve met in Pattaya. Yes, that could be construed as damning with faint praise, but it’s not meant to be. Top bloke.
Sat with the Pattaya Ghost on one side, and the girl and the boobs on the other, I was in a quandry. I wanted to check out a few more gogo bars, but didn’t want to take the girl with me. But I did want to take her back to my hotel. Just not yet.
“Just pay the barfine, leave and have your fun, then come back and pick her up at closing time”, said my spectral pal.
I boggled. I can’t see that one going down too well in Baccara – can you? In the end, I ended up just drinking in NLD1 until closing, but the fact that it was even an option, and that she had readily agreed to the idea, astounded me.
Coyotees still has a very cute lineup, but with (relatively) high drinks prices presumably set to make up for the inconvenient location. The shows were pretty lame, but the girls were hot so who cares?
Happy is always a winner, and I think I even spotted Jack Dawson ringside, quaffing happy hour drinks as if they were going out of fashion. The guy with the hat, cigar and thesaurus looking on disapprovingly behind him must have been OAH. I am funny.
I’d read about the new gogo opening beneath X-Zone in this piece, so checked that out too. It’s called Black and White, and it’s not very good.
It does indeed have a “swimming pool”, which was a relatively small, glass-walled tank of water in the corner. It had water in it, and nothing else. Certainly no girls. The few girls who were present in the bar were sufficiently annoying that in a world devoid of consequences I would have happily chucked a few of them into the “pool” upside-down to see how long they could hold their breath. I left after one drink.
The main X-Zone bar upstairs was open, but since I knew the girls had all been removed to somewhere called K-Gogo, I decided to seek that out instead. It’s further up soi 16, in the Soho Square complex. Not very visible from the street, and surely a doomed location.
Still, it was better than Black and White, but not by much. A central stage looked disappointed to be hosting a nonchalance contest by the all-Issan two-step sulking team. A “play mat” on a table in the corner had a couple of half-decent looking naked girls on it, who were unfortunately being orally pleasured with gusto by a couple of swarthy-looking fat dudes. Nice. The girls beckoned me over to join in. I did a little bit of sick in my mouth, and left.
Soi Six
It really can’t be beaten in terms of sheer sleaze. If you don’t like sleaze, don’t go to soi six. In fact, avoiding Pattaya entirely might be an idea.
After a pleasant bout of window-shopping, interrupted by polite choruses of “hey mister fuck my ass good”, “I want your cum on face me” and “fucky sucky sexy man come inside me please”, I found myself enraptured by a 20yo spinner in the dank, gloomy recesses of Mod Bar. Is performing the art of cunnilingus on soi six girls in any way gay? Hope not. 1,000 baht for girl+room is not to be sniffed at, with bargains even cheaper than this apparently to be had, if you’re stingy enough to haggle.
She had a rock-hard spinner’s body, topped by an impressive pair of busters – of which I would wager that you would be unable to fit many into a suitcase. A fine performance, worthy of my telephone number. She did call, a couple of nights later, but I was otherwise engaged. A shame.
Other delights spotted on soi six included the usual Brit pack with more tattoos than teeth, an elderly gent surely into his 80s sporting a natty white nylon tracksuit, and a German with a handlebar moustache wider than his face. I love soi six.
Rank Stupidity
I’ve been here for three years now. I know the rules. I still break them occasionally, so don’t feel too bad when you do. I think I discovered a new rule here though:
If it is unwise to barfine a bargirl from the bar opposite the entrance of your hotel, then it is surely even less wise to persuade the very female (and married) owner of the same bar to close it early, send the staff home, and accompany you to your room. It is even less wise again to kick her out ten minutes later for being annoying.
She had first got my attention by grabbing my hand, sticking it into her knickers, and pushing my index finger knuckle-deep up her bumhole. When I protested, she took my finger in her mouth and sucked it clean. What can I say? I’m a sucker for the classy ones.
I used the car park exit of the hotel for the remainder of the stay.
And Other Stories
On Nutter’s favourite waitress in New Living Dolls 1 has always steadfastly insisted that her job is to serve drinks, and not to shag customers. She has stuck to this story for more than two years now, so he was surprised and delighted when she proposed that he barfine her. Normality was restored when it became apparent that what she actually wanted was for him to pay her barfine for a week, so that she could take the time off work and go back home to Issan for a holiday. On her own. He demurred.
After watching the greatest sport in the world (football, not handegg), at the Cherry Bar near Soi 3, we came over all esurient. Nearby was some of the finest Mexican food I’ve eaten in Thailand, at a roadside shack called Big Al’s. A giant (and it was giant) burrito cost me 125 baht. Sunrise Tacos, you are dead to me. In other food news, Rosie O’Grady’s on Soi 7 serves a fine English Breakfast.
I also returned to the scene of my first ever barfine, for the first time – The Sea A-Gogo. It is not very good.
Waking up to see that last night’s barfine is watching The Flintstones is not necessarily a bad thing. But when she’s watching The Flintstones dubbed into Thai, it is not quite what the hungover monger ordered.
Top tip: If you really want a bath, but your hotel management are so cheap as to have disabled the bathtaps, angling the showerhead against the shower curtain (tucked in, natch) and waiting for a very long time will do the job.
The End Bit
Not the report I had expected to write, and I do intend to attempt another trip to Angeles in the future, on a proper airline. Pattaya is not to everyone’s taste, but given our limited options, and our intentions in Angeles, it wasn’t a bad fallback plan. On Nutter even managed a side-trip to Ban Chang. I didn’t. I was asleep. Next time…
63 Responses to “Zero Nights In Angeles City”
Leave a Reply
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
That 'free blowjob with first drink'....mmmm wheres that? Just curious.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Did a couple of all nighters this week. As after hours is concerned, Insomnia Bangkok is king in my book. There were plenty of freelancer...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Good theme for the party DW, never tried a 'Four-Some', bucket list #38.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Good read. Appreciate the effort. Thanks
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
"A group of guys from the US Military descended upon us" - did everything suddenly become 'awesome' ?
:)
Yup - wheels up in a week - ...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
I hope you keep the fortnightly updates going. It's a good read and something most (any?) other bars don't do. I used to frequent the 'Ol...
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
CTG - June 9th is the party. There will be a separate post about it soon - I am just waiting on some final details.
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Mango Fortnightly - 16th May
Daywalker, have you confirmed the date for the anniversary party? Last I read was some time around June 8th or 9th.
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Isan women drinking too much? Really?
9.6 grammes of alcohol would be the content in 24 ml of vodka (40% v/v). That's less than a "small" measure (30 ml.) Is that daily dose s...
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A November to Remember Part Two - By Deptstar
200lb... na, not even in a bad dream.
Recent Comments
Translator
Nice to see an new article by BBB, but I am a bit let down that the story was not about Angeles City.
If I may criticize, nothing in this story made me laugh unlike “Maid Service Required” which is a masterpiece and is my favorite literature…ever.
View all comments by ghost in the machine
Having heard the cancelled-Cebu flight story from Penfold a day or two after the fact I have to say that the story followed in all details, except for BBB leaving his digital camera in the taxi (a detail not mentioned by Penfold, but one which makes me feel incredibly better about myself).
A friend of mine took a run down to Pattaya about a week ago. I saw him yesterday and he reached in his wallet and took out a business card. It was from a Soi 6 bar girl. It had her photo (she was very cute) in fairly normal clothes and her phone number and email address (pangpang02@hotmail.com from memory). It did not have a working address or job title. My buddy said that he wanted to take her short time around 2 in the afternoon. Price was 500 baht. She countered with an offer of longtime for 800. Given the time of day and his overall plans he insisted on short time but did say that if she gave him her number he might come back later. She reached in her purse and produced her bar girl business card — something that my buddy and I had never seen before, but maybe a coming trend in the more competitive Pattaya market.
He never called her back, but appreciated the effort enough to keep the card.
Glad to see BBB chalking up yet another contribution to the Kokosphere… they’ve been too far and few between lately. And, Ghost-in-the-machine: never forget where “Maid Service Required” first appeared….
Keep up the good work BBB. Hope you actually make it to the Philippines for your next Philippines report.
View all comments by Werewolf
For your next flight cancellation, try Supergirls, a couple of doors up from Sea. It has the best natural top sets in Pattaya. The bonus is they are mostly supported by very attractive young ladies, (by Pattaya standards, not MBK). Yes, they have a yen for Japs/Koreans but plenty of them slum it. A bonus is one of the Jacuzzi girls is built like Wonder Woman, without the suit. She stands before you, bollock naked in the Jacuzzi and looks like she’s been Photoshop’d she’s that good. Oohhhh. One proviso which may put you off forever. Rumour has it that SSB has prior knowledge of said Wonder Woman so that later flight may well be a more attractive option to you…..
Girls down here clear off home for Songkran and often take their time coming back. They know it’s low season so don’t hurry. Maybe they prefer an upcountry. young, gik to a Patttaya Pappa!!! I mention this in case anybody checks out Supergirls in the next couple of weeks and rate it as rats. It’s not me, it’s just a matter of timing.
View all comments by Ed
pangpang02@hotmail.com
I wonder if anyone has emailed it.
I think this should be investigated… lol
Then do a story on it.
Im tempted….
View all comments by CanadianBoy
BBB – you’ve lived so long time in BKK and yet have never taken the bus?!? I take it almost daily, it is extremely cheap and convenient. When the traffic is heavy, it is just as quick as a taxi ride plus you get some eye-candy you wouldn’t have in a taxi!
“Aren’t they for peasants and balloon-chasers?” No, not only, they’re for bank employees, students, etc. also. One thing is sure, you won’t find any whore in a bus, they all take taxis either because it gives them the impression that they’re kind of hi-so or because they’re too lazy to walk to and wait at the bus stop.
View all comments by mart
@mart: “One thing is sure, you won’t find any whore in a bus”. I think you’ve answered why he’s never taken the bus. Probably why I haven’t either.
A nice Post BBB although it won’t get the attention it deserves given the Red Shirts and the even bigger story of Susan Boyle.
View all comments by pmmp
I’m sorry, did someone say happy a go go?
Or was I just (day)dreaming.
Nice report triple B.
Quick question, u see any tattoos or shaved noggins or shaved anything else in pattaya? Just wondering aloud.
Sorry to hear about your camera…..
View all comments by jack dawson
@mart “you won’t find any whore in a bus, they all take taxis”
SO true and you can ad that they , most of the time have NO f*ckin’ idea where they’re going but feel perfectly at home lording it over some Isaan low-life who’ll tell ‘em he’s gonna take care of getting them there. More often than not on the punter’s dime.
View all comments by Prufrock
Susan Boyle: Red shirt all the way
View all comments by Prufrock
PR – a Thai whore typically knows the soi where she lives (and she lives there because a friend of hers or a relative lives there too), the sois where she works (can be as little as 2 sois) and the Morchit bus station because it’s the first place she saw in bangkok.
I gave a used bus ticket to a Nana dancer a few days ago and joked that 8 bahts was the only tip she would get from me to get back home. She looked at the ticket for a few seconds and asked me “what that?”.
pmmp – oh come on, don’t tell me that neither you nor BBB are interested in mainstream, cute Thai girls…
View all comments by mart
@mart: BBB is. Me, not so much right now. Too much work. I like women like I like my Pizza. Delivered hot and ready to be eaten right to my front door. Sometimes, like last month with Pizza Company, you get a 2-for-1 deal as well. When I’m done, the box goes out the door. No hassles. No games. No parents. No breakups. If I want the GFE experience I’ll have her stay a few days. After all, Pizza can stay a few days and taste just as good but after a week or so… You had to ask
View all comments by pmmp
pmmp – I’ve just had a one-week GFE with the bus ticket Nana dancer. Unplanned. Every day she woke up late (and did not ask me to wake her up) and said “I go Nana pay bar” before coming back. Was nice, cheap as she did not ask for any money and relaxing as we cuddled in front of the TV most of the time but hey I was happy to own a TV. The problem with hookers is that there is very little conversation possible and this is the big limit to the GFE they can provide…
View all comments by mart
“A central stage looked disappointed to be hosting a nonchalance contest by the all-Issan two-step sulking team”
Arf,Arf…………. :+)
Thanks for making my morning just a little brighter here in the U.K.
View all comments by Uncle Dave
o/t — Water and Electricity Bills
I’ve just rented a room with bathroom near the Thailand Cultural Center MRT station @ 6’000 bahts a month, +400/month for a huge TV and 400/month for Internet Wi-fi.
The guy does not seem to be very honest — since he tried to charge me 400+400 (for TV/internet) for April — even if I’m jumping in tomorrow, i.e. in the exact MIDDLE of the month; he should have charged me 200+200.
Now, the chaps said the bill of my room does not include my future water and electricity consomption.
The lad does not speak English; it’s a busty 23 years old Soy Cowboy go-go dancer from Isaan (with a surpringly pale skin for her ethnic origin) that I’m hanging out with since a week that plugged me to this room in the building beside her’s. She said I should expect to pay around 1000-1200/month for both water and power. Does it seem right?
I don’t doubt her good faith; really, I feel she’s honest, for she does not ask me for any money for sex — for anything at all, actually.
I met her when she was dressed in jeans at 3 inthe morning, virtually ready to hit the road back to her room, when we met and went together to Spicy. We’re having lots of fun since, even if when she goes to work at 22h00 some evenings (when we don’t go play pool and karaoke), she calls me at about 4h30 in the morning to go dancing or simply to join her in her lovely room.
Yet when I did asked around, I received answers like 600-700 baths for both water and power from seemingly clear-headed girls.
Besides : Is there any way I can gain access to the water and electricity meters? You’ll understand that I don’t want to owner to charge me for the whole April usage like he tried to do with the Internet and the TV — thinking probably that, as a stooppid farang full of sex and wild partyes in his body, I will not notice the trick (not that I blame him for trying… life can be real cruel in Bangkok, mefeels).
View all comments by Katechon
yeah, i’d say that’s OT
View all comments by jack dawson
My Cock and Various Girls
I’ve noticed that my dick is behaving VERY differently according to the girl I’m with.
Two actual extremes : I sometimes have some real trouble NOT to come into the pussy of the Go-go girl I’m kinda dating now ; her surreal natural breast makes me feel so excited.
On the other hand, I really can’t come inside the pussy of a free-lancer I’m shagging punctually since I the very day I landed (the 2nd of April). I even made a bet today with her : we’ll play the techo music of her choice, and I will bang her along the music rythm for 66 minutes; she can massage my balls while we’re at it :
—–> IF I come into her (she wins), I give her 3000 bahts;
If I don’t come (I win), and she and her roomate will suck and lick my cock at the day of my choosing until I come into one of their active mouth.
The later girl has a very tigh pussy.
The former is too sexy for her own good; her tits are like permanently joined together — so provocative it can drive me insane; they are always surelevated, very very round and generous. And the way she moans virtually makes me come as soon as 20 minutes or so are gone. Fortunately for us, her attractive body reanimates my virle organ quite fast, so that we can play again tpgether until we fall exhausted into sleep.
View all comments by Katechon
So what, Jack?
View all comments by Katechon
Electricity and water costs in my current room are about 800-900 bahts a month but aircon is always switched off.
You definitely should try to have a look at the electricity meter and it should not be a problem, I’ve always had access to my electricity meters in Thailand. The water meter is less important: water is cheap. Besides there usually is a minimum charge (200 bahts in my building) and you’d be hard-pressed to use more water than the minimum charge represents.
6000 bahts at Thailand Cultural Center is a good deal if the room is not too small and the building recent.
View all comments by mart
Katechon…… Im dying to know here, and perhaps you could be so kind as to tell everyone……. what the fuck this has to do with Pattaya/Angeles City? Or in fact why people would wanna know about that last post? Just asking like?
View all comments by Young Penfold
Mart,
Thanks a lot for the info and the support; I did not know about the water minimum charge; in fact, I did not make any previous research; I’m trying to surf with the flows of Bangkok, and nowadays things are moving real fast!!!
I shook the guy’s hand to rent the room for 2 months and a half even if it was the first room I’ve seen, and had not negotiate a thing. Just went, basically, with the feeling of it.
I noticed that If I begin to think about what I perceived as somethin like the Bangkok-way-of-life, I grow very confused; but when I’m just going on with the life of it, I’m having more fun than I had in my glorious teenage years (ok, ok, maybe as much fun!)
It’s my second time in BKK (last time was only 3 weeks), and I already realised inmy body that I’ve became a Bangkok-junkie for life. The city has become a part of me — and I’m here in my second trip for less than 2 weeks! 10 more to come — yeah baby!
Adn yes, it’s a new building.
So I reckon that “my” girl had it correct at 1000-1200 a month.
View all comments by Katechon
You guys haven’t been looking if you have never seen bar girls on the buses. I have seen many over the last few weeks.
Maybe it is the lack of tourists that is forcing them to take the cheaper option of transport.
View all comments by Salty
@mart: “The problem with hookers is that there is very little conversation possible and this is the big limit to the GFE”
Problem? Limit? We are on completely different pages. Less conversation is better in my book. To each his own.
View all comments by pmmp
YP,
It has nothing to do with the reality of Pattaya and Bangkok perceived as objective things; it has to do a lot, however, with the experience one can have in those 2 places*, and what we can realise while living ‘em, feeling ‘em. I was thinking it could be interesting to have a sub-discussion of experiences we have here, and what we can learn from them, such as radically different behaviors of one own single cock.
If you are not interested, you can just skip it up, boy!
* I’ve never been in Pattaya and does not feel attracted by it at all for reasons I don’t even know; it’s just a pregnant feeling of repulsion.
View all comments by Katechon
Pattaya really is a nice place, at least for a day or five.
Where are you from Katechon?
View all comments by mart
pmmp – yeah we are on different pages. But hey I reckon Thailand is the perfect place for you!
View all comments by mart
Katcheon: So you say you are barebacking? Cool. Btw, I like ur comments
Oh, and I also like the chick on BBB’s pic from Angeles City. Her hair, body,… nice. Why was HER mail not shown here?
View all comments by Phoenix
K: Your electric charges could easily run 3K or more. The big factor is whether you use airconditioning night and day. I use a fan all day and my bill is about 500 per month. If you run a/c all day and night it could hit 4K+.
Hway Kwang, where you live…. rooms tend to be shit. rents low. electric and water tend to be high.
Good luck.
WW
View all comments by Werewolf
WW – Thailand Cultural Center is not necessarily Huay Kwang, can be Din Daeng too. Depends if the building is located East or West of the MRT station.
Yeah the total bill does depend on AC use but 4K is a bit exaggerated me thinks. A friend of mine who lives in my building turns it on every night and his total bill is 1,5-1,7K/month.
K – if there is no fan in your room, you should buy one quickly. You can find a good, quiet one for 500 bahts and it is both cheaper and healthier than AC.
View all comments by mart
Yo K: Just a word about wandering casually around your building in search of the utility meters. Shocked to numbness by MY first electricity bill from my stumpy little landlady over on Suk soi 1, I wandered into a gated foyer area where she’d banked all the meters. (Gonna have a look for myself, I was. No Friggin’ ole Thai landlady was gonna . . . . . r-i-i-i-i-g-h-t.
Her old pit bull, a raggedy-assed old throttler I’d seen kickin serious butt around the soi, busted out from his basket of rags in the corner and clamped his jaws gently (but feh-hirmly)’round me package. (This is not funny) The old bugger just rolled his eyes up to meet mine as if to declare that if I so much as moved a muscle towards those meters, twitched even, ole Ramkamhaeng and the Macadamias were gonna be history. He managed to get a pretty scary growl in there as well. (Can’t tell you any more but we came to an agreement, okay;-?
Try t’avoid that there kinda thing there if ya can, Sonny.
And no Lolita’s wisecracks, I’m just tryin’ to help a fella’s all.
View all comments by Prufrock
Electricity is 4bt a unit. You should only pay per unit used.Never heard of a water charge before. Suspect its something charged in cheeper places to increase the rent.
View all comments by MSB
I keep my apartment cool at 6 baht per unit per month. There’s a ceiling fan as well . . . . about 1800. I never look.
Rent’s low though, deposit return’s not a problem here and the apartments are quite decent.
The drunken, loutish, English teachers swigging Chang, snogging their monkey-arsed girlfriends and eating Squiddy, chicken, som tam and chips in the frigging pool is a minus, though.
Looks like it’s their first pool maybe.
The market’s gotta be flexible now.
Looking around for bigger& better, central.
Trick IS to avoid agents.
View all comments by Prufrock
Mart — I don’t feel like telling where I’m from.
Phoenix — Nooo! I’m not shagging Bangkok “working” girls without a condom!!! I might not be exactly sane, but I’m far from being suicidal…
In fact, I recently reckoned that I have to develop a Condom Map : extra strong ones (the white ones) for horny tight pussies — for this very week the rubber thing broke twice with the free-lancer I’m ponctually entertainin’. And it was not caused by any glorious big-bang man-juice explosion, nor by any kinda of mistake in the cock wrapping ceremony — that I’m taken as slowly and seriously as educated Japs for tea…
View all comments by Katechon
Mart — there is no fan indeed in the room, as opposed to my darling’s.
I will then follow your advice “buy one quickly. You can find a good, quiet one for 500 bahts and it is both cheaper and healthier than AC.” The neiborhood is real quiet, so I can leave the balcony doors open and ran the fan.
MSB and Prufrock :
MSB : “Electricity is 4bt a unit” ; Prufrock : “I keep my apartment cool at 6 baht per unit per month.” So let us guess, Prufrock : does your deal with the balls-grabbin’ butt-kickin’ raggedy dog involve following the meter but at a 50% increased charge on the unit?
View all comments by Katechon
Looks like no matter what happens there you’re not gonna end up teaching English. The dog incident happened years ago. The 6 baht charge is, like, now.
Enjoy yourself.
View all comments by Prufrock
Wow. So, the more I use my air-con, the higher my electric will be at the end of the month? Never heard of that. Thanks for sharing!
View all comments by Silbundio
“teaching English”..
.
I’d rather teach fat post-modern gay chicks about the virtue of Cialis for baby-boomers, high heels with nylon stockings, and that prostituion shall not be a sad, impersonnal thing.
I’d rather try to write a master thesis about the joy of banging a 23 years old girl in exchange for money after taken her to a good meal, and without feeling guilty about it, even if one loves his sixty years old wife.
Hey, even the monkeys are doin’ it :
“Scientists studying chimps in the Ivory Coast discovered that males give meat to females in exchange for mating access - a win-win exchange for both primates. And in this primitive style of wine-and-dine, it turns out the more meat you share, the more sex you get in return.”
http://scitech.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/08/meat-for-monkey-sex/
View all comments by Katechon
BBK – Nice report on Pattaya, especially the prose on Soi 6, which in my opinion, is Thailand’s best P4P value.
Cebu Pacific is the worst airline – actually the worst business – I have ever dealt with. They rarely answer their phones, never answer website inquiries (they don’t have an email address), and won’t accept credit cards issued from outside the Philippines for online ticket purchases. When you are able to talk with CP staff at the airport offices, they contradict themselves, and make no attempt to resolve problems they create. WTF have I trusted them to ship my a$$ over the Pacific Ocean? – Only so I don’t have to land in Manila, and travel overland to AC.
Did you purchase your ticket thru a Bkk Travel Agent, or directly from Cebu Pacific? I purchased a ticket for a Cebu flight last November that was cancelled (due to the Bkk airport closure), and still have not received a refund. Cebu told me the TA was responsible for the refund, and the TA says they cannot refund the money to me until Cebu sends them the money. I know I will never see this refund, but I like to continue pestering them on principle.
Kat – The direct bill from the Bangkok MEA is usually just over 3 baht per unit. However, most apt. owners charge the tenants between 5 and 8 baht per unit. This charge is usually spelled out in a lease, but get the landlord to specify what this is if not in writing. Make an effort to look at the meters, and never trust landlords not to f*ck you on utility charges. My last monthly electric bill (direct from MEA) was about 360 baht; but I was out of town for about 10 days and only average about 4 hours a day of A/C. My water is billed at 18 baht a unit (a typical charge), and averages about 180 baht a month.
Buses – I actually prefer bus transport (both within Bkk and inter provincial) to hi-speed, stomach-churning taxi rides. The occasional BGs who tell me they commute by bus, do so because they don’t have friends to share a taxi cost with, and don’t spend the majority of their nites earning baht under farangs (not that there’s anything wrong with that). BGs that never ride buses have no clue how to.
View all comments by DJ
Jesus fucking christ.
Next time I’ll just upload my electric bill.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Well when your that twisted on saving 1-2 baht a unit on electricity, perhaps its time to go home?
View all comments by Young Penfold
Aside from the thrill of utility charges, a few points:
@gitm: Yeah, I was a bit let down too. That was kind of the point.
@Ed: Will check it next time, thanks! So many bars…
@jd: Saw all manner of shaved areas. Which is an anagram of arses. Almost. Not sure what your question was?
@DJ: Thanks, Someone read it…
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
DJ – I’m not sure BBB will appreciate you calling him BBK, but you seem to have got away with it so far.
Just seven minutes away from the end of the ‘Pool / Chelsea game – will our valiant author be suicidal?
View all comments by doctorbond
Update: yep – buy the poor scouser a beer…..
View all comments by doctorbond
Hasn’t BBB already written two recent articles about visiting Pattaya? You know, there’s a reason Billy Crystal never made “City Slickers 3.”
On a positive note, the image of the two of them being handed in-flight meals to eat in the taxi while driving away from a cancelled flight is pretty damn funny.
View all comments by gavinmac
DJ: You are right on the money about Cebu Pacific. I booked the tickets through a travel agent in Bangkok. When we found the flight had been cancelled, I asked Cebu’s representative at the airport if we could have a refund. She made a call and then sheepishly said we were not entitled to a refund because the airline had informed the travel agent of the cancellation.
Fortunately, I had the agent’s number in my phone and called him from the airport desk. He said he had received no contact from Cebu at all. I handed my phone to the Cebu representative so that she could speak to the agent in Thai. After a conversation with him, she said we would be entitled to a 60% refund in three months’ time.
I tried to contact Cebu via its website to demand a full refund. They have not replied. As you say, it is impossible to find an email address for the airline.
When I set the refund application in motion with the travel agent, Cebu told him that I would not be entitled to a refund because their computer showed that I took the flight. You read that correctly: Cebu said that I took a flight that never took off. This must be a first in aviation history.
Their bandit tactics work because I had to reluctantly concede that BBB and I would never see our money again. I asked the agent if it would be possible to reschedule the flights for later this year. When he asked Cebu about this, the airline agreed to do so and suddenly accepted that I did not take the phantom flight. So we hope to go to Angeles at some point, but we are entirely in Cebu’s hands, which is frightening.
NB: As everyone is so interested in electricity bills, I have had the bizarre experience of being charged so little at my condo that I queried it. I just pay the government rate but, even so, five successive monthly bills of under 150 baht had me scratching my head. When I asked the condo why it was so little, I was told that I was benefiting from a government scheme to subsidise electricity and help the economy. The condo woman then gave me my latest bill: ZERO BAHT. That was because I hadn’t used 90 units in a month. Amazing Thailand. Sadly, the subsidy has now ended.
View all comments by On Nutter
BBB: Excellent trip report. It was almost like being there.
View all comments by On Nutter
Checking in from the lovely beaches of Sihanoukville, I was pleased to see BBB finally got his trip down in print. Gotta say, though, the first-hand version was funnier a month ago. Would have been funnier had it been written in the same century as the trip!
BBB — Shane is the boss. Jason the son/manager. Steve the big guy. Glad you liked my local. And, no, I did not come back for your girl after you left. (The girls all hate me in there anywyay…)
Also, it should be noted that Rosie’s not only has a fine breakie, but a HUGE one as well.
Everyone, please come to Pattaya in May. After all the colored-shirt mayhem, no one else will be there.
Trip report to come after Songkran finishes.
View all comments by The Ghost
As a favor to BBB who seems to regret that he didn’t have the opportunity to upload his rent receipts, I offer the following details.
My electricity runs 6 baht per unit.
My water charge is 18 baht per unit.
I normally use 3 to 4 units of water per month (54 or 72 baht per month).
My last four months’ electric bills have been:
Dec 246
Jan 306
Feb 426
Mar 654
Isn’t this fascinating?!
View all comments by Werewolf
@WW: Do you even turn the lights on? My bill for March was just short of 4k.
I sometimes get the feeling that “Maid Service Required” will one day be carved into my tombstone. Sorry there wasn’t as much poo in this piece, although there is a faint hint of poo if you read closely. I actually try to avoid confronting poo as often as possible, but promise to continue writing about any and all occasions on which I’m unable to do so.
Should I watch City Slickers? Never seen it.
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
@BBB/WW – what with WW constantly loosing his mobile phones, he doesnt have to charge them, which is a substantial saving on the ‘leckie’
View all comments by Young Penfold
Sorry to hear you weren’t able to make it to AC. I agree with both parties…AC is a shit hole but a great place to have fun.
If you’re into strictly chasing puss, yucken it up, drinking till the wee hours of the morning (or all day for that matter) and eating descent generic food; AC is the place for you.
If your looking for more than that, it’s probably not your cup of tea.
PS: That picture is not Fields Ave. It is A. Santos Street taken in front of a blow job bar.
PSS: Thrilling discussion on utilities….ZZZZZZZ!
View all comments by Moonman
From mart:
From BBB:
The defense rests.
View all comments by Werewolf
There appears to be a high correlation between people who use their
air-con and those who use “hong shorts”. Just mentioning is all.
Last time I bothered to look there on Thai Geezer there were some truly riveting discussions on this very subject.
You know, where one chap gets on to say (for health reasons, bien sure) he doesn’t use his at all. Fans only. Another actually admits to occasional usage being hard on his budget. Another can’t wait to declare he has his on all the time.
And then the usual imbeciles with TG live-ins who are mystified by their high “fie” charges since they never switch on the air-con when they’re home.
An academic treatise on the expat class structure’s fascinating vertical mosaic is long overdue.
View all comments by Prufrock
@Moonman: Thanks. I just searched Google for photos of Angeles City, can’t remember where I found that one, but the site said it was Fields Ave. Having never been, I wouldn’t know
As On Nutter says, Cebu would rather give us tickets on flights at a later date than actually give us a refund, so we’ll try again at some point. I’d been looking forward to writing an Angeles trip report, but since it didn’t happen I figured I may as well explain why…
I’ll get there in the end!
@Prufrock: When it’s done, send it in
View all comments by Bangkok Bad Boy
Two weeks ago, I was in Angeles for 4 nights. It’s true, the place is a dump, but the nightlife is very good and cheap. The barfine, or early work release costs around 1300 Pesos LT (aprox.1000 Baht) and includes everything. For a supermodel, I paid 3000 Pesos LT.
Everybody is very friendly and speaks English.
At the daytime it can be a bit boring, but there is a good gym in town, AC-one. And there’s also a mall with a few movie theatres.
Or else, you can always drink yourself into oblivion.
View all comments by Hanuman
ON – Even though it is unlikely you and BBB will get refunds or any compensation other than the take away meal, at least Cebu and the TA appeared to be make some response to making some amends.
My TA just curtly says “Cebu hasn’t sent refund yet, call again next month”. Of course, the TA has already been compensated, why should they make any effort to secure a refund for a customer? Maybe to provide after-sales service to a customer – nah, not in Thailand.
BBB – sorry for confusing you with that other bad boy.
View all comments by DJ
“one of the finest Mexican food I’ve eaten in Thailand, at a roadside shack called Big Al’s”
Try Bob’s BBQ on Soi LK Metro in Patts… Great TexMex… Same soi where the Hell Club ‘used’ to be…
Yeah, A/C is a shit hole… You’ll love it…
View all comments by SavoyBrown
@BBB, Yep, I kind of figured you pulled that pic off the web. Either that or you telepathically transported your camera, snapped a shot of her ass and them magically emailed yourself. When you figured out how the latter can be accomplished, I have a dump truck of money to invest…
I have no idea why anybody with firing synapses even considers using Cebu for transport. I have heard nothing but horror stories about cancelled flights, no refunds, no way to contact them; basically no fucking service whatsoever. They remind me of street corner shell game. It amazes me they continue to stay in business!
AC is definitely worth a trip if you’ve never been there! If you’re bored of the scene during the anti-vampire hours you can always take a day trip to Subic Bay. They recently opened a new road that allows easy access. It used to take 2 hours through some pretty shady areas but now it’s a 35 minute drive down a brand new freeway.
Subic is a party spot where you can chill on the beach, float around the pool, relax on one of the offshore floating bars and slurp a rum runner while your favorite Honey-ko perfects her Olympic squats on your man-pole. Definitely chill central.
Fuck Cebu! Just fly into Manila and have one of the hotel transports pick you up in a private car. It’s only 2500 pesos (~$50).
For digs, I recommend the Amsterdam Hotel right on Field Ave or the Wild Orchard Inn on Santos St. If you’re living large, I “highly” recommend the Penthouse suite at Amsterdam. 80 sq. meters, two rooms, a bed that could hold the staff of a small go-go, private Jacuzzi, full sized bar, computer with internet access, mirrors, sex swing, etc. etc. Only 5000 pesos per night! The chicks cream their panties when they see the place!
I’ll be there in June!
View all comments by Moonman
I wouldn’t recommend the Amsterdam Hotel for the moment. There’s a construction site at the back.
They woke me up at 7 in the morning when I just fell asleep.
View all comments by Hanuman
Great to see your work up and about again, especially after that conversation regarding lack of content…WW does it on the day to day shit, oh there’s that pesky poo ref. once more. Sorry? My tip to you for bathing on the cheap; if you remove the shower head and weight the tube with a soaked hand towel tied to the end, the flow will be much better, less messy and will not require continuous supervision! See on the next my friend:)
View all comments by nurseRon
well garuda airways is ok, though it is from indonesia and not… uh
View all comments by mike8
nev had any problem with utilis bill in thailand, speaking the lang and having the police boss my mate. i pay 1500 to control my estate
View all comments by mike8
Angeles is a shit hole, but the beer is cold and cheaper than Thailand, and the Brown Sugar bar has “Cherry Girls”, actual virgins for rent. The best deal is to barfine a real ‘ho, plus a cherry girl, and see how that goes. Still, my advice is to fly down to Cebu city, and stay at Eddies Hotel off of Mango Ave. There are several good bars within walking distance of the hotel. The Lone Star, run by an Aussie last time I was there, was the best.
View all comments by tom
Angeles City is a great spot, after spent almost 10 years in Thailand, I moved my trips to the Philipines.
Are you guys, interresting by a report of my trip in Oct ?
And why not some advises from guys from trike patrol will be great.
Let me know…
View all comments by GoodTrip